2. Kael

2

KAEL

I'm the worst son ever.

I've been back in town for two weeks now, after months away, was able to go to my best friend's wedding, but I haven't spent any quality time with my ma.

And we live in the same building, which makes it even worse.

Feck . I suck.

Going to her door, I knock.

"Coming!"

Just her voice through the door has an overwhelming sense of peace blanketing me.

When she opens the door, her face beams as her gaze meets mine. " Mo leanbh ."

As her arms come around my waist, I hold her in my arms, taking in the scent of home, of my childhood. Of all things good.

"Hey, Ma."

"Come in, come in." She pats my back before leaving my arms and moves to the side, making way for me to move past her .

"How are you, Ma?"

"Better now that you are here, leanbh . I missed you."

I love it when she calls me "child." For that one moment in time, I forget who I really am. Forget the fact that my life is not the fairy tale everyone else dreams about. That it never will be.

"I missed you too, Ma. So much. I'm so glad that I'm back now so I get to spend time with you."

"Have you found anyone to spend your time with, yet?"

"Ma…" I groan.

This is the only thing that has me hesitating to come here every single time. Like every loving mom, mine wants me to find the one thing I will never have. By choice.

A happily ever after with a loving woman by my side.

Romantic love is not something that will be a part of my life. I make sure of that.

I have needs. Of course, I do. Doesn't everyone?

The difference is, when the need strikes, I pay for attention, for human contact. For the touch of a woman.

I always make sure they are very well taken care of, make sure I give them a hell of a time. Make sure they don't feel any less cherished just because I'm paying for it.

But at the end of the day, I go home alone, no strings, no complications, no attachments.

It's clinical, impersonal. Safe. No room for feelings on either side.

"I worry, Kael. Because I won't be around forever, and you need someone to take good care of you. Even Declan now has someone to share his life with."

"I love you, Ma, and you are the only woman I need in my life." I pat her hand.

" Mo leanbh …"

"I have to go, Ma. But I will come back later to spend more time with you. Now that I'm back, I hope to stick around for a while, okay?"

She sighs, shaking her head. "Fine, run away. But we will talk about this need you have to run away from love one of these days."

"Sure, Ma." When hell freezes over or pigs fly, whichever comes last.

I get up, and she gets up with me.

We head to the door where I hug her tight again.

I know I'm a disappointment as a son, but it is what it is. I can't in good conscience bring anyone into this life. Put a target in the back of a head other than my own for something that is a lie. A lie people call love. An excuse to cheat and hurt each other.

I open the door, ready to leave, and Ma grabs my hand.

"I'm serious, Kael. I know you think love is something awful or something to scoff at or something to despise, but it makes the world a better place, a brighter place. And you deserve it just as much as any other person."

"Thanks, Ma. We'll talk later." I kiss her cheek and leave her house.

The door doesn't close until I turn the corner, until I get out of sight.

My heart squeezes, cracking a bit.

I'm hurting my ma, but I can't risk it. She will have to forgive me, but I will not budge on this one thing.

I'll never get attached to anyone, never put myself in that position.

I head to the gym. I need to clear my head, to beat something or someone up. To get my mojo back.

These sessions with Ma always drain me, and I need to be on top of my game in case Declan needs me.

As I get in my sports car, I let my head wander for a second. I try to imagine a life with a wife, kids. But reality is too dark for me to be able to.

I shake myself out of it and start the engine.

I put my car in drive and pull out of my parking spot. Time to face the real world with all its grime and darkness.

No use living in a dreamworld when no good thing will come of it.

I grunt as I bench press two hundred and sixty pounds, doing ten reps before putting the bar back on the rack with a clang.

My head has been screwed on backward since the talk with my ma two hours ago, so I'm not stopping until I can't lift my arms anymore. Until I can't think anymore.

It's only now starting to work. Muscle exhaustion and pain are making it hard to think. To focus on anything other than the sting.

I stand up and flex my biceps as I face the wall-length mirror.

This last long-term job for Patrick Burke put me back a bit, so I'll need to focus on working the muscle up again.

This session helped. I'm definitely making some gains.

My phone starts buzzing.

I look at the screen. Declan.

It's been a while since I've seen my best friend, my boss's son. More specifically, since his wedding two weeks ago. He should be back from his honeymoon by now.

"Hey, stranger," I answer, and he snorts out a laugh.

"Phone works both ways, you know?"

I scoff. "Like I was going to bother you on your honeymoon. So, what' s up?"

Since he's now busy with Bree, his recently pregnant wife, and a Murphy of all people, this is probably not a social call.

"Need you to come to the house."

"When?"

"ASAP."

"Bad?" I don't want to say too much since I'm on my regular phone instead of my burner.

Declan's quiet for a moment, and I start to become concerned.

"Just come."

I frown, hanging up the phone and throwing my gym towel over my shoulder, walking toward the showers briskly.

I get under the warm spray, washing my body and my hair as fast as I can while making sure all my sweat is dealt with.

My hair's damp and curling when I look in the mirror, and I usually slick it back, but it's not like I'm going on a date. It's just Declan. And probably Patrick.

Maybe it's something simple, and they just have a new job for me. Though I just finished a long-term job, I get antsy when I have nothing to do.

And truth is, I'm not from Irish royalty like Declan is. I'm just a mickey thug, like my father was, so any work I can get will go into helping me and Ma pay our bills.

Besides, this is my best friend we're talking about. So, whatever he needs me to do, I'll do it. No questions asked.

I hop into my car and take off for the Burke mansion.

When I arrive, I punch in the gate code and pull up behind the garage, all but jogging to get inside.

The way Declan was talking has me worried. I wonder if it's one of the girls.

Lara Burke is a class act and a sweetheart, but his baby sister, Paige? She's a pain in my ass. She's been a thorn in my side since she was a teenager, always so cheerful and bubbly and just plain annoying.

What's there to be so fucking cheerful about all the time, anyway?

I knock on the door, and Declan opens it, turning to lead me into his office. I shut the door carefully and follow him up the stairs.

It must be something serious, and my heart pounds against my chest plate as we enter the office, and he closes the door.

Is Patrick sick? Did something happen to one of the girls?

"What's going on?" I can no longer wait for his explanation.

Declan sighs. "Something happened while you were away."

I snort. "A few things."

I've already heard about Declan getting shot, about Murphy stealing half a dozen shipments, about Bree Murphy and her forceful first transition to Bree Burke.

"One I haven't told you about."

"You guys like to keep things interesting, don't you?" Shaking my head, I sit down after he does and lean forward, my forearms on my thighs, looking at him, just waiting for him to go on.

"Murphy's men tried to take Paige."

I stiffen, sitting up straight, my blood humming to a boil. "What do you mean, they tried to take her?"

She may be a pain in my ass, but she's my best friend's little sister, and I wouldn't wish Niall Murphy on my worst enemy .

"Grabbed her, dragged her along the sidewalk. She was bruised and shaken up, but we managed to save her."

My shoulders relax. "Good."

"But of course, we now have a problem?"

I nod solemnly, figuring he means Murphy.

"We need someone to watch out for her. A full-time bodyguard."

"Sure," I say easily. "Who are you thinking? Mack? Jimmy?"

"Thing is, as much as I love Mack and Jimmy, there's only one person I trust a hundred percent." Declan looks at me meaningfully.

I hope he's not suggesting what I think he's suggesting because, that's a hell to the no!