Chapter 15

Fifteen

C arson chuckled at Boss paddling in the stream, chasing minnows and yapping when they escaped. He might have told him it was useless to try and catch them, but one thing he’d learned about the dog: he was a mite stubborn at times.

The last few days had passed pleasantly. Ma and Gabe insisted Boss be tied when he was around the others, and the dog submitted quietly as long as Carson or Angie were nearby. He howled and barked if they left him behind.

Angie joined him to watch Boss. “Sometimes he’s like a big overgrown boy.”

“Since you mention it, I see he and Bertie have similar personalities. Big in body, young at heart.”

Laughter rolled from Angie. Boss paused long enough to look at her, then returned to his fishing. She contained her merriment so she could speak. “Tell Bertie that. Or better yet, tell Ma.” More bubbling laughter.

“I think I won’t.” He gave an exaggerated shudder, and they both chuckled.

She liked to laugh, and he appreciated that. Being partners promised enjoyment. Married? It made him a little unsettled inside. There was no other way, but what if she didn’t welcome the idea? She’d never said anything about when they should tie the knot though they’d discussed plans for their farm—the big house would be two stories. They’d build it themselves with help from Robert and a few other friends while living in the small one he hoped they could get up before snowfall. They’d be stranded much of the winter. Just the two of them and Boss. He’d have a few head of horses to tend but not much else.

Those would be good days and nights, just sitting around a warm stove, cozy in a solid little home. She’d sew or read. He’d read or watch her sew, and they’d talk, making plans, remembering things from their childhood. Husband and wife had a nice ring to it. Promising a degree of acceptance and trust he’d never had apart from his immediate family.

A blade of grass tickled his cheek.

She grinned. “Where did you go?”

He caught her arm, whistled for the dog, and ambled alongside the creek. “This is my favorite part of the day. We’ve stopped for the night. The chores are done. Soon Gabe will strum his guitar, but until that time, it’s just the two of us.”

She snorted as Boss shook the water off, spraying it on them. “Don’t you mean the three of us?”

“He’s impossible to ignore.”

She patted the dog. “I can’t imagine why you’d want to.”

He playfully pushed Boss aside. “It’s you and me who are partners. Remember?” And soon to be more. He didn’t want to pressure her, but surely before they reached the fort, she’d say when she wanted to get married. He straightened and looked to the west. They’d soon be at their destination.

“It’s going to be fun to be married.” He ventured the words into the air between them .

She jolted to a halt. “I keep wondering if you’ll change your mind.”

“Why would I?”

She wouldn’t look at him. He caught her chin, lifted it, and waited until she raised her eyes.

“Angie, why would I?”

She shook her head.

“You aren’t still remembering those hurtful words I said back then, are you?”

“They were true.” Pain oozed out of her eyes and carried on her whispered words.

“Oh, Angie.” He pulled her into his embrace. “No, they weren’t. And even if there had been a thread of truth in them, you’ve changed.”

Boss pushed his muzzle into her leg and whined.

“Even the dog agrees.”

She laughed against his shoulder and grew serious. “I can’t help but worry you’ll find someone to love. Someone more than a partner.”

“Partners is a safe term, but won’t we also be husband and wife?”

She rubbed at her collarbone. “Do you still want it? Even though you don’t love me?”

“Yes, I do.” More than ever. He’d never acknowledged it or given it more than a passing thought, but having Mabel reject his marriage offer had scarred his heart. A pain he didn’t care to risk a second time. Love wasn’t necessary in order for a marriage to work out. Love was risky. It hurt too much when it was rejected. Far better to be committed for other reasons.

Her eyes searched his. Seeking something. He couldn’t say what, but with the way she drew back, she hadn’t found it. Did she expect love? He’d never offered it, and she’ d never asked for it.

“We’ll be good partners.” He patted Boss on the head. “And now we have a third partner.”

“Indeed.” Her laughter as she hugged Boss seemed to have sharp edges.

He might have said he loved her, but would it be true? Did he want to take the risk of confessing it? No, he did not. “It’s time to join the others.” He caught her hand as they returned to the camp.

Gabe held the guitar and waited for Carson and Angie to find a place to sit before he and Ma sang “Home, Sweet Home.” The love Gabe and Ma shared was something to behold.

But wasn’t a relationship based on feelings a risky thing?

The next day, Angie was cheerful and happy. He must have been mistaken in thinking she was disappointed he hadn’t offered love. What they had was more secure. He wasn’t changing his mind about this lifelong partnership, and he had to believe she wouldn’t either.

They’d soon pass rugged rock formations he’d seen before. Joe directed the wagons away from them to easier passage, but at Carson’s suggestion, he allowed a longer-than-normal noon break so anyone interested could explore the area.

“Come on,” Carson urged Angie toward the rocks and in a direction away from the others. “I don’t want to tie Boss.” The hill was steep, the path between huge, weird-shaped rocks. Some were full of round holes. Others were hoodoos with flat tops on upright supports.

Several times, Angie stopped to gape. “This is amazing.”

Wait until she saw what lay ahead. “I want to show you something.” They climbed the steep incline of the rock-strewn hill with Boss struggling to find a foothold as he followed. They reached a level ledge and stopped. Rising before them was a sheer cliff with a rocky overhang. He waited for her to notice the carvings in the wall.

He knew the moment she did by her indrawn breath. “What is it?”

“I’m told they are called petroglyphs. They were put here years ago by Natives and tell a story. I wish I had someone who could explain what they mean.” There were circles and lines along with stick figures. In other places nearby, there were paintings. He wouldn’t have time to take her to see those.

“It’s amazing. How old are they?” She studied them.

“I don’t know.”

The muted voices of the others calling and laughing reached them along with the warble of a meadowlark and twitter of smaller birds.

He turned to take in the view. “I can see for miles.”

“I feel like I can see for years.” She eased along, studying the carvings.

“Nice way of putting it.”

Finally, she straightened and released a huge breath. “Thank you for showing me this. I wonder if anyone has information on it.”

“Maybe one of the chiefs.”

“It would be interesting to know more.”

Ma and Gabe were below them, making their way back to the wagons. Soon Irene and Walt followed.

“We need to return.” The steep path leading down the hill would be easier to navigate than the hill they’d climbed. “Follow me.”

They began the descent. He led the way, taking his time. Beneath his boots, the shale shifted, and he skidded a few inches. “Careful.” He reached back for her hand.

Boss barked and whined.

“I don’t blame you, pal. The ground is slippery.”

Boss barked sharply, repeatedly .

Angie pulled Carson’s hand to make him stop. “Something’s bothering him.” She scanned their surroundings. “I don’t see anything.”

Carson looked in every direction. “I don’t see anything either.” Except the others making their way to the wagons. “We need to get going.”

Boss wouldn’t stop fussing.

“Quiet.”

The dog settled into a worried whine.

“Let’s go.” Carson took a step. The trail crumbled under his feet, leaving him with nothing to stand on and sending his heart to the roof of his mouth. Windmilling his arms to stay upright, he skidded to a stop in a pile of rocks and shale several feet below.

Boss barked loudly.

“Carson! Are you all right?”

The ground shifted under his feet. “Stay there. Don’t move.”

Boss pushed at Angie to force her back.

“Good dog.”

After carefully picking his way back to where the path had disappeared, he reached up to take her hand and guide her down. His feet slipped. At the same time, the ground at Angie’s feet crumbled. She flew toward him, hit him in the chest knocking him on his back.

Boss leapt down to their level and whined.

Carson and Angie lay amidst the rocks and dirt. Something sharp poked into his back. His breath stuck inside his chest.

“I’m sorry.” She scrambled off him, sitting back on her heels. “Carson, are you all right?”

He wanted to assure her that he was, but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.

Boss licked his face .

Angie bent over him. “Carson, say something.”

He could only answer with his eyes, and then his breath whooshed in. He forced himself to a sitting position. “I’m fine.” Apart from where something had jabbed his back. “Are you all right?” Dirt dusted her cheek, and he brushed it off.

“You broke my fall. I landed hard on you. Are you sure you aren’t injured?”

The dog pressed to her side.

She wrapped an arm around his neck. “We’re all right, Boss. Thank you for warning us.” She pushed to her feet.

Carson didn’t do the same.

She bent over him. “Are you hurt?”

He had to get up. Had to push away the aftereffects of having her land on top of him, the slam of his heart bruising his ribs as he saw the ground crumble under her feet, how his arms had held her close, wanting to keep her there, keep her safe. It was only a reaction, of course, but his heart had broken from its moorings and still rattled around in his chest. He’d had fleeting pictures of her being dashed against the rocks. Perhaps?—

He couldn’t even finish the sentence. He’d just learned there was more than one way to have one’s heart broken.

With his feet firmly on the ground, he took her hand and helped her down the trail. While waiting for them, the others had hitched the oxen to the wagons and were ready to depart.

Neither of them said anything about the fall as they walked along the trail. In fact, neither of them spoke a word. Was she in shock or hiding the fact she was hurt?

He considered her out of the corner of his eyes. She stared straight ahead. He couldn’t read her expression though her nostrils seemed to flare a little. But she breathed normally and didn’t limp. It appeared she was unharmed.

If only he could say the same for himself. Oh, the bruise on his back was nothing. His sore ribs would be forgotten in a few hours. But he wasn’t sure he could say the same about the fear that clung to his thoughts. He’d almost lost a partner. The mere thought was like a hot poker to his insides.

As she trundled down the trail following the wagons, Angela tried to sort out her feelings. Her stomach had lurched when the ground fell away beneath her feet. A scream had stuck in her throat while she hurtled through the air. She’d hit Carson with such force she’d knocked him to his back. As she lay on top of him, saved from certain damage, she prayed he hadn’t been hurt.

At the same time, a frightening knowledge flooded her mind. She valued this man. Yes, as a partner as he continually repeated. But foolishly, she wished for more. What would it be like to be loved by him?

Such a thing wasn’t possible, and she well knew it. She could never expect to be loved. She was unworthy, stained. He must never know the truth, or he would cast her away. No. She couldn’t survive that. After a few miles of mental wrangling, she succeeded in pushing the forbidden desires into a far corner of her thoughts. To be partners was all she needed or wanted.

They’d both been quiet since they’d returned to the wagon train. Several times, she’d noticed him glancing her way. Was he worried about her? Or was he hurt more than he said, and she was so busy arguing with herself that she overlooked his needs?

“Thank you for saving me back there. But are you sure you’re all right?” Dust drifted up from behind the wagons and animals. A bird scolded from the nearby bushes. “You’re very quiet.”

“I was thinking the same of you. ”

“I’m fine.”

Boss whined at her side.

“He’s worried too,” Carson said.

“He just wants attention.” She rubbed his head and shoulders and pressed her cheek to his fur. “You’re a good dog. We should have paid more attention to your warning.”

Carson petted the dog too, their hands brushing together. She stilled herself not to react when her heart jolted. Nothing had changed between them.

Nothing but a realization of her growing fondness for him.

Fine. Fondness was safe. Acceptable. Anything more was not.

Straightening, she shielded her eyes and looked into the distance. “How much farther do we have to go?”

“Tomorrow we should get a glimpse of the fort, but it will take a good portion of the day to get there.”

They were almost at their destination. And if Carson didn’t change his mind, they would begin their life together. He hadn’t said anything about when they’d get married. But she was anxious to see the land he’d chosen and begin building their temporary house so they could start work on a permanent home and a permanent life together.

“Tell me about Fort Taylor.”

“The fort or the town?”

“Yes.”

He laughed. “Both it is.”

He told of the small fort, the drills, the marching the Mounties did, and the meals in the mess hall. “Can’t wait to sit at my own table and share meals with you.”

The eagerness in his voice soothed away her troubling thoughts. He seemed as anxious to share their lives as she was. They wanted the same things. A marriage of convenience. A partnership. The security of such was exactly what she desired. And nothing more.

The next morning, she was up before anyone else stirred. She tried to slip away without disturbing Ruby, but Ruby whispered, “What are you doing?”

“Carson says today we will get a glimpse of the fort.”

Ruby bolted from the covers. “Glimpse? What does that mean?” She hugged herself. “I’ll get to see Robert again. Finally.”

“Carson said it would take most of the day to reach the fort.”

Ruby’s breath rushed out. “I hope I survive that long.”

“I’m sure you will.”

“Huh. That’s easy for you to say. Your fiancé is right here. You spend most of every day with him.” Her tone changed. “Not that I resent it, but I miss Robert so much I feel ill at times.”

“Your waiting is almost over.”

Ruby leaned close. “When are you and Carson getting married?”

“We haven’t set a date.” Angela wanted to ask him when he wished for them to marry. But every time she tried to, the words stuck in her throat, and she couldn’t get them out. She kept hoping he’d bring up the subject. Not until they had signed legal papers making them husband and wife would she truly believe he wasn’t going to change his mind.

The murmur of Ma’s and Gabe’s voices came, and Ruby and Angela dressed and hurried to join them.

Angela set the coffee to boil. That should bring Carson.

Yup. There he was, his hair damp and combed back, his face shining from a recent scrubbing in cold water, and his smile wide .

She let herself believe the smile was for her even as he called, “Good morning, Ma.”

It was all right to believe such for his gaze never left her face.

Her mouth dried at the way he looked at her. Not that she could describe it. Nor could she be certain she wasn’t letting those impossible thoughts that she’d chased away yesterday rush to the front again.

Words her father had said many times superimposed themselves over her foolish yearnings—“You can’t change who you are nor how that makes people look at you. The best you can do is stay away from people. Protect yourself.”

The first time she’d ignored that warning had such hurtful consequences she never tried again until Father died and she was sent to the Woodses. There Ma and Pa had offered her a chance to start afresh without her past staining every attempt to belong.

The coffee sputtered, and she grabbed a towel and lifted the pot from the fire. Her limbs trembled, but she hoped no one would notice as she filled Carson’s cup.

Ruby flitted from one thing to another throughout breakfast. Angela wondered if she ate anything. The others had barely cleaned their plates when she snatched them away.

“Guess we need to get going,” Joe said with a touch of amusement.

“Yes, let’s.” Ruby scrubbed the dishes with such haste they probably only survived because they were made of tin.

Smirking, Angela helped clean up the campsite before she scurried after Ruby to get Sid and Sal.

Boss watched the rush with cocked ears. But he stayed out of the way. Wise dog.

Angela’s gaze found Carson’s as he helped dowse the fire. His grin and a tip of his head in his sister’s direction informed her he’d noticed Ruby’s eagerness to get moving. Then they headed out, and Angela drove the wagon while Ruby ran ahead.

Carson, on horseback, stopped to talk. “I figure she’d run all the way to the fort if she could.”

Angela chuckled. “Wouldn’t be surprised if she tried.”

He moved on without suggesting he could ride with her. Maybe he worried someone from the fort would see him and…what? Think he wasn’t doing his duty? Think he shouldn’t be sitting beside her.

She clenched her teeth. They had no reason to judge her. They knew nothing about her. Nor did Carson.

The front wagon stopped, and Joe signaled her to pull in beside it. Gabe drove his next to hers.

“There it is.” Joe pointed.

Angela jumped down and stood with the others on the hilltop. In the distance stood a stockade. Inside, she made out buildings. To its south, other structures formed a town. The whole thing took but a fraction of the scene, while behind the hills climbed to the foot of mountains—rocky and majestic.

“Folks”—Carson’s chest swelled as he spoke from the back of his horse and swept a hand toward the vista—“that is your destination with the Rocky Mountains as a backdrop.”

“Finally.” Ma sobbed, and Gabe pulled her into his arms.

“Soon we’ll be there and get settled,” he soothed.

Ma sniffled and wiped her eyes. “It’s taken such a long time.”

Ruby strode down the hill. “We won’t get there by staring at it.” Her strides grew so long she was running. And in danger of falling.

“We’re coming,” Gabe called.

Joe signaled everyone back to the wagons, and they made their way down the hill and across the prairie. Not once did Ruby slow down. Not until Joe called for the noon break. Even then, she looked like she’d keep going .

“So close,” she muttered.

The meal was hurried. They didn’t even give the oxen their usual rest. Soon, the animals would be able to graze contentedly for the whole day.

As they resumed their journey, Angela driving despite their usual pattern, a dust cloud rose from the fort. And scarlet tunics were visible.

“They’re sending a welcoming committee,” Carson announced, sending Ruby into a gallop.

Bertie crawled into the back of Ma and Gabe’s wagon. “I not want see ’em.”

No one tried to dissuade him. He’d either hide or come out in his own good time.

One of the Mounties dismounted, and Ruby flew in the welcoming arms.

“I’m guessing that’s Robert,” Angela murmured.

Carson laughed. “I sure hope so.”

The remaining three Mounted Police rode forward and saluted. “We are to escort you to the fort.”

Boss growled until Carson told him to be quiet.

He greeted his fellow policemen and introduced everyone. For the life of her, Angela couldn’t remember any of their names. Her whole head was consumed with the fact that they were there. Time to make some decisions. And time for Carson to reconsider his offer.

She clutched the reins so hard her fingernails bit into her palms. Please, please don’t let him change his mind. I’ll be a real good partner. I’ll work so hard he won’t believe it. I’ll make meals he’ll enjoy. His house will be spotless. And I will be a good wife. Please.