27. Paige

27

PAIGE

When I wake up, Kael has turned around and stolen all of the covers, wrapping them around himself like a burrito. I'm shivering, but I can't help smiling.

It's kind of cute for a big man like him to be wrapped up like that.

I head to the bathroom, and as soon as I look in the mirror, it all comes rushing back to me.

My father, the blood, how it squelched when I pressed down on the wound. How pale he was when they took him out to the ambulance.

I use the bathroom and brush my teeth before going back into the bedroom and grabbing my phone off the nightstand.

Kael grunts and rolls over but doesn't wake.

I call Declan first. He was the one that went to see him last night.

"How is he?" I ask when he answers.

Declan sighs. "He hasn't woken up yet. He's still on the ventilator. The doctor says his heart and lungs need time to heal. "

"Do they have any idea yet when he'll wake up?" My voice cracks, and I hate it. I hate being the sensitive one in the family, hate everyone thinking of me as the baby.

"No." Declan pauses. "Paige, I want you to come back home."

"I can't."

There's no sound reason why. Sure, I want my freedom, but now that Da's injured, now that he might not make it…

I have to admit that part of the reason I don't want to go back is Kael. Whatever we have going on, even though I'm loath to admit it, is exciting. I tease him about never wanting to do it again, but in reality, I want him so badly I can barely sleep at night.

Having him holding me last night, taking care of me, was the only thing that kept me from completely falling apart.

If I move back into the mansion, all that will be gone. Having him around, having him taking care of me. Having him to myself.

"Why not? Kael can watch you closely while Gray and I work. He can even move in, live in the bedroom he slept in as a kid, and you, me, Gray, and Lara can all take turns going to visit Da."

I swallow hard.

Declan is right, of course. But it wouldn't be the same. Not really. Kael would still be with me, but we'd be around my siblings all the time. The dynamic would change. He'd go back to how he was before.

And I'm not sure I can survive that blow too.

But is that even important right now? I hate myself for being so selfish.

"I'll think about it."

"All right, a'stor . Da can only have one visitor at a time, and Gray's taking over for me tonight. Later, we can decide who comes after him, you or Lara, okay?"

"All right. And I'll give you an answer about moving back later, too."

"Aye. I love you, Paige."

My brother isn't one for ‘I love yous,' so it takes me a little off guard.

"I love you, too, Declan."

I hang up the phone and sigh, running my hands over my face.

"Are you all right? Your da?—"

I turn around to face Kael. "He's the same. No changes for the worse or the better."

Kael sits up, scratching at his chest, and my eyes dive toward his waistband and then back up to his face. He would usually smirk at that, make a joke, but his face stays blank.

"They want me to move back into the mansion."

Please tell me I shouldn't. Tell me you want us to stay here. Tell me you want me, too.

"Wouldn't that be for the best, given everything? You'll have more protection."

My heart breaks a little. "What, you don't think you can protect me on your own?"

"I used to think so." His words are grumbled so low I don't think he meant for me to hear them.

He gets up without another word, heading for the bathroom.

What does that mean? Why is he so cold this morning?

I need to talk about this to someone. No, not just someone. I've got to tell Lara. I have avoided her long enough. I can't do it anymore.

I pack an overnight bag, not sure if I'm going to actually be moving in or not. When Kael comes downstairs, I'm already dressed.

"You decided to move back to the mansion?"

"Not yet. But I want to go over for the night. Talk to Lara."

If Kael wonders what I want to talk to my sister about, he doesn't show it. In fact, his face doesn't show anything at all.

He's dead silent on the drive to the Burke mansion, and he doesn't follow me up the stairs when I head to Lara's room.

I knock gently on the door, and she opens it, her eyes puffy, and her face pale, like she hasn't slept.

"Paige," she murmurs, pulling me into a big hug, and I hug her back, trying not to start trembling all over again.

"I need to talk to you," I whisper into her ear, and she pulls away, her eyes widening.

"Is something wrong? Is it Da?" There's an edge to panic in her voice.

"No. Nothing like that." I take her by the shoulders to comfort her. "It's stupid, really. Something I shouldn't be even thinking about at a time like this."

"I think I'd welcome something stupid." Lara chuckles. "It'll get my mind off things."

I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of her bed. I'm not sure how to start, and I want to be a little vague about it because I'm still not convinced that she won't blab to Declan or Gray.

"Paige?"

"I lost my virginity," I blurt out.

"You did what ?" Lara's eyes nearly bulge out of her head. "Who? When? Where? "

"Stop with the third degree. I'm not telling you who, but it was about a week ago, before all this with Da."

She raises an eyebrow. "Was it Kael?"

I gape at her. "Wh-why would you say that?"

Lara gives me a slow smile. "I saw the way he looked at you last night. The way you looked at him."

"You can't tell our brothers." I hold her hands in mine, squeezing them. "I don't want there to be a fight."

She looks almost offended. "I would never tell our brothers."

"You wouldn't?"

"Of course not. There are things we Burke girls must keep to ourselves, and guys are one of them."

"Even if it's Kael?"

" Especially if it's Kael. Can you imagine what Declan would do to him if he knew?" She whistles, and then laughs a little. "Thank you for telling me, though. This kind of drama is a lot more fun than the drama we've been having of late."

I frown. "I shouldn't be worried about it, but I can't help it. He's all I can think about when I'm not worrying about Da."

"I'm always worrying about Da."

I groan and place one of her pillows over my face. "See? I shouldn't be worried about Kael at all. I'm selfish and stupid."

Lara crawls onto the bed and hugs me. "You're not selfish and stupid. You're just a late bloomer, and Kael is the first guy you've ever really been allowed to be alone with."

"Do you think that's what it is?"

"I know so."

"So, I'm not in love?"

She blanches. "God, I hope not. "

Me, too.

I sniffle slightly as I look at her. "I should move back in, shouldn't I?"

"I can't tell you what to do, Paige. That's up to you. But if you're not moving in because of Kael... that would be a little selfish."

I nod slowly, knowing she's right. "Da needs me right now. I'll go and get the rest of my things in a bit."

Lara nods. "Your brownstone will always be there when he gets better."

The words if he gets better hang between us, unsaid.

A couple of hours later, Kael is helping me get my things out of his car, grunting and pulling out two suitcases.

"What do you have in here? Bricks?"

"Shoes."

"No one should have fifty pounds of shoes," he grumbles, but he carries them in all the same. He seems particularly grumpy today, but then again, doesn't he always? I've just gotten used to him being a bit more playful with me.

However, this is a serious time, and even though I miss it, I can understand why he's not flirting with me. Plus, we're at my family home, and he wouldn't want Declan or Gray to notice.

Lara watches Kael carry my things upstairs, his biceps bulging.

She hums, looking at me. "Now that I notice, he is kind of hot."

I elbow her. She giggles, and I roll my eyes. I am starting to regret telling her. She's going to tease me relentlessly .

But really, it was worth it. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, feel freer in a way. And with how heavy our lives are right now, that's a good thing.

Gray and Declan are both at the hospital, so I don't have to worry about them, at least not yet. I need to focus on my family, stop thinking about Kael, but it's difficult. When you try not to think about something, it seems to be the only thing you can think about.

I take a couple of bags upstairs and nearly bump into Kael in the hall.

He takes hold of my shoulders, physically picking me up and putting me on the other side of him. His face is blank while heat rushes through me at his touch.

I clear my throat, and he turns around.

"Need something, Paige?"

I frown. Normally, he'd call me "princess" or something, but I guess now it's back to my name.

"No," I say finally, and he heads back down the stairs to get the rest of my things.

Kael will be staying in the guest room next to mine, and he doesn't have much to move in, just his two duffel bags and his backpack.

He makes short work of getting us both moved in, and I sit down on my childhood bed, sighing heavily.

I guess this is just how we deal with each other now—blank expressions and a word here and there. It's not what I'd expected after everything that happened between us lately, but it's the way things are. I just have to deal with it.

Declan arrives home while I'm down in the living room, watching television with Lara while Kael stands nearby.

He smiles tiredly at me. "It's good to see you home, a'stor . "

"I'm sorry I hesitated." I get up to hug him. "You're right. We all need to be together for this."

I pause. "How's he doing? Any change?"

Declan shakes his head. "Not yet. The doctor says the next few days are still touch and go. We'll just have to see how it goes."

I nod, tears springing to the backs of my eyes.

"You'll stay with him tomorrow night, and Lara will take Tuesday."

Lara nods from the couch.

"Will Kael come with me to the hospital?"

Declan nods. "Nothing changed just because you are here now. He's to go wherever you go. I can't trust anyone else as much as I trust him."

I nod, thinking how wrong he is. Things have changed. And it'll be a little awkward if Kael keeps being so quiet.

I sleep fitfully that night, even though I don't remember my dreams. In the morning, I get ready to go to the hospital, wearing comfy clothes, sweatpants and a T-shirt. When I get downstairs, Kael waits by the door.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I sigh heavily and walk to the door, biting my lip.

"It's going to be okay," Kael says in a low voice, but I'm not sure I believe him. It does make me feel a bit better that he cares enough to say it, though.

At the hospital, it seems to take no time at all to get to Da's room. Kael can't come in because Da's only allowed one visitor, so he stays in the waiting room.

I have to do this alone.

I take a deep breath and push the door open. Machines whir and buzz to help my father breathe. He's hooked up to all kinds of wires .

A sob hitches in my chest.

"Oh, Da." I sit down in the chair next to his bed.

I take his hand, so cold and swollen from all the fluids they're giving him. I squeeze it, hoping against hope that he squeezes back.

Of course, he doesn't.

I put my head down, pressing my forehead to his hand, and start to cry.