22. Leah

CHAPTER 22

LEAH

"Happy Christmas Eve, eve!" Shane yells as she walks through the door with her Christmas onesie on. It's been a tradition for as long as I can remember that we wear the most festive pajamas we can find, order in our favorite food from Casa Taco, and watch Christmas movies and just be together on the day before Christmas Eve.

"Get your fine asses in here, we're starving!" Lauren yells from her place next to me on the couch. Lauren snuggles are some of the most precious things you can imagine having in life. She's one of the fiercest, strongest women I know, so when she's comfortable enough to snuggle up to you while wearing a Rudolph onesie that has a butt flap in it—you're in her safe zone.

"Sorry, Enrique wouldn't stop flirting with Ruby."

"Lower your voice, Tank might hear you. Then who will give us free cheese dip." Taylor slaps her hand over Shane's mouth dramatically. Shane jerks away and scowls at her.

"Why would he stop giving us free cheese dip?"

"He can't very well do anything if he's dead now can he?" A look of understanding comes across Shane's face.

"Ohhh, right," she laughs. Ruby rolls her eyes and pushes between the two of them, tossing one of the carry out bags on the kitchen table before running over to snuggle the other side of me on the couch.

"Ah, all's right with the world again." I sigh happily.

"Y'all are some bitches if you don't make room for us right now. " Taylor wags a finger at us before she and Shane climb on top of us, eliciting multiple groans from those of us underneath them.

"Did everyone get their Christmas shopping done? I mean, it's a little late to be asking now buuuut," Lauren inquires, taking another bite of her taco. Everyone confirms that they've completed their shopping, giving little teases about what each girl has gotten the other, then all eyes land on me.

"What about you, Le? You're normally the one that's done first, putting the rest of us to shame," Ruby teases.

"Yeah. I'm all done."

"Okay, but why do you seem so sad about it?" Taylor lifts a brow at me. I give her a knowing look and roll my eyes.

"Because I'm nervous about giving Sawyer his gift. I'm more nervous that he didn't get me anything and then it'll be weird that I got him something."

"Wait, why would that be weird?" Ruby sits up a little straighter, leaning her back against the couch as she looks at me.

"Ugh. How much time do you have?" I groan, throwing my head back on the cushion.

"Pretty much all night. Spill. Why is it weird?" Taylor pulls me up and gives me an encouraging wink.

"I had a thing for him back in high school. Then he dropped me like a senior elective, didn't talk to me for two months, broke my heart—which I couldn't tell you guys about because he's Tay's brother and that's awkward—never told me why he left things the way he did, then showed back up ten years later wanting to apologize and act like his world won't spin if I'm not in it." The words fly out of my mouth at the speed of light, though my expression is almost emotionless. I've told this story one too many times to even care at this point.

"First and foremost, holy shit. Second of all, what the shit?" Ruby shakes her head.

"Please fill in some blanks. Like, when did he apologize? How did he apologize? Most importantly, why do you think his world will stop spinning if you're not in it? And why on earth are you worried about giving him a Christmas present if that is true?" Lauren asks, meeting my pace.

"He asked me to meet him in the locker room after I went to the hockey game without Jackson?—"

"Ow ow!" Lauren hoots.

"Nothing happened . He just told me he was sorry for how he left things and assured me our friendship wasn't one-sided. Since, ya know, I kind of freaked out at Thanksgiving and told him that's how it felt. Which would be fine if it was just a simple apology and an explanation so we could move on but…"

"But what?" Taylor looks over at me curiously.

"But it wasn't just a simple apology. I was in there for maybe five minutes, and it was the most electrifying five minutes of my life and all he did was talk to me. Not to mention he keeps giving me these looks and saying things that just make me feel like…" I trail off, not sure I want to say the next part out loud. I could chalk it up to misinterpretation, but it's kind of hard to misinterpret "You've always been mine, lose the boyfriend."

"Bitch, I swear to god if you don't finish this sentence." Lauren holds her hand up like she's about to slap me. We both know she won't do it.

"Like no matter how hard I try to fight it, or how much I try to convince myself that I hate him for what he did to our friendship, that I'm still going to end up falling for him again. And I can't do that, because when I fell the first time—I almost didn't get back up." I see Taylor's face fall as a heavy silence falls over the room, and though it only lasts about thirty seconds, with this group it might as well have been an hour.

"Well, I have nothing intellectual to say because my tequila hit about two minutes ago, but let's just see if he got you a Christmas gift first. Then we'll see if he's even worth falling for all over again or not," Shane teases as she flips her ponytail around.

"And remember that we're here to catch you this time, if he's stupid enough not to." Lauren winks at me.

"Not to be a bitch and bring down the mood but like…are you still seeing Jackson?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." I roll my eyes before letting them land on Ruby. Her eyes widen like she's sorry she ever asked.

"That date we went on a couple weeks ago is still rubbing me wrong. Like, for the love of God, be a man ," I groan, making the girls giggle.

"Okay so I know we've already gone over this?—"

" Twice, " I interrupt.

"But was it really that bad?" Ruby asks, making me deadpan.

"When it comes to knowing when to stick up for your date, the man has the tenacity of a wet paper towel." Shane snorts at my remark and when I look over her eyes are already closing. She's got about a minute left in her before she's asleep on this couch.

"Can we please change the subject? Shane will need a recap if we keep going and I just honestly don't want to think about any of this anymore." We all look over to see Shane passed out curled up into a ball so tight I fear she'll lose circulation in her legs.

"Say less babe." We all bundle up on the couch together, turn the TV up and finish our night of Christmas movies in comfortable silence.

Well, the room is silent—my brain, however, is not.

I can't stop my mind from replaying the moments I've shared with Sawyer over the last two months on a loop.

Why him?

Why those moments?

I'm in a relationship with a guy who's perfectly nice—okay, maybe too nice sometimes—so why can't I think of the countless dates we've shared and replay those on a loop?

Unfortunately, these are rhetorical questions, I'm well aware of the reason.

Because Sawyer Clark has the ability to set my soul on fire by simply looking at me. Something no other man has ever come close to doing.