43. Tessa

43

Tessa

" M a-ma!" Chloe lets go of my hand and I step back. She wobbles but stands firm, a look of grim determination on her little face. She's only 10 months old, but my clever girl has been pulling herself up on the furniture for the last three weeks, and today she seems determined to take her first step.

"Come on, baby girl, you got this," I say encouragingly. She focuses on my hands, reaching out for me while taking a hesitant step forward. The grass is soft and she's wearing a thick diaper, so even if she falls, she won't hurt herself.

"Ma-ma!" she babbles again before pressing one foot in front of the other.

"That's it!"

Two more steps and she's almost there. The screen door slams and Cin steps out.

"Is she walking?" he yells, breaking Chloe's concentration. She loses her balance and sits down hard. I think she's going to cry, but she rallies and reaches for my hand, pulling herself back up.

Ignoring Cin for the moment, I encourage Chloe to try again. This time, she's more confident. She takes one step, then another, and by the time she's had enough, she's managed to walk a respectable distance. Much further than I expected.

"Clever girl!" I pick her up and kiss her curls. From the way she babbles away to me, she's very pleased with herself.

When we reach the deck, she twists away and holds her arms out to Cin.

"Da-da-da!" she coos. Cin goes still and looks at me, caught between delight and horror.

"She's not said dada before." I'm trying not to overthink it, but it makes me sad that Cin is more of a father figure than her actual fucked up father. I pass her over to him and force a smile.

Cin must read the conflict in my expression because he tries to correct Chloe. "Cin-Cin!"

"Da-da," she repeats, tapping his cheek with her chubby fist.

He sighs ruefully. "Shi...sorry, I'm not sure why she thinks I'm her dad."

"Probably because Enzo never spent much time with her, and when he was there, he ignored her."

"What an ass... horrible man. Chloe is precious. She doesn't deserve a fuc... father like that. I'm sorry, Tessa."

"Not your fault. Once we leave, you can forget you ever had a temporary kid." My attempt at humor falls flat and disappointment flashes across Cin's face. He's really taken to the role of temporary father to my children.

"Did you want kids?" I ask as he sits down on the swing seat with Chloe on his lap.

"Yeah. Not sure if I should have kids, mind you. I didn't have a good role model growing up." There's a lot he's not saying, I can tell, but I don't pry. It's none of my business. "Where's Harry and Buttons anyway?"

"He was throwing a ball for her by the trees." I look up. Now that Cin's mentioned him, I realize I can't hear Buttons barking or Harry's laughter. And when I scan the area where they were playing, there's no sign of either of them.

My heart rate spikes as a succession of images flash through my mind, each one more horrific than the last. Harry floating face down in the pond. Harry torn apart by a rabid mountain lion. Harry kidnapped and stuffed into the back of a car.

"Harry!" I yell at the top of my voice, frantic with worry.

"Tessa, calm down. He's probably in the trees." Cin's reassuring voice cuts through, but I'm not stupid. Harry wouldn't disappear like this. He knows better than to run off without telling me. I've drummed it into him since he was old enough to walk. The world is a dangerous place. I know this better than most people.

This is my fault. I should never have taken my eye off him.

Like most small boys, he's way too curious for his own good.

If anything happens to my boy--

"Tessa!" Cin shakes my arm. "Take Chloe while I go search for him!"

He pushes Chloe at me. She's picked up on our anxiety and her lip wobbles. Then the tears come thick and fast, soaking my tee. "Hush, baby," I murmur as Cin runs toward the trees.

"Harry!" he yells. "Buttons!"

There's a faint woof and Buttons appears, barking frantically, her tail wagging. She jumps around Cin and then dashes back into the trees. They both disappear. Holding Chloe so tightly she squeals, I jog across the grass, my eyes peeled for a glimpse of Cin and Harry.

I hear yelling through the trees and a child's scream. Chloe's cries grow louder as I squeeze her against my chest, but I'm terrified that if I let her go, I'll lose her too.

There's a faint rumble of a car engine and then Cin reappears, a screaming boy tucked under his arm.

The relief is so great I collapse, unable to prevent the tears from streaming down my face.

"Mommy!" Harry reaches for me when Cin gets closer. Buttons jumps up and tries to lick his face and some of his cries turn into giggles.

Cin's expression is tight, but he shakes his head when I look at him.

"Let's get everyone back to the house." Where it's safer is the sub-text.