53. Making Amends

FIFTY-THREE

"Honey, I'm home—" My words cut off when I opened the door fully and found Parker at the stove cooking steak in nothing but light gray sweatpants. This was a tactic and 100% strategic. Though, I wasn'tcomplaining. "Where's Lily?"

Parker glanced up at me, shaking his head. "With the sexiest baseball players in Seattle." Apparently he didn't think my joke was all that funny, but that was too bad. I thought I was hilarious.

I couldn't fight the smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. "Sorry, you walked right into that one."

He nodded, smiling to himself even though he was trying to stay strong.

"You're making my favorite dinner," I noted.

"Aren't we celebrating?" His dark eyebrows rose, like I was the one not making any sense.

"Aren't you mad?" I tried tiptoeing around the subject.

"Oh definitely, but not for the reasons you probably think."

"Would you be less mad if I were on my knees?" It was worth a shot.

The darkness that flashed through his eyes told me he was tempted. I hung my coat up on the rack and slipped out of my boots.

"You're barely in the door and you're already thinking about my cock?"

"Have you seen it?!"

Parker didn't reply, just carried the food he plated over to the dining room table and pulled out a chair for me to sit down.

I folded the fancy linen napkin in my lap and studied his face. It wasn't quite cold, but it was removed. I cut into my steak and sighed as the flavor hit my tongue. It was cooked just how I liked, well done but still juicy.

"Tell me why you lied." His words made my heart sink a little, but I had lied. I'd avoided telling him the truth and that was the same thing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't tell anyone."

"Thomas knew, and Jo apparently too since I saw her leave when I was walking in."

"Thomas was there the day I signed with my publisher. It was a coincidence. Jo read my books and recognized me. Please don't blame her for keeping my secret."

"I don't. I blame you for not trusting me when I've laid everything on the line for you. You told me you love me, but you didn't trust me with this." His words stung because they were true.

"Parker, I do love you. I've told you how people treat romance authors, people read their writing and think of them differently."

"Have I ever made you feel ashamed for something you wanted?"

"Never, but these books weren't about you. I know how you are with my exes and here I was romanticizing them and writing about how they could have been with me. You wouldn't have liked that. You can't stand them."

"Because I fucking love you. They had the most special thing gifted to them, and they weren't smart enough to recognize it."

"Exactly." Parker didn't have to say how he felt. I already knew.

"I've read all of your books and they're amazing. I would have supported you no matter what. You're talented and I wouldn't ask you to hold that in, but I do ask that you are honest and trust me with important things like this."

"Okay." He was right, and I was done making excuses. "I should've told you because it's you and this is different, but my brain still thought it might be the one thing that made you leave."

"Delilah, I've known you your whole life. You really think something like this is big enough to make me reconsider everything?"

"It was in the past. I messed up and told one person that I was with, and they… didn't handle it well."

"All I can do is show you with my actions. I know words won't mean much until you see it. But you have to be honest with me. I want to be with you, and here you are hiding a major part of your life from me."

"I understand. I'm going to work through it."

"Okay."

We finished our food in silence. I started to get up and do the dishes, but he took them out of my hands.

"Go to the bedroom and wait for me."

"What?"

"You heard me. Leave your clothes here and go wait for me."

"Leave them here?" He couldn't be serious.

"Right here." He tapped the countertop and ran the tap until it got warm, placing the dishes in the large sink. He gave me his back while he cleaned off the stove.

I pulled my sweater over my head and folded it before setting it down where he indicated. He turned around as I unclipped my bra and tugged it down my shoulders. The heat in his eyes flared but he said nothing, just took a long look at my exposed breasts and then returned to what he was doing. Parker was never at a loss for words in the bedroom so it pissed me off. I wanted his attention on me.

I moved forward a few steps before bending down to take off my leggings so he had a view of my ass over the counter. I looked up to find him watching as I slipped the material down my legs and stepped out of my pants and underwear. I may have lingered and held eye contact with him for longer than necessary.

"Go." His expression was dark and full of heated intentions that I wanted him to direct my way.

I smirked. "Yes, sir."

I didn't know how long I waited for him to come join me because I left my phone in the kitchen in my haste to follow his directions. I felt vulnerable, waiting for him naked on the top of the freshly made bed.

When his footsteps thudded in the hallway my heartbeat picked up in anticipation of what he had planned for me.

He stood in the doorway, still drying off his hands with the dish towel. He used it to wipe a few stray droplets from his abdomen. Parker was perfectly strategic while also managing to look like he didn't have a care in the world. His green eyes were trained on the juncture between my thighs. I pressed them together.

"Now you act shy?" He huffed a laugh at my expense. "That's funny, Del."

"Why?"

"Because you just tried to blow me in the kitchen to avoid talking through our issues."

"We don't have issues. I do."

"What's mine is yours and what's yours has always been mine." His confidence tonight was doing everything for the side of me that liked when he took control.

"So romantic," I mused.

"I'm not feeling very romantic tonight. But I did get you a present."

He stepped closer to the bed and my gaze caught on the huge bulge in his sweatpants. Whatever the surprise was, he was already hard from thinking about it. I was about to ask if his cock was my present—I'd have been delighted—when he reached into the drawer of the bedside table. He retrieved a white box and set it next to me. I inspected it, and my eyes flashed to his when I saw the image on the side.

"Do you trust that I can make you feel good while I punish you?"

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I could handle anything Parker planned to dish out. I'd take it in stride and ask for more.

"Do your worst, Parker."

"Be a good girl and follow directions." His tone was commanding, and it only added on to my mounting arousal. Half of what attracted me to Parker was his personality. It complemented mine so well. We were a literal give and take. When I was done navigating the day and wanted to turn my brain off, he was there to make the decisions and let my mind rest. So I was eager to do as I was told.

He opened the package and pulled out the two pronged toy. He disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard the water run as he washed it. When he came back in, he knelt over me on the bed, and I slowly reclined as he got closer.

"Open your mouth. I need you to get this nice and wet for me."

Oh holy shit, I wasn't expecting that. "Um, okay."

He slipped the thicker end past my lips. "Suck." The gravel in his voice made me squeeze my legs together but he pulled them apart and ran his fingers through my wet slit. We both knew I wouldn't need any assistance getting the toy inside, but if he wanted a show, I'd give it to him. When he thought the toy had enough of my saliva on it, he withdrew it from my mouth and slid it inside my cunt. It wasn't big, but it clung to my outer wall and pressed against my G-spot. It tucked inside snugly and the other end hugged my clit.

"What a punishment," I mocked, just to egg him on.

He didn't take the bait. "Get on your knees and apologize like you wanted to earlier. Make it convincing." As commanding as his voice was, he still helped me down from the bed and onto the plush carpet. He backed me up against the wall and I lowered his sweatpants to let his cock spring free. I palmed his length as he gathered my hair up in a fist. Our eyes met when I opened for him, and he guided himself inside my mouth. His face slackened just a little before returning to a mask of control.

"There are rules to this game, Dellie girl. You can enjoy my cock in your mouth and the toy inside you, but when you get close to finishing you need to tell me." I was about to ask him what he meant because I liked giving him blowjobs, but I wouldn't come from that alone. Maybe someone in the world could, but not me. Then the toy came to life and buzzed in a rhythm against my clit and inside me. I understood. He smiled and flashed me the remote in his free hand. He was going to torture me.

"For this to work, you're going to have to be honest with me. Do you think you can do that?"

Fuck, this was hot. I was already semi-blissed out and drunk on the vibrations and the way he looked at me when I ran my tongue over his smooth, veiny skin. The intensity dialed down quickly, and the haze lessened.

He let go of my hair and pulled my hands up to rest on his thighs. "You need to squeeze when it gets to be too much. You're not allowed to come like this."

I pulled back, stunned. "Why?"

"Because you need to prove you'll tell me things. I need to know when you're close."

"Okay," I reluctantly agreed.

He pulled me to stand in front of him and took my mouth with a harsh kiss, completely unaffected by the taste of himself on my lips. My legs felt like jelly when he finally released me.

"I love you, Delilah."

"I love you."

He helped me back down to my knees. "Earn your orgasm."

I rolled my eyes but eagerly took him back into my mouth and jumped slightly when the vibration started up again. I hummed around his cock, and tried not to rock my hips to gain more friction. I was fucked if I did.

It was a silly game with a huge underlying meaning. I'd still have to show Parker I would be honest with him, but this was a less intense way of him telling me what he needed. I could do this for him.

Or so I thought.

"Fuck, you're doing so good." Parker cradled the back of my head as I moved over him again and again. It seemed like his control was slipping little by little and I loved driving him crazy. I knew he wouldn't want to finish like this so I sucked harder, teased him with my tongue. I held his gaze until the sensation was so overwhelming that I had to squeeze my eyes shut. I tapped his quad frantically, scared I would tip over the edge, but he cut the vibrations just in time.

"Good girl, take me deeper. I know you can."

I tried my best to take him to the back of my throat. A lone tear ran down my cheek.

Parker practically growled. "I love when you choke on my cock. You look so pretty like this, Del."

His dirty talk was bringing me closer than I could handle. I pulled back to catch my breath.

"I'm gonna come."

"No you aren't. Hold it off." He guided me back to his cock. "Focus, Delilah."

This time, instead of cutting it altogether, he only lessened the intensity. It wasn't enough. I couldn't handle it. I was right there?—

He pulled away and lifted me onto the bed. His weight over me was the best feeling I'd ever experienced. Our breathing was ragged, and his chest heaved from holding himself off too. His kiss was invigorating. Just when I thought I couldn't be more turned on or needy for him, he proved me wrong.

"I'm going to fuck you like this." He propped himself up with one hand and gripped himself hard.

"Please." My body and brain were on autopilot. My hands were on his back trying to pull him closer. He smiled and then started to line himself up, and the head of his dick nudged the toy I'd forgotten was still inside me. Surely he didn't mean… But he did. He was going to fuck me with the toy in place. My eyes flashed to his. "Wait, I can't. I can't."

His brow was creased in concentration. "You can, Dellie. You can take it. Open up for me." I felt the first stretch as he inched inside and tried to close my legs at the slight burn. "Shhhh," he soothed as he used the palms of his hands to spread me wider. The buzzing over my clit started again and distracted from everything else.

"Such a good girl," he praised. "Just a little more. You can do it." His mouth roved over one breast and I felt him bottom out at the same time he nipped lightly at the hardened peak. His name fell from my lips in an incoherent stream of words.

When he pulled back and eased in again the feeling changed, and I noticed the delicious pressure it created, pushing the toy harder against my G-spot.

"No one fucks you like I do."

I shook my head in agreement. Every other man paled in comparison to Parker. They always had. Our physical chemistry was something I'd never experienced before and I knew I never would again. This was it.

"No more secrets."

"No more secrets," I repeated.

"You love me."

"I love you."

He kissed my lips once before reaching over to up the intensity on the remote control. He buried his head in my neck and cursed between biting and kissing and teasing the skin.

I felt my body tensing and tightening around him. I was so, so close.

"Come now baby, give it to me."

I gave in and let myself fall off the precipice and practically screamed his name. He muffled my cries with a kiss I got lost in and kept going after my orgasm subsided. When he finally came, he collapsed to his elbows and kissed me tenderly.

"Was that too much?"

I was exhausted in the best way but the only words I could get out were, "Again tomorrow."

He chuckled and pressed his lips to my forehead. "I'll be right back."

I sighed when he pulled out of me and removed the toy. I must have drifted off because I startled when he came back into the room and lifted my limp body into his arms. The shower was already running when he helped me inside and washed me from head to toe with unhurried strokes that made me feel safe and loved. After washing my hair and wrapping me in a fuzzy towel, he laid me down in bed to rest.

"There's a book you were writing about me, right?"

I nodded reluctantly.

"Make sure you include that." He tucked me in and retreated. From the doorway I heard him whisper. "I'm going to get Lily."

I didn't know how much time had passed when I felt the blankets lift and Parker's warm body wrap around mine.

"Was she asleep?"

"Yeah, totally zonked. I woke her up so she could have a bottle now and hopefully not need another one before morning."

I hummed my thanks.

"I'm really proud of you, by the way." His whispered words were a salve for my nerves.

"And not mad?"

"No, we'll figure it out."

"I thought signing with a publisher would be the best thing to ever happen to me. Now it's starting to feel like the worst." I rubbed my eyes, fighting off sleep. "My editor is hounding me because I haven't given them a chapter in weeks."

"You aren't feeling inspired?" His voice was suggestive but lost its edge slightly like his heart wasn't fully in it.

"I don't want to write it anymore."

"Then don't."

"I signed the contract. I owe them the book I promised."

"If we have to pay to get you out of the contract, we will. We"ll get through it."