Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

IZZY

" A re you following me home?" I ask Bishop once the wolves are out of sight.

"Yep." Bishop slings his arm over my shoulders now that the wolves aren't here. He's used to reining in his touchy-feely tendencies with me when other people are around. I guess Levi doesn't count as people.

"I figured as much. What about you, demon boy?" I turn to Levi with a brow raised.

He snorts at his new nickname. "Yes, I'll follow you home, little raven. But I'm not a demon."

"Whatever you say, screech owl." I mutter, " Aperire. " A portal whooshes into existence in front of us. I reach the portal in a few steps. Even though I know it's coming, I still hate the feeling of getting sucked into sticky quicksand. Luckily, it's over quickly, and I pop out in front of my house.

I live in a two-story, light-blue Victorian house. The porch, columns, and trim are all white, and the roof is dark gray that looks almost black. My favorite part of the house is the turret out front. While the bottom of the turret is a screened-in porch, the upstairs portion is open to the elements. I love lying out there on summer nights, breathing in the warm air and staring at the stars.

Bishop and Levi step out onto the perfectly trimmed green grass of the front yard. It's handy being a mage. Instead of spending an hour mowing weekly, my dad can just use his magic to trim it up. Magic is how I color the ends of my shoulder-blade-length hair blue and purple, too. It would be a lot of upkeep otherwise.

Letting the wisp of magic go, I close the portal behind us. I jog up the front of the white steps and push open the navy door. I shrug my backpack off in the entryway and untie my Converse. My mom prefers no shoes in the house but isn't super strict about it.

Once I'm sans shoes, I pad across the natural antique pine floors toward the kitchen. As an old Queen Anne Victorian, my house doesn't have an open-floor plan. Instead, I have to pass through the foyer, sitting room, and dining room to reach the kitchen where my mom is.

The kitchen is, for the most part, authentic to the time period of the house. Natural wood floors, sage green cabinets, marble countertops, and intricate molding dominate the space. Several large windows keep the space from feeling too dark. A long pine table sits in the middle as an island, which is where my mom is.

When I see her, I break into a run. "Mom!" I say louder than necessary as I crash into her and wrap my arms around her. My mom is a few inches shorter than me. We have the same golden hair, gray eyes, and pointed chins. As I squeeze her tight, I breathe in her familiar rose garden scent.

"Isabel, honey, is something wrong?" my mom asks as she squeezes me tight.

"I just had a nightmare." I pull back when I remember that Bishop and Levi are right behind me. It's probably weird to need reassurance from my mom as a grown adult, but the two of them can get bent if they have a problem with it.

When I step back, my mom smiles at Bishop, who's getting a glass of water, before looking at Levi. She turns her gaze back to me. "Who's this, Izzy?"

"My combat instructor," I tell her as unhelpfully as possible.

"Oh. Why is he here?" my mom asks with the patience of a saint. This woman should get sainthood for putting up with my moody ass for twenty-one years.

"He has a thing for banging students. I agreed to help him live out his fantasy for better grades. What better place to do the deed than my parents' house?" I deadpan. I'm impressed with myself for getting through all of that with a straight face.

My mom gapes at me. I hear coughing and turn to see Bishop choking on his water. Levi is helpfully patting his back. Once Bishop stops hacking up a lung, he glares at me. "Stop being a shit stirrer, Izzy." Bishop turns to my mom and explains, "Levi's another one of her mates, Maggie."

Mom turns to me slowly while glaring. I give her an innocent look and shrug. She shakes her head in exasperation. My mom is used to me being a little shit, though. Turning to Levi, my mom says, "Well, with that stellar introduction from my lovely daughter out of the way, it's nice to meet you, Levi."

Levi is as cool and collected as ever. He doesn't even seem mad at how I introduced him. I'd probably be a little peeved if I were him, but I'd still find it funny. Does anything faze him?

"It's wonderful to meet you," Levi tells my mom, dialing up the charm to eleven. I wish I had that ability, but I don't have any setting other than snarky shit stirrer.

"Why didn't you tell me you found another mate?" My mom turns back to the lasagna she's making. Yum. Her lasagna is definitely the best out there. I'm lucky my mom is such a good cook. We always eat well in our household.

While my mom likes cooking, I'm the baker of the family. I love the science aspect of baking. Of course, I enjoy the eating sweet treats part of baking too. That's what got me interested in the first place. "Well, I just found out today at school. I didn't have a chance to tell you."

"You have a phone," she points out while turning to place the dish in the oven. Once dinner's in the oven, she takes off her blue apron and smooths down her blue-and-white sundress.

"Fair." I could've texted her, but my day has been crazy.

"Did you hear that Amelia's missing too, now?" my mom asks distractedly as she starts in on the dishes. Bishop, being the thoughtful guy he is, immediately jumps in to help her.

"I didn't. What's that now, three mages missing in as many months?" Mages have been disappearing in Hawthorne Grove on and off for the last year. No one knows what's going on, but I don't have a good feeling about it.

I hope Amelia is all right. She's a few years younger than me and super sweet. I used to babysit her when I was in high school. Since she's from a less influential mage family, she was often the target of bullying too.

We don't have a chance to discuss it further because my oldest brother walks into the kitchen. "What's with all the commotion?" a sleepy Rhys asks. He must have worked late last night to just be getting up. Rhys works in private security. He's powerful enough he could've worked for the mage council, but Rhys wouldn't have done well with all the bureaucracy.

At least he put a shirt on with his blue flannel PJ pants. Rhys loves to wander around shirtless. It's embarrassing when I have people over, which, admittedly, isn't often.

As soon as I see my brother, I run over to him. I slam into him and give him a tight hug. I'm relieved to see that he's all right. My nightmares suck ass. His arms band around me briefly before I pull back. "Tell anyone I hugged you, and I'll slit your throat in your sleep," I whisper-threaten.

He barks out a laugh. "Someone woke up and chose violence today." Rhys ruffles the top of my hair, and I bat his hand away. It's rude to fuck with a lady's hair when two of her mates are watching. Rhys should totally know this.

"Today and every day," I confirm with a grin. Unlike my mom and Aiden, Rhys has always understood my violent side. That's probably why he went into the hands-on aspect of security, while Aiden, as a tech nerd, provides techy support for Elemental Security.

"Izzy found another one of her mates!" my mom interrupts. She's beaming from the other side of the kitchen, and I feel a little guilty I haven't told her about the wolves yet. Mom doesn't understand why I refuse to mate with Bishop. While she respects my decision, she does try to persuade me to change my mind frequently.

Rhys finally notices Levi. His eyes quickly take Levi in, assessing him for strengths and weaknesses. Once he's done giving Levi a once-over, Rhys turns to me. "This him?"

"Yep."

"You're not going to tell him I like to mess around with students, and you're on board for better grades?" Levi asks dryly. He raises one dark eyebrow at me as he talks, and he doesn't sound mad. I don't know him well enough to get a good read on him, though.

"Nope. Rhys wouldn't believe it," I tell Levi, making hesitant eye contact. His black-and-crimson eyes twinkle with mirth when I look at him. Knowing he's not angry at me, I let out a relieved breath.

Rhys snorts. "Yeah, kinda hard to believe when Izzy's a—" He abruptly stops speaking when I jam my elbow into his stomach. Rhys yelps and rubs a hand over his stomach.

"Rhys Matthew Gallagher, don't you dare!" I hiss at him. I will actually murder him if he finishes his statement. That's one thing my mates don't need to know about me.

"Okay, okay! Just don't jab me with your bony ass elbow again. There's nothing to be ashamed of, though, Iz." Rhys's hazel eyes are filled with brotherly affection as he stares down at me. My face heats at the awkward conversation we're having with two of my mates right there.

I need a subject change. Stat. Racking my brain for something, I remember Bishop working for the Nightshade Pack. "Do you even work with Rhys and Aiden full time, St. James? Or was that just another lie?"

Bishop's brows raise practically to his hairline at the abrupt subject change. He's probably wondering how he ended up in the hot seat. "Yes, I work with them as my primary job. I help out the Nightshade Pack on my own time. I never lied to you, sweetheart."

I shrug but don't say anything. I'm feeling suddenly overwhelmed with everything, all the secrets and lies and heartache. As Rhys starts talking to Bishop about some operation they're working on, I quietly slip out of the kitchen. When I'm sure no one's following me, I sprint to my room.

Instead of slamming open my room door like I usually do, I quietly open and close it. I grab my guitar and ease open my window. Stepping through the opening, I stand on the sloped gray roof for a moment. Then I jump off with a grin. I mutter, " Defensare ." A thick shield forms under my feet, cushioning my body from the fall.

I land in a crouch. Straightening, I wander to my favorite bench in our backyard. It's shaded by a towering elm tree, and the bench faces the forest. I have a beautiful view when I come out here. Lowering onto the stone seat, I lay my guitar across my lap. I also throw up a silencing dome. After a brief debate, I decide to play "Hits Different." I start strumming and belting out the song. Soon, I lose myself to the music.

I pour all of my heartache and sorrow and anger and hopelessness into the song. I'll give myself one song to feel everything I've been trying to avoid. Then I'm pushing the feelings to a dark corner of my mind, never to be seen again.

Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so fucking much?

Bishop is the only one of my mates that I really know. Yet it feels like my heart's cracking in half, thinking about any of them moving on. The thought of them ending up with someone else is worse than anything I've ever felt.

I have to let them go, even though it'll break me.

I'm so tired of hurting. That feels like all life is, jumping from one agonizing moment to another. Just existing feels like walking over a sharp, rocky cliffside, barefoot. It feels like breathing in glass, the jagged shards constantly tearing and ripping. It feels like there's a vise grip squeezing my heart and crushing it with each beat.

Some days, I wonder why I fight so hard to keep going. It would be so easy to heal just one ghost too many and fall headlong into oblivion. My family and mates would be safe, and I wouldn't hurt anymore. I wouldn't have to deal with the taunts, attacks, and memories.

Anytime I consider it, though, I'm bombarded with the vacant faces of all the damaged souls I've healed. I see their relief once I heal them, and I know I can't put my selfish wants and needs above them. Even though it's slowly draining my will to live, I have to keep healing ghosts until it kills me.

As the song ends, so too does my pity party. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I try my hardest to shove everything into a dusty, dark corner of my mind. I have so much I need to do, all of which relies on suppressing my feelings. I can't put one foot in front of the other each day if I think about it all.

A sob rips out of my chest during the process.

"I hate to interrupt, kid, but tall, dark, and scary and Bishop are behind you. They got past the dome," Aggie informs me.

"Fuck," I whisper as I try to wipe the tears from my face. I guess my silencing domes don't keep my mates out. That's inconvenient.

Levi snorts at Aggie's nickname. "I can hear you, ghost."

Aggie's spectral eyes widen as she looks at Levi over my shoulder. "I'm just going to…go elsewhere. Good luck, kid." She fades away. A small smile crosses my face at how wary she is of Levi.

Bishop rounds the bench and sits on my left, and Levi sits on my right. "Come here, sweetheart," Bishop whispers with his arms open. I dive headfirst into his chest. My tears soak his shirt as I cry in his arms for who knows how long.

When I've got my emotions under control, I pull back. "Sorry," I mumble as I stare at the ground, beyond embarrassed they both saw all of that.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Izzy." Bishop leans forward and rests his arms on his knees as he talks. He turns his head to stare at my hunched-over form. His piercing blue eyes study me, seeing far more than I want him to.

"I do. Feelings are gross, and I got them all over you." I gesture to his tear-soaked shirt.

Bishop and Levi both chuckle.

"Feelings aren't gross," Levi insists. "They're part of the human experience. The ability to feel things so strongly, whether it's joy, sorrow, rage, love, grief, or anything else, is what makes humans, well, human. These feeling are what make life worth living. The hope and love and joy are stolen moments in time you remember to help you get through the moments of grief and sorrow and pain. Without feeling, life would be a bland shadow of what it's supposed to be."

"Jesus, dude. Warn me before you get all philosophical and shit," I say in an attempt to deflect. I don't want either of them to know just how much I do feel. If they knew how hard it was to push them away, then they might push back harder. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist my mates if they really wanted me. To solve that problem, I just act like a raging asshole.

"Dinner's ready!" my mom calls from the back door, saving me from having to say anything else.

I hop up from the bench and stride to the door, guitar in hand. When I don't hear footsteps behind me, I turn back to Levi and Bishop. "You boys coming inside or what?"

"Anywhere you go, little raven, I'll follow," Levi tells me as he stands.

"Always, sweetheart. I'll always be by your side," Bishop declares.

Why do I get the feeling they're talking about more than heading inside for dinner?