3. Paige

3

PAIGE

My face's still pasty, and I'm still a bit shaky. So, I pinch my cheeks again.

When I look less terrified, I get dressed, grabbing my phone before I walk out of my room.

Knowing I'm alone is a bit of a relief. I've been having nightmares ever since the incident, and I don't want anyone else to know about it. It's bad enough that Lara had to witness one during my last sleepover.

I head to the kitchen. I'm not hungry, but I need to find something for breakfast, and there is fruit on the kitchen table. As I walk toward the table, a key turns in the front door lock, and I curse inwardly.

My brothers, Gray and Declan, have a key to my place for "emergencies." It was one of my Da's stipulations for allowing me to move out.

Gray, the oldest of us all, likes to use his as if he owns the place. It drives me crazy.

I'm grateful to have a place of my own, and I guess I'm grateful my brothers are so protective. I've just been so sheltered by my father and my siblings that I wish they would just let me be.

And then I go and let myself almost get kidnapped.

I'd never witnessed anything so violent and scary.

"Paige? Just the girl I wanted to see," Gray says, happily enough, and I draw in a deep breath.

"Gray," I mutter, and he frowns, stopping in his tracks.

I sit down at the table, grabbing some berries and popping them into my mouth.

I know exactly what he's looking at. Me. How I've lost weight recently because I haven't been eating enough.

I can't stand food, and my stomach doesn't feel stable even now. But I know I need to eat something.

In fact, I don't remember eating at all yesterday. That's not good.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I mumble quickly, chewing on the berries in hopes that he'll take a hint and leave me alone.

Gray sits down across from me, his brows furrowing together. "Are you still having those nightmares, mo stóirín ?"

His voice is low and gentle, but my hackles still rise.

"Lara should've kept her damned mouth shut."

Gray lets out a long sigh. "Paige, you know that if you're struggling, all you have to do is talk to us."

"I'm not struggling."

"You look like shit," he says flatly, and I snort.

"Thanks a lot."

"You know that's not what I mean. You're too skinny, you're not sleeping... You've got circles under your eyes, and you're always ghost-pale..."

"Go on, keep complimenting me," I drawl, smiling and hoping it makes him laugh, but Gray remains serious as a heart attack.

I can usually talk him out of a bad mood or change the subject easily, but to be honest, he's right. I haven't been my usual bubbly self.

But so what? Isn't everyone entitled to have a bad few days? Weeks? Months?

"I'm being serious, Paige."

"I am, too." I pop another berry to my mouth. My stomach can't handle much at one time. "I'm fine. Nothing even happened. I got a couple of scraped knees, a black eye, and everyone's acting like I'm on death's door. Hell, Jimmy almost died. And before that, Declan was shot not long ago, and no one is treating him like spun glass."

"That's different."

"How's that different?"

Gray groans. "It just is, Paige. Declan and I know what we signed up for. You're just a kid."

"I'm not a kid. I'm a full-grown adult, just like you are."

"Life's different for you, mo stóirín . That's all I'm saying."

I sit up straight, my shoulders stiffening. "Well, maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe I should start taking some responsibility around here."

Gray scoffs. "Like what? You're not going to start making the rounds and collecting money."

"I could," I grumble, and Gray's eye twitches.

"We don't want you in that type of danger."

"You and Declan do it every day."

"It's different ."

"Why, because I'm a girl?" I demand to know, feeling slightly offended.

I've never really wanted to be a part of my family's " business," but at the same time, it makes me mad that Gray is suggesting that I can't do it just because I'm female and the youngest.

"Not because you're a girl. Because you're different, Paige. You're not like me and Declan. You're not even like Lara."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's not an insult, mo stóirín . It's just... you've been kept a lot more out of this life than the rest of us."

"That's not my fault."

"You're right. It's ours. And Da's. We tried to protect you from the dark, mean side of the business. But still, you went through something scary. It's okay to be upset about it."

"I don't want to be upset about it."

"You can't really pick and choose what's going to upset you."

I huff out a breath, knowing he's right but not liking it one bit.

"I'm okay," I insist. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Gray looks at me for a moment before speaking. "I wanted to talk to you about getting you some protection."

"I already have protection." There's always one of my father's men following me and Lara around.

"Not like that. Someone permanent. Someone who can take care of you."

"You better not be talking about marrying me off like you did with Declan?—"

"Nothing like that." Gray hold his hands up as if in defense. "We just need to find someone to keep an eye out for you when the rest of us can't."

I glare at him. "I don't need a babysitter. "

"Not a babysitter." His tone grates on my nerves. As if I'm a little girl that needs patronizing.

Anger rises in me, and I try to push it down. I know that he just wants to protect me, but this seems extreme.

"It wasn't even a big deal."

"That why you woke up screaming last time you guys had a sleepover?"

"That wasn't Lara's story to tell ."

"The Burkes are a close-knit family, Paige. You know that. We all want to help you."

I stand up, my chair screeching as it scrapes the floor, nearly falling over with the sudden movement. "I didn't ask for help."

Dizzy from standing up too fast and eating too little for an extended period of time, I stumble, and Gray jumps to his feet, steadying me with his hand on my forearm and sitting me back down.

"You can barely stand up without fainting, Paige. You need the help."

"Fine," I mutter, hating it but slowly realizing that he's right. "I'll accept a bodyguard. But one . I don't want a carload of guys following me around. It's embarrassing."

Gray nods, smiling a bit. "I wasn't planning on sending a clown car on your trips to the supermarket or anything."

I can't help but chuckle at that, but it's a shadow of my old bubbly giggle. "All right, then. I won't fight you on it. For now."

"Good." He sounds legitimately relieved. "Then we'll find someone."

To think, just two months ago, I'd been far more worried about my dating life than worrying about being kidnapped or killed. Now, it's like I have a whole new set of priorities and fears. My hopes and dreams have dimmed, and I'm just working to keep myself from breaking down.

Gray, still standing, starts to head into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Making you something more substantial to eat."

"I'm not hungry?—"

He turns to glare at me. "You're eating a full meal before I leave here, even if I have to feed you by hand like when you were two and hated everything but applesauce."

I smile a little at his aggressive enthusiasm and relax my shoulders. "All right, all right."

I remain seated at the table and slowly eat a few more berries while Gray's in the kitchen. I do have to admit, the smells coming from the cracked open door make my stomach rumble.

I really haven't been taking care of myself.

Maybe Gray's right. Maybe I do need to be protected. It just makes me feel small and weak.

I'm a Burke, dammit. I shouldn't be so messed up over one attempted kidnapping. I mean, look at Bree! She was actually kidnapped, and she's not falling apart at the seams. Hell, she was even forced to marry my brother. The son of her father's worst enemy.

Granted, she came out winning in the end, got the love of her life. And she's now away from the monster that is Niall Murphy. Her father.

Gray returns, having made me a breakfast sandwich with mayo, bacon, and a fried egg, and I start to salivate just looking at it.

He grins. "You're lucky you had eggs, because this is the only thing I know how to cook."

I chuckle. "Thank you, big brother. "

Gray's eyes go soft, and he sits the plate down in front of me, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

"Eat up."

"So, who's going to be my bodyguard?" I take a big bite.

I close my eyes at the taste—the fat of the bacon mixed with the runny egg is absolutely delicious.

Gray shrugs. "I don't know yet. We have a couple of people in mind, but it'll be someone we trust."

I nod, chewing slowly so that my stomach, unused to heavy meals, won't revolt.

By the time I'm finished with the sandwich, I feel about ten times better.

"Thank you," I murmur as Gray starts to clear the table.

"You're welcome, mo stóirín ." Gray grins. "And if you have more nightmares, you know that you can always call me."

I smile back, grateful for his presence in my life, and I can't help myself from standing up and hugging him tightly before he leaves.

Gray seems surprised by the affection, stiffening before putting his arms around me. Gray has never been one for hugs, so it means a lot to me that he hugs me back.

Tears stand in my eyes as he leaves the room, and I look away, not wanting to start crying in the dining room.

I take a shaky breath and head back up to my room. I need to decompress.

I call Sophie, as I do most days, and she answers on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Soph," I murmur. "Did I wake you?"

"No."

But she then yawns so loudly it makes me chuckle .

"Fine, maybe. What's up? Did you have another nightmare?"

Sophie's my best friend, and I tell her everything, so she knows that I've been having a hard time. She knows more than my family does, honestly.

There's something about a childhood best friend. They know you the way that no one else does.

Besides, she doesn't pity me, doesn't coddle me. She just lets me be myself, good and bad.

"Yes, but that's nothing new," I say quickly, not wanting to get into it. "Gray just told me I'm going to have a bodyguard."

"Oh, great," she groans. "Another babysitter."

"That's what I thought, at first. But honestly, after what happened, maybe it's not such a bad idea, you know?"

"You're right." She pauses. "Hey, maybe he'll be hot."

I snort. "A hot babysitter?"

"Bodyguard," she corrects, although she was the one who called him a babysitter in the first place. "Imagine. It's like that movie with Whitney Houston and what's-his-face."

"Kevin Costner."

"No, it wasn't Kevin Costner. The guy from the dancing wolf movie?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose between my middle and index finger. "It doesn't matter. The point is, he's gonna be an old man, most likely. Not hot."

She scoffs, "Old men can be hot."

I snort out a laugh.

I can always count on Sophie to take me out of my funk. I'm already feeling better just talking to her.

"Well, I'll report back as soon as I know something. "

"Great! Now, tell me the truth. Are you doing all right, Paige?"

"I'm doing fine."

Sophie scoffs on the other line. "It doesn't sound like you're doing fine."

I groan. "Between you and my siblings..."

"You should listen to your siblings. Your brothers especially know what they are talking about."

"You're only on their side because you think they're hot. Gross."

She laughs. "I do. But I also have eyes."

I groan.

"I'll come over. We'll drink mimosas."

I perk up a little. "Yeah? Will you bring ice cream?"

"So you can make your weird, gross mimosa shake?"

I grin. "Exactly."

"I'll be there in thirty."

"Love you," I croon, and she snorts again before hanging up the phone.

I smile, feeling suddenly a lot better.

Between Gray making me feel safer and Sophie coming over to distract me, things seem to be looking up.

But in the back of my mind, the memory of the attack still lingers, waiting, festering.

Am I ever going to get over this?