19. Leah

CHAPTER 19

LEAH

I've never personally experienced my heart stopping but being pressed against a wall by Sawyer's shirtless body, while he tells me he's trying not to kiss me, definitely made me feel like it skipped a few beats. I would have thought I was having an out of body experience if I hadn't been so responsive to his touch. I was already a puddle for him before he ever opened his mouth to tell me everything he hated about being apart and apologizing for the way things ended between us.

I hate that I had to rush out when his teammates showed up, I hate that when he said he was trying not to kiss me all I wanted was for him to do it anyways. I hate that every time I'm around him I lose all control of my own thoughts, but what I hate even more is that as soon as I was on the other side of that door, it hit me that I'm still dating Jackson and guilt over everything I was thinking and feeling about Sawyer crept into the deepest parts of my mind.

Oh my god, I'm a horrible person.

Just as I'm rounding the corner to exit the long hallway that leads to the locker room, I see a familiar face heading in the direction I'm coming from, and the guilt grows stronger.

Her long blonde hair bounces in perfect rhythm with her steps as she gets closer to me and I'm suddenly curious about who exactly she's looking for. Hoping like hell I'm wrong about who it is.

"Hey!" I stop and turn to face her.

"Hi there." She smiles and stops a few feet away from me.

"You look really familiar, have we met before?" I know playing dumb isn't the best route to take in this situation, but I can't currently bring myself to ask her straight out what I want to know.

"Well, if you come to many of the games you've probably seen me on multiple occasions. I'm always here watching my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah! Are you dating someone on the team too?" She glances down the hallway towards the locker room then gives me a curious glance.

"Oh, no. I was just…taking something to a friend of mine. Sawyer Clark?" I say his name as a question, hoping to find an answer to my unasked questions through her response.

"Oh! So you know Cowboy?" she squeals.

Cowboy? She gave him a nickname? I wonder what he calls her? Beautiful blonde goddess with an ass worth worshiping?

"Cowboy?"

"That man could dance a lady right down the aisle, am I right?" she giggles. My mouth pops open but no words come out.

Is he actually dating her and thought it was okay to say the things he just said to me? Am I that much of an idiot that I didn't think he would have someone in his life he was serious about? I mean I even saw them together so how did I forget about that already? Probably because my brain stops working any time I'm within five feet of this man. He was probably just saying what needed to be said so we could coexist without me freezing him out at Christmas this year.

Say something before this gets awkward.

"Well anyways," she drags out.

Too late. It's awkward.

"Maybe I'll see you at the next game. We should sit together! My name is Lyssa." She holds her hand out and I accept, still in a state of shock and barely able to even say my name.

"Leah." I force a tight-lipped smile as a toothy grin spreads across her face.

"Leah and Lyssa, sounds like a destined friendship to me." She winks and it takes everything in me not to tell her how much I already hate her. "See you around, Leah." She struts down the hallway and I can feel my entire body deflate. Just when the walls I've spent ten years building around my heart to protect it from Sawyer start to come down just the slightest bit, they shoot right back up when I realize he may very well be playing me while in a relationship with someone else.

Bitch YOU'RE in a relationship—I think—get it together.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk to Sawyer. Not until my brain and body stop acting like a complete hoe every time he looks at me with those swimmable blue eyes.

Tay

Who wants to drag the guys out line dancing this weekend? I got some cute new boots I want to break in.

Shane

Oh yay! It's been AGES since we've been dancing!

Ruby

Didn't someone almost get into a fight one of the last times we went out?

Lauren

Have you met the men you guys have decided to marry? Of course someone almost got in a fight.

Lauren

I'm so in though. Let's fucking go.

Me

Yassss.

Tay

evil smile emoji That's what I'm talking about.

I'll take any distraction I can get from sitting at home and thinking about all the ways I want to bury Sawyer under the ice he plays on every week for making me feel things for him again.

Everyone who knows me knows I'm the quiet, responsible, levelheaded type—until me and Tequila get together. Then I'm Leah 2.0 and she's fun as hell. Tonight, I need Leah 2.0. I'm standing at the bar watching all my friends dancing and it's no wonder the guys are always seconds away from getting into fights when we go out. I would be too if I had a wife that looked as hot as my friends always do.

"Okay, do we see any potential for a dance partner?" Lauren asks, as we slam our shot glasses down on the bar.

Jackson said he wouldn't be able to come with us tonight, so I'm on the prowl for a dance partner for the night. We scan the room in every direction before I spot a couple of guys standing at a pub table glancing our way.

"Holy shit. Yeah, actually." I cut my eyes discreetly in their direction and Lauren gives me a flirty glance.

"Damn Le, you're not playing around. Those are some Yellowstone looking cowboys." Her remark makes me physically wince, though she doesn't seem to notice.

"Oh, you know Cowboy?" Yeah, I knew him way before you did, bitch.

I hate myself for being bothered by this.

Lauren turns around and adjusts her bra to push her boobs up higher in her fitted red top and fluffs her hair.

"Let's go catch us some cowboys." She winks and I toss my curly hair behind my shoulder and nod as we make our way over to their table.

"You boys sure are dressed to impress." Lauren gives them a seductive look that has me hot for her.

Damn, she's good.

"Thank you, ma'am," one of them says, tipping his cowboy hat.

"Do your dance moves live up to the image though?" The way she asks the question would have any man with an ego desperate to prove himself.

"Let's see for ourselves, shall we?" He offers his hand, and she follows him onto the dance floor. I fix my eyes on the guy left standing as he lets his gaze drift over my body. I have on my favorite stretchy jeans that make my hips and ass look phenomenal, if I do say so myself, and a solid black corset top with thick tank straps that accentuates my waist and my breasts.

"How about you? You gonna earn your right to wear that hat?" His lips turn up into a sly grin and he nods.

"After you, Sweetheart." We join everyone else on the dance floor and I catch a shocked glance from Shane before Taylor looks at me and howls. I don't typically do couples dances, I'm more of the group dance type but for tonight, I'm going to let this guy dance me around this room until I can't take another step.

When my partner, who's name I have not cared to get yet, spins me again, I whip my hair around and just as I stand upright an arm wraps around my waist and spins me in the other direction. I spot Jackson walking through the door, having just enough time to make eye contact and smile at him before I'm spun in the opposite direction. Partner stealing happens every now and then during these dances so I'm not too surprised by the trade off and am able to keep my steps consistent, but it's the voice I hear next that sends a shiver down my spine and has my feet almost rooting into the ground.

"You've gotten better at this, Dove." The dance is so fast paced, I don't have time to stop, so we just keep moving and talking between spins. "But I don't care too much for someone else's hands being on you."

"Well that's too bad, what would Lyssa think about you having your hands on me, Cowboy? " Sawyer dips me just as the music stops and the smirk on his face has me glaring at him.

"Well, since she's dating Matty I don't think she'd really give a damn." I feel my face get red as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Oh my god. She's Matty's girlfriend. Not Sawyers.

When he lifts me from the dip we're standing chest to chest, making me tilt my head to look up at him.

"Oh." I'll just go crawl under a rock and die now, thanks.

Sawyer brushes my hair off my shoulder and leans down to whisper in my ear, making goosebumps breakout all down my arms.

"You sound a little jealous, Dove." He stands back to his towering height and I try to slip my mask of indifference back on.

"As jealous as someone who threatens someone else's date for kissing them?" His face hardens and his nostrils flare while his jaw ticks furiously.

"I'm not afraid to admit I'm the most jealous motherfucker there is when it comes to you, Leah." His use of my real name in lieu of my nickname has me more aware of how serious he is right now. I swallow hard, my mind spinning from the tequila hitting me now that I'm standing still.

"Jackson is here, I have to go." His grip tightens on me, stopping me from moving, and for the first time since he got back, I actually don't want to walk away. I want to stand here and hear him out. I want to see if he's really changed, and I want him to prove to me that he means it.

"No." He spins me around, keeping us moving with the rest of the crowd on the dance floor until we're on the opposite side of the room. "I'm not letting you go so easy this time, Dove." I see him scan the perimeter then he turns and leads the way off the dance floor before pulling me down a hallway in the back of the restaurant.

"What are you doing, Sawyer?" I'm practically running to keep up with him, as he keeps a firm grip on my hand. He turns to face me and backs me into the exposed brick wall, and even though I should be annoyed that I keep finding myself in this position with him, the rate at which my heart is beating begs to differ.

He takes a deep breath, towering over me. "I know you hate me, Leah. You've had every right to. I've acted like an asshole and screwed up in more ways than I can even count, but I am done pretending like you're not mine." He tucks a stand of hair behind my ear, letting his knuckles caress my cheek and down my neck until they're resting on my collarbone while goosebumps shoot down my arm. My eyes flutter shut, savoring every electric feeling from his touch.

"But I'm not yours, Sawyer," I whisper, finally dragging my gaze up to meet his.

"Is that so?" He slides his hand down to my chest, as I will my heart to beat slower.

It doesn't.

"Then why does your heart feel like it's about to beat out of your chest, again ? The same way it was racing when you were tucked away in the corn stalks with me." His other hand runs along the length of my arm, clearly bringing attention to the goosebumps there as he smirks.

"We both know you've always been mine, Dove. It's just a matter of time before you accept it and let me prove to you how sorry I am for fucking it up for us all those years ago." His nose brushes the tip of mine, and I take a deep breath in trying to steady myself.

His signature cedarwood scent surrounds me and I can feel the warmth of his lips so close to mine, if I were to lift my head even the slightest bit, I would finally know what it feels to kiss Sawyer Clark.

"Let me know when you lose the boyfriend, Leah. You were never supposed to be with him anyway." Suddenly the warmth of his presence is gone and he's walking away. Leaving me standing alone in the hallway.

Speechless.

Breathless.

And more turned on than I've ever been in my entire life.

Shit.

I run my hands through my hair, leaning my head back on the wall behind me as I try to compose myself. Things with Sawyer have always been intense—only tonight, instead of being angry with him, I wanted to give in to him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and show me just how sorry he is—the way he keeps saying he's going to.

But once again, he walked away.

Only this time, I want to chase after him.