35. Kael

35

KAEL

"I'm in love." Feck, I can't believe I just said that.

"You're what ? I thought you only saw working girls for this very reason."

"Should've stayed with the working girls," I mutter. "I'm in love with Paige Burke."

Cillian's eyes nearly pop out of his head, and his mouth drops open. "Declan is going to kill you."

I pull up my top lip to show him it's busted, and he winces. "He already tried."

I sip the second beer, but I'm going to have to order something stronger.

"How did this happen? I knew you were her bodyguard, but I never thought?—"

"It's a long story." But I guess really, it's not.

I started protecting her, and she just started to grow on me. Her sunshine personality, her pretty face, that body of hers... Now it feels like I can't live without her. Like I've never been without her, and I don't know how I'll do it now.

I can't go back to what it was like before, when she hated me .

Will she hate me now? Now that we got caught?

She never answered the question about having feelings for me, which probably means that she doesn't. It was all just a fling to her, and now I'm stuck in love with her.

She doesn't want more than what we have. She's made that clear. She doesn't even want me around all the time "babysitting" her. She made that clear, too.

So, why do I expect any more? Why did I expect her to follow me out of the house, track me down, call me?

I look down at my phone, hating myself for looking so often. No texts. No calls.

Is it because she doesn't want to reach out or she can't? Have they forbidden her from contacting me?

Feck. I hate that I don't have a way of knowing.

I should be there, protecting her, making sure she's okay, making sure she doesn't tear at the seams, instead of at a bar, gutted that I may never again see the woman I love. Worrying that she might be hurting and has no one on her side because the family turned against her. Because of me.

Cillian shrugs. "I've got time. I was planning to go out tonight, anyway. The ladies will just have to wait until we're done talking."

He grins, and I shake my head, smiling.

I wish I was more like Cillian. I wish I could pick up girls in bars. It always just seemed easier to pick them up where they were working, where it was a transaction. Where we all knew where we stood.

I hadn't wanted to fall for anyone, or for anyone to fall for me, so I'd made sex a tit-for-tat situation.

But it hasn't been that way with Paige. It's like I can't control myself around her, like everything in my life has started to revolve around her .

And now I've fecked everything up. Just like I knew I would.

I tell Cillian about the recent attack, about how I was too busy checking Paige out to realize that Murphy's men were infiltrating the restaurant.

Cillian curses halfway through the story. "This is how Patrick got hurt?"

I nod slowly. "If you want to hit me, you can."

He frowns. "Why would I want to do that?"

"I was distracted. Patrick has been like a father to me, and not only have I been sleeping with his baby girl, I didn't even protect him."

"You were not supposed to protect him. He had his men for that. You protected her ," Cillian points out. "That's your job, Kael. That's what the Burkes hired you for. I'm telling you right now, Patrick would rather you save Paige than him. Besides, what's his men's excuses? You weren't the only one there tasked to protect them, so what were they doing?"

"It doesn't matter. I should have saved them both," I growl, slamming my beer bottle down on the table.

"Maybe we should get a pitcher," he drawls, hailing over the bartender.

I don't drink much, preferring to keep a clear head, but at this point, it seems like I have no reason to.

It's not like I have a job anymore. Declan won't ever want to see me again, and when... If Patrick wakes up, he won't, either.

I wasn't just fired. I lost my family.

I grit my teeth and take the shot that Cillian ordered us while he pours us two glasses from the pitcher. Beer tastes like piss to me, but Cillian's buying, and all I want is to black out this whole, awful week .

Well...not all of it. There were moments with Paige I want to remember. Moments I want to keep with me forever, locked deep within my heart.

What's wrong with you ? You fecking sap.

I am a sap. I'm the biggest sap for Paige Burke, and it's ridiculous. It's cost me everything. But if it'd gotten me her in the end, it would've been worth it. "I wouldn't take it back."

"Wouldn't take what back?"

"Paige. I wouldn't take being with her back. Not for Declan, not for Patrick... Not for anything."

Cillian hums, smiling, and claps me on the back. "It happens to all of us. Eventually."

"What, love? It's going to happen for you?"

Cillian pales. "God, no. That's just a figure of speech, Kael."

I can't help but laugh.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I can't help but answer right away when I catch Paige's name flashing on my screen.

"Paige," I say softly. "Are you okay? Did something happen? Did Declan hurt you?" If he did, I'm going to kill him.

"No, but I need your help. Tell me you'll help me." There's an edge of tears to her voice, and I wonder what she's going to ask.

"Calm down, sweetheart. Just tell me what it is first, so I can make an informed decision, okay?"

She groans. "God, Kael, it's nothing bad. I just want to see Da."

I sigh, guilt rushing through me. I'm the one responsible for Patrick's shooting, and now I've messed things up with Declan, too. But this is Paige, and that doesn't sound like an impossible task, so why ask for my help? "What about your brothers, won't they take you?"

"They're gone. Everyone is gone, and the men he left here are refusing to take me, they say I'm stuck here, but I need to see him, Kael. I need to make sure he…"

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. Has he gotten worse? Is that why you want to go?"

"No, or I don't think so. I just need to talk to him, to apologize, to… I need my da." Her sobs come through the phone, and my heart breaks for her.

Not allowing her to see her father is a cruel punishment, and she doesn't deserve it.

I glance down at my watch. "Okay, sweetheart, I can be there in about twenty minutes. I'll text you when I get there."

She pauses for a long moment. "I'm sorry that I'm annoying you. I just… I can't sleep until I see him."

"Just don't do anything rash, okay, princess? I'm coming to get you now. Make sure your brothers' men don't shoot me at the gate."

"You think they would do that?"

I stay quiet for a moment. I'm not sure what I believe. Do I even work for the Burkes anymore?

I don't know who I am without them.

"I don't know, Paige."

"Just come, please." Her voice trembles. "I'll make sure no one does anything stupid."

My job's to protect Paige, regardless if I'm being paid for it or not. My need to protect her has exponentially grown since I fell for her.

"Sorry, man." I jump to my feet, throwing cash down on the table to pay for the drinks. "Gotta bail."

Cillian frowns up at me. "What's wrong? "

"Paige needs me."

I know what my heart wants—Paige. And anything she needs, I'll do, so I rush outside, getting into my car and starting it up. "I'm coming for you, sweetheart."

As soon as I get to the house, I text Paige: I'm here.

No response. No movement at the front door or inside.

Weird.

I get out of the car and knock on the door. After the way I left, I have no idea what is waiting for me on the other side even if Paige is in there waiting for me.

Jimmy opens the door. "Hey, man. Long time no see."

"Hey, have you seen Paige? She told me to meet her here?"

He shakes his head. "That's quite the little hellion right there."

I frown at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You said she called you here?"

I nod. "What's wrong."

"I guess she grew tired of waiting, because she pulled a disappearing act like five minutes ago."

My fists clench on my sides, my throat wanting to close. "She did what?"

"Yeah. I have no idea how she did it, but she was able to leave the premises without anyone being the wisest."

Feck, feck, feck.

"Do you have anyone on her? Is she safe?"

"Last I heard, they had caught up to her car and were following her to the hospital. That's all I know, man."

I take my phone out of my pocket .

I'm going to kill her. Why couldn't she wait five more minutes?

I dial her number, and it rings. And rings. And rings. Voicemail.

Feck.

I dial again. Same result.

I dial five times.

No answer.

Okay, Kael, don't panic, maybe she doesn't answer her phone while she's driving. That's a very good thing, you wouldn't want her to get distracted by you calling and something happening to her.

I turn to Jimmy. "Who was on her?"

"Jeremy Meyers and Aiden O'Connell. They were the ones assigned to her when… I'm sorry that happened. Just so you know, I'm here if you need anything."

"Thanks, man. That means a lot."

I dial Jeremy's number first. I know Aiden usually drives.

Voicemail.

" Feck ."

I call Aiden. No answer, either.

"Come on, anyone."

I try her brothers next.

My throat's tight, like something's stuck in it, and I clear my throat.

I call Declan first, and then Gray, but there's nothing.

I don't want to panic, but I just know something's wrong.

I need to find her, need to make sure that she's all right.

I know she is on her way to the hospital, and that's where I need to go .

Feck Declan if he thinks he can keep me away. Paige is all that matters now. Making sure she is safe.

I race to my car, looking down at my phone.

One of the first things Declan and I did was get her tracker info on my phone.

I open the app and pace as the app takes way too long to give me what I need.

Finally, the map comes out with her dot on it. I hop in my car, start it, and speed away, one eye on the road, one eye on that map.

I'm going to find her, and when I do, I'm going to give her a much-needed scolding about not waiting for me.