4. Jordan

4

JORDAN

Normally, I sat smugly in the jail cell and waited to be released. Not today. I was a caged bear ready to be set free so I could lay waste to everyone and everything in my path. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to get to Vail and Hartley.

Lana had been to the station twice. The first time was to speak to me and the second was to let me know Vail had talked with the police and they were working on releasing me. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but when the door opened and the fucker on the other side moved so I could step out, it took everything in me not to grip his neck and slam his head into the bars.

Albert sat outside with my Maserati, a calm presence I needed. Lana would meet me at my home tomorrow. I couldn’t handle any more legal bullshit right now. I paid a hefty sum for her to deal with shit like this, and that was what she was doing.

The guy I had on Gil wasn’t any help. It didn’t matter that he was an ex-FBI agent who did private work now that he’d retired. They wanted an impartial source. Not that Vail’s guy was, but it didn’t come from me. Vail had no criminal record and a PFA against his ex, as well as a reason to follow Gil. I did too, but again, no one gave a fuck about my source.

Thanks to Vail speaking to the cops and his guy, plus my solid alibi, there was no reason to keep me. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t drag my ass back in for something else in the future. They always would. But that wasn’t for me to worry about now.

“Can’t you drive any faster?” I growled from the back seat. The traffic was brutal, thanks to an accident.

“Unless you’d like a tour of the Dremest suburbs, this is the best I can do,” Albert said in his usual casual tone.

“Just get me home.”

“Perhaps you should call Mr. Weathers and Mr. Ayers. That would ease your mind for a bit.”

“I don’t want to speak to them over the phone. I need Vail to look in my eyes and see I had nothing to do with Gil’s disappearance.”

“I think you’ll need more than that. You’re a master at spinning tales, sir, and Vail knows it.”

“There is no reason for me to lie to him. I told him I wouldn’t go after his ex, and I didn’t. I don’t break my word.”

“Mr. Ayers hasn’t been with you long enough to know everything about you. Yes, he knows what matters, but there’s much more to you than that. Those of us who’ve been with you for a while can read you.”

Malik could too. For years, he was my second-in-command. Sometimes it was like he knew me better than I knew myself. I shouldn’t have thought of him, but his letter still sat in my mind. A handful of sentences replaying over and over.

When you find love, Jordan, hold on to it with everything you have. Don’t let the one you give your heart to slip away. Fight, cherish, and do what you have to so the person you love sees the real you.

He told me to hold on to love when I found it. I had, but it felt like sand running through my fingers, the granules drifting by so fast I couldn’t grasp them. What I had left were bits that didn’t equal a whole. Maybe that was because I didn’t feel whole. At least not until I had them.

For a while, I was complete. I had men I would die for and who knew what I did, yet didn’t tell me to stop. They understood I couldn’t.

Then the fucking cops showed up and threw cuffs on me.

A growl worked up my throat.

“If you think that’s going to get me to move faster, you’ve been in prison too long,” Albert said. “You’ve clearly forgotten how vehicles work, as well as traffic lights and crosswalks. Cars don’t fly, sir. You won’t even let me get hybrids for your fleet. Did you know you can save money by switching to…”

Jesus, was he seriously going to talk about electric cars?

I tuned him out and focused my attention on the buildings slowly creeping by my window. My thoughts kept going to Vail and Hartley, wondering what they were thinking, what they’d said to one another.

“…not to mention what it would do to help the environment,” Albert said. How long was he talking about that for?

We pulled into the garage beneath the building. I was practically vibrating with the desire to get the fuck out of the car and into the elevator so I could see my men.

The moment I had my feet on the ground, Barry was waiting for me. “They searched the building, sir.”

“I figured.” I slammed the door behind me, not missing Albert’s quiet tsk. “Obviously, they found nothing because I had nothing to do with that piece of shit falling off the radar.”

“No, but Vail and Hartley were here when it was searched. Barrett was with the other cops.” I wasn’t certain if I liked or hated him more for being there. I guess if he was, he could reassure them.

“Everyone is cleared out?”

“Yes, sir. Only the people who are supposed to be here are.”

“Thank you.”

Barry’s eyes widened, and his mouth gaped slightly.

“Fuck’s sake,” I growled. That couldn’t have been the first time I’d told him, right? “I know how to say thank you.” Stomping past him, I went to the elevator, where Sheldon waited. He blocked the closed doors, not letting me hit the button. “Move.”

“If you go up there the way you are now, you’re going to scare Vail off. Hartley isn’t okay, but he’s not on the verge of leaving. One wrong word or look from you and Vail will pack his bags. Calm yourself before you go.”

Vail was ready to leave? I knew it could happen, but the cold hard reality of it spread through my veins to my heart, making everything feel like it was seizing up inside me.

Sheldon put his hand on my arm. “Breathe. Feel whatever you are, give it time, then let it go.”

Anyone else, I would have ripped off their arm, but Sheldon was trying to save my relationship and for that, he’d live.

I let him guide me through deep breaths and listened to his voice as he helped put me in a calmer state. When he was through, I was more scared shitless than angry from the day’s events.

What if this was the last time I would see Vail in our home? What if he was packing his belongings as I stood here? Answering to a loved one wasn’t my norm. But I had to try. I had to bare my soul for them to see I hid nothing. That meant evidence.

“Can you grab the?—”

Sheldon handed me a piece of paper.

“What about the?—”

My phone dinged in my pocket.

“And the?—”

“In the encrypted shared folder.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I cocked an eyebrow. Shocking those who worked for me had become my new thing, yet he said you’re welcome.

“You’re changing for the good. I like what they bring out in you. You’re still… you, but there’s this other version. The one who shows you’re human and not completely heartless. That’s the person I knew was in there. It took the right people to bring him out for more to see.”

I wasn’t certain how to respond, so I leaned around him and hit the button for the elevator. When the doors opened, Raiden stood inside.

“Sir.” He nodded.

Getting in, I left Sheldon to do whatever Sheldon did when he wasn’t on a job for me, while Raiden and I rode up.

“They’re okay?” I asked.

“As much as they can be.”

“Reghan is with them?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can you grab him and wait for me elsewhere when we get upstairs? I’d like some privacy. If all goes to hell, I’ll need help moving Vail and possibly Hartley out. If it goes well, I’ll text you so you and your brother can get some sleep. Let Barry know I’m in for a while if the latter happens.”

“Yes, sir.”

The elevator dinged its arrival as I took a deep breath and stepped into my home. The place was always cold before, which I’d done on purpose. No warmth. No inviting feeling. Hartley and Vail were leaving their touches in small ways, making this a place I wanted to return to. They could pack up my belongings and put them in storage for all I cared. They were all that mattered, and here I stood on the cusp of possibly losing them.

Hartley came to me first, with tears shimmering in his eyes. He hesitated for only a second before throwing himself into my arms. His face tucked against my neck, hot puffs of breath skating over my flesh, warmed me in a way I so desperately needed.

I vaguely heard the elevator doors close, signaling we were truly alone.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” he said between soft cries. “We knew you’d get out but seeing you handcuffed then driven away…” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “Now you’re here and I never want to let you go.”

My arms were tight bands of steel around him. No one could pry me off.

When I lifted my gaze, I found Vail leaning against the back of the couch, watching us with an unreadable expression.

I didn’t move Hartley away, giving him the time he needed to feel what he did. These men were so much more than I deserved.

Hartley finally leaned away, swiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He gave me a watery smile. “I just cried all over your suit.”

“You think I care about my clothes when it comes to you?”

“But I made it, and it looks good on you. It’s okay.” He brushed over my lapel. “I’ll make you more.”

“Thank you, Hart.”

His bottom lip trembled. “Only Vail and my brother call me that. And you say it like Vail does.”

“How’s that?”

“Like my name is more than just something to call me. Like when you say it, you’re pouring how you feel for me into it.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I loved him. While I didn’t think Hartley would leave me, I couldn’t say what would happen with him if Vail walked away. And that thought alone kept me from speaking the words I felt in my chest, in my damn soul. I didn’t want to utter them, only for them to be pushed aside as I watched the men I loved leave. There was only so much heartbreak a person could handle. I’d met my quota years ago with Malik’s death.

Cupping Hartley’s cheeks, I brushed his tears away with my thumbs. “That’s because you mean the world to me. When I speak your name, it’s from in here.” I placed a hand over my heart. It was as close to a declaration as I could speak.

Hartley pressed forward until his lips met mine in a far too chaste kiss. When he pulled away, he turned to look at Vail, as did I.

My legs shook, and I nearly stumbled forward like a newborn deer.

Maybe I had to learn to walk again.

Maybe I had to learn to truly put my heart in someone else’s hands for the last time.

Because there was no one after them. If they walked away, I was done. No more women. No more men. No more anyone.