Chapter 19

The knocking on Hazel's bedroom door was persistent, rousing her from her melancholy.

"It's me, Sterling," a muffled voice said from the hallway.

"I'm not feeling well." She responded with the answer she'd been giving to everyone who'd come to check on her.

She'd been miserable since Maverick left two days ago. That day she'd tried to keep herself busy with chores and helping with the livestock. By the next morning, however, she'd been too distraught and hadn't gotten out of bed. This morning she'd done the same and stayed under her covers.

Mother and Scarlet had been doting on her, even though she'd assured them they had nothing to worry about, that her ailment wasn't serious. Jo-Jo had been in and out of the room too, trying to get her eating and drinking.

But Hazel didn't have an appetite, and all she wanted to do was sleep—and forget about Maverick.

"Can I come in?" Sterling asked through the door.

"No, not right now." She wasn't in the mood to see anyone, much less Sterling. He was always perceptive and would see that her sickness had more to do with her inner turmoil than a physical condition.

She pressed a hand against her nightgown and her chest to the empty cavity deep inside. She'd never known that rejection could rip her apart so thoroughly and leave her so devastated. Or maybe she'd felt everything so keenly because it was Maverick, and she loved him more than anything or anyone else in her life.

Tears stung her eyes, but instead of shedding them again, she blinked them back. She'd already cried enough over Maverick, and he didn't deserve any more of her tears.

With the silence outside the door, she released a tight breath.

"I'm coming in, Hazel." Sterling's voice contained a finality that brooked no arguments.

As the door opened, she shifted so that she was facing away from him.

It was past dusk, and he'd likely returned home for the evening meal and learned from Mother or Scarlet that she hadn't been out of bed all day. Now he was coming to scold her to get up and be productive. Or maybe he'd figured out she was in bed because of Maverick's departure. She wouldn't put it past Sterling to have seen her attraction toward Maverick and realized her melancholy had to do with his leaving.

Whatever the case, she didn't want to talk to Sterling. She wanted to be left alone to sleep—the only place she could find respite from the pain of Maverick's rejection.

The door clicked closed, and Sterling's heavy steps crossed to the bed. He stood at her bedside for several moments before a shuffling and scraping indicated that he'd lowered himself into the bedside chair. Hopefully that didn't mean he was planning to stay for a while. If so, she'd have to pretend to fall asleep.

"Hazel?" His voice was gentle.

She pinched her eyes closed.

After several long seconds, he blew out a breath. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm just tired and weak."

"Since when are you too tired and weak to go to work?"

A lump rose in her throat. Even after Sterling's failed wedding, she'd only missed one day of work. And yes, she'd missed going during the couple of days Maverick had been her patient. But beyond that, she'd never willingly stayed away.

"What's going on, Hazel?"

"I told you—"

"No. Tell me the truth." His voice was low and demanding.

"You wouldn't understand." How could he? Not when she didn't even really understand everything. Besides, there was no sense admitting she liked Maverick when it didn't matter anymore. She was keeping her resolve—she didn't want to be with someone who could leave her so easily, who wasn't willing to fight for her.

"Does this have to do with Maverick?" Sterling's question ended with a growl.

What did Sterling know about her and Maverick? Had he sensed their attraction?

She rolled over to find Sterling watching her with a furrowed brow.

"Did he do something?" Sterling's tone was menacing, as if one misstep from Maverick would put a rift back into their relationship.

She couldn't say anything, didn't want to be the cause of their relationship deteriorating again. Not after they'd just started repairing it.

"What did he do?" Sterling sat up straight and cracked the knuckles of first one hand and then the other.

"He didn't do anything." And that was the trouble. He hadn't been ready to do anything to try to make their relationship work.

As if hearing the despair in her tone, Sterling grew motionless. His dark-brown eyes turned murky. "You're upset because Maverick didn't do anything?"

She didn't respond. But she also didn't turn away from Sterling this time.

He studied her face, and his expression began to soften. Could he see what she wasn't willing to put into words?

"I should have seen it earlier," he finally said quietly.

"Seen what?"

"That you're in love with Maverick."

Swift tears filled her eyes.

"When?" Sterling's question was void of anger. In fact, he seemed resigned, which was more than she'd expected.

What did it matter now if she told him the truth? "I think I've always loved him."

"Always?"

"Yes, always." Maybe even from the first moment she'd met him, when his family had ridden over to welcome them to Summit County and he'd bounded over to her, lanky and handsome even when he was thirteen and she was only nine.

Sterling cracked his knuckles again. "We promised each other that we wouldn't ever let ourselves develop feelings for each other's sisters."

"You did?"

Sterling nodded solemnly.

She could see the storm cloud forming inside him and guessed he felt betrayed by Maverick. Again. "No, it wasn't like that. Maverick never noticed me. I've always just been his best friend's little sister."

Hanging his head, Sterling leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

"I vow it, Sterling. Maverick never showed any interest in me beyond friendship."

With his head bowed low, Sterling clasped his hands together.

"You have to believe me."

"I do," he whispered.

She released a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

"I've always known he liked you," Sterling continued. "Maybe that's why I had him make the pact with me."

"He doesn't like me." She couldn't hold back the bitterness that crept into her tone.

Sterling twisted his thumbs around each other, almost nervously. "Actually, last week he told me he loves you."

Her heart stopped beating, and a strange silence settled through the brokenness of her chest. Maverick had told Sterling he loved her? Before he'd said it to her?

She wanted to push Sterling to say more, to tell her everything. But she knew her brother wouldn't say anything he didn't want to.

Sterling cleared his throat. "He rode over the day after the big snowstorm stranded you at the Oakleys'."

The morning after their kiss? Where had she been? Had she been home, or had she still been at High C Ranch?

"He told me that he slept with you and kissed you."

Heat flooded her cheeks. "It wasn't like that. It was innocent—"

"I know."

"It didn't mean anything."

"It meant something to him, because he came over with every intention of asking for my permission to court you."

"He did?" Hope sparked to life inside her, but just as quickly she doused it. It didn't matter. Maverick had walked away from her, and that was the end of them.

"I told him to stay away from you."

She pushed up, her loose hair tumbling about her in disarray. Now Maverick's distance that week after their first kiss made more sense. When Sterling had shut him down, he'd tried to honor Sterling's request to stay away from her.

Sterling still hung his head. "I'm guessing that's why he left our ranch and went home."

"Why?"

"Because he's still trying to keep his word."

Maybe that second kiss a few days ago had scared him, made him realize how difficult it would be to resist being together. Maybe that was also why he'd refused to let her live at High C Ranch and take care of him. He wanted to do the right thing and honor his friendship with Sterling.

She could respect Maverick's integrity and his desire to remain true to Sterling. But what about her? What about what she wanted? Did it matter to him at all? At the very least, he could have discussed the situation with her and shared his conflict. Maybe they could have gone to Sterling together and tried to talk sense into him.

But Maverick had made up his mind that his friendship with Sterling was more important than her. And he'd left her without a single look back.

"This is all my fault, Hazel." Sterling sat up and met her gaze, his eyes filled with regret. "I never should have told Maverick to stay away from you. It was unfair to both of you."

"It doesn't matter now."

"Yes, it matters." Sterling clambered to his feet and combed his fingers through his messy hair. "I'm going over to see Maverick tonight and make the matter right."

"You can't."

"It's the least I can do." He started toward the door.

Panic bubbled up inside—a panic she didn't understand, except that she knew she couldn't let Sterling ride over to the High C Ranch and talk to Maverick. "No." She shoved off the covers, ready to jump out of bed and physically stop Sterling if she had to. "Please, Sterling."

He halted, one hand on the doorknob.

Had he heard the desperate plea in her tone? "I don't want to be with a man who chooses his best friend over me."

Sterling didn't move, didn't even turn around.

"I want a man who wants to be with me so badly he'll defy everyone and everything so that he can have me. And clearly that's not Maverick."

Sterling shifted enough that she could see the haggardness in his handsome features. "I'll talk to Mav, and he'll see reason."

"Please don't." The panic was still roiling through her stomach. "I especially don't want a man who will only pursue me when he gets permission."

"It's more complicated than that. With everything that happened at the wedding, he was just trying to repair our friendship."

She slipped off the bed, ready to tie Sterling up and hold him back if he persisted. "I've already made up my mind. I don't want Maverick any longer."

"Fine." His shoulders slumped in defeat. "I won't go. At least, not today."

She dropped back to the bed, her legs suddenly weak. If only she could take away her desire for Maverick. But the truth was, she would probably always want him. The only thing she could do was stay away from him until she could convince her heart that he wasn't the right man for her.