Chapter 20

My day passes in a haze of confused thoughts and warring desires. On the one hand, I'm physically present at the orphanage; I'm responding to verbal cues from my friends and administering scheduled vaccines to the kids; on the other hand, I'm replaying every word Viz'en spoke to me this morning.

That he's regretful for what happened in the jungle, I believe. The guilt on his face and his anguished retelling of carrying my unconscious body were unmistakable. That he won't call the police, I also believe. If he read Aezok's reports, then he knows I was kidnapped just like him.

That he wants to be with me, I can't wrap my brain around. He read what I did to the beasties. He saw me in the lab, working on Inde's serum, ignoring him slowly starving to death a few feet away. In the jungle, he had a flashback that enraged him so deeply, he almost killed me. If I can't forgive myself for those actions, how can I trust that he will? What if he remembers something else and tries to hurt me again?

I don't understand the Wrath. I don't know the rules. Will his anger always be uncontrollable? If he can go from kissing me to tying me up and leaving me for dead, will I ever be safe around him?

I curl my hands under my belly, supporting the extra weight, as I pace back and forth in my office.

And that doesn't even touch on the inconceivable idea that he wants me. Me. I've seen Kral women my age here. They're all gorgeous, with voluptuous bodies, dark, knowing eyes, and a way of walking down the street that draws your gaze no matter what else you're doing.

I'm small, freckled and pale, and I look like I recently swallowed a bowling ball.

There's no comparison.

My fingers clench, remembering the sensation of Viz'en's hands cradling mine this morning. His skin had been so warm. I trace the back of my wrist across my lips. Even months later, I can vividly recall his kiss by the river. And, if I'm honest with myself, I can also still recall being trapped with him in his cage when Inde drugged us. The sight of his nude body, planed with muscles, his engorged cock, and the sensation of his rough hands around my neck have starred in multiple fantasies since then.

But physical want isn't emotional intimacy. We know nothing about each other.

A small voice in the back of my head whispers we have plenty of time to get to know each other. In fact, watching him cook me dinner tonight would be a great opportunity to have a real conversation.

I shiver, wrapping my arms around my waist. Am I seriously considering this?

At the very least, I can have dinner with him.

My mind made up, I return my attention to my tasks. I'm supposed to cover Pacey's afternoon class again. I comm her to verify, then go find Olivia. I want to know how Viz'en tracked me down, and I have a feeling it had something to do with Orix.

"YEAH,Orix talked to me last night. I wanted to call you, but it was late, and I didn't want to wake you. Orix, Emmen, and I all know Viz'en."

"But how?"

Olivia and I are in the small cafeteria prepping afternoon snacks for the kids. Her hands busy chopping vegetables and fruits, Olivia doesn't meet my eyes.

"You know how Kylie, Pacey, and I ended up here, right?"

I nod. Flying saucer, crash-landing on a prison planet . . . "Wait, Viz'en was on the prison planet?"

"He was a prisoner in the Citadel with Orix. But there was something shady about it. I think he was undercover? He killed the warden right when we all escaped. He might be the reason we were able to escape."

Scooping the chopped food into small bowls, I wrinkle my nose. "That must have been right before Aezok kidnapped him. You know, I always wondered if Aezok knew him, like, it wasn't a random kidnapping."

Olivia shrugs, her honey-blonde hair swaying in its high ponytail. "I have no idea. I can't believe he's here now. Are you going to see him again?"

"He's coming over for dinner."

Olivia's eyes widen as she looks up from her chopping. "You have a date? With your baby daddy? And you didn't tell your girls?"

Turning away from her, I mumble, "Hardly my baby daddy. He was raped. I was raped."

There's a clatter and then Olivia wraps her arms around me from behind. "I'm so sorry. That was a stupid thing to say."

Her arms tighten as she presses her face into my back. I pat her hands and shrug. "I'm not mad. It's just facts. Is it crazy to think anything positive could come out of that kind of suffering?"

Olivia releases me. "Not crazy at all. And if anyone deserves to find happiness, it's you, Mara. You have so much love to give. Everyone sees it. The kids here adore you."

I shrug again. I've never told her what I did in the lab. She and the other human women just know me as another abductee. And I'll never tell them otherwise.

My mind circles back to her earlier comment. "Wait, he killed the prison warden?"

"She was a sadist. She's the one who maimed Orix, chopped off his horns."

I flinch before I whisper, "Aezok did that to Viz'en, ripped out his tusks."

Olivia makes a sympathetic noise.

"Is that a bad thing, for Kral males, I mean? To not have their tusks and horns?"

"Here, no. There are enough mixed species sharing this colony that everyone looks different. You met Lir, and he's half-Kral; he doesn't have tusks or horns at all, and no one cares. But I went with Lir once to one of his art shows on another planet, I forget the name, so I could help Helle track down a mixed-Kral orphan we'd heard about, and that poor child was homeless. No one would take her in to even feed her. She was completely worthless to their society."

My hands move involuntarily to my stomach. What if Viz'en feels that way, too? What if, when I tell him his baby is going to have wings, he's so disgusted he leaves?

Then I'm no worse or better off than I am now, I tell myself sternly.

Still, worry bites at me.

"I have to go," I say abruptly. "I have Pacey's class."

Olivia waves me away, and I hurry to my office. In my desk drawer, I find the printout of my last medical scan. In the image, Little One's wing buds are clearly visible on his back. I slip the photo into my pocket and then go to teach my class, my heart heavy with trepidation.

BY the time I'm on my way home, my steps slower and slower, I've convinced myself Viz'en won't even come by. He assuaged his conscience by checking on me. And now he's gone. What single guy wants to be tied down by a family he didn't even have the fun of creating?

The image in my pocket burns against my thigh.

When I reach my apartment door, however, my steps falter altogether. Viz'en's leaning against it, his head down as he scrolls his feed. When he hears my footsteps, he raises his gaze to rake me from head to toe. Heat kindles in his eyes.

My cheeks flush, and I resist the urge to fumble with my dress. He's never seen me in nice-fitting clothes before. Now, my shoulders are bare—it's high summer on this part of Lustra—my skirt is short, and my sandal straps crisscross up my calves.

He looks good, too. He's in a tight-fitting shirt and pants, the norm for most of the Kral men I've seen, but Viz'en fills them out in a way that makes my mouth water. And the way he moves, prowling, predatory, in my direction to take the tote from my hand sends the heat from my cheeks lower into my body.

For a long moment, he leans over me, and I almost lift my face to his before I remember the photo and freeze. I have to tell him about the baby. I'm not going to start anything until he has all the facts, and I find out if he's going to be a bigot like Aezok and a lot of other Krals, or not . . .

"I picked up the ingredients for a high-protein meal," he says, ignoring my hesitation. "It's important to keep up your strength."

"Sounds good."

With knocking knees, I lead the way into my apartment and sit on one of my kitchen stools.

"Do you need help?"

"Keep me company?" he asks, lining up his purchases on my counter.

I nod, entranced by the competent motion of his hands as he preps the meal. I can't remember the last time a man cooked for me. Probably some long forgotten date back on Earth. I feel so far removed from that life, it's like trying to recall a scene from an old movie.

"Did you find Orix?" I ask.

"Yes. I toured the arena where he teaches. I'm going to start working there tomorrow as a close combat instructor."

"Combat?" I echo, remembering Olivia's story about the dead prison warden. "Is that what you did, um, before?" Before you got kidnapped, I want to say, but don't.

"That part of my life is done, but I worked primarily as a security consultant for a firm on Hofterin."

"Like, bodyguarding? Then how did you end up in prison?"

He flashes me a quick grin, his teeth bright white against his dark scruff. "Were you asking about me?"

I smirk. "Maybe."

"Like I said, that part of my life is done. I can't talk about it in more than vague terms. There are confidentiality contracts, and people could lose their lives."

I swallow hard.

"And yes, I went to Geshan X, the prison planet, for my job."

Fear whispers through me. "Were you an assassin?"

Shaking his head, he doesn't answer. As he bends back to his work, I watch the way the overhead light reflects off his horns, making them gleam.

"Is that why Aezok targeted you?" I persist. I have to know if he's a murderer. I can't go on a date with a murderer!

Right?

"No, Aezok targeted me because we used to be neighbors. I guess his mother often compared the two of us, and he developed an unhealthy fixation on being just like me."

A sour taste fills my mouth. "He talked about his mother, at the end. When his psychosis was breaking through."

"He killed her. My mother told me. Probably right before he grabbed you again."

The sour taste grows as my stomach begins to churn. I'd suspected it. It hadn't sounded like she'd been a good person. But to be murdered by your child?

Leaning against the counter, grounding myself in the cold sensation, I try to change the subject. "You talk to your mother a lot?"

He shrugs, sending a tray of food through the processor. The scent of charring meat, lightly spiced, begins to fill the air.

"Every few months. We get along better when we're not in the same space. She sees my father in me, and it makes her sad. And I see the years where she forgot she even had a son."

I can't stop myself from reaching across the counter to touch his hand. It stills under mine. "You lost your dad?"

He lifts his dark eyes. "A long time ago, yes."

"I'm sorry."

I squeeze his fingers and look away from him to focus on the far wall. "As far as I know, my parents are still alive. But I'll never see them again."

"Do you miss them?"

Grief wells in my chest, filling my throat with lava. "Yes. My parents, my grandma, my old job. My pet . . . I had a green macaw, Slimer. A pet bird, very smart."

"You lost everything. It's a kind of death. Have you grieved it?"

His words shock me speechless for a long moment before I admit slowly, "No, not really, I guess. For a while I had hope I could somehow go back. And then, after everything else, that loss seemed less important than just surviving. Does that make sense?"

He gives me a small smile.

We sit silently together for a while after that, me lost in my thoughts, and Viz'en keeping his own counsel as he prepares the meal. I wonder what my parents would think of the baby in my belly, if they would be happy for me or horrified.

I smother a giggle with the back of my hand. I know what my grandma would say if she saw Viz'en. She'd call him a catch and try to pinch his butt.

When he places the dish, a mix of seared meat, steamed vegetables, and a starch I've come to call sweet rice in front of me, I almost swoon in my seat.

The food smells amazing, but I have to do this now. I pull the photo from my pocket and slide it to where Viz'en sits across from me.

"This is my most recent scan. I was getting them a lot in the beginning to see if the baby was developing okay."

Viz'en's throat moves convulsively as he picks up the photo. "And is he okay?"

"Yes, he's fine. The doctor doesn't have any concerns."

He studies the photo intently.

I wait for the question about the wings, but it doesn't come. Maybe he doesn't understand what he's looking at. "Did you read Aezok's notes about the insemination?"

He looks up then, his gaze darkening. "Yes. My sperm, your egg, and a dash of Kryllian DNA for a more primitive version of the Wrath."

"The baby's going to have wings, Viz'en. They're not formed yet. The doctor said they likely won't fully form until he's born. But you can see"—I point "—there. Those are the buds."

Viz'en lets out a bark of laughter. "Wings!" He traces a finger across the markings. "That's truly remarkable." The sheen of tears appears in his eyes and then vanishes in a moment.

Confusion makes my voice crack. "Are you okay with that?"

"Okay with it? What do you mean? It's not like I could affect any change." He laughs again. "I'm just imagining what Aezok would have felt if he'd lived long enough to see. All his plans . . ."

"He's not going to look like a full Kral," I say carefully, trying to refocus him on the actual issue.

"I don't care. He's my son. I wouldn't care if he came out pink. Or with scales." He glances sharply at me. "Do you care?"

I shake my head.

"Then eat your dinner before it gets cold. Can I keep this picture?"

"Yes."

He tucks it into a pocket. And I eat my dinner, which is delicious. When we're both done, he sends the dishes through the cleaning unit and helps me to my feet.

Anticipation zings through me. I can't stop myself from swaying toward him. We had a really good conversation, and all of my worries are currently on pause. And I haven't been able to stop staring at his mouth.

But instead of enclosing me in his arms and kissing me breathless, he smooths a strand of my hair back and presses his lips against my forehead. And then he's gone.