61. I thought you were a feminist

SIXTY-ONE

I'd been trying my best to ignore Parker and his sweaty, hard chest strutting around the gym like he owned the place. I turned up the music playing through my headphones in an effort to block out the clang of the plates when he hefted the bench press up and down. Evan made my workout plan, and I refused to stray from it because Parker was distracting to look at and I was anxious about him leaving.

We were stationed at weight racks next to each other in front of a full length mirror. Meaning I had a front row seat to the gun show. I hated how much I enjoyed it and that he knew I was watching him. This new Parker was cocky as hell and… okay, yeah it turned me on a little. I liked that he had the balls to match my attitude. He pushed back and indulged my invitations for verbal sparring. It was kind of fun.

I wasn't playing a game about him leaving and not knowing what the future would hold for us. I knew what I hoped the outcome would be, but admitting it out loud was like telling the card dealer how you planned to win each hand. Parker wasn't something to win, but I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to say being with me was too much, too complicated.

We weren't a game, but it felt like I was about to be knocked down after showing my cards. He was smug and knew how I felt. It only made me want to torture him more. I tucked my oversized t-shirt into the back of my tank underneath and let the front hang loose, exposing my ass in the new workout shorts I bought specifically for this occasion. I grabbed a drink of my water and turned to face away from the mirror. The workout I was doing today was new so I wasn"t the most confident, but I didn"t let it show. I bent my knees slightly and pulled the bar down to meet the tops of my quads. On the third rep I jumped when I felt a hand touch my waist. I let the machine pull the bar back up and lifted my headphones on one side.

"Can I help you?" I turned to find a serious faced Parker glowering down at me.

"What?"

"Your spine isn"t neutral." His voice was cold and lacked any emotion.

"Okay, thanks for the tip." I shooed him off with one hand and adjusted my headphones back in place, but he didn"t back away.

I got back into position and demonstrated that I knew what he meant. I focused on holding my abs tight and pulling with my shoulders instead of my back. I paused with the bar held to my thighs and gave him a look I knew said "happy?" in a sarcastic way. He came in close and placed one hand on my lower stomach and the other on the base of my spine.

"Do it again." His tone wasn't commanding, but it was nonnegotiable.

I tried my best to play it cool and pretend I wasn"t eager as hell to have his hands on my body again. He flattened his palms on my lower back and stomach to fit my hips the way he wanted.

"Pull the bar down," he instructed in a level tone, all business.

At least one of us was more focused on the lift and not how close his hand was to my pelvis. I, however, was strategizing how I could convince him to move it farther south. I did the movement and felt my spine curve under.

Parker clicked his tongue, "No, you need to tighten your abs and rely on your shoulders." His finger traced up my arms and drew a pattern over my shoulder blades. Maybe I'd start pretending I was ignorant in the gym if it always got this result.

He stood behind me as I tried it again.

"Like that?"

"You need to bend at the waist more."

I bent, backing up slightly to fix my stance, and "accidentally" brushed the front of his shorts.

I looked over my shoulder and shot him an innocent smile "Oops."

I watched his perfectly chiseled jaw clench. "Knock it off."

"It was an accident, Parker Baby," I said with a smirk.

"Like your outfit choice," he muttered under his breath. I stood on my tiptoes to let the bar go back to the top and turned to face him.

"My outfit offends you?" I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow at him.

He scratched the stubble along his jaw. "I wouldn"t say it's offensive. I just don"t think either were an accident."

"Did you accidentally take your shirt off too?"

"There"s no one else here. Why would I wear one?"

"Oh, good point." I lifted my oversized shirt off to reveal my cropped tank and no bra. "Nothing you haven"t seen before."

I walked over to his bench and took off the huge plates and reset it for my weight.

"I was using that," Parker remarked, trying to sound annoyed, but failing. His eyes were glued to my chest. The thin fabric did nothing to hide my hard nipples.

"Could you spot me, Daddy?" I covered my mouth. "Oh sorry, habit." I bit my lip innocently.

"Yeah," he deadpanned, rounding the bench and waiting for me to lay down. It was low, and I let my hands skim up his powerful thighs before grabbing onto the bar.

We were both pretending we didn"t see his boner at this point.

I got two reps in before Parker pulled the bar back into the rack. "Nope, you're done."

"What? I had eight left."

"Put your shirt on." He walked over to where I'd discarded it and threw it at my chest.

"I thought you were a feminist. You put yours on." I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest. Were we acting like children? Probably. But communicating was never our strong suit. Verbally, at least.

"I am a feminist. You're the one who got all weird and cold on me. I'm doing my best to respect your boundaries. You"re being difficult on purpose."

"And you're not doing it on purpose? Flashing my name tattooed over your heart? The gray sweatpants?" He knew what he was doing. "Whatever, I need a shower." I cleaned off the benches I was using and shoved the towel into his chest.

"Great communication, Del. I thought we were working on that."

I flipped him the bird and stormed upstairs.

Parker wanted me, for now. Things had been relatively easy up until now. Would he still want me when things were messy? No one ever had before. Everyone said they'd stay when times got tough. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I was too far gone in this relationship.

Pent up tension coursed through my veins from our interaction minutes ago and the days leading up. I walked directly to my bedside table and took my favorite vibrator with me to the shower. I turned the spray on and undressed while it warmed.

I hoped the heat of the spray would wash my disdain away with the rivulets of water down my body. Something needed to give. I had too much on my plate with the book, Lily, Parker, our future, Seattle… And the mounting tension from the physical distance I'd unintentionally caused.

I'd washed my body and was reaching for the toy I set on the shower ledge when the door opened. I groaned internally.

"What do you want, Parker?"

He stepped out of his sweatpants and boxers, maintaining eye contact. I tried my best to keep my stare connected with his, but I couldn't help but notice the rigid appendage below his hips.

He opened the glass door and closed himself in with me. "Needed a shower, huh?" He sent a pointed look to the vibrator in my hand. Shit.

"Why do you care?" I set it back down on the ledge and turned to face the water. I let it warm my front.

Parker turned his shower head on. "Just thought you might want something a little more satisfying to ease your… hunger." He pulled my back against him.

"What makes you think I can't satisfy myself?" The fact that I didn't fight his touch showed how hard up I really was. Was I always like this, or was it just Parker and the effect he had on me? I relaxed into his touch, too tired to resist.

"I didn't say that. I want to have a conversation with you. Maybe you'll think a little clearer when you aren't so damn horny. You're usually a little easier on me after I make you come." It sounded good to me. His hands felt good on me as they palmed my breasts, cupped my sex. He moved my wet hair to one side and nipped my neck before reaching for the vibrator and turning it on. He traced it over my hard nipples to tease me.

"Do you think this will help your attitude?"

"An apple a day and all that, I guess. Worth a shot."

"You'll have to take care of this for me tomorrow then?"

"I suppose."

He lowered it to my clit with the vibrations on low. It sent a buzz of pleasure through from the tips of my toes to my foggy brain. Why was I mad at him again?

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Early, like six."

"On a chartered plane."

He trailed a hot line of kisses down my throat as he increased the intensity. My knees locked and I collapsed against him slightly. He held me tight and didn't lessen the pressure as he held the toy against me.

"On a chartered plane, yes." I felt the vibrations of his voice against my ear, sending a shiver over the parts of my skin that were cool from not being under the showerhead.

"I can't," I gasped. "Parker, it's too much." My whole body was shaking as he continued to hold the vibrator against my pulsing clit. Tears started forming in the corners of my eyes. I was overstimulated.

"Hold on baby, I need to feel you like this." He flattened my palms against the shower wall, and I gasped when he entered me in one fluid movement. The new sensation was enough to distract from the overwhelming attention focused on my clit.

"Fuck," I groaned as he pulled all the way out and then slammed in again.

"Holy shit, Del. Your cunt is going crazy around me. Fuck."

I believed him. It felt like I was in another dimension. He held onto my breast like it was an anchor holding us together. The pressure was the perfect amount. I felt owned and possessed by him in the best way. I wanted to be Parker's. I didn't want to have to think about anything tearing us apart. We'd been through enough for Christ's sake. Didn't we deserve to just enjoy each other?

I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, and honestly I couldn't control it either. I could enjoy this though. Could make him remember why he should come home. Remember what would be waiting for him.

"God, Parker. It's so good."

"Why do you keep pulling back then? You know what it's like between us."

I swallowed hard. "Because I love you…" He turned up the vibrations even higher. I was fucking flying. I didn't know how my feet stayed planted on the ground.

"Tell me baby." His hips slowed, offering me the slightest reprieve. He lavished me with encouragement and let his hands roam my body.

"I'm scared that it'll be different when you get back. You'll remember your life is there and we're here. I'm just your friend that's always had feelings for you." I let the words spill out before I lost my nerve.

Parker withdrew and turned me to face him. "You have no idea how many nights I fell asleep staring at the ceiling wondering what you were doing and wishing I could call you." He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I never want to go back to dreaming of you instead of having you by my side. You are my everything. Our family is what I've always wanted."

He tugged my hand and sat down on the stone bench. He patted his thigh and motioned for me to climb on top. I settled my knees on either side of him. It looked intimidating from this angle. I hovered just above the tip of his cock, waiting for him to do something, say something. His hands roved over my ass. They squeezed and moved my hips so I was poised to take him.

The smoky gravel in his voice scratched when he spoke. "I want you to ride me like the confident girl you are. Like you know what a catch you are." He tilted my chin so there was only a whisper of breath between our lips. "You are so fucking beautiful, so fucking intelligent that I have no idea why you chose me, but I promise I'm not going to mess it up. There's nowhere I'd rather be than here." He encouraged me to sink down onto him and I did, head falling back on a moan.

He took advantage of the opening and peppered kisses over every inch of skin he could reach. He was worshiping me, I realized. He held me like I was precious. I wasn't breakable, but he'd protect me anyway. I didn't need the words, but he said them anyway. This was what it felt like to be loved completely. He wanted every part of me, had seen every part of me and still decided to stay. It wasn't something I was used to. For so long, I didn't think I deserved a love like this. It was scary to take a leap and trust, but I was going to take his word at face value because for once in my life I felt the most myself I'd ever been. And he liked me. He loved me.

I was chasing my dream of being an author and it was finally coming true. What was wrong with chasing the dream of love? The world had told me I should want more than that and taught me it was something to be embarrassed about.

With Parker looking up at me with love in his eyes, I didn't feel embarrassed. I felt powerful. The world was at my fingertips and I was tired of standing back. I was going to take this love and cherish every part of that.

It sounded kind of badass, actually, to put my heart on the line completely.