52. Xoxo

FIFTY-TWO

Iwoke up happy and warm, wrapped up in Parker's embrace. The sun was shining and it felt like the day was full of opportunity. I snuck a kiss from his sleepy lips, admired the hard lines of his form outlined by the silky sheets, and reluctantly extracted my limbs from his.

My shower was deliciously scalding, just the way I liked it, as I plotted the best way to tell Parker what had been on my mind. When I finished getting ready, the apartment was empty and there was a note on the counter with a bouquet of blue hydrangeas and pink peonies. Separately they held many different meanings, but together one stood out, and it scared me.

Good luck today, Peach! We'll see you later.

Love you,

Lil and Dad

I was never more thankful for having my nails done than I was on the drive to the signing. Any other time I would've already bitten them down so far that they bled.

Chelsea met me at the building entrance to ride with me. She had a way of grounding me unlike anyone else. Parker did too, but being around him came with more emotions and reactions where Chelsea was a neutral zone. Her friendship was one that felt like sunshine.

Her presence lifted me in every way. When I wasn"t sure who I was, she reminded me. My thoughts calmed because I knew she would have already thought of everything that could possibly go wrong.

She looked up at me with a shocked expression on her face. "Uh, Del, there's a line out the door."

I whipped my head to look at her. "You're kidding me."

"No, all the books in stock are sold out and they're capping the line unless people bring their own copies."

Holy fucking shit. The butterflies in my stomach transformed into violent, frantic bumblebees trying to burst out of a glass jar.

"I don't think I can do this." I bent at the waist and put my head between my knees.

My friend's soothing touch traced over my spine. "Hey, they're just your readers."

"I reluctantly let you read my writing, Chels. Now I have to face all these people and know they're all looking at me and have read every single word. I've seen some of the reviews you tried to keep me away from."

"The people who don't like your writing aren't here. And even if they were, you're profiting from it. They paid the entrance fee and bought a book. In the end you still win."

I wasn't good at being vulnerable with people. My writing was the most personal thing I'd ever shown the world. Maybe I totally fucked myself over by trying to keep things in and not sharing with those around me. But I did a 180 and shared my deepest thoughts with thousands of strangers instead? Holy shit, I was an idiot altogether.

I hadn't even realized the car had stopped until Mark was opening my door. I quickly put on a brave face. I didn't need him alerting Parker that I was upset when he dropped me off. Parker would be here ready to fight someone.

"All set? When should I come back?"

We set up a meeting spot and time for later in the day, and Chelsea led me to the back entrance .

"Ready superstar?"

Superstar. That was Parker's lane, where he thrived. My lane was being his supportive best friend on the sidelines.

No. If he could do it, I could do it too. Right? We could both live out our dreams?

I wished he was here. I wish that he'd been home when I got out of the shower, and I wished I didn't miss my chance to explain everything. I knew that was just an excuse because I'd had plenty of opportunities to tell him and didn't.

"Just don't leave me alone out there."

"Never." Chelsea squeezed my hand, and I felt her sincerity in my bones. "This is going to be so much fun." She picked up her assortment of pens and led me to the sales floor.

When we stepped out from behind the partition, low murmurs erupted. The line started at my table and went all the way out the entrance. There was no end in sight.

I sat down in my chair and let out a breath. I could do this. They were my readers. They liked me.

The first woman who approached had a kind smile and blonde hair. She wasn't nervous, she was excited. To see me.

"Hi!" There was a giggle in my voice, and the rush of happiness surprised me.

"Hi, I'm Emily." Her voice was slightly accented like a friend I had in college. The familiar tone gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Maybe everything was going to be alright after all.

"Aurora," I provided, even though the response felt unnatural on my tongue. "Are you Canadian?"

"Yeah," she laughed, and dimples appeared on either side of her smile. "I hopped the border to come meet you."

I felt like the Grinch, heart growing by three sizes in one day.

"Well, I'm really glad you came. Thanks for being here."

The reader interactions continued, each one sweeter than the last. My hand started to cramp up from signing, but I loved every second.

"Doing okay?" Chelsea checked in a couple hours later when the line still wasn't getting shorter. She'd been supplying me with drinks and a snack here and there. She never interrupted, but slipped the things I needed in front of me and returned to her post at my side a few feet away. She made this unusual experience feel safe. I owed her a goodgirl's day next time we were in Seattle.

"This might be one of the best days of my life."

All day the line had been mostly women. Some dragged their partners along to carry their books. It was a great strategy.

My attention fell to a man waiting in line by himself, about three people back. My heartbeat picked up when he turned, and I saw he was holding my daughter in his arms. Parker lowered his ridiculous sunglasses and shot me a self-satisfied smirk. Fuck.

I tried not to rush through, but it was hard to focus on anything other than the fact that my baby daddy was standing in line at my signing and he wasn't mad. He was… smug.

Parker handed me the book in his hand and opened it to the title page. "Could you make this one out to the sexiest, most talented baseball player in Seattle?"

"Sure, is this one for Brett or Peter?"

"Oh, you'll be paying for that one later, Peach."

I gave him back the book after addressing it to the world's hottest DILF and signing it, "XOXO, Baby Mama" and took Lily into my arms.

Parker read what I wrote and laughed. "Okay, flattery will get you everywhere, but not quite out of trouble. We're going to talk when you get home."

"I wanted to talk to you this morning, but you were gone."

"I figured we'd get out of your hair."

"I like you in my hair," I said awkwardly, and handed back a reluctant Lily after kissing every part of her face. Chelsea had snapped a photo before I could say anything, but I really didn't want to make a scene. "But you need to get out of here before someone recognizes you."

"Fine but we're talking tonight, and you're going to tell me everything."

I nodded. "You love me?" I repeated his words from last night, needing reassurance just as much as he did then.

"There isn't a world in which I don't, Del. I'll see you at home." He walked away and I had to pretend I was focused on the next person in line.

"Sorry about that. What's your name?"