Chapter Twenty

CHAPTER TWENTY

Val

I 've never wanted to tell anyone about what I endured with my family before. I thought about it, of course, but I was terrified of so many situations that I could've found myself in. Not to mention I was scared for my brothers and sisters.

Not my mother, though.

She stayed, when she should've left. So many times she should've left.

But she never cared about anything other than making my father happy, and serving her Lord. I harbor a lot of anger toward her, and I'm unsure of how I'll react if I see her again. Collecting my thoughts, I tangle my fingers in Vaughn's shirt.

"I don't know where I should start."

"At the beginning, it's always the best. For me the beginning for you, is why you left. It could actually be classified as your ending, but you decided to change your life."

Vaughn is thoughtful, much more than I'd assumed when he and I started this. That's what I get for assuming so much about this man. He's intrigued me since the first moment I met him, but never in a million years did I think we'd be where we are right now. "And because of that, you're right. It was my beginning."

"You ready to tell me about your ending? What forced you to leave?"

I swallow hard, and close my eyes. I don't want him to see my face, I don't want to see his eyes when I admit what I was living through. What I was allowing myself to tolerate. "I kind of always thought that my life was different from others, but it didn't quite hit me until I was a bit older. As an early teen, I was confident that the life I was living was what I was supposed to be doing, that we were doing things in order to get into heaven. That's what my father continued to say over and over again, we needed to live our lives in a way that we'd be able to get into heaven."

"Which is deranged for someone to be saying to a child. How old were you?" His rough voice asks, his finger making circles on my shoulder. It's comforting, and I'm beyond glad he's here with me.

"It started when I was very young. One of my first memories was my father telling me not to anger my elders because God would want me to behave and follow the rules. When I was ten, I was told that the only way for me to honor my parents would be to obey them. Every word, every rule, every action. No matter what those words, rules, or actions were. They were meant to instill fear in us, and it did, up until the moment I left. The way they did, I almost didn't notice."

He chuckles. "That's how cults start, Val. You don't realize you're being brainwashed until one day you wake up and you have no idea what the fuck you've been doing."

I hate to admit he's right. "One day it was as if a light bulb went off over my head. I looked around, noticed we were all wearing the same things, doing the exact same work every day, and there was no individuality. I wanted so badly to cut my hair."

Running his hands through the strands that are still so long they go down to my but, he comments. "Why haven't you done that yet?"

"Part of me is still scared." I whisper. "Standing up to the ideals you had your whole life is hard, but it's what happened the night before I left that pushed me to go."

His arms tighten around me, giving me the courage I need to get through this.

"I'd noticed my uncle watching me much closer than he ever had." I start.

"The fucker that showed up here the other day?"

"Yeah, same one." The ticking of the clock in the background is loud to my ears, the hot water heater thunders along with it. For a moment it all seems to be too much. But then I realize that the more I shy away from it, the more power I give him, Vaughn's right. "One night, he came into my bedroom after everyone had gone to sleep. I heard him because I wasn't asleep yet, but something told me I needed to pretend like I was. So I did."

His grip tightens on me. "I want you to know if I get angry, it's absolutely not at you, it's at this piece of shit. I think I know what you're going to tell me, but this is your story, and I want you to continue."

I nod, because I understand. It makes me angry every time I think about it. I gather my courage, and continue. "He looked around, before locking the door. Since I was the oldest, I was allowed to have my own room, and it was my safe haven. I spent most of my time there, and it was one of the only rooms in the house with a lock on it." I think back to that night, shivering slightly. "When I heard the lock turn, I was terrified. It was as if I knew what was about to happen." He'd talked softly, calling my name, and I'd ignored him. "He walked over to my bed and had a seat on the side."

Vaughn rubs my arm. "Go on."

My ears ring and it's as if I'm right back in that moment again. "He reached over, and started rubbing my leg through the blankets. I tried not to make a move, to continue to pretend like I was asleep." I shrug, inhaling deeply before blowing it back out. "I thought that's what would be best."

"You did absolutely nothing wrong. First of all you're his niece, second of all the age gap between you two is significant, and third? Consent is sexy. What the fuck?"

His response helps me to continue. "I was thinking a lot of the same in my head as I waited to see what he was going to do. He stopped for a moment and I thought I was home free, but then his hand slipped under the blanket, and it went right between my legs. Before I could react, he'd gone past my underwear, and his finger was touching my bare skin."

He doesn't say anything, he just continues holding me tightly, dropping kisses to my forehead, and at that point, I know I can tell him the rest.

"That wasn't it though. I turned my head to the side, to scream, and he covered his lips with mine. He shoved his finger up inside me, and I tried to yell, but his mouth kept me from doing so. I was terrified." The tears start now, and I'm the same scared woman I was back there in that bed.

Vaughn growls in the back of his throat. "I'm not going to lie. I'm going to kill this motherfucker if he ever gets in my line of vision again. For scaring you, for hurting you, and for being such a piece of shit human-being. He should be in jail, Val. And if not that, he should be in hell for hurting you. I'd gladly send him there."

This is everything I've always wanted to hear, what I'd desperately needed. Someone to tell me I was safe and to take me away from the nightmares. There wasn't anyone in my life who was willing to protect me, which is why I left, and now I have Vaughn. It would be so easy for me to lean on him for anything and everything, but I need to be strong.

"No..." he starts. "I see what you're doing. You're stiffening that upper lip and setting your jaw. If there's one thing I've learned about you in the small amount of time we've been together, it's that you're about to ice me out. You're about to be super strong, and not let me be there for you. Don't do that. We're stronger together." He entwines our hands. "This bond? It's unbreakable, babe."

I desperately want to believe him, but I've never been able to count on anyone before. "How do I know that?"

He noses my forehead. "You're going to have to trust me, and I'm willing to build to that, but you have to let me in. At least begin to. It's going to take more than me telling you a few pretty words, I'm aware of that. But I need you to start allowing me to see these parts of your, Val."

"Will you let me see yours too?" I ask, not wanting to be the only vulnerable one in the relationship.

"I don't have these types of things that have happened to me. I'm more of a loose cannon when people try to threaten the things I care about - you - in this instance. I'll let you see how it affects me, and I'll trust you with it to show you that I can be trusted."

I roll those words around in my head. Thankful that he's willing to let us discuss this. In my family there were no discussions. It was either you agreed, or you learned to keep your mouth shut and suffer in silence. "Okay, it's not easy for me to do this."

"I know." He cups my face in his palms, bringing our mouths together. He pulls away right after our lips meet. "Is this alright?" He motions between us. "I don't want a kiss between us to trigger you."

How do I explain this to someone like Vaughn who's never had to deal with a situation of this magnitude before? I decide to just put out exactly what I want. I can't pretend that this didn't happen to me, there's no sense in that. It did, and now I'm going to have to learn to live with it. There's an idea evolving in the back of my mind, and I'm unsure if Vaughn will go for it, but I need it more than I can explain. "Can I ask you a favor?"

His dark eyes meet mine. "You can ask me anything. Never be afraid to question me."

This is uncomfortable, but I'm never going to get comfortable with it if I don't put myself out there. "Kiss me, do all the things he did to me, and erase it. Give me good memories."

"Are you sure?" He whispers. "I don't want you doing something that you think I want you to. I'm expecting nothing."

"I know." I nod, running my hands down his arms. "But it's what I want. You can replace those nightmares with dreams, Vaughn. Please do it."

"Okay." He licks his lips. "If at any time you don't like what's happening, all you have to do is say so."

And the next thing I know, his mouth is slanting over mine, erasing those awful memories, making new ones.