20. Three Bears, Two Blonde Bitches and One 80s Lady

TWENTY

Halloween had never been one of my favorite holidays. I hated getting dressed up. I hated scary movies and the horror movie previews that started running on TV twenty-four seven in the beginning of September. Like, couldn't they give a girl a warning? "Content advisory: don't watch if you're a little bitch alone in the dark eating ice cream. You might pee your pants." Was that too much to ask for?

So, when Parker told me he'd handle Lily's costume this year, I was all about it. He was obsessed with every "first" that came for her. It was adorable. I couldn't bring myself to say anything when he came running into the room yesterday with a giggling Lily held out in front of him. He was out of breath like he'd picked her up and ran straight to me when it happened.

I was half dressed in a bra and sleep shorts getting ready for bed when he burst through the door.

"I taught her how to stick her tongue out! Watch this!" He sat down in the center of my unmade bed and held Lily around her middle so she could stand with his assistance. "Who's a silly girl?" He stuck his tongue out and then waited for her to do the same.

She looked at him for a second like she was totally amused just watching him. Then she turned to me. I stuck my tongue out and she giggled again. She mimicked me, and Parker raised her high in the air and then rained kisses all over her face.

"I told you she"s a genius. We've got a future world leader right here in our hands."

"That's a lot of pressure for a baby."

"Yeah, but she's a James. She's gonna do great things."

I sat down and settled in across from him. "She gives me hope that things could be better one day." I kissed the top of her head and Parker pulled me closer so she was squished in the middle of us.

Lily made things exciting again. Things that had lost the magic of childhood were coming back as I celebrated with my daughter. I was starting to appreciate them in a whole new way. I didn't want my holiday prejudices to reflect on Lily as she formed her own opinions, so I was grateful for Parker and his excitement over every little thing. It was helping me see the world through new eyes.

He was making me see the future through new eyes, too. I loved my parents and the example they set for me growing up, but I had never wanted to practice the traditional gender roles in my own family dynamic. Moms naturally have more on their plate as their babies natural source of comfort and sustenance, but Parker had been pulling more than his weight. He had the time and he wanted to be the one taking care of her. He made it so that my time with Lily was fun and playful when I got done working, rather than taxing.

Living together was nothing like I expected. I didn"t know if it was because we weren't officially together, but I hadn't had to clean up after him once. I'd lived with a couple boyfriends and plenty of roommates that I was always nagging to pick up their dirty clothes or unload the dishwasher because I'd done it a million times already. Contrary to what I might have believed with him being rich now, Parker took care of himself well. It was attractive. Sexy.

I was sipping hot chocolate and checking emails on a Friday afternoon, waiting for Parker to get home with Lily so we could head out to the lake house for the weekend. His parents invited us to stay with them and take Lily trick-or-treating after the costume contest the lake families put on every year.

"We're home!" I heard Parker bellow from the entryway. "Mama, come see what we brought you!"

I made my way to them and stopped dead in my tracks when I found Parker in the fuzziest bear costume I'd ever seen. He turned around with a proud smile and baby Lily bear in his arms.

My jaw fell to the floor. "Oh my God, the ears!" Lily watched us like we were crazy.

"That"s not even the best part, look." He spun her around and showed me her bottom. There was a tiny little puffball tail.

"Oh God, don't tell me?—"

He did a 180-degree hop and shook his identical puff ball butt. "Twinsies!" He shoved the shopping bag in my hand and said to Lily, "Mama should put hers on right now so we can all match, right?"

"Parker, I don't like costumes," I whined, but my heart wasn't in it.

"But we"re a family." He stuck out his bottom lip. "Mama Bear, Papa Bear and Baby Bear." He pointed at each of us and I had to admit it was cute that he'd planned this.

Was it weird that l used to feel like a teen mom when I went out in public? Like everyone was judging me, even though 25 was six years older than my mom was when she had my sister? It was strange how having Parker around was changing that for me. We felt more complete, and that made me gain confidence in myself. There was strength in being a single mom and doing it on my own, I knew that. I hated that I was beginning to get used to having Parker around. Baseball would be back eventually and I'd have to take over a lot of the responsibilities again. I wanted to enjoy it while he was here.

I was going to put on the ridiculous costume and enjoy our family while it was all together.

"Look what else we found." Parker reached behind him and pulled out three jack o"lantern-shaped buckets. One navy, one teal, and one pink.

"Is yours the pink one?"

"You know…" He tilted his head considering. "I almost got a pink one to match Lily and I'm a little disappointed I didn't. I love pink."

"I don't think we all need baskets."

"But they matched." His shoulders slumped.

"They aren't going to give candy to adults. Just extremely cute children." I squished Lily's cheek and then kissed it.

"Lily can't eat candy." He sounded defeated like he realized that his whole plan was going down the drain, but I raised my eyebrows and wiggled them at him. "Ohhhh so we get to eat her candy! Score!" Papa Bear and Baby Bear walked into the kitchen, and I repressed the giggle that bubbled up when his tail swayed back and forth with each step. "There are a lot of perks that come with this dad thing, but using her cuteness to get candy might make the top five."

I rolled my eyes and followed him into the kitchen.

He looked down at his nonexistent watch and back up to me. "What are you waiting for? Get your fine ass dressed. We have places to be." He smacked my butt and gave me a gentle nudge toward the stairs. "My mom said to be there by five for family pictures."

At the lake house we were greeted by a very large, very manly goldilocks before Parker could even reach for the doorknob.

"Hope you don't mind. Holly may have let your costume idea slip, and I wanted in on it." Parker's dad had on a yellow dress that was entirely too short to be decent with a bright yellow wig that hung down in ringlets made of yarn.

We looked him up and down and I couldn't help but cringe at his hairy legs that were on full display.

"Dad, you are not going out in public like that." Parker looked disgusted as he shielded Lily's eyes.

"Why not?"

"I really hate to pull the fame card, but someone is going to leak that shit, and if you bend over we're all going to need therapy."

Bob tried to reach out to Lily but she recoiled and scrunched her face up. He backed away looking sullen.

"See, you're scaring her." Parker turned her away from him. "Me too honestly."

Holly walked up behind her dad and we all burst out laughing at their matching dresses.

"Dad, you stole my idea!"

"You're all trying to butt in on my family costume." Parker pointed out.

"Bob, you look ridiculous." Maria strutted into the entryway wearing a bright pink leotard over neon yellow leggings with purple leg warmers. Her shoulder length dark hair was teased higher than I'd ever seen it.

"She's one to talk," I coughed under my breath so only Parker could hear. He laughed too loudly and drew their attention to us.

"Something to say little lady?"

"You look great, Maria. I was just telling him I need a pair of those leg warmers." I pulled my lips between my teeth to fight a smile.

The look on her face said she didn't believe me. "Okay, I'll send you home with a couple pairs from my closet. I bet they'll be cute on you."

I snuggled up with my baby bear on the couch while everyone else tried to convince Bob to change his costume. He ended up putting on the 80s themed one that Maria picked out to match hers. It really was for the best. He didn't need to be the reason some kid was scarred for life. Especially when he insisted on only wearing compression shorts underneath so that it didn't ruin his "look."

Trick-or-treating at the lake was nice because they were people we knew, but not the people I grew up hating that knew everything about us. Lily was one of the only babies so she was the center of attention all night. Bob and Maria showed her off as much as they could without being obnoxious. Parker was just as bad. No one was rude or said anything, but I caught more than one envious look from the girls who grew up with us. The general consensus was that Parker and I were together. It didn't help that Parker made a point not to correct anyone when they said how adorable of a family we made. I didn't want to argue with him. It was different here. We were different here.