Chapter Fifty-Two

Natalie stood there, her arms uncrossing and falling to her sides without her noticing. She didn’t try to stop the smile from slowly spreading across her face.

“How do you feel about me?” Natalie asked, not sure she was prepared for the answer and positive she wouldn’t be able to answer the same question if Darcy asked.

Darcy shrugged. “I like you. I’ve always liked you. But I don’t know if you think this is just a little fun while we’re thousands of miles from home or...”

Natalie stepped closer, all too aware that the conference room walls were glass and there was no privacy. “I don’t know what I’m doing, either, if that makes you feel any better.” She looked down at the foot of carpet between their feet. Twelve inches she would not cross in public, where anyone could walk by and confirm whatever suspicions were already flying around.

Darcy tilted her head to one side. “Well, there goes my hope that one of us had a clue.” She gave a wry smile. “I don’t know what’s happening or where it’s going to go, but me not sharing that or anything else with Chip doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” She swallowed. “I know I have a history of fucking up when it comes to you but that’s not what this is. I swear.”

Natalie pulled out a chair and slumped into it, hiding behind her hunger as she tore off a hunk of her cinnamon roll. “Right. Okay. But you get why...” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. She couldn’t form the words. That wasn’t true. She didn’t want to invite them in, like a monster that would devour their relationship before it had a chance to go anywhere. She didn’t even want to think that this was like college. She would not end up heartbroken. Maybe if she didn’t put her hurt into words it couldn’t catch her this time.

Darcy sat next to her. “Nat, I don’t know how I can make up for what I did. I was stupid. I was twenty-two and scared of my feelings for you and terrified that I was graduating and we wouldn’t survive that. And in one stupid sentence I broke everything. I won’t do it again. I hope you know that. And I hope you know that me not telling Chip that we had sex last night is not anything like what happened in college.”

Then why does it feel so much like college?

Natalie knew Darcy was right even if it still felt shitty. But she wasn’t going to start an argument in the office, not about this. For once she would hold her tongue and think for more than half a second before flying off the handle. Or before flying off the handle a second time.

“Nat.” Darcy’s voice was more breath than words and it sent a shiver across Natalie’s skin as it curled its way to her ears. “That was a long time ago and I’m not the same scared kid I was. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Natalie peeled another strand of cinnamon roll away from the rest but couldn’t bring herself to eat it. Instead, it dangled between her fingers, waiting for her to decide whether to take a bite. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Darcy asked, sounding completely baffled.

Natalie took a bite, the cinnamon and sugar delicious in her mouth and buying her a few more seconds to figure out what to say. She was being ridiculous. Chip was gross. She knew that. She wouldn’t have told him that she and Darcy had slept together, either, but it still hurt. No matter how far she’d buried that wound under years of telling herself she didn’t give a shit, that she was better off with a string of women, none of them getting close enough to wound her, the cut was still there. No amount of scar tissue could stop her from feeling it.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I must’ve gotten hangry or something. It’s not like you needed to tell Chip anything about us and besides, we haven’t even talked about what’s going on here...” She trailed off, her smile plastered across her face. She didn’t feel fine but she’d get there. Her brain told her that this was fine, she didn’t need to freak out. Not yet, anyway.

Darcy reached over and put her hand on Natalie’s. “Maybe we should talk about that now?” Her eyes, warm and gentle, searched Natalie’s. “Are you just having fun with me or...”

Natalie swallowed. Admitting her feelings was the right thing to do but it was scary. Inside, she was clamping down, the wall dropping to keep Darcy away from those old wounds. If she kept her away, she couldn’t get hurt.

“I mean, last night was fun, right? I know I passed out in the middle there, but hopefully I’ll get a chance to rectify that? Tonight, maybe?” She didn’t answer the question and hoped Darcy would let her get away with it.

Darcy smiled. “I’d like that.” She squeezed Natalie’s hand. “But you ducked the question. Are you planning to ditch me at the end of this? Or is there a chance you’ll go out with me when we’re back in the U.S.?”

Natalie grinned. “I thought you might want to sample the merchandise more than once before you decided on whether you want to keep me or not.”

“You’re such a gross frat boy!” Darcy cackled and then slapped a hand over her mouth, her cheeks turning a deep crimson.

Natalie giggled. “I’m not gross, just being realistic.”

Darcy took a deep breath, her laughter subsiding. “I want to take you on a date, Carpenter.” Her eyes sparkled. “I want to take you out, go to a movie or dinner, and then walk around together talking about everything and nothing.” Her tongue ran along her lower lip. “And then I want to take you back to my place.” She sat back. “That’s what I want.”

“Okay,” Natalie said. “I’m in. Can we start with dinner tonight?” She flicked her hair off her forehead. “Give me a chance to redeem myself.”

Darcy grinned. “You’re on, Carpenter.”