34. Anastasia

THIRTY-FOUR

Anastasia

I ’m avoiding confrontation that’s not even going to be directed at me by hiding in Vitali’s room. I don’t think he saw anyone as he fought and goaded them to hit him back, but I don’t belong here, and this is a good place to hide.

He has everything anyone could possibly want, and the door opens with someone’s latest attempt at trying to make me comfortable. I expect it to be an adult and have to lower my gaze as Viktor pokes his head through the door, giving me a tight-lipped smile.

“My mom said you have to eat something.”

Dani has a softer approach and is sneaky since she’s sending a child, at least Inessa hasn’t followed through on her threat to pin me down and spit in my mouth like a mama bird.

I swing my legs off the bed before they physically drag me out and force my feet to move. Between Dani and Inessa, I haven’t been left alone. I can’t look at Vanya after hearing the shouting and seeing Vitali smack her in the face. She’s a psycho, but she doesn’t deserve more pain in her life and she’s the only person that kept him alive as Vlad was content on killing him. The guilt over his actions bears down on me, and I don’t let my chin touch my chest like it wants to as I follow Viktor. He stops at the top of the stairs and lowers his voice, being nosey.

“What did Tali do?”

I shrug and walk ahead of him. “No idea, ask your dad.”

He doesn’t buy my deflection and shows his deduction skills.

“My dad said he didn’t do anything, but he must’ve because they locked him up.”

The first part of his sentence settles me, and the last part has my blood boiling. He’s not a fucking dog to be locked away.

“It can’t be over nothing because I locked Dom in the bathroom for annoying me and my dad gave me a big speech about how I have to be nice to him because he’s my little brother.”

I hum so he knows I’m listening.

“He kept saying that’s why everyone looks after Tali because he’s the baby of the family and they always let him get away with things, and that I’ll understand what he means when I’m older, so Tali had to have done something bad because Vlad won’t even talk to him. I tried to go into the stables, but my dad and Dima said I’m not allowed, they even cancelled my riding lesson, and they never do that.”

I turn and ask, “Why don’t you ask your dad again?”

He stops in the middle of the staircase and looks over the railing before he whispers, “What if he did something really bad and then I can’t talk to him again?”

I dip my head as I whisper back, “You can still talk to him. You know how Dom and Vasy pissed you off, so you slept on Tali’s floor?” He nods. “It’s like that, they’re just pissed at him.”

Viktor smiles in relief and steps down on to the same step as me, his arms wrap around my waist and I automatically kiss the top of his head as I lighten my voice and ask, “He’s your favorite, isn’t he?”

“No,” he lies. “I’ve just got used to him stealing my food.”

“Yeah, right, you make extra just for him. But you should tell him that he’s your favorite, it would make him happy and I think he needs that right now.”

I know for a fact that it would since he has arguments with all his nieces and nephews about who their favorite uncle is and maybe it will stop him hurting.

Inessa comes into view at the bottom of the stairs with her daughter on her hip; there’s no smile or attempt to be warm as she stares at me. She’s assessing me and speaks to me like I’m a child.

“You’re both going to eat.”

They have young kids and their own lives but they can’t stop themselves from interfering with my solitude. Five days of them ‘drying out’ Vitali as though he’s a prune and not once have I managed to make it past the back terrace to see him.

His dumbass voice is in my head, repeating what I ignored when he’d ask me to sit with him in his loneliness as we walk into the kitchen with the drill sergeant behind us as Verena mumbles, “Pretty.”

The kitchen is filled with the smell of Tali’s favorite food and Dani softly asks, “Do you think you can get him to eat?”

I don’t know why but I look at Viktor for any signs he’s refusing his food. Vitali always has an appetite, he pre-games his meals and carries snacks in his pocket like a toddler, but she moves another plate closer to me with my favorite food on it as she whispers, “Tali told me, maybe you can both eat together?”

My hand moves with urgency, picking up his plate and I have more energy as I get to him. He can be angry at me or anyone else, but he doesn’t get to change who is when the world would be less without his presence exactly how he is. The stable isn’t locked and the door swings halfway between closed and open as though it hasn’t fully decided what to do, like the people on either side of the wood.

Pain splinters my chest at Vitali’s prone form laid staring up at the ceiling. His hair is a mess, hay sticks to his clammy skin and his hand limply hangs, only being held with a cuff against the bar. It’s not heavy duty, he could easily break out of it, but he’s trapped mentally unable to do anything physically. Dima and Vanya’s voices are hushed at the other side of the stable and I just stand there unsure of what to do.

The first words he ever spoke to me come back to me, he found me on a physical edge, now he’s on a mental ledge.

Slipping through the door, I hold the plate up and my whisper breaks the silence like a shout. “Want a bite? It might save your life.”

The first sign of life comes as he slowly closes his eyes and turns his head without opening them. Pained blue blinks up at me as he croaks, “I’m sorry, sweetness.”

It’s all strange with no information on how to navigate anything. We should have had a discussion; I’d call him an asshole and he’d jump excitedly around then talk about our options while he pretends not to have an opinion. He’d have the dopiest grin on his face, and he’d try his hardest to hide the fact he already has names picked out while battling his hand going to my stomach. Not this backwards shit of not being allowed to feel anything.

Rather than force words I can’t form, I hold the plate out to him and silently beg for him to make everything normal again. He slowly sits up and drops his head to hang between his shoulder. He widens his thighs and moves away from the wet towel on the floor as he asks low, pained, “Sit with me?”

I move before he’s fully finished speaking. As soon as my ass touches the hay, he wraps his arm around my middle, pulling me so there’s no space between us and he presses his lips to my cheek. The numbness disappears with that one act, and I crumble.

With only one arm he manages to hug me and his voice cracks as tears that aren’t mine drip onto my collar bone.

“I fucked up, I’m so fucking sorry.”

My own fall hearing the self-loathing in a voice it doesn’t belong in. I turn my head to face him and cup his cheek as I try to get him to look at me, there’s nothing but conviction in my voice while he shuts me out.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

It’s a mess, a fucked situation we should never have been in, the bruising on my stomach is slowly fading, proving whatever happened was out of our control.

He blindly cups the back of my head and pulls me closer, so my cheek is on his shoulder. The hate doesn’t leave his voice though, and he tightens his one arm around me.

“I couldn’t fucking stand, I made you walk because I’m a weak cunt and couldn’t fucking help you.”

I set his food down on the side closest to his uncuffed hand then wrap my arms around him like I can protect him from his own thoughts and shake my head, waiting for the words to come together in the right order.

“You’re not weak.”

It’s not enough, not when he always has the right thing to say. I’m not made to console people, yet I try for him and only him.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

His tears continue to fall, dripping against my cheek. He takes in a shaky breath, and he moves his hand to my stomach. His voice is barely audible despite my ear being beside his jaw as he whispers, “I’m sorry.”

There’s a tremor in his hand as he slowly lifts the hoodie covering me to press his shaky palm to my skin. He looks down, seeing the yellowing bruise and softly kisses my forehead with his promise, “I’ll never let anyone get close enough to hurt you again, Asya, I’ll die before there’s ever another mark on you.”

Discomfort snakes up my spine and I hide in the crook of his neck as I mumble my plea, “Can you eat something?”

He straightens his uninjured leg and sits me on his thigh without doing what I asked. He just holds me, I hold him back and we hide together as he controls his breathing.

Sweat covers his body and I ignore the emotions in favor of picking the hay off his skin so it doesn’t hurt him. His shoulder twitches when I gently brush my fingers over the restrained joint. I kiss his cheek and stand, taking out a pin from my hair to undo the cuffs. The metal has already bitten into his wrist and I’m more concerned with Vitali’s mental state than anyone’s anger at me removing the cuffs. I don’t know how long he was abusing the pain meds for, but they’re not needed, when he’s focused he forgets about his knee and it’s only when it comes into view does he remember.

His arm drops without any life in it, and I lower to a squat, tucking myself into his side as I help him stand. He doesn’t give me his weight and wraps his arm around my shoulders, his lips resting against my hair, as we walk out. He gets heavier when he sees both of his brothers. Guilt is weighing his body down, he’s blaming himself for shit he didn’t fucking do and I don’t give two fucks if Vitali caused the argument or if he threw the first punch, they’re both older than him and he’s fucking drowning.

My voice hardens as I forget the blood on their hands and say, “Get the fuck out of my way.”

They both tense and stand taller, refusing to move. A smaller body pushes through them as Vitali forces himself to copy them; Vanya manages to get past her raging father and uncle. I didn’t hear what Vitali said to her, but it must have been bad for Vlad to react the way he did, even Inessa has refused to acknowledge him for his outburst, and Dima makes up their band of rage.

Vanya gives me a small smile and softens her voice. “We’ll go inside.”

It disappears when she looks at the trio and she speaks with more authority than all of them combined are capable of.

“They won’t hurt him.”

My feet are filled with lead and resolve unwilling to walk away from Vitali. He doesn’t look at me and presses his lips to my hair with some of his usual anger coming back, but it’s not directed at himself as he says, “Go eat something.”

All of these fuckers are obsessed with food.

When he presses his hand against my back I stumble without meaning to, it’s the mental act of pushing me away over the physical.He has never once pushed me away, but he does it now and repeats himself without looking at me. “Have something to eat, Stasi.”

Vanya stares out her dad, uncle, and husband as she lets out her low threat. “None of you will hurt him or I’ll hurt you.” Meeting each of their eyes she adds, “All of you.”

They nod, one by one, and she relaxes.

She was already my favorite psycho, but she’s cemented herself in top place for giving Vitali her loyalty. She doesn’t move until all three of them give her verbal confirmation, then she smiles and walks towards me to force me away, reiterating he’ll be safe like I didn’t witness her threat. “Dima promised that he won’t hurt him.”

Vitali remains behind me as we walk towards the house, no one talks as they wait for us to leave, and I’m prevented from running back to him as Inessa stands at the double doors leading into the kitchen.

The pool beside me is more inviting than the look on her face. It’s not anger, she’s staring at me the same way she would when we were kids and I’d let it slip that I couldn’t eat something, and she’d fixate on why until I pushed her over and ran away.

I’m contemplating doing the same thing now when we enter the house and she points at the nook, giving me a no-nonsense tone.

“Sit down, Stasya.”

Oh fuck.

She’s always been a hard ass, knowing that she can boss anyone around due to her grandfather’s authority, and I’m regretting not pushing her over as I drag my feet. Viktor isn’t even here to give me an idea of what’s happened, he’s good at keeping me in the loop and I take my seat as they take the ones opposite.

Three pairs of eyes look at me, waiting for me to say something. Dani’s are sad, Inessa’s are confused, and Vanya is open. She’s just happy to be included and ready to go down whatever path I choose. I’m waiting for someone to speak and tell me why I’ve been summoned when Inessa gives the other two a look and they abruptly stand. Vanya lingers and her immaturity shows as she lifts her thumb in the air behind Inessa’s back. She swivels it between up and down, trying to gauge my mood and I clear my throat before confirming, “I’ll be fine.”

She nods and asks hers stepmother, “You’re not going to hurt her?”

Inessa turns and softens her voice as she says, “I promise I’m not going to hurt her, I just want to talk to her.”

Vanya hesitates until her son shouts, “Mama.” He ends on a giggle and maybe she isn’t as immature as she seems because her face lights up as she turns her head towards Vlad’s office where all the children are playing.

I smile at her even though it’s unnatural, so she knows I’m fine and she slowly walks away.

Inessa sits opposite with her easy authority, but she softens when we’re finally alone and gently lays a folder on the table. There’s a new quality in her voice as she stares at the bland paper. “We were trying to find out what happened, and Vlad got the records from the hospital.”

Oh. I’m blank.

Hospital records. The hospital that Vitali raced to, where he wouldn’t speak or look at me because his dream was being shattered in front of his eyes.

This is how fish must feel in an aquarium. They’re just placed in a glass box for everyone to gawk at with their mouths opening and closing and nothing discernible leaving. Before my dad died, Inessa was like my surrogate sister, she was the person I’d play dolls beside. Never with because she hated them and she’d cut their hair off if Dariya refused to take them away. If the experimented versions were left with her, she’d dismember them and leave their headless bodies in Dariya’s rose beds; that was the first and only time I’ve ever seen the Pakhan laugh and he lined Mischa, Inessa, and me up beside the flowers before he interrogated us on who ruined them.

Then my dad died, and my mother had her opening to take over my life and she had to become nothing to me or she’d be another relationship the toxic bitch would ruin.

Right now, she speaks to the ten-year-old she knew.

“You don’t have to say or do anything you don’t want to, but don’t hide. Okay?” My vision blurs with my eyeballs burning as she softly adds, “Remember, I’ll move worms for you.”

I only manage a feeble nod and she’s out of her seat. She sits next to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, blocking anyone from seeing the bitch melt. Why the fuck am I crying?! I didn’t even know about the baby; I didn’t plan a life or have any excitement. Vitali’s sadness is justified, mine fucking isn’t.

As though she can hear my thoughts, her whisper has my emotions turning more intense.

“You can be upset, Queen Bitch isn’t here.”

A watery laugh leaves me at the nickname we gave my mother. I’m an uglier crier as she lovingly said, I wasn’t punished for the noise but making her bargaining chip less attractive.

Inessa doesn’t force me to speak, she’s mellowed since we were children, but she can’t help herself from speaking just like then.

“You’ll have whatever you need, and you don’t have to tell anyone else, but if you need anything we’ll make Vlad pay for it.” She squeezes my shoulders and falls silent while I battle my tears.