Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

IZZY

I get the satisfaction of seeing Cain's jade eyes widen a fraction before I look back down to my French toast.

It's not the food I see, though. It's his empty blue eyes staring accusingly at me. His face twisted in a grimace as he lies there, broken, on the rubber chips of the playground. The grass stains on the knees of his pants and the cheery red-and-white stripes on his shirt.

I didn't mean to. It doesn't matter, though. It won't bring him back. It won't give him the peace I stole from him.

He's not the only one I've killed, but he's the one I regret with every fiber of my being. He's the one that haunts my nightmares, and the one I try my hardest to forget.

I try desperately to shove the memories away, not strong enough to deal with them right now.

"You want me to go full poltergeist on his ass?" Aggie asks me. She was there when it happened, so she knows exactly where my mind went. "Juice me up, and I'll haunt the shit out of him."

I let out a small watery chuckle at her offer. Lifting my gaze from the Formica tabletop, I meet Aggie's concerned one and give a small shake of my head.

My gaze strays to Cain, and I see remorse written on his face. He obviously expected the answer to be no. It should be if I were normal. The green-eyed wolf opens his mouth, probably to apologize, but I cut him off. I can't handle talking about this anymore. "Can we talk about something else? Please?"

The guys exchange glances with each other before Luca asks, "Why haven't you slept since Thursday?"

"I had late nights and early mornings." I'm thankful for the change in topic. I'm also pretty sure Luca asked something he thought would piss me off to take my mind off Cain's question. It's… strangely thoughtful, which makes me uncomfortable. I don't really know what to do with people being nice to me, and I don't like how I'm softening toward Luca.

"Why?" Luca presses.

Sighing, I give him a partial truth. "I work on Saturday mornings, volunteer on Sunday mornings, and have school early on Mondays. With late nights, I had no time to sleep in." My lips tip up in a small smile at the thought of my volunteering. I love working with the kids. The two days a week I volunteer are my absolute favorite days.

"Where do you work?" Archer asks as he turns toward me, throwing his arm along the back of the booth. His warm palm rests on my shoulder, and his fingers play with strands of my wavy, multicolored hair.

"Anya's Apothecary." With the town thinking I'm magicless, I'm not allowed to participate in most school activities, like sports. All of the clubs at school are run by students who don't want me tainting their activities. I feel a little like Rudolph, never being able to join in on the mage games.

The only way to keep myself busy was to find a job. Anya was the sole mage who was willing to hire a reject like me. I never had much interest in healing or making potions before working with her. Over the years, Anya has shown me so much, and she sparked a love of healing magic in me. It's nice to be able to do something to heal, instead of being neck-deep in death all the time.

"Where do you volunteer?" Cain asks quietly, like he's not sure I'll talk to him. It would be easier to be mad at him, but I'm not. He didn't ask the question to be malicious, and he had no idea it would pull up bad memories.

"I help with a music program for kids in a human town nearby." Most mages wouldn't waste their time helping normal humans. I love it, though. Around humans, no one's judging me for my magic. All the kids care about is that I can teach them how to play their favorite songs.

Thinking about the kiddos gives me warm fuzzies in my chest. It's disgusting. I hate feeling all gooey on the inside. It makes it hard to keep up my thorny exterior, which I need to maintain around the wolves and Levi. I can't have them liking me or anything. They need to stay away to be safe.

I look around the table and see that everyone's done eating, including Aggie. "Are we ready to go?" I'm more than ready to stop being in such tight quarters with my mates. Everyone nods, so I push on Archer to let me up. He slides out without protest. I ignore the hand he holds out to help me up and hop up on my own. As I stand, I release the threads of my magic. The silencing dome and cloak disappear with a whistle.

Pushing past Archer, I speed walk out of the diner. I don't pause to check if everyone follows. When I step outside, I suck in a huge lungful of air that doesn't smell like my mates. Being wrapped up in their scents is messing with my head.

I pinch my eyes shut as I wait for everyone to catch up. Spending time with the wolves and Levi is definitely a bad idea. If I weren't a stickler about keeping my word, I would definitely renege on the dates with the wolves. The more time I spend with them, the more things I find to like about each of them.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Bishop asks as he steps up behind me. He flattens his hands on my stomach and pulls my back against his front. With my eyes still closed, I enjoy the contact for a second. Once I hear voices behind us, I break away from him.

"As okay as I ever am, St. James." I turn to face the wolves and Levi. All of them are staring at me. Being the center of attention like this makes me uncomfortable.

Noticing my discomfort, Luca turns to my right and starts walking. The wolves follow him. Before I can take off after them, Levi hands me my backpack. He's been lugging the bag around since this morning, and I'm grateful he didn't forget about it. I definitely did.

Taking the backpack, I start after the wolves, Levi and Bishop trailing after me.

Cain drops back behind Archer and Luca to walk side by side with me. "Can I talk to you, Isabel?" he asks softly.

When I turn to look at him, I see him peering down at me. His mossy eyes have a touch of vulnerability that have me agreeing before I think better of it. "Sure. What's up?" Bishop and Levi walk faster to get ahead of us to give us privacy.

"I'm sorry about earlier, angel," Cain starts. I guess he found a nickname for me too. Jokes on him, though. I'm about as far away from an angel as you can get. There's nothing good about me. That's why I have the magic I do. "I didn't think the answer would be yes, or I wouldn't have asked it."

"I figured as much," I tell him. "Why did you ask it, then?"

Cain sighs and shoves his hands in his black suit pant pockets. With his crisp white button-down and black slacks, he's dressed way fancier than the rest of us. His shirt is rolled up to his elbows, showing off his tanned, muscular forearms.

"I worried you were romanticizing what we do. It's not like it is in movies and games. It's messy and bloody and isn't always clear-cut. Even bad people have spouses, children, parents, and friends who are devastated by their deaths. I didn't want you to think we're the good guys, only to be disgusted when you found out it wasn't glamorous like you thought."

"That's fair. I'm aware of the gritty details of killing people, Cain. I'm not making it out to be sunshine and rainbows, but I also don't think you're the bad guys. I've seen enough evil to know the difference," I add quietly.

Cain doesn't say anything for several moments. When I chance a glance up at him, I see him staring down at me thoughtfully. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm a good listener. I won't judge you."

My lips tip up into a small smile at his offer. The aloof wolf seems to have a soft center underneath all the gruffness.

"Thanks," I respond, knowing I won't take him up on it. Most of the messed-up shit I've seen that I should probably talk to someone about is magic related. Talking about it puts the other person in danger, so I just keep it all inside. Letting it fester isn't the healthiest option, but I don't really have any other choice.

We walk in companionable silence down the main street for probably ten minutes. When we turn the corner, I spot a seventies Dodge Charger. It has shiny blank paint and white leather seats. With it looking pristine, it's clear someone takes very good care of the muscle car.

"St. James!" I call. When he looks back at me, I point out the Charger excitedly. Bishop smiles at my enthusiasm and looks where I point. When he spots the black car, he knows exactly what I'm fangirling over.

Bishop nudges Luca and nods back to me. When Luca sees me staring at the car, a full-blown grin crosses his face. "You like my car, little one?" My heart skips a beat at his genuine joy. Putting that smile on his normally scowling face makes my insides warm and mushy.

"That's yours?" I squeak without taking my eyes off the coolest car I've ever seen.

"Yeah. I restored it myself." Luca walks over to the Charger, and I follow him. I try not to swoon at seeing my dream car in person.

"That's so cool!" I gush.

"Do you like cars, Izzy?" Luca leans against the hood of the muscle car. He crosses his arms as he watches me with one side of his mouth still kicked up in a smile. Luca's charcoal tee rides above his jeans in this position. I mostly succeed at not drooling over his washboard abs.

"Yeah, I think old cars are cool. But I like Chargers like yours because of my favorite show of all time."

"What show?" Archer asks. He looks like he's trying to smother a laugh at my excitement over Luca's car.

" Burn Notice ." It's by far the best show ever made. I've watched it so many times, I practically have it memorized. I can recite the opening monologue by heart, at this point.

"Never heard of it. I'll have to watch it sometime." Archer grins down at me as I beam up at him. His golden blond hair falls in front of his aquamarine eyes when he tilts his face down to mine. My eyes flick down to his full lips as I wonder what it'd be like to kiss him.

Fuck. That's not a thought I need to be having. I whip my gaze away from the kissable wolf and back to the car.

"Do you know how to drive stick shift, little one?" Luca asks, dragging my attention to him.

It takes me a moment to realize what he's asking. "You'd let me drive it?" My voice is high pitched with shock. I thought guys were supposed to be super weird about letting other people drive their cars. Luca just nods at me. "That would be so cool! I don't know how to drive at all, though." I've never regretted my inability to drive until now. There's really no need to drive when I can just portal wherever.

"I'll have to teach you, then." Luca grins as I run to him. I wrap him in a quick hug before stepping back. I know I have a stupid smile on my face, but oh well. "Speaking of that, we wanted to talk to you about the dates you promised us. What days work the best for you?"

I'm momentarily stunned speechless. I didn't think the big wolf gave a shit about my schedule. He keeps surprising me by being thoughtful, and I don't like it. It's easier to stay away when he's a major ass.

"Mondays are usually my only free day, so I guess any Monday will work."

"What do you do the rest of the week?" Cain asks me.

"Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I work. Wednesdays and Sundays, I volunteer. Most Fridays are family dinner nights." Keeping busy takes my mind off everything I have to worry about. I try to pack my days full, so I don't have much time to think about all the things that can, and likely will, go wrong in my life.

"We'll take your next three Mondays, little one. I'll meet you after school this coming Monday," Luca informs me. I nod while grimacing at the awful nickname he came up with for me.

Archer surprises me by wrapping me up in a hug. He squeezes me tight and plants a kiss on top of my head. When he lets me go, Archer jogs around to the other side of the Charger.

Cain eyes me like he wants to give me a hug but doesn't want to get stabbed. Smart wolf. Sighing, I open my arms in invitation. He walks into my arms and gently wraps his muscled arms around me. Cain acts like I'll break if he squeezes me too hard, but I'm made of tougher stuff than that.

"See you around, angel," Cain tells me with a small smile as he follows Archer around to the other side of the muscle car.

Bishop, Levi, and I retreat to the sidewalk as we watch the three wolves drive away. It feels like a chunk of my heart is driving off with them. Part of me cries out for them, hurting with the distance between us. I ruthlessly squash it down.

Even though Luca can be a shithead, I'm already starting to care for the wolves. That's why I won't ever let anything happen between us. Caring about someone means I have to let them go. No matter how much it kills me inside.