31. Leah

CHAPTER 31

LEAH

If today taught me anything it's how easily I could get lost in Sawyer. In the way he looks at me, touches me, the way he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world when we're together. Which is how I ended up completely forgetting that I was supposed to be at Ruby's about ten minutes ago.

When I walk in the door, I can already hear laughter pouring from the kitchen and see Hendrix singing the ABC song to Poe on the living room floor. He says his brother is going to be the smartest baby because he's going to teach him everything he knows—which is everything.

"Having all the fun without me?" All the girls turn to face me when I make it to the end of the island in the kitchen.

"Well, it's not our fault you're late! " Shane throws a chip at me with a smile on her face.

" Sorry , I got a little caught up."

"How are Loretta and Allen doing?" Taylor asks, popping the top of her diet soda open.

"You must stop calling them that."

"And disrespect your mother's wishes? Absolutely not." I roll my eyes and slide onto the countertop, crossing my legs before reaching into the party size bag of chips.

"So, what happened last night?"

"Tell us everything!" Ruby and Lauren say one after the other.

"Well, when I first got there, he was talking to one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in my life." I startle when Taylor let's out the most dramatic gasp I've ever heard in my life.

"That bastard!" She slams her hand down on the countertop.

"What's a bastard?" We all turn to face Hendrix walking to the fridge to retrieve a juice box, with Tank following closely behind.

"That's what you were before I married your mom." Ruby slaps Tank's arm so hard my skin tingles.

"Tank Landry!" she scolds him. He sucks air through his teeth and rubs his arm.

"Jesus, Honey. It's just the truth. You know I don't lie to him." Her argument is an eye roll because she knows he's technically right—even though none of us would have said it out loud. Hendrix is the smartest kid I know and his relationship with Tank is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The trust and honesty between those two has created a bond I don't think we'll ever see severed.

"We're going to play LEGO's!" Hendrix announces excitedly, completely forgetting the previous conversation being had.

"Build me something super cool." Ruby leans down and gives him a kiss before he takes off down the hall.

"I will!" he shouts. Tank waves behind his head and follows Hendrix's lead.

"I will kick him in the balls, I don't even care if he's my brother." Taylor flawlessly resumes our conversation.

"It turns out she's his old coach's daughter, she's married and has two kids, and they were just talking, but it still hurts—seeing him with someone else. I almost ran right back out the door." A few of them nod in understanding, waiting for me to continue. "I don't know. Maybe it's just my own paranoia but I just can't shake the feeling that he'll end up leaving again. Or that he just needs to get me out of his system before he moves on to something better." I hang my head, a little embarrassed that I still feel this way. He's done nothing but assure me that things will be different now that the air has been cleared between us, but it's almost an involuntary emotion—associating Sawyer with possible heartache.

"First of all, there is no one better for him than you. That's painfully obvious. Second of all, I don't think he's just getting you out of his system. You don't hard-launch a relationship like this if you're planning to bail," Shane says, turning her phone towards me. I see the same photo of us from the article Taylor sent me this morning and pay it no mind.

"That's not a hard-launch. It's not even a launch. That whole party was literally just for the press. He didn't have a say in that getting published." I grab a chip and pop it into my mouth, watching as her brows draw together.

"Please take this phone and look again." She shoves her hand out further and I take the phone from her, seeing that the picture is actually part of an Instagram post by Sawyer himself. I read the caption first, "This might just turn into the best year of my life."

Hello, butterflies.

Then I swipe to the right and my heart stops. Ruby suddenly pops her head further over my shoulder and screams.

"BITCH WHAT!" Ruby yells.

"What?" - Taylor

"Did he post something else?" - Shane

"Someone show me the damn phone, now! " - Lauren

I swipe once more—seeing a photo that I was unaware he took of me looking at popcorn in the grocery store—before handing the phone back over to Shane. Taylor and Lauren are stuck like glue to either side of her trying to see the screen better. Mouths hang open, squeals erupt from all of them, and my cheeks are absolutely flaming, as my stomach twists uncontrollably.

"Talk faster, because if you don't give context for that second photo right the fuck now, I'm gonna pass out," Lauren demands. Referring to the photo Sawyer took of us in my bed this morning. It's a little blurry, but you can still make everything out perfectly. My wild curls thrown into a bun, me trying to hide behind my sweatshirt sleeves as he has an arm around me kissing my temple.

"Was Fort Knox invaded?!" Lauren gasps.

"Umm… Am I needed for this conversation?" Tank must have some God given gift of showing up during the absolute worst moment of conversations.

" NO! " We all shout in unison. He rears back and frowns, wiping his hand down his chest as if he's been physically hit by the impact of our answer.

"Y'all are mean when you're together, you know that?" We all burst into laughter as he grabs a water bottle from the fridge and watches in fear and concern as he exits the kitchen again.

" No, it wasn't… Not completely at least." You could suddenly hear a pin drop in this kitchen. It gets so silent.

"I'm not gonna scream, I'm not gonna scream, I'm not gonna scream." Taylor closes her eyes and chants to herself.

"I fucking might," Shane argues, leaning forward on her barstool.

"So, he stayed over last night…" Taylor grabs onto Shane's arm like she might fall over—even though she's sitting down. "But nothing happened. We just got back late and talked and he… stayed ." I shrug with a grin creeping its way across my lips.

"Awwww!" They sing together.

" Anyway… He asked if he could spend the day with me, so I said yes, and… I may have not put underwear on after my shower, and he may have found out. In a very climactic way."

"I've never been so happy in my life," Lauren coos, grabbing my head and pulling me to her chest.

"I can honestly say, me neither." Genuinely happy looks come from every single one of my friends and my heart feels full.

"I hope you know you could have fucked that man eight ways to Sunday on the same night you had your first kiss, and we would be nothing but happy for you," Ruby assures me, pulling my mind back to the fact that I still have to find a way to tell Sawyer I've never slept with anyone before.

"Random hockey player, he's just a random hockey player," Taylor whispers to herself, making me narrow my gaze at her.

"It's how I keep things separate so I can indulge in these moments with you without remembering it's my brother we're talking about." She makes a fake gagging face and I roll my eyes at her.

"Well, I appreciate the support, but I still have to tell him I've never been with anyone before and hope he isn't bothered by it."

"Look, I'm not claiming to be an expert on men, nor am I one, but I have a really strong feeling that he'll be more than okay with it." I give Ruby all my attention as she speaks.

"Guys like the idea of being your first, they're weird and possessive that way. But that man ? He's so obsessed with you it's impossible to imagine him being anything but elated by the information."

"How do you figure that?" I ask, skeptical of her assumption.

"Because I've had a front row seat to the way he looks at you for the last three months. I don't know how these bitches never picked up on it. But if he's been looking at you like that for as long as he says he's been. It's not going to be a problem. I wouldn't even sweat it."

This kind of conversation may seem unnecessary to some—or inappropriate to those who don't know what it's like to have friends you can say literally anything to—but this is our dynamic. We share what's on our minds and what's happening in our lives, and we always walk away feeling better about things afterward.

Which is exactly how I feel now when leaving Ruby's tonight.

After getting in my car, I pull my phone from where I left it in the cupholder and see a tag on Instagram from Sawyer—making those same butterflies from before awaken all over again—as well as a text message from him.

Moose

Now there's no mistaking who's girl you are. smirk emoji

Me

Feeling a little possessive are we?

Moose

No. Not a little. Very.

My thighs clench together as an ache forms between my legs for him.

That's never happened before…

No shit, Sherlock. You've never been with him before.

Moose

If you're waiting for me to apologize. It's not gonna happen. Get used to being mine, Dove. wink emoji

Me

I think I can get on board with that.

Moose

Atta girl.

Sweet Jesus, I'm wet.

Before I even put my car in reverse my phone goes off again.

Tay

Post Fort Knox convo we forgot to ask you about… You guys wanna do Broadway this weekend? Do our out on the town night early this month before house hangs start??

Me

Sounds good! Let me know what time and I'll see if Sawyer is free. hand heart emoji

Tay

happy tears emoji crying emoji clapping hands emoji

I love her dramatic ass.