23. Bree

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Declan'shorribly hungover when I wake up, groaning and spitting into the wastebasket, and I can't help but laugh a little.

"Don't laugh at me; I'm dying."

I snort. "You're not dying. You just need to eat and hydrate. I guess you must've had fun?"

"I guess," he mutters.

It's easy to get lost in it, lost in the marriage, in our relationship.

I go downstairs and grab him a plate after dressing, bringing it back up to him.

"Marisol"s steak and eggs will cure what ails you."

"All food sounds like death right now," he groans.

I smile, feeding him a couple of bites of eggs, and when he keeps them down, I feed him some toast and a few bites of steak.

After he downs a bottle of water, he seems to feel better.

Declan's sweet all morning, cuddling me in bed and kissing along the side of my face, but something seems to change when he gets a text message.

He sits up, before standing and quickly dressing.

I frown. "Is everything okay?"

"Another one of our shipments has been hit."

I swallow hard.

Does my father have anything to do with this? It makes everything crash down around me, and my good mood is spoiled.

"Be careful," I whisper, and Declan nods tersely, his mood changed, just like mine, as he walks out of the door and leaves.

I sigh, gathering up my book, a true crime novel, and heading to the sunroom.

It's peaceful here, with the open skylight and the big windows, the stained glass making different colors stream into the room.

I try to read my book but end up reading the same paragraph about twenty times before I give up, closing the book and putting it in my lap.

What am I going to do? Declan isn't going to take this kind of betrayal lightly. For all I know, he already knows and is plotting to kill me.

But would he act that way with me this morning? And even last night, he was all over me in the shower. Surely, he wouldn't be so close to me if he still hated me.

But at the end of the day, I have no idea how he feels about me.

It's only about half an hour before someone walks in, and I look up to see Lara.

I'm grateful that it isn't Paige. I love Paige to death, but her bubbly, outgoing personality can be a lot when I'm in such a weird mood.

Lara smiles and sits next to me. "What are you reading?"

"Truman Capote." I flash the book cover at her.

"In Cold Blood," she murmurs. "A classic."

"I've never read it. Paige recommended it."

Lara blinks. "I'm surprised she reads that kind of stuff."

I laugh. "She doesn't. But I told her I didn't want anything about love."

"Not much love in that novel, that's for sure." Lara gives me a small smile. She looks at me for a moment longer before speaking again. "So, what's going on with you?"

I stiffen. "I don't know what you mean."

"You've been in a weird mood ever since Declan got hurt."

"I'm just worried about him." Not exactly a lie.

I've been hoping ever since he left that he won't get hurt again, and who knows what my father is up to?

"It's more than that," she says. "You've seemed really... off the last couple weeks."

I bark out a laugh. "As if any of this is normal."

Lara smiles softly. "I guess you're right about that."

I'm quiet, hoping that she'll get the hint and leave, but it appears like she's settling in.

I could leave, I suppose, but that would seem rude.

Lara isn't a bad person. None of the Burkes are, and I think I'm falling in love with all of them, not just Declan. Of course, it's not the same kind of love, but I have always wanted a stable family.

"I know how you must feel sometimes," Lara murmurs. "Like no one is on your side."

I look at her, my eyes widening. "How could you possibly know how I feel?"

I don't say it to be harsh, but it comes out that way.

Lara hums, rocking the rocking chair she sits in backwards. "After Ma died, it was easy for everyone to forget about me. I was so young, but of course, not as young as Paige. I'm the middle child for all intents and purposes. Everyone was grieving, and everyone was trying to distract Paige from it because she was too young to understand. I just felt so confused.... and alone. It seemed like I was the only one that felt guilty that I was alive, and she wasn't."

I nod slowly, my heart aching. It was my father who'd killed her mother, and I don't even know how she can sit here and look at me.

"But after a while, everyone started noticing me again. We all moved on, as much as it hurt. And my family rallied around me when it took me a little longer than the others. They were patient, and kind, and soon enough, I realized that I was still loved and supported by them. It was hard, at first. And I remember how hard it was. I think about it a lot. So, I just wanted you to know that I do understand, and I'm here if you need to talk."

I shake my head. "It's different, though, Lara. You were already a part of the Burke family, already loved by them. You were never their enemy like me. You were never confused by feelings of guilt and loyalty and love."

The last part comes out before I know what I'm saying.

"Love?" Lara raises her well-groomed eyebrows. "You love Declan? That's amazing, that this marriage turned into a love match!"

She sounds excited, almost like Paige, and I can see their resemblance more than ever.

The chuckle I let out is bitter. "It's not like that," I say quickly. "Declan doesn't love me, and there are things..." I shake my head.

I sigh and shrug. "He never will. And I have to come to terms with that, with live with whatever this damn war brings. I just hope that everyone I care about survives. I don't care what happens to me."

"What do you mean, what happens with you?" Lara's brows draw together.

I stand up, shaking my head. "Nothing. I'm just thinking out loud. Sorry, I'm all over the place. Overthinking things."

She leans forward, taking my wrist in her delicate grasp. "Bree, please. Stay and talk with me. It'll make you feel better if nothing else."

"I have to go." I pull gently away from her, heading back up to the bedroom and locking the door, panting and feeling anxious, my heart racing.

Like I don't already feel bad enough, now I'm lying to Lara. She and Paige have become my best friends, and I'm lying to both of them. I'm lying to everyone I've grown to care about.

The Burkes don't deserve this.

I plop down in bed, face down, groaning into the pillow.

What am I going to do now?

I don't realize I've fallen asleep until there's a banging on the door.

I go to it quickly, worried that something might be wrong with Declan, but instead of my husband, it's Paige and Lara standing there.

"You're coming with us," Paige says, grabbing my hand, and she drags me out into the hallway.

I blink.

Do they know? Did Declan send these two to kill me?

"Where are we going?"

"Shopping for ourselves and Paige's new house," Lara says with a small smile.

I pause, frowning. "We can't go out in public. At least, I can't."

"It's not public," Paige pipes up. "We rented out the local mall."

"You can... rent out a mall?"

"With enough money, you sure can." Lara grins. "It's only going to be us and the employees."

Thirty minutes later, we're pulling up at the mall, and I look around at the empty parking lot. The driver lets us out at the door, and Paige bustles inside.

"I don't even have my purse," I say, and Lara snorts.

"What would you need your purse for? We're treating you."

"You guys don't have to—" I start, but Paige cuts me off by dragging me into a photobooth.

She, Lara, and I make funny faces at the screen and the pictures that come out are dreadful, but funny.

Lara wrinkles her nose. "Let's take one classy one."

We try, but at the end, Paige sticks out her tongue.

"You're the worst," Lara complains, but she puts the second set into her purse with a smile on her face.

I'm smiling too by the time we go into the first store. I can't seem to help myself.

We go through decoration and fabric as if we are professional designers.

When Paige is happy with all we have for her house decor, it's time to have real fun. We head to the first clothing shop.

Lara instantly picks out a beautiful gold dress and heads into the dressing room. Paige picks a shirt and a hot-pink blouse, and she frowns when I just stand there, watching them.

"Pick out an outfit," she says. "You'll need it, for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Declan got to have a boys' night out," she says. "So, Lara and I rented out that local club, Sphynx. We're going to tear it up!"

I blink at her. "I don't know if I'm in the right mood."

She frowns. "You've been in a bad mood for weeks, you and Declan both. I'm cheering you up if it kills me, dammit."

I laugh, unable to hold back. "All right, all right."

I look through the clothes, and I finally decide on a hunter-green dress with cut outs on each side, showing my pale skin. The color compliments my eyes, and it has a deep V-neck.

"That's gorgeous," Paige gushes, and we both head into individual dressing rooms, coming out about the same time as Lara in our new outfits.

"I love it." Lara swirls around and smiles. She looks statuesque and graceful, and it's really the perfect color to bring out the gold tints in her hair.

"I don"t know how I feel about mine," Paige complains, plucking at the lace on the top.

"The blouse is very you," I say. "But I think a black or gray skirt would work better."

Paige beams at me. "Thanks!" She heads over to get a black, A-line skirt, and when she puts it on, she gasps at herself in the mirror. "This is perfect! Bree, you're a genius."

I laugh. "I'm only doing what Melissa taught me."

"God, it's been so long since I've actually been shopping," Lara says after we get undressed and buy the outfits. We're headed to a nearby shoe store.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"Da doesn't want us out and about unless we're with our brothers," Paige mutters. "I can't stand it."

"Between Declan, Gray, and Da, we're protected maybe too much." Lara chuckles.

"We're luckier than some," Paige points out. "I know that Felicity Sullivan never gets out of the house."

My eyes widen. I know that my father has done some business with the Sullivans, but I didn't even know a daughter was in the mix.

"Anyway, we're going to let loose tonight." Paige bounces into the shoe shop.

We browse among the shoes, and I think about Felicity Sullivan, how maybe things would have been easier if my father locked me away like a princess in a tower. Then I would have never been kidnapped, would have never learned what a monster he is. Never would have messed up the Burkes' lives.

Shaking my head to get those thoughts out of my head, I walk over to look at the heels, picking out a pair of white stilettos. Lara goes with a pair of gold, strappy heels, and Paige gets a pair of hot-pink pumps to match her outfit.

We trail over to the makeup store and pick out a few things, and then we're on our way home to get dressed.

Declan is locked in his office, and I swallow hard, wondering what's going on in there. Did something happen? Does he know what I did?

But Lara and Paige are determined to keep my mind off things, and Paige disappears into the kitchen while Lara and I head upstairs to relax.

Paige returns with a pitcher of frozen margaritas, and we all sip as we chat.

"Have you met anyone new lately?" I ask Paige, and she snorts.

"That's exactly why I wanted my own place. You've met my family. When would I meet someone?" she asks. "I never get out of the house unless Declan or Gray or one of my father's men are with us."

"We still get to go to dinner parties and events," Lara points out.

"Yeah, but those are all the same guys in different clans," Paige sulks. "I've met them all, and they're all terrible. I can't wait to move out. Almost." She is squealing and doing a little happy dance.

I laugh. "You have discerning tastes."

"Very," Lara agrees. "But I guess high standards are a good thing."

"It is." I sip more of my margarita. The alcohol is doing a good job at taking away my worries, or at least putting them away for a later date.

By the time we get ready, I've stuck to one margarita to Lara and Paige's two, and I'm feeling a little anxious. I haven't seen Declan since this morning, and I worry maybe he knows what happened and is just biding his time.

We head into the hallway, and Paige is giggly and tipsy, pulling my hand.

I freeze when I see Declan at the top of the stairs.

"Declan," I greet in a hushed voice.

"Bree." He looks me up and down with dark blue eyes.

I swallow hard, doing a little twirl and trying to keep my anxiety off my face.

"You like?"

"Love it," he says. "Where are you three going?"

"We"re going out." Paige giggles, and Declan raises an eyebrow.

"Who's going with you?"

"We rented Sphynx out," Lara explains. "Jimmy is taking us."

Declan's face relaxes, if only slightly. "Have fun, ladies."

He puts his hand on my hip, leaning forward to kiss me deeply, making my knees weak. He smiles at me softly before walking up the rest of the stairs.

"That was kind of intense," Paige says, and Lara grabs her hand, leading her out to Jimmy's car.

It was intense, and I'm not sure what it means. Is it that Declan doesn't know? Or does he, and that was some kind of kiss of death?

I can't be sure. I know the way the Irish clans work. They'll smile in your face as they stab you in the back.

"Don't get all mopey again," Paige pleads as she pulls me into the club.

No one checks our IDs, presumably because Lara and Paige have rented the place out.

We walk into the bar and the music booms.

It's so strange to see a club with no people in it but the bartenders. It's a gorgeous club, with red and blue lights strobing overhead. A tiled, huge dance floor sits in the middle of the building, and the bar stretches around it in a square. The chandeliers look to be made of real crystal, and there's a disco ball in the corner.

We grab drinks at the bar and go right out to the dance floor, and by the time I'm halfway finished with the drink, I feel happy and free.

It's not just the booze, either. Paige and Lara have become like my own sisters. I'm closer to them than I have ever been to Rory. Even now that we are closer since he decided to leave the family.

Paige does a little twirl, giggling, and nearly falls.

I can't help but double over, laughing, as Lara tries to help her up.

Jimmy stands in the corner, watching us with a small smile, and other than him being there and the club being empty, it's like a normal night out with the girls.

We have the time of our lives, and I stop drinking around midnight so that I'm not unsteady on my feet, although I'm definitely tipsy.

Paige and Lara aren't too much the worse for wear either, and we all pile into Jimmy's car, in the backseat so that we can whisper and talk like young girls.

I guess we are young girls. It just seems like so much has happened that it's aged me.

When we arrive back at the mansion, Paige and Lara say their goodbyes, and I head up the stairs to the bedroom. I am a tiny bit unsteady, but I blame it on my new heels.

I expect Declan to be asleep, since it's nearly three in the morning, but when I open the bedroom door, he's sitting on the bed. A sheet only barely covers his abdomen, and I know he's naked beneath.

"Hey, princess," he calls in a low tone, and I stumble slightly as I take off my heels. He chuckles. "You good?"

"Fine," I mumble. "I'm not even that drunk."

"You're not, huh?" He stands up, nude, and walks over to unzip my dress, his hands lingering on my hips and ass.

He whispers into my ear, "You look absolutely stunning tonight."

I shiver, letting the dress fall to the floor. I turn, wearing just a white thong, and Declan looks me over.

"Are you drunk?"

"No." I pout.

He chuckles. "I think you're a little tipsy."

I shrug. "Not much," I say, but my head is starting to spin slightly now that I'm home.

"I think maybe we should just cuddle tonight." Declan smiles, and I whine but let him take me to the bed, let him draw me into his arms.

"Declan," I whisper, and Declan hums in response. "Are you mad at me?"

He's quiet for a long moment. "No, baby."

"Okay," I say in a small voice, and bury my face in his chest.

I sleep like this every night, listening to his heartbeat, and tonight, it's strong and steady, relaxing me to the core.

This is where I feel most at home, in my father's enemy's arms.