22. Vinnie

22

VINNIE

M y body is sated, and my heart…

Raven said she feels something. I also feel something.

Something I have no business feeling.

But once I finally come down from my release, the emotion I dread swoops in.

Guilt.

Fucking guilt.

I took advantage of Raven, of her vulnerability.

She's healing from leukemia, for God's sake.

I close my eyes, feeling the weight of this transgression like lead in the pit of my stomach. My hands, still holding onto Raven's frail body, feel heavier. Culpability gnaws at me, tearing at the edges of my consciousness.

Fucking guilt. It's a monster that never sleeps, awakening at the most inconvenient of times.

Raven stirs beside me, her eyes fluttering open to meet mine. Rings of exhaustion are painted around them, but she manages to smile.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

I want to scream, tell her I'm far from okay. Admit my guilt and beg for her forgiveness. But how can I burden her with this? How can I add to the turmoil she must already be feeling?

Instead, I force a nod. "Of course I'm okay. That was amazing."

"I agree." Her smile is a dazzling one.

Again, the guilt threatens to eat me away from the inside out.

I have to kill a man, and I just made love to the most beautiful, sweet, and vulnerable woman in the world.

I give her a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I need to get going. I have an early meeting."

Not exactly a lie. I have to check in with my grandfather every morning. It's a pain in the ass, but it's the life I chose to return to.

She wraps her arms around me. "You don't have to go."

God, if only…

If only I could stay, embedded in the peace and solace I find in her body.

But I can't.

This thing between us never should have happened. What I'm feeling for this woman—this woman I barely know—isn't right.

I'm lost. Completely lost.

I look at this beautiful woman. This beautiful woman with her dark peach fuzz, her barely visible eyelashes and eyebrows. And yes, while she certainly is beautiful, lust for her alone is not what drew me to her.

Not too many people lust after women who have lost all their hair due to cancer treatments.

I kiss her again, this time on the lips, but I resist the urge to slide my tongue between hers. "I'm sorry. But I do have to go."

She moves away from me, ready to slide off the bed, but I stop her. "Don't get up. I can see myself out."

She yawns, stretching her arms above her as she sits on the edge of the bed. "But I do. I need to go back to my mom and dad's house. They'll worry otherwise. They may have already called Falcon and Savannah to see where I am."

"You didn't text them?"

She shrugs. "I guess I forgot. I was focused on…something else."

I can't help a churlish grin. "So they're keeping tabs on you, huh?"

"Yes and no." She frowns. "I mean, yes they are. Because of what I've been through, they're worried about me. But normally they wouldn't. We were all raised to be strong and confident people, independent people."

"I understand. They're just concerned. They don't want to take any chance of losing you."

"I know."

"I'll drive you to your parents' house."

"You sure you don't mind?"

Is she kidding? At this moment, I'd buy the moon for her if I could. "No, I don't mind."

"The good news is that it's on the way. You won't have to go out of your way like you did to get here."

I chuckle lightly as I stroke the length of her arm. "Raven, none of that matters to me. I'll take you to your parents' house. Then I'll go home to Austin. I'll be home by about two a.m. Trust me. I've gotten by on much less sleep."

"You know what?" She swings her feet to the side of the bed. "You don't even need to do that. I can text my mom now and tell her I'm staying with Falcon."

"No. If anything happened to you while you were here alone, I could never forgive myself." I grab her hand and squeeze it. "Don't lie to your mom, Raven. Don't lie period—even when it seems like a simple white lie. Because lies? They tend to mushroom. One lie begets another bigger one. It just keeps growing."

She looks at me, her lips parted. "Vinnie? You okay?"

I nod, knowing full well my affirmation is a lie. I'm so far from okay. But I won't add to her weight to bear.

What I said about lying is true. I saw lies in action growing up. I'll continue to see them now. Now that I've come back to the family fold. The lies will grow, just as my duties will grow.

Killing Giacomo Puzo is just the beginning. I'll kill others.

Others I have no personal beef with.

I'll kill if I have to.

And one day…

I'll kill my own damned grandfather.