22. Pornstars and Favorite Colors

TWENTY-TWO

Getting ready in an unfamiliar place was stressful enough. Earlier in the week, Thomas invited Parker, thinking he was doing me a favor. What it really meant was that I had to spend an hour in the car with him, in a corset top that showed much more than I was usually comfortable with. I was officially anxious.

Parker kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I could feel his gaze tracing over my skin, and it sent goosebumps down my arms.

"You look really pretty."

I looked down at my lace top, leather jacket, and black satin skirt. "I wasn't really going for pretty." I'd even let Holly do my makeup a little darker than normal. My hair was tugged up into a high ponytail with loose curls falling out to frame my face. It probably wouldn't last long because I hated having my hair up. People always called me pretty or cute, but I recalled Thomas referring to this outfit as having "sexy death goddess" vibes. "It's definitely out of my comfort zone, but Thomas said he liked it. It doesn't really count though, since he's my friend, but I'll take the compliment."

I watched Parker's jaw flex in annoyance. I didn't know what his issue was when it came to Thomas. I said on multiple occasions that he was just a friend.

Our eyes locked, and the heat I found there made me rub my thighs together. His voice was low as he spoke. "I didn't think it was appropriate, as your friend, to tell you how hard it is to not look at you." He returned his gaze to the road, and I noticed how his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. But I liked seeing him all riled up.

I smirked. "Well you look…" I let my eyes trail from the black ball cap covering his chestnut curls and admired the way his tight matching t-shirt stretched over his chest. It fit him so well it was almost indecent. I'd always been jealous of the long, dark lashes that framed his hazel eyes so perfectly.

"Devilishly handsome?" he suggested.

"I was going to say sufficient." I examined my nails like they were more interesting than our conversation.

In truth, I couldn"t write a man more handsome. I'd tried to describe his features a million times in the novel I was writing, but caught myself daydreaming about him instead.

I could hear the smile on his lips. "Sufficient, huh? You wound me Delilah." He picked my hand up from where it rested in my lap and brought it to his mouth. He kissed it tenderly before murmuring, "It'd be more convincing if you weren't squirming in your seat while checking me out, little mama."

I yanked my hand back and crossed my arms. "Whatever, you're full of shit."

"There's very little you do that I don't notice. When you're in my truck looking like that, my focus is probably eighty percent on you and twenty percent on the road."

Those stupid little butterflies were doing a stupid little dance in my stomach. I couldn't count the number of times I'd wanted to be the girl he had alone in his truck. How many times I watched him leave the party with someone who wasn't me while I went home with a guy I didn't care about to try and forget why I was upset. Too many.

"Just pretend it's like old times." Surely he could revert back to before we got naked together and explored every inch of each other's skin. I was doing my best but Parker's control was on another level.

"I don't think that will achieve the desired effect."

"Why?"

"Because I thought about you more than I should have then too."

"You did not." I reached over and shoved his shoulder. "Don't lie to me."

"I only speak the truth."

"Mhmm, wanna play twenty questions then?"

"I know you like the back of my hand, Peach." My head snapped his way. "Sorry, Dellie Baby." He winked. He wouldn't get away with this shit if he wasn't so damn beautiful. He only called me that when I was sleepy or he was trying to put the moves on me. Or when he was inside… Nope.

I huffed a sigh. "Okay, prove it. Let's play in reverse." I pulled up a list of questions from a random website. "What's my favorite color?" I looked at him, eyebrows raised in question. It was a joke because everyone knew my favorite color was teal or any variation of green and blue. I quite literally tried to surround myself with the color. I was the opposite of a sad beige baby. I admired women who looked classy and elegant in neutrals but it just wasn't me. I lived for color.

"Easy. The color of a green stoplight at night." His intense stare found mine over the center console. "The old ones that look more blue than green."

My heart stopped a little. It was so specific. "Did I tell you that?"

"Yeah like ten years ago when we were coming home from the lake one night. You were half asleep and going on and on like you do when you're overtired."

"What? Do you just remember everything I say?" I sassed him.

"Yeah, and I remember you have that one tiny freckle right between?—"

He couldn't finish his sentence because I practically jumped out of my seat and slapped a hand over his mouth.

He pried my hand off. "Woman, if you don't stop hitting me, I'll pull this truck over and smack your ass."

Well, that made me seriously conflicted. I settled back in my seat and tried to rid my mind of that mental image. "Should I do another?"

He winked. "Hit me."

"Favorite food?"

"Potatoes, but not hash browns." He didn't even have to think about it.

"Or?"

"Sweet potatoes." His nose crinkled up. "Those things are nasty though, so they don't count."

"True."

"Next."

"Movie."

"Psh, easy. Sweet Home Alabama."

"Celebrity crush?"

"The dad from The Parent Trap?"

"How the heck do you know that?" I was expecting him to say Theo James, which would have been true, but early 2000s Dennis Quaid could get it for sure.

"Everyone hated Meradith Blake, but you were jealous of her."

"Yeah, I was probably a little too into that chest hair scene for my age." I stared off and sighed wistfully with my hand on my heart.

Parker just shook his head at me with the biggest smile on his face.

I scrolled farther down the list. "What am I afraid of?"

"Sharks, snakes, open water, outerspace, commitment, crocodiles, letting people in, aliens." He rattled them off, ticking each one on a finger.

I started to take a sip of water but choked on it instead. "You did not just lump commitment in with aliens."

He raised his hand and his shoulders lifted a little as if to say, "What do you want from me?" I glared at him hard but he only laughed. "Was I wrong?"

"Crocodiles are terrifying. Have you seen how they run?"

"Letting people in can be just as scary. Your fears are valid."

How could he be so aggravating and perfect in the same breath? "Yeah, but you didn't need to call me out like that."

Parker flashed a dimpled smile my way. "Okay, forgive me. What am I afraid of?"

I had to think about it for a second. Parker never let anything stop him from going for his dreams. He was always the one pushing me to get out of my comfort zone. "Getting injured?" He nodded. I tapped a finger against my chin and remembered how scared he was to do the zipline on our family vacation the summer after high school. He'd done it, but it took major convincing that he wasn't going to die. "Heights." He nodded again, but the expression on his face shifted. His thoughts looked far away.

"What are you thinking Parker?"

"I'm scared of losing you and now Lily too. Of being far away when important things happen, good or bad." He visibly swallowed. "You'll probably find a guy, fall in love, and forget I exist. Marry him, and Lily will like him better."

I watched fence posts fly past as we sped down the interstate. The sky faded from orange to purple as the sun set low in the sky.

"I don't think you have to worry about that. Pretty sure I'm incapable of love."

"Whatever, you've been in love, multiple times."

"Maybe I said it at the time, but I really don't think so anymore." After having Lily, everything else paled in comparison. Everything besides my lingering feelings for Parker.

"Have you been in love? Real love?"

Parker watched me for a long moment. He scratched the stubble that lined his jaw before speaking. "Besides the really embarrassing time I told you I loved you and you said ‘thanks?' No, I've never said that to anyone before." He turned his attention back to the road.

"Not even her?"

"Especially not her. I told you that wasn't even real." He sighed as if it was the last thing he wanted to talk about. "It was a mutually beneficial contract. I don't even know her that well."

It was hard to believe with how long I spent harboring resentment toward him. And maybe it wasn't very feminist of me, but the thought of making a voodoo doll had crossed my mind. I wasn't that crazy. The photos of them together haunted me. Knowing it was all for show… lessened the pain.

"I guess we both have secrets. Next question."

I quickly moved past a section of questions that would only spell trouble for us, but he caught me.

"What?" Parker peeked over, trying to read the words on the screen.

"Nothing, just some questions that don't apply to us."

The corner of his mouth quirked up. "Dirty ones? Don't go getting shy on me now, we both know you aren't."

"No, they aren't sex questions." I could feel my cheeks getting red. "Just romantic ones."

"Like?"

"What's my love language?"

"Easy. Physical touch."

My eyes flashed to his, impressed he got it that quickly. "You remember doing those quizzes?"

"Yeah you forced me to take them all when we had the chickenpox."

I laughed thinking about the week we spent quarantined at the lake house in junior high. We were miserable for a day and then bouncing off the walls doing anything we could to pass the time. I had an obsession with reading every teen magazine I could get my hands on and used Parker to verify the information they said about boys.

An evil smirk crossed his lips. "Do you remember when you learned what a blowjob was?"

"Oh my God, no! Stop, stop, stop!" I covered my face with my hands in mortification.

He wasn't even slightly deterred. "You came running up to me at school and informed me that you don't actually blow, you suck. It was cute, really. You thought you were coming to me with new top secret information. You were so proud to be the one to tell me that I couldn't break your heart and admit I already knew."

"How was I supposed to know the goody-goody teacher's pet would know something dirty like that? Looking at you now no one would assume it but…" I gestured to his sleeve of tattoos and general manliness.

"I was still a 13-year-old boy going through puberty." He shrugged. "What's my love language, little mama?"

I tried to ignore the sparkle in his eye when he looked at me and the butterflies it created in my stomach. Someone needed to tear their little wings off and bring me back to reality where Parker James was number one on a list of bad ideas.

"Words of affirmation." It was the one I sucked at most. Words were never my strong suit unless they were written down on a page. Admitting my feelings meant vulnerability and opening yourself up to being hurt.

He hummed in agreement. "Next romantic one please."

"Parker."

"What are you afraid is going to happen, Del? We'll be too compatible and you'll jump my bones? I promise I can fight you off if I need to."

I rolled my eyes. "Who was my first kiss?"

His response was instant. "Evan, during spin the bottle."

It was the one time I'd seen those two mad at each other. Evan left that night with a black eye and a bloody nose. Parker swore up and down that it wasn't him but Evan told me while I helped him find frozen vegetables to ice it in his parents' basement freezer. The kiss was innocent as could be and not even Evan's fault. It lasted three seconds at most and Parker had a girlfriend at the time.

"It was my first and last time kissing someone with braces, but his teeth are perfect now."

"Yeah, our moms thought it would be fun for us to have them at the same time. Everyone on the baseball team made fun of us for it."

"Mainly me," I pointed out.

"Yeah you little brat. Not everyone can be naturally perfect like you."

I rolled my eyes. "We both know I'm far from perfect. My mom couldn't afford braces." I poked his shoulder and wiggled my eyebrows. "Your first kiss was Casey Boxer."

"Did you hear that she's?—"

"A pornstar now. Yeah. How does that make you feel?"

"Well we were 12 and dated for two weeks. So I don't really feel any particular way about it. Good for her?"

"Yeah, I mean she's raking in the cash. Maybe I should change careers."

He coughed, and his foot hit the brake a little too hard. "Delilah Howard. Don't say shit like that."

"What's it to you?" I asked cheekily.

"Well no shame to sex workers, but I don't think Lily would want you to." He lifted a shoulder and sent me an innocent grin.

I bent over laughing. "Right. Lily would have a problem with it."

It felt good to joke around with Parker again.