11. Sawyer

CHAPTER 11

SAWYER

What kind of an idiot blurts something like that out at the dinner table? During Thanksgiving no less. I didn't wait ten years to tell Leah she meant more to me than anyone else sitting around that table by blurting it out in frustration, but dammit the way she was acting like our entire friendship was one sided was pissing me off. I've been waiting for so long for her to give me just five minutes of her time so I could explain to her just how in it I was—which was clearly way more than she ever realized. Then she did—she gave me the chance and I blew it.

I hesitated because I didn't want everyone on the other side of the wall to have a front row seat to the conversation.

After everything that's transpired between the two of us, I'm beginning to worry that my affections for her will be one sided, but it doesn't change the fact that the feelings are still there—and by the way my stomach twists every time I see her, they're not going away any time soon.

"You good, man? You're pumping those dumbbells like they stole your lunch money," Tank asks, tipping his chin towards my arms. They're red and the veins in them look like they'll burst at any moment from me losing count of my reps. The guys invited me to their day after Thanksgiving workout, and I have to admit, it's been nice working out here—the gym is empty outside of the four of us.

"Just distracted I guess." I place the weights back on their rack and reach for my water bottle, finally feeling the burn in my arms from overdoing it.

"Wanna talk about it?" He lets out a deep laugh when he sees the hesitation on my face. "I'm not telling you to pull up a couch and pour your heart out. I'm just saying I'm here if you need to." My eyebrows jump to my hairline.

"Honestly, I'm just not used to having guys I can talk to about the real shit."

"Well, while we can be all fun and games when we want to be… we know who we can go to with the real shit," Tucker chimes in, racking the weights on the bench press.

"I think I fucked up with Leah," I admit, rubbing a towel along my neck. All three guys turn to face me in various stances.

"When? Last night?" Max furrows his brow.

"Yes, but no. Before that. This is like a ten year in the making fuck up and I don't know how to recover from it." Tucker whistles, bringing my attention to where he's leaned against the squat rack.

"Damn bro. What the hell did you do?"

"Basically, I did exactly what Leah yelled at me for last night. I stood her up and didn't return her texts and calls for two months."

"Is that really that big of a deal though? You were in college, right? Surely, she'd understand if you were busy." I can appreciate the effort in trying to ease my mind about how I handled things—since they have no idea how the relationship was between Leah and me.

"Not when we talked every single day for years . It was a pretty obvious blow when I didn't answer any more. She would always call to tell me what happened on her favorite TV show, or about a new book she picked up and loved or I would text her when I found a new coffee place around campus I enjoyed. Neither of us ever missed a call or text. She has every reason to be as mad as she is at me."

"So…what happened though? We know what you did. But why did you do it?" Tank asks. My eyes bounce over to Tucker involuntarily before I look back at Tank, but it's long enough that everyone notices.

"Well, I know I didn't do anything. I didn't even meet you until like two years ago," Tucker says defensively.

"Taylor caught me looking at Leah a little too fondly during the senior bonfire and threatened me not to go there . She said I would ruin my friendship with her and possibly theirs if it didn't work out. I thought I could just go back to seeing her as a friend if I put a little more distance between us but?—"

"You don't strike me as the type that does what his little sister says. Respectfully." Max holds his hands up in mock defense.

"I'm not, usually. But I couldn't get what she said about losing Leah out of my head."

"But you lost her anyways?" Tucker concludes, making me sigh.

"I didn't say it wasn't stupid." I smirk sarcastically.

"So, why not just tell her now?" Tucker, Max, and I all turn our heads to face Tank who looks genuinely curious. "What?"

"What a great idea, Einstein. I'm sure he hasn't thought to do that ." Tucker whips Tank's leg with his towel, making him jump back.

"Words hurt, Tucker." His hand falls to his heart dramatically, before extending it towards me. "I'm just saying, there are other ways to explain himself. He could text her or email her or shit… write her a letter."

"Yes, a letter. Please tell me, brother, in your experience how well does that method work out?" Tucker tilts his head at Tank who flips him off.

"I don't want to say what I need to say if it's not in person. I need to see her face when she hears why I did it—and how I feel."

"I respect that." Max finally rejoins the conversation. "And I admire you for not giving up on what you want now. I stupidly walked away from someone I should have been fighting for because I thought I was doing what was best for her. Luckily, she took me back once this guy finally talked some sense into me." He hikes a finger over at Tucker who is giving me a shit eating grin now.

"So basically, I'm your guy for all this relationship stuff."

"Even if I plan on yelling at your future wife for putting her nose where it didn't belong?" His grin falls immediately as he salutes me.

"It was nice knowing you, pal."

"You'll find your moment. Keep playing the long game, bud. She'll come around eventually." Max claps my shoulder. "Let's go, lunch is on me."

"Thanks, Dad." Tank gives Max a goofy smile as we all grab our things and head to Chattahoochies for lunch.

"Switch!" Javi calls as we're skating across center ice.

This team came to play tonight, but so the fuck did we. Matty appears just in time for me to pass the puck to him and he slaps it straight into the top of the net. The crowd is going absolutely wild and when I look across the ice, I see Devon skating like he's trying out for the figure skating team, making me bark out a laugh.

"Another win in the books, boys. Let's go out and celebrate!" AJ yells across our small huddle on the ice.

As always, I'm tempted to go straight home and go to bed, but I will admit I'm beginning to enjoy the after-game celebrations. Matty, Javi, and I always get to hang out and enjoy a beer before heading out a little earlier than everyone else—so with that in mind, I agree.

Imagine my surprise when we meet up on Broadway and Javi and Matty are nowhere in sight. I check my texts and see they've both informed me they'll be going home tonight to spend time with their families.

Fantastic. Now I'm babysitting the rowdy bunch.

All the younger guys from the team are all rallying on where to go—while I plan my subtle disappearance—when I see Matty running up to us.

"I thought you weren't coming out tonight, Gallagher." We bump knuckles as he pulls a woman under his opposite arm.

"When my girl says she wants to go out, out is where we go."

"Which is going to be where exactly?" As if on cue Devon pops up beside her to answer.

"Line dancin' little lady." He winks at her, and I think Matty mentally chokes him.

"She's not available, DJ." Matty pulls her closer to himself, making me laugh.

"Not until we hit the dance floor at least." She lifts a brow at Matty as we all start walking towards Knockin' Boots Line Dance Bar & Grille.

As soon as we walk through the door the energy is electric. The smell of burgers on the grill hits me first and my stomach begins growling its demand for one. We grab a table right off the dance floor furthest from the band in an attempt to still be able to hold a conversation as the music plays. Our first two rounds of beer come and once we've all eaten to our satisfaction, some of the guys start to hit the dance floor.

"You dance, Clark?" Matty yells, leaning closer to hear my answer.

"Oh yeah. I would wipe the floor with all of you," I admit, making him rear back as his brows reach his hairline.

"Big talk, prove it."

"I don't dance without a partner," I argue. Matty leans over to whisper in Lyssa's ear, and as soon as she smiles at me, I know I'm not getting out of whatever is about to happen.

"Then let's dance, Cowboy." She holds her hand out and I shake my head at Matty.

"Don't blame me when your girl falls in love with the swagger." I dust the shoulder of my shirt for show, making Matty bark out a laugh as he holds up three fingers.

"Scouts honor."

Lyssa and I walk over to the dance floor and as soon as the next song starts, we fall in line with everyone else. It's fast-paced but the majority of people on the floor seem experienced enough to stay out of each other's way. We spin, dip and glide across the floor until both of us are laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

She stands on her toes and yells into my ear, "Damn, you are really good at this, Cowboy."

"Thank ya ma'am." I tip my invisible hat to her.

"I think I'm ready for another drink, how about you?" I nod and spin her once more allowing her to lead the way back to our table.

"Alright, alright, we get it. You can dance," Matty says jokingly as Lyssa sits down on his lap. I hold my hands up and give him a cocky smirk.

"Told ya." We finish one last beer while I explain that my dancing is not a natural gift, but a direct result of my parents' line dancing with me and my siblings every chance we got growing up.

"That's so fun! And by the looks of it, it's a tradition you'll be able to pass down to your kids one day as well." When I look over at Lyssa her face is as white as a ghost. She begins rubbing her neck like she doesn't feel good, and I can see every sign in the book that she's about to throw up.

"Umm, Lyssa, you feeling okay?" I make eye contact with Matty and nod to Lyssa. When he catches a glimpse of her, concern washes over him as well.

"Shit, baby. Let's get you outside." We all stand to walk out since we've already paid our bill when Matty turns to me.

"I'm gonna pull the car around so she doesn't have to walk that far. You cool to hang with her while I do?"

"Of course. We'll be right outside." Matt runs out the door and I wrap one arm around her as her body feels almost limp. We're halfway to the door when her head shoots back upright.

"Shoot, I forgot my phone," Lyssa mumbles.

"I'll grab it." I prop her up against an empty bar stool near the exit and head back over to the table to retrieve it.

I'm almost there when someone not so gently bumps into my shoulder. I know that Nashville is a crowded place, but there's nothing that pisses me off more than someone not having the common courtesy to not run directly into another person. I turn around, ready to put whoever it is in their place, until I see those familiar green eyes boring into mine.

"Sorry ‘bout that." Leah has me leveled with her stare when an arm wraps around her waist, pulling her closer. It's only then that I tear my eyes away from hers and see who she's with.

I feel my blood turning to lava as her perfect hips sway back and forth watching her walk out of here with fucking Jackson . He's still facing the exit, but I have the mind to chase after her and throw her over my shoulder to make sure she doesn't go home with him when I hear Lyssa call me from across the room.

"Sawyer! I'm dying over here." I see Leah glance over her shoulder once more between Lyssa and me before walking out the door, tucking herself further under Jackson's arm.

My hands involuntarily ball into fists when I think about where they're going to end up when they leave here, but I do my best to push those thoughts out and make my way back over to the bar to take Lyssa outside like I told Matty I would.

"Thank you," she mumbles as we get out into the cold fresh air. When a gust of wind blows by I see her whole body shake and since I'm used to the cold and didn't bring a jacket I gently rub my hands along her arms to keep her warm.

"Let me guess, a jacket didn't match your outfit?" I smirk as she looks up at me and half smiles.

"How'd you know?" She rolls her eyes.

"I don't think I've ever seen my sister wear a jacket unless it's snowing outside." We share a laugh as Matty pulls up to the curb.

"Don't tell me you fell for the swagger, Lyss," he jokes as I move my hands from her arms.

"Nothing like that. But maybe buy the girl a jacket that will match everything she owns." I wink at Lyssa as she melts into Matty's side, resting her head on his shoulder.

"We gotta get home." The noise that comes out of Lyssa next is one I know I should get far, far away from. "Thanks for looking out for her man." Matty nods at me.

"Don't mention it. That's what friends are for."