15. Leah

CHAPTER 15

LEAH

When Taylor asked if I wanted to come over for an impromptu girl's night after the game, I was a little hesitant. Mostly because I knew she was probably going to ask me about Sawyer's outburst tonight—for which I have zero explanation—not to mention I have work tomorrow and I'm not normally up past nine on weeknights, but after the mention of Tucker making Mama Marilyn's cookies for us, I was sold. I'm sitting in the kitchen in my sweats, throwing back chocolate chip cookies like they're some kind of problem-solving tequila or something when someone knocks on the door.

"You expecting someone?" Taylor's brows knit together, and Tucker shakes his head, as he continues mixing more cookie dough.

"Be right back." She smiles and disappears into the living room. The door opens and I hear the muffled sound of voices, though I can't make out who it is or what they're saying.

I give up on my sad attempt at eavesdropping and look back at Tucker and can't help but snicker. He's wearing black sweatpants, a plain white T-shirt, and a black apron while he makes homemade chocolate chip cookies.

"What's so funny?" He tips his chin at me as I push my glasses further up the bridge of my nose.

"You just look so…domesticated." I wave a hand up and down and he looks down before he shrugs.

"I'd love to argue with you, but I'm afraid you might be right." I put another cookie in my mouth—not bothering to keep count of how many I've had at this point—and grab my glass of milk off the counter.

"So, you okay? Taylor doesn't typically demand comfort cookies unless it's something serious." Tucker smiles at me, and I'm immediately comforted by his checking up on me.

"I'm…not sure." I take a deep breath, settling back further on my barstool.

"Wanna talk about it?" He begins scooping dough onto the baking sheet, glancing up at me only long enough to gauge my reaction.

"I don't know. It's something Taylor isn't exactly clued in on yet, so I'd hate to put you in an awkward position with the information." He sets the bowl down, keeping the scoop in one hand as he puts all his attention on me.

"Well, I appreciate that. And while I won't pretend that I don't want to know what it is you're needing to get off your chest so badly—because let's face it, I'm nosey as shit—I won't pry. But I'm always here if you need to talk." He picks the bowl up, but before he gets back to work scooping more cookies out, he looks up at me again.

"And so is Taylor. Whatever it is you haven't told her, I'm sure she'll be understanding about it. She loves the four of you girls probably more than she loves me most days," he laughs, lightening the mood as my sight becomes blurry.

"As if. That girl is scary in love with you." I take the oversize sleeve of my hoodie and wipe my eyes, bumping my glasses out of the way when I do.

"And she's scary protective over you. She loves you with the same ferociousness she protects you with."

"Thanks, Tuck." I smile, earning a playful wink from him. He turns around and places the baking sheets in the oven and sets the timer before starting to clean the counters. Just about that time, Taylor walks back into the kitchen with tear-stained cheeks and Tucker is immediately at her side.

"What happened, baby? Who was that?" He's standing in front of her with his hands on her arms as I stand up from my barstool to walk closer to them.

"I'm fine, Tuck. I promise. It was…" Her eyes cut over to me and I raise my brows in anticipation.

Who the hell just made my best friend cry?

"It was Sawyer." Her eyes never leave mine as she answers Tucker's question, making a lump form in my throat.

"Well, I'm gonna kick his ass the next time I see him," Tucker says, pulling Taylor in for a hug. Meanwhile, I am standing here insanely confused by what could have possibly been said between the two of them to make Taylor cry. Taylor never cries, she makes people cry and Sawyer is always the one to threaten anyone that upsets her. Or at least, he used to be.

"It's nothing like that. No ass kicking necessary." She gives him a playful eyeroll. "Can you give us a minute?" Tucker glances between us, nods and kisses her forehead before walking out of the kitchen.

" Sawyer made you cry? If you don't let Tucker kick his ass, then I'll freaking do it." Taylor motions for us to sit so we walk back to our barstools, and each grab another cookie from the first batch—that's almost gone now.

"That image alone is enough to put me in a better mood," Taylor laughs, and when I picture my five-foot-five self trying to take on the guy we call Moose for all necessary reasons, I can't help but join in the laughter.

My phone vibrates on the counter causing both of us to look down. My stomach drops when I see Sawyer's name pop up on my screen. I roll my eyes and grab it, planning to turn it face down to ignore him, but Taylor grabs my hand to stop me. When I look up there's a weird look in her eyes I can't quite make out.

"I know you're mad about what happened tonight, and believe me, I would be too. But if he's reaching out, maybe you could hear him out?"

"Why?" My eyes narrow on her and she shifts in her seat.

"Just, I don't know. Maybe he has a reason for acting so nutty." She tries to roll her eyes like she doesn't know the answer, but Taylor can't lie to her friends to save her life.

"Do you know the reason, Tay?" Her lip begins to quiver, and I have to do a double take to ensure my eyes aren't playing tricks on me.

"I watched you guys go from being best friends, to you hardly looking in his direction for the last ten years and I tried to mind my own business about it, which you know is hard for me. I wasn't sure if something happened to cause bad blood or not, and I think part of me was scared to find out the truth and have to pick between my blood family, and my chosen one."

"Taylor, what are you talking about?" She takes a deep breath and starts over.

"I don't know why you have avoided Sawyer for so long, but would you just consider talking to him? Just one conversation, and if you don't want to speak to him again after that—I'll stay out of it. I think he may have something to say that you need to hear." My heart rate picks up and I get the weird feeling I'm either about to throw up or pass out.

Seeing Taylor be so invested in Sawyer and I talking again, and hopeful that we will clear the air between us, makes me feel guilty for keeping things from her for so long concerning Sawyer. But if I open up to her now I'm not only admitting to a long time crush I had on her brother while we were in grade school, but I have to admit that he broke my heart when he cut me out of his life—without a single clue how much he's meant to me— and that that's the reason I haven't been able to get over it and forgive him. Even after all these years.

Because Sawyer Clark still holds more of my heart than I ever wanted to admit. But I'm starting to see I may be left with no choice than to do just that—admit it.

The only question is, who do I tell first?

Do I tell Sawyer and run the risk of being rejected? Getting my heart broken for the second time by the same man.

Or do I tell my best friend, and hope that if everything goes to shit, I'll still have her support to lean on.

"Tay… I have something to tell you." She sits up a little straighter, nodding her head as her expression turns more serious.

"I can't believe you never told me." We're tucked into the corner of her oversized couch, covered with blankets with an empty cookie plate on the coffee table beside us. Tay rests her hand on mine on the back of the cushion between us as we face each other.

"I just didn't know how you would react. I didn't think you'd be mad necessarily, but I did know it might make things awkward. If you knew the way I saw him. I don't know. It's just so messy, we were friends, but I liked him as so much more, then he just disappeared on me, and I had to act way less hurt by that than I actually was." I groan, resting my head on the cushion, watching as Taylor chews on her bottom lip. "What?" I ask, sitting up when I realize she hasn't said anything for a while.

"Nothing." She shakes her head, but clearly there's something .

"Tay, come on. What is it?"

"I just think you guys should talk. I know you don't want to. But I'm serious Leah, I think you need to hear him out." I narrow my gaze on her.

"Why? What did he say tonight?" She shakes her head, looking down at her nails.

"I told him I wouldn't say anything to you." I contemplate asking her until she breaks, but I don't want to do that to her. Taylor is the very one that will say whatever she wants, whenever she wants no matter what anyone else thinks about it. This is obviously important if she's keeping it in. She gave him her word and I get her wanting to respect that.

"Okay. If he tries to talk to me again, I'll hear him out, but I'm not seeking him out first."

"Thanks, Le. I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to be there for you when you were hurting." Her eyes gloss over and I squeeze her hand.

"You don't have to apologize. It was my choice to keep the way I felt hidden from you guys. I just honestly can't figure out what I feel about him anymore. It was a lot easier to ignore his existence when he didn't live here ." She chokes out a laugh and swipes a tear from her eye.

"Well, maybe you won't have to continue ignoring him forever. Maybe you guys can find closure." I smile and nod, not missing the way my heart sinks at her words.

Closure.

There's something about that word that packs a finality that I don't think I want to have with Sawyer.

Do I want answers? Yes.

Am I afraid they'll hurt me even after all this time of trying to build a Sawyer-proof wall around my heart? Also, yes.

But I know it needs to happen.