Chapter Fifty-Three

The restaurant was full. People sitting around circular tables, their heads bowed toward each other, occasionally thrown back with laughter. Darcy walked behind Natalie as their server weaved between tables to the small table at the back. Darcy’s eyes looked at the faces of the people at the other tables and recognized a few, TV personalities, Olympic officials, and a few other people who she couldn’t place but who looked familiar.

They sat and opened their menus.

“Hi,” Darcy said, her eyes catching Natalie’s over the tops of their menus.

Natalie returned the smile. “Hi. This is nice.” Her voice was wary, guarded.

Darcy flicked her eyes over the menu, her mind spinning. “Can I confess something?”

Natalie set her menu flat on the table. “Oh my god, if you’re going to tell me you’re married, I will kill you.”

Darcy laughed. “No. Definitely not married. My sister called me this afternoon to yell at me.”

Natalie froze. “What did you do?”

Darcy chuckled. “You.”

“Your sister called you from Canada to yell at you because of me? Are there no hobbies in the Great White North?”

Darcy smiled. “Yelling at me is Kit’s favorite hobby. Always has been. She’s convinced that I’m going to fuck this up and you’re going to break my heart.” Again. She didn’t say the word. She swallowed it down. She resisted the urge to fiddle with her silverware. Instead, she unfolded her napkin and concentrated way too hard on spreading it over her lap.

When she finally looked up, Natalie was staring at her. “I think you’re not remembering what happened very well. I remember you breaking my heart, not the other way around.”

Darcy turned her knife over, then back again. When she took a breath and spoke, her voice came out low, somewhere between a whisper and a prayer. “I remember everything.” She looked up, her eyes finding Natalie’s. “I remember every mistake I made, the stupid things I said. I remember the way you looked. Trust me, I broke both of our hearts.” Darcy’s throat thickened and a sharp pain bloomed at the top of her nose. She was not going to cry before they ordered. Jesus. She forced herself to make eye contact with Natalie.

Natalie looked stunned. “Then why did you do it? Why did you tell everyone nothing happened like I was some pathetic little freshman chasing after you?” Emotion filled her voice. It rushed across the table like a rogue wave, crushing everything in its way.

The waiter appeared at that moment, right as Darcy was trying to find the words to explain. They ordered drinks and food; Darcy hoped it would give them a few uninterrupted minutes.

“I didn’t really plan to start our date this way but fuck it.” She looked at Natalie, her nerves jangling. “In college, I screwed everything up. I got scared. When Sammy found us, I panicked. She called me a hypocrite for giving her a hard time for dating that freshman on the men’s team. She made me feel like I was taking advantage of you.”

Natalie tried to interrupt but Darcy waved her hand.

“I didn’t say I was smart. I said I panicked. I was afraid of what people would think and what they’d say. I liked you so much that I didn’t know how to deal with it and instead of saying that I pretended like I didn’t care about you at all.” She grabbed for her water glass, her hand visibly shaking. She’d tried to forget everything that happened back then, tried to make it go away by sheer force of will, but it didn’t work. Of course it didn’t work. The strength of her feelings for Natalie couldn’t be shoved aside that easily.

The cold water, the ice cube bumping gently against her lips, brought her back to the present. “I’m sorry. I should have told you that then.”

“You did,” Natalie said, finally able to break through Darcy’s speech.

“Not like I should’ve. I should have explained. I told you about the team, but there was more I didn’t say. I was afraid about what our future would look like after I graduated and we were on different teams, in different countries. But instead of sharing those fears with you, I was a coward and it cost me everything.” Darcy’s voice sounded thick with emotion. Ugh, why couldn’t she talk without getting choked up?

Natalie leaned forward, her hands hovering above the tablecloth for a second before she reached across the table and put her hands on top of Darcy’s. “If it makes you feel any better, Grace spent like half an hour yelling at me this afternoon, too. It seems like the people who care about us don’t trust us not to screw this up.” She smiled and it made the stinging in Darcy’s eyes worse for a second. “College sucked. And obviously, I wasn’t your biggest fan for a while there. But who knows how any of it would have turned out. Maybe we would have been able to work through your fears, but maybe not. Maybe it would have been perfect, but maybe it would have turned out even worse. There’s no way to know. Who knows, maybe I would have fucked everything up.” Darcy laughed and squeezed Natalie’s hands. “But that was a long time ago, right? We’re grown-ups now. We don’t have to make the same stupid mistakes again. Like, maybe acting like a baby because you didn’t tell Chip about us wasn’t my best move. But...”

The waiter interrupted them with a tray of drinks. She set them on the table and disappeared without a word.

Darcy sighed. “I’m sorry. It must have felt like I was pulling the same shit all over again.”

Natalie shrugged, took a sip of her beer. “Sure, but I’m not nineteen anymore, I know better than to act like a complete jackass.”

“Do you, though?” Darcy said, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth.

Natalie laughed and took another sip of beer. “God, have you always been this fucking insufferable?” She shook her head. “Don’t answer that. Of course you have. But you’ve always been devastatingly hot, too.”

Darcy spread her hands over the table. “What can I say? I’m irresistible.”

Natalie relaxed, her jaw unclenched, her hands found their way to her lap. “You really are.”

Darcy’s breath caught. The way Natalie stared at her—like she was the best thing she’d ever seen—stopped her from making the flippant comment that had been at the tip of her tongue. Natalie had dropped her sarcasm, her goofiness, and gone back to the look she gave Darcy in college, the one that said she was serious about this, about them. Maybe this wasn’t a fling. Maybe this meant as much to Natalie as it did to her.

Darcy picked up her glass and held it in front of her mouth. “When this is done, do you think you want to stick with TV?”

Natalie cocked her head to the side. “Are you asking me to be your cohost on a permanent basis?”

Darcy shook her head to buy time while she swallowed her water. She hadn’t meant it like that. “You’re annoyingly good at this but I’m more wondering if you’ve fallen in love with being on TV or if there’s something else you want to try when all this is over.”

Natalie inhaled deeply. “This is going to sound stupid... Coming here, I wasn’t sure what it would be like.” She looked across the dining room, her eyes focusing on some faraway spot. “But it reminded me how much I love being on the ice and being a part of a team.” She fiddled with her silverware. “I think I want to coach. Then I get to be on the ice every day and I can be part of something, even if it’s not the way I’m used to. I think I’d like that.” She dipped her head like she was embarrassed.

Darcy’s heart squeezed like Natalie had put it in a vise. “You’d be a great coach. Anyone would be lucky to learn from you.”

Natalie looked up, her eyes searching Darcy’s. “You think?”

Darcy smiled. “I think it sounds perfect for you.” She considered her words carefully. “Not to sound like my dad, but if there’s anything I can do to help I hope you’ll let me. I have some friends who are coaching...” Darcy couldn’t promise they would have a job for Natalie, but she knew they’d talk to her and help any way they could. “Not that you need any help. Anyone would be lucky to work with you.” She looked down. “I know I have been.”

Deep pink flooded Natalie’s cheeks and her smile was radiant. Darcy loved seeing her this happy, she loved making her this happy. She could see her chasing this exact feeling forever. She swallowed. It was too early for words like “forever.” But when Natalie smiled like that, she couldn’t help it.

“Natalie?”

Darcy followed Natalie’s gaze, startled to see John Huntington standing next to their table.

“Coach?” Natalie said before her face shifted, hardened. Her eyes flicked to Darcy’s before returning to the man standing over their table. “John. What are you doing here?”

“I’m having dinner with Todd and Jim.” He gestured toward a table filled with white men holding glasses of whiskey. “But I wanted to say hello. I’m happy to hear you found something to do so quickly after...”

Natalie’s face contorted into an awful attempt at a smile. “After you cut me?” She nodded across the table. “You remember Darcy LaCroix.”

He turned and offered his hand. “Sure. Big fan of your dad.”

Darcy put on the smile she perfected for every person who ignored her achievements to praise her father’s. “Thank you, I’ll be sure to tell him.”

“He was my favorite player,” John said, unable to help himself from gushing. He swallowed when neither woman said more. “Well, good to see you, Natalie. The team’s looking great.”

After he left, Darcy drained her glass of wine. “What the fuck was that? Are you okay?”

Natalie bit her lip, her face stunned but otherwise unreadable. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She picked up her beer, took two large swallows, and then put it back down. “I mean, it’s not like he came over here just to tell me how well the team’s doing since he cut me, right?”

Darcy took her hand, trying to fend off the emotion she could hear overwhelming Natalie’s voice. “He’s an asshole. ‘Tell your dad I say hi!’ Yeah, go fuck yourself, John.”

Natalie laughed and her shoulders descended from somewhere up around her ears back to where they belonged. “You gotta give him credit for insulting both of us in less than two minutes.” She finished her drink. “Fuck, I hate that guy.”

The waiter arrived to deliver their dinners. Darcy waited for her to leave before speaking. “That guy sucks but he can’t take away the fact that you are a three-time Olympian. I know you’re pissed that you’re not competing this time, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re one of the best players the U.S. has ever had.”

Natalie’s eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away. “Did you just tell me I was good? I didn’t think Canadians were allowed to compliment us. I thought they’d come swooping in and take away your Timbits.” Her tone was playful, but Darcy didn’t miss how much hurt there was in her eyes and in the tension in her body.

“You can deflect all you want, but that asshole can’t take away any of the things you did in your career.” Darcy let her foot touch Natalie’s under the table, simply to let her know she was there.

Natalie stared at her plate, her fork hovering above her salmon. “I didn’t want it to end like this. I wanted one more chance to pull on that jersey, you know?”

Darcy nodded. “I understand. On the plus side, it makes Team Canada’s chances of winning gold a lot higher.”

Natalie laughed. “Oh shut up. There’s no way some has-been like me would make any damn difference. They weren’t even going to let me play fourth line out there.” Natalie forced a light tone, but it didn’t fool Darcy for a second.

“I’m going to tell you something that I will deny ever saying if you tell anyone.” Natalie looked up from her plate. “Except when we were teammates, you were always the player I worried the most about on the ice. In college, I knew that if something needed to be done on a shift, you’d make sure it happened. You were already the best player on the ice.”

“Bullshit. You were.”

Darcy shook her head. “Don’t interrupt. When Canada played the U.S., I knew that there was only one player who had the ability to take over the game. Not me, you. So, whatever they said to you when they cut you, they were wrong. I don’t care if there are younger, faster players. If I’m team captain and we’re picking sides, you’re the first person I’m picking. Every time.”

The way Natalie looked at her made Darcy’s heart clench. Natalie’s smile peeked out from behind her sadness like the first glimmer of sun on a dreary day. And then Natalie forced a grin. “You’re only saying that because we had sex.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “If you think that then you’re an absolute dumbass.”

Natalie’s real smile emerged. “Thank you. I don’t care why you said it. It means a lot to me. I’ve been trying to impress you since I was a teenager. Good to know I finally managed it.”

Darcy took a bite of her pasta. “Don’t be silly. I’ve been impressed with you since the first time I stepped on the ice with you. I never said anything because your ego was already out of control.”

“It’s not bragging if you can back it up,” Natalie said, her eyes telling Darcy she wasn’t just talking about hockey.