Chapter 17

Seventeen

C arson’s hands gripped the reins so hard his knuckles popped. He couldn’t deal with all the things flooding his mind at the story she’d told. Back in town, he left her and Boss at the house, returned to the fort, begged for some time off, and rode to his homestead.

Everywhere he went on that quarter section, he remembered her and her laughter and their plans.

Finally, he sat on the spot where they planned to build their house. They’d been so full of hopes for the future.

Why hadn’t she told him about her life before now? It seemed like a very big and important part of who she was. Didn’t she trust him? He could have offered her sympathy, but she hadn’t given him the chance. He snatched handfuls of grass from the ground and threw them into the air. The leaves drifted down peacefully, revealing none of his inner turmoil.

He’d thought being rejected by Mabel was painful. Thought fearing for Angela’s life when the path gave way under her feet had torn his heart. But knowing she had withheld this horrible truth from him was more than he could bear. Why hadn’t she trusted him? What kind of partnership could they hope to have if the whole foundation was missing? And wasn’t trust the most basic ingredient to a firm foundation?

His thoughts went round and round in endless circles.

He scuffed through the grass, kicked stones along the creek bank, and tried to sort out the things raging through his mind. Darkness descended. But he remained there, ate pemmican from his saddlebag, and slept in his bedroll.

Dawn took a long time in reaching the sky. Carson hunched over his knees, staring at the dark water. His anger had cooled to the point he was no longer angry at Angela but rather, at life. Yes, women who had babies out of wedlock were often shunned. But how could people treat the child so cruelly? For a sin that wasn’t their own.

What did God think of it? A verse said God visited the iniquity of a father’s sin to the children and the children’s children, but that couldn’t be the final word on the subject. Not that he held Angie responsible in any way. But he wanted to say something to her to prove his point. What about the woman caught in adultery and Jesus’s words, “Neither do I condemn thee”?

Ah, yes, Lord. You wouldn’t blame Angela or her mother. Help me make her understand.

He spent the better part of the morning praying and rehearsing what he could say to erase the stigma she’d lived under.

Halfway across the grass to the nearest thicket, his pacing drew to a halt. He had a secret he needed to share with her as well.

With the matter settled in his mind, he returned to town and went to the house. Boss greeted him with a welcome woof. Only his mother was in the kitchen .

He glanced into the other room. Empty. “Ma, where’s Angela? I need to talk to her?”

“Come. Sit.” She patted his shoulder. “We need to talk first.”

His fingers dug into his palms at her tone. But he sat.

“Angela showed me her letter.” The kitchen chair scraped across the wooden planks as she slid it out. “I expect she explained it to you.”

“She told me about her mother, yes.”

“You know of the way she was treated before she came to us. Isolated, afraid, shunned.”

His leg jittered under the table. “I gathered.”

“Have you added to her pain?”

He jerked around to look her squarely in the face. “Ma, in what way would I do that?”

“Did you show her sympathy? Or rejection? She’s had plenty of the latter.”

“I was upset.”

Ma reached across the table and grasped his hands. “Well, before I tell you where she is, I must know what you plan to say to her.”

“That I still want to marry her, that she’s as pure as a dove in anyone’s eyes, and that I will follow her to the ends of the earth.” The rest of what he planned to say was for her ears only.

“You best hurry. She’s gone to meet the stagecoach. Said she had to settle this business her father left her.”

Carson’s boots crashed to the floor as he bounded for the door, swung to the back of his horse, and raced down the street, Boss galloping behind him.

The coach stood at the depot. He pulled the door open and peered inside. No Angie. His feet clattering on the steps, he went into the depot. There she was .

“Angie, you can’t go.” At the startled look on the men’s faces in the room, he added, “Please. We need to talk.”

With a nod, she moved toward him. He stepped aside to let her go out the door ahead of him, then fell in at her side.

“I’ve so many things to say to you but not here.” He guided her down the street until they reached the river where he began to talk. “I was upset when you told me about how you were judged for something you didn’t do. But know this—I don’t blame you and never will.”

She held up a hand. “I was afraid if you knew you wouldn’t want to marry me.”

He caught her cold hands. “I still want to marry you. More than you know. Angela, I’ve got my fears too. I’ve always wondered if Mabel and others didn’t reject me because of me, not Bertie.”

Her startled look convinced him far better than words that such an idea had never crossed her mind. She opened her mouth, but he didn’t allow her to speak.

“It’s kept me from saying what’s really in my heart. Angela, I love you. With my whole heart and mind.”

She blinked. “Love? I never expected that.” Swallowed hard. “Never thought I’d deserve it.”

He pulled her closer and searched her face, seeing the intermingling of her hopes and fears. “You deserve to be loved with every breath I take and every wish I make and every nail I pound into our dream house.” He longed for assurance of love from her but would not ask for it. To ask was to force a person to say the words.

Warmth and sweetness filled her eyes. “Carson, I love you with my every breath and every wish and every meal I make for us.”

With a heart full of gratitude, he kissed her. Overflowing love made their lips sweet.

On Sunday, with Ruby and Robert’s full approval, Carson and Angela joined the other couple in the little church and spoke their wedding vows before friends and family. They enjoyed a feast Commanding Officer Morgan had prepared in their honor. With the terms of service ended for the men, each couple packed the items required for setting up a home in one of the covered wagons and traveled to their respective homesteads, promising to be in contact in a week to proceed with construction of their homes.

Carson lifted Angie to the ground where he parked the wagon. They would live as they had been for the months of travel, sleeping in a tent in fair weather, in the wagon in foul. He’d build a shelter for a kitchen area, but for now, all that mattered was his new wife.

They snuggled down on a blanket under the sheltering trees.

“Happy, Mrs. Woods?”

“Very happy, Mr. Woods. And you?”

“Very happy.”

“We need to talk about the money.”

“Umm. Your inheritance. It’s yours to do with as you wish.”

“It’s also yours. I vote we use it to build a fine house and barn.”

“I vote the same.” He nuzzled into her neck only half aware of the conversation. He was delighting in having a wife more than a partner.

“About the other part of what Father wrote.”

Carson sat up. “To help unwed mothers?”

“Yes. I’m not sure what to do. Did he want me to go back east and open a home for them?”

Tension prickled Carson’s neck. “Is that what you want to do?”

“No. I’ve been thinking. There’s lots of good, noble men here in the west who would welcome a woman and child. What if I have the preacher man who helped Mama or someone he knows and trusts let it be known that they are welcome here? We could have a home somewhere for them to live in while they get to know the prospective groom. I most certainly don’t want them marrying without being sure of what they want. For those who don’t wish to come out West, I want to write the same preacher man and ask him to purchase a house for women and children to live in as long as they choose. They will learn that God’s grace is available to them and that they are worthy of acceptance. What do you think of that?”

He honestly hadn’t given her father’s request a lot of thought. But not only would this satisfy the requirements of the inheritance and help women needing a way out of their situation, but more importantly, it would give his wife a way of healing the pains of her past.

“That is an excellent idea.”

“Good. Now that’s dealt with…” She turned her face to receive his kisses.