Chapter Eleven

~ Tawson~

T awson wasn't thinking. After Vic told him that story weeks ago, he looked it up. He came across so many links and websites, read testimonies, read horror stories. Vic never outright said what their preferred pronouns were but there were a handful of students from the Queer club that identified as nonbinary and they went with they/them pronouns. He shouldn't have assumed that Vic was the same. He wanted to apologize over and over, to tell Victor that he didn't mean to assume and accidentally out him. If A.J. even took it that way.

Tawson finished off his beer and considered getting a second one, but Victor was already done with his food and his clothes would need to be changed to the dryer soon. He picked up the tab for both of them and they headed back down the street. Still, neither said a word. No one was in the building when they walked in. He grabbed one of the rolling carts and headed to the washer that had his clothes. The dryers were against the back wall where they would have a little more privacy to talk. He didn't want to waste their time together in silence. Not in this awful kind of silence where he knew both of them were overthinking but neither of them were talking.

He closed the second dryer door with his sheets and blanket before turning to look at Vic. "I'm sorry, Vic. Really, I am. I want you to know I didn't mean that out of any disrespect or to out you or anything."

"I know you didn't," Vic said. Tawson watched them take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "And I should have been clearer on the whole thing. I'm still so confused on it and I know that makes it hard to navigate." He stepped closer to Tawson and dared to reach out a hand to brush against Tawson's. Vic held eye contact. Tawson loved their eyes. Vic's whole family had blue eyes in one shade or another. But where Paxton's were a little duller and their dad and uncle's were brighter, Vic's had some hints of green in theirs. "I appreciate you trying, I really do. And I'm sorry that I dropped that on you and then we never talked about it. It's just- We only get so much time together and I'd rather do anything else but sit and try to explain how I feel about myself."

"That's exactly what you need to do," Tawson said. He searched Victor's face, wanting to read every micro expression he gave Tawson. "You gave me the time I needed and I'll give you all the time you need, Vic. But you're only hurting yourself by not talking about it. If something makes you uncomfortable or it isn't what you want to do, you need to speak up about it. It's your choice, Vic."

Vic stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Tawson. They were hidden from the main road, but Tawson was aware that someone could walk in at any second. The chances were low in a town this small, but not zero. And one person, accidental or not, was enough for the day. Tawson wanted to break the melancholy feeling around them. "Now, don't make me go all teacher and assign you homework or something okay? Talk about it. With me, with Joe, family, a stranger. I don't care."

"Can I start with you?" Vic asked. It wasn't joking or in a sensual manner. Vic pulled back from the hug and looked sincere. "I mean, I never got to really show you the clothes I do have. I brought them home with me this weekend. And- I think I'd like to try out the they / them pronouns. Just around us, though. Until I decide if it is for me or not."

"I guess that just means you'll have to come sneak away and stay with me another night, then." Victor's smile was contagious and exactly what Tawson needed to see. He was ready to grovel at Vic's feet for forgiveness if that was what it took to make up for his mistake. He loved that Vic was trying. And he'd try too. He'd already made it clear to his students that his classroom was a safe space. They could come as they please with no judgement. He'd offer the same to Vic, no matter where they were.

The rest of the hour it took for his things to dry, they sat in a comfortable silence side-by-side. Vic was working on a study guide for one of their classes. Tawson couldn't help himself but mutter a couple of the answers while Vic flipped pages to try to find them.

"I'm not going to learn it if you keep giving me the answers," Vic said with a smile. But they would write the answer in anyway without double checking it in the book.

"What are you going to school for anyway?" Tawson asked while he was folding his clothes.

They'd already folded the blankets together. Tawson taught Vic, almost successfully, how to fold a fitted sheet. It'd been a learning experience to say the least.

"I'm going for my teaching degree, actually."

"Really? I feel like someone told me that already but I couldn't remember exactly."

"Yeah, it was kind of a last minute decision before I graduated high school. What made you want to become a teacher?"

"I don't know," Tawson said. He grabbed another shirt and started folding it. "I always liked school. It came fairly easy to me. I got the chance to be a teacher's aide in high school and enjoyed it."

"That's kind of how I am," Vic said. "I mean, I wasn't the best student, but I had one teacher that really pushed me. In a good way. She took time to talk to me and help me out. I really liked the idea of being that kind of teacher for someone else."

"That's a good way to see it," Tawson said. "Because working in a public school setting, you're definitely not going to be doing it for the money."

Vic laughed and Tawson smiled. He watched Vic pick up a pair of jeans and start folding them. It was so domestic and easy between them. They continued to talk about it, Vic asking questions about what his best and worst moments teaching were and what grade he liked the best. Vic told him they were thinking middle school or Freshman or Junior year, the times where grades matter, but not as much and they can take one or two classes that allow them to explore. The way Vic spoke about it, about the extracurricular classes that they enjoyed taking, had Tawson smiling like an idiot.

They finished folding the clothes and headed to the car. Once the laundry was in the backseat, Tawson and Vic walked to the grocery a few storefronts down. That same younger cashier was working. Vic grabbed the basket this time and they started toward the back of the store to work their way to the front.

"Do you think you could do dinner with me tonight?" Tawson asked lowly when they were alone. Vic looked at him and shrugged.

"I'd love to, especially with that last meal you made me. But I don't know. If Pax and everyone is in tonight, I could most likely sneak out after a shower. Maybe say Joe was coming back home and invited me over to his house."

"I'm kind of concerned how easily you're coming up with these stories," Tawson said jokingly. "I don't want you to have to lie."

"I could say you offered to help me with studying."

"How is that not a lie also?" Tawson could feel Victor's eyes on him as he reached for a box of noodles. If Vic came over tonight, he'd make an Alfredo chicken pasta dish. Maybe with a salad. And he'd grab some fresh fruit too.

Vic's eyes glanced one way, then the other before leaning in closer. "Because I can think of a few things you could teach me."

Tawson most certainly did not almost drop the glass can of Alfredo sauce. He sent a glare over at Vic who just smiled and walked further down the aisle. Tawson trailed behind and they finished getting enough stuff for a couple meals, breakfast included which made Tawson hopeful. Vic convinced him to grab a dessert. At checkout, Vic busied themselves with bagging the groceries. Tawson's eye caught on a small box by the register. For a split second, he thought about grabbing them but didn't want the young cashier to make any assumptions. Tawson made a mental note to stop by the store in the city one day.

Vic held the trunk open for Tawson to put the three bags in and then moved to get in the car. He waited until they were on the road with very little around them before he reached over and rested his hand on Vic's thigh. He kept it there until Vic pulled off in front of the gate and punched in the code from their phone.

"When do you have to be back down to help with the horses?" Tawson asked.

"Around five-thirty," Victor said. "Which means you have two hours left with me."

"The horror," Tawson said sarcastically. Vic closed the gate behind them and drove to Tawson's house. One of the neighbors, Christy if Tawson remembered correctly, was on her knees tending to the flower bed in front of the patio. She was there before Tawson moved in and they'd had a handful of conversations so far. Tawson knew he was the oldest one in all the houses right now. William assured him that he hadn't been the oldest tenant they had and explained that the foundation was for all ages, not just teens and young adults.

They got the food in first and then Vic helped him carry in one of the baskets of clothes. Wordlessly, Victor started putting away the food while Tawson put his clothes away. They shared the task of making the bed, giving each other sly smirks all the while. Then Vic happened to trip and land on the bed, pulling Tawson on top of them.

"Oops." Vic said, feigning innocence. Vic lifted their head and pressed their lips to Tawson's.

"You have no shame." Tawson shifted so they were laying on their sides, facing each other. He let his hand trail from Victor's shoulder to their hip. They'd both kicked off their shoes when they came in.

"I have a lot of shame, actually," Vic said. Their eyes flashed serious but the tone was joking. "But that's beside the point. I blame you for turning me into this needy, physical touch person."

"I like this needy, physical touch person." Tawson's hand trailed under Vic's shirt and teased at the waistband of their shorts. Vic scooted closer to him, their breaths mingling. Tawson's hand moved further into the shorts. Vic's skin was warm to the touch, their ass perfect to squeeze. The low moan that Vic let out went straight to Tawson's cock. Tawson kissed Vic again, not waiting to take control. Vic's mouth was warm, tongue sweet against his own. Vic rolled over on top of Tawson. They ground their hips against Tawson, the friction even through layers of fabric enticing.

Tawson moved his other hand to match the first, squeezing both ass cheeks and moaning at all of the sensations. Vic was thrusting their hips, Tawson encouraging it by squeezing the flesh and bucking his own hips up to meet Vic's downward thrusts. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tawson was laughing, making a joke that he felt eighteen again dry humping like that. Vic was hard and the little noises were spurring Tawson on. He slipped his hands out of Vic's shorts and rolled them so he was on top again. Vic immediately wrapped their legs around Tawson's hips.

"Fuck." Vic said the word just as Tawson sealed their lips again.

"I'm never going to get anything done around you," Tawson whispered against Vic's skin.

"We were productive enough this morning," Vic said. "Would you…"

Tawson pulled back just a little to look at Vic. Vic's tongue darted out, wetting those plump lips Tawson loved kissing. " Would I what?" Tawson had an idea what Vic was about to ask. And he cursed himself for not buying the box earlier.

Vic gave no hesitation with their next words. Vic kept eye contact and smiled. Their legs tightened around Tawson's waist. "Will you fuck me?"

He knew that the words were coming but hearing them out loud and seeing the earnestness in Vic's expression was a whole other level. He wanted to. But he wanted them to stay safe.

"I don't have any condoms," Tawson said. Vic's legs fell from around him but he didn't look disappointed. In fact, he was smiling. "Vic, I'm not going bare. I can't do that."

"No, no. I wasn't going to ask that." Tawson sat back and let Vic stand up from the bed. "I was going to say I have one in my car. Well, in my wallet. Not for myself. I mean, I can use it, obviously, but."

"Vic." Tawson moved and reached out to take Vic's hand. "Shut up and go get it."

Tawson laughed to himself watching Vic smile and then head toward the door. Their hair was ruffled on one side already and their cheeks flushed. They practically skipped to the door. Tawson stood up and walked to the fridge, grabbing two bottles of water to put on the nightstand. He only made it halfway back to the bed before Vic whipped the door open and nearly slammed it shut. They had their backpack hanging from one hand.

"My dad is here." Vic moved quickly to the table. Vic started unzipping their bag while talking. "I told him you were helping me with my studying. He's wanting to check on you with your car."

Tawson wanted to laugh at the situation. Sneaking around with Patrick's youngest, with a student ten years his junior. He had no idea how his life got to be like this. A knock on the door had both of them looking toward it. Tawson glanced over at the bed. It was definitely wrinkled, like someone had been laying on it. But they both still had their clothes on. It was fine. Tawson set both waters down on the table and moved to the table.

"Hey, Patrick. Come on in." Tawson stepped to the side to let Patrick step through the door. He didn't move any further into the house. Where Tawson was just shy of six foot and had a slight build, Vic's dad was the opposite. He stood several inches taller than Tawson himself and seemed almost too big for the space.

"I was just stopping by to see if you needed any help with your car," Patrick said. "I was heading into town tomorrow."

"Oh, um, Victor had actually offered to drive me in tomorrow. I can call my insurance and get it sorted."

Tawson saw the way Patrick's eyes flicked to Vic and back. Tawson reminded himself to breathe. There was nothing to suspect. Vic already had their book out and was flipping some pages. They didn't seem worried that they'd nearly been caught about to have sex. It made him wonder if Vic really thought through the implications of what they were doing. As much as Tawson liked being around Vic and enjoyed their stolen moments, what they were doing was toting the line of typical. He suddenly understood Vic and the reservations they held about their family.

Not to the total extent, because Tawson knew Vic was going through a lot more than just a

secret relationship. But Tawson suddenly had this stone in his gut that maybe the Lawson family wouldn't see their relationship as something that could happen .

"It's really no problem," Patrick said. He seemed oblivious to the tension that Tawson felt stiffening his shoulders. "Lord knows I've fixed a car or two in my day."

"Yeah, it should be fine." Tawson turned toward the table, avoiding Vic's eyes. He picked up the bottle and took a few gulps. "I have the tendency to leave the dome light on from time to time. Probably just a dead battery."

"Okay," Patrick said. "If you need anything, or if my son is bothering you on your days off, just let me know."

"Thanks, Dad." Vic rolled their eyes and pointed a pen toward Tawson. "He was the one to offer though, not that him just mumbling all the answers is really helping me."

A witty remark was on the tip of Tawson's tongue, but he swallowed it down. He finished off his water while Patrick and Vic quipped back and forth for a minute. It was mostly just making small jabs at each other, a familial thing.

"I won't be much longer," Vic said to Patrick. "I have a couple more pages of this."

"Tawson, did you want to come down for supper? Pax and Zaya said they were making food for everyone tonight."

"I appreciate it," Tawson said. "But I just went to the store today and I have some grading to get done."

"No problem," Patrick said. "I'll see you around. Victor, don't stay up here too long."

"I won't."

They said their goodbyes and both of them let out a long sigh when the door shut again. They didn't move, didn't dare to continue the plan before they got interrupted. Tawson sat in the other chair at the small table. Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

Tawson didn't know what to say. He didn't know if there was anything to say. Vic seemed to be in the same boat. They were staring at the textbook, pen clicking against their teeth as they shook it nervously.

"Um. I should probably go." Vic whispered the words after another minute. They closed the textbook and started putting their things away. Tawson didn't know what to do. He didn't want Vic to leave, but they'd been caught up in the moment and he knew sex wouldn't happen either tonight. It wasn't until Vic stood up and started toward the door that Tawson's body reacted.

"Hey, wait." Tawson stood and reached out for them. In the small space of the tiny home, it wasn't hard to catch up. It took maybe one step. He pulled Vic's body around so they were facing each other. There were tears in the corners of Vic's eyes. "Oh, Vic."

Sobs hit his ears and Tawson pulled Vic into his body, wrapped his arms around them tightly. Tawson didn't know what the tears were for, but he didn't comment on it. Just let Vic cry in his arms. He moved them to the small couch and situated both of them so they were comfortable. Tawson laid with his back against the arm rest and his legs on the cushions. Vic clung to Tawson's chest, essentially laying on top of him. Tawson tucked Vic's head under his chin.

"This is so not how I wanted us to spend our time," Vic mumbled after calming down a bit. "I'm sorry I'm so messed up."

"You are not messed up," Tawson said. "I was a bit scared too when you said your dad was out there. It was close, Vic, but I know that it was more for you."

Vic lifted their head and Tawson moved one hand from their back to wipe Vic's cheek. The stains were still there and their nose was red, but their eyes were clear of fresh tears now. That was a good sign. "There's no chance of salvaging this, is there?"

"How about we watch a movie?" Tawson suggested. "I'll cut up some fruit and you pick one out. My laptop is in my bag."

Once everything was settled, they snuggled on the bed. Vic picked out a romance-drama Tawson hadn't seen before. But it was cute. Tawson fed them pieces of fruit throughout the movie. Vic's head was nestled on his shoulder and Tawson's other arm stayed wrapped around their back, fingertips brushing up and down Vic's back idly.

Vic reached out to close the laptop when the credits started rolling. Neither of them moved. Tawson wasn't sure what to say and it seemed Vic was in the same boat. A lot had happened in a short amount of time. Tawson moved his head to the side, kissing the top of Vic's head. Then he kissed their forehead when Vic tilted their head back.

"I think you should head back," Tawson whispered. His words were undermined by the way his arm tightened around Vic. "In a minute. Head back in a minute, I should say."

"I wish I could stay here the rest of the night," Vic said into his neck. He felt the breath of air over his skin and shivered slightly.

"I wish you could too," Tawson said. "But we'll drive together tomorrow."

Vic sat up and moved to straddle Tawson's lap. They didn't initiate anything and both of them took a minute to just look at each other. Vic's features were beautiful. Blue-green eyes that were still red-rimmed a bit. Shoulders slumped forward a little told Tawson that there was still tension running throughout their body .

"Can you come to my apartment tomorrow night?" Vic asked finally. Tawson started to sigh and shut that idea down, but Vic continued. "Not for anything sexual. Really. I just- I miss you during the week. And I really want to show you… my clothes. I want to… To try and show someone else that side of me."

"Baby." Tawson drew out the word, running his hands up and down Vic's thighs. "If I can get by with it, I will. I have classes back-to-back and then office hours until four."

"I can make us dinner," Vic said. "And I'll double check that my roommate isn't going to randomly stop by. Not that he does, but just to be extra safe."

"I'll let you know, but I'll do my best okay?" Tawson smiled. He wiped his hand down the side of Vic's face and neck. "I miss you during the week too. I had a lot of fun today."

"Me too," Vic said. "I mean, before crying on you and all. And I want you to know that you are helping me. To come to terms with how I feel and stuff."

"I'm happy to hear that, Vic," Tawson said with a smile. "I'm still sorry that I outed you earlier. I never meant for it to come across like that."

"I know you didn't," Vic said. "And I know that I'll have to tell people eventually. I think- I might tell Joe about it."

"You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to," Tawson said. "But if you do, just remember that I'll be in your corner no matter what."