57. Madden

57

Madden

I t isn't particularly late, but the kids are asleep and Tessa disappeared an hour ago, saying she was going to read for a bit. She's still a little guarded around me, like she's unsure of how things stand since the threesome.

I feel bad about that because she did nothing wrong and I fucking want her, but if I cave again, I know I won't be able to stay away from her. And if that happens, I'm fucked.

Relationships are messy, and caring for someone means getting hurt when it inevitably falls apart.

Cin says I'm being a dick, and he's right, but putting some distance between me and Tessa is the right thing to do. Now that Enzo is dead and Mashkov has disappeared, Tessa is probably safe here in this apartment. But Cin doesn't want to leave her unprotected. He's convinced she's still in danger.

And from the way Kade is still hanging around, he probably thinks the same.

I flick through the millions of channels on the TV but there's nothing to watch, so I switch it off and wander out on to the terrace.

It's been a while since I spent any time in the city. I'm a country boy at heart and given the choice, that's where I'd make my permanent home. If I didn't have a business to run and clients to look after, I'd stay in my house in the forest full-time.

Buttons trots through the open door while I stare out across the city. She pees on the fake grass Kade brought her and then comes to sit next to me, staring up at me hopefully, as if I can magic up some treats.

"I don't have any biscuits for you," I tell her. She waits for a few moments while debating whether I'm lying, her tail wagging furiously, then gives up and leaves. Presumably heading back to Harry's room, where she always sleeps. The two of them are joined at the hip and I know she's missed him since he started kindergarten.

Kade's out and Cin has gone downstairs to do some laps of the pool. I could have joined him, but none of us like leaving Tessa on her own, even if this apartment is like Fort fucking Knox.

While I trust Cin when he says the security system is state-of-the-art, I also think we need to be careful if there's a traitor in Alberto's inner circle, as Kade believes.

No security system in the world can protect Tessa if someone has a key to the castle.

I walk back inside, lock the sliding door, and then head to my bedroom to read for a bit. When I pass Tessa's room, I hear a low-pitched whimper. For a moment, I pause, wondering if I imagined it or it's Harry, but then it comes again, only a bit louder this time.

It's not Harry's voice.

Tessa's door is closed, but she's clearly in distress. I can't leave her like this, even if walking into her bedroom feels like a violation of her privacy. Besides, I know if Cin was here, he'd have no such qualms.

When I open the door, she's burrowed under the covers, whimpering like a kicked puppy. It might be a nightmare. There have been several times over the last few weeks when I've heard her cry out, but I've always resisted going to her. I figured it wasn't my place.

Now, though, I can't ignore her when she's in distress.

I touch her shoulder but she doesn't wake up. Her skin is clammy. Red hair spills out over the white pillow with some strands stuck to her damp cheeks. She's been crying.

"No," she murmurs, still locked in her dream world. "No!"

"Tessa." Waking someone from a nightmare is tricky. The last time I dreamed about the worst day of my life, Cin tried to wake me and I almost throttled him to death.

"Tessa." I shake her shoulder a bit harder. Even if she throws a punch, it's not going to hurt me. But she doesn't wake.

"Don't touch me," she cries and I leap back. Does she know I'm here? God, the last thing I want is for her to think I'm touching her inappropriately while she sleeps. Goddammit I should have carried on walking. "Please, stop!"

Tears track down her cheeks but she lies still, acting like she's paralyzed when in fact there's nothing holding her down. This nightmare must be a really bad one. It's got her locked down so hard she can't escape.

"Tessa! Wake up!" This time, I shake her hard, and it works. Her eyes flutter open and she stares at me in surprise.

"Madden? What's going on?" For a moment, she just looks confused, but then fear blooms in her eyes. "Oh my god, are the kids OK? Has something happened?" She sits up and the sheet falls away. I try not to notice she's wearing a very faded cami top that does nothing to hide her dark nipples. Now is not the time to get a hard-on.

"The kids are fine." I reach out and touch her wrist lightly. "You were having a nightmare. I heard you crying when I walked past and stepped into your room to make sure you were OK."

She exhales slowly and sinks back against the pillows. It's dark in here, but the faint light from the doorway is enough to illuminate the way her cami stretches over her tits. But nope, I'm not looking.

"Sorry, I must have been dreaming."

"What was it about? Can you remember?" I'm curious. The fact she has regular nightmares tells me there's some buried trauma trying to resurface, which is something I'm all too familiar with.

"No, not really." She chews her lip. "It's always the same. I'm lying in a room and I can't move. There are people there, whispering. I try to open my eyes but it's like my eyelids are stuck together."

"Anything else that sticks out?" Dreams are rarely literal but if this is a flashback to something that happened, something she's blocked out, the details could be useful in unlocking her memories.

"Not really. I can never remember much when I wake."

"I have nightmares, too." The words fall out unbidden and I'm not sure why I feel the need to share such a private thing. I shift uncomfortably on the bed. It's late. I should leave her to get back to sleep. The kids will be awake at the crack of dawn.

"What about?" Her soft voice cuts through my inner monologue and I look up to find her watching me.

"Afghanistan."

She nods, reading me perfectly. Her hand stretches out and grasps mine. "If you ever want to talk...I'm a good listener."

"I'm fine." My voice is clipped. I hate people asking me about my time there. All that shit is best left where it belongs. In the past. Talking about it won't bring them back.

"OK." Her expression shutters. She understands I'm pushing her away and accepts it. "I should probably try and get back to sleep." Now she's fully awake, she belatedly realizes how exposed she is and quickly pulls the sheet up over her breasts.

If I was Cin, I'd offer to stay until she fell asleep. But I'm not. So I stand.

Just as I'm about to leave, she reaches for me. "Madden?"

Tears sparkle on her cheeks in the half-light. I want to crawl into bed with her and hold her so damn tight she can't breathe. For a moment, the temptation to do exactly that is so strong I'm not sure I can fight it. But then the urge passes and I take a step back, schooling my face into its customary blank expression, even though I know she can't see it because the light is behind me.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for... um... checking on me."

The tension in my chest eases. I'm being an ass and I know it. She wasn't prying.

"Anytime, baby girl."

I go back to my bedroom, close the door, and pick up the book I've been reading for the last week. Some time later, when I fall asleep, my usual nightmare comes to torment me. This time, however, gunfire, dying men, and a sun that burns my skin to a crisp morphs into something new.

Tessa screams for me to save her but I can't reach her, no matter how hard I try.