11. Lily Rose only rides in style

ELEVEN

Parker and I were silent, sitting in the pavilion behind my parents' house. I sat down on one rocking bench, thinking he'd sit on the other across from me. Instead he took the empty space beside me. He lifted his arm to rest it on the metal rail behind my shoulders, close but not touching me.

We'd both been there the day my parents promised to love each other under the wooden rafters my stepdad built with his bare hands.

Parker sat with his family in the white chairs filled with our closest friends and family while Lottie and I stood at Mom's side. My heart had been conflicted then just like it was now.

It wasn't that Ned was a bad person. I knew he made my mother happier than I'd ever seen her, but I thought Mom and I had some unspoken promise that we wouldn't give another man the power to hurt us like my dad did. She never talked about getting married again, but there she was, handing over her power in front of everyone. We'd all seen the pain she went through, but for some reason I was the only one shocked that she was putting herself in the same position where it could happen again.

I bit the inside of my cheek to shreds that week. I wanted to be happy for her, and I was underneath all the worry. I was hyperaware of keeping the back and forth emotion off my face because I didn't want her wedding picture to show what I was feeling.

Parker found my gaze and held it as they said their vows, promising things they'd both promised to someone else earlier in their lives. His hand slid down his pant leg, and I watched as he tapped the material twice with his middle and pointer finger.

An unspoken, "Are you okay?"

It wasn't immediate but I tapped the bouquet in my hands twice with a forced smile he'd easily see through. I refocused on my mom and tried to be present in a moment that was big for her.

Parker's sigh brought me back to reality. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" He leaned back, spreading his legs in the way men did. The heat of his thigh pressed into mine. My head told me to put space between us, yet I didn't.

"I want to take Lily on a walk when she wakes up, but that's all I can think of." I wanted to enjoy the warm weather while it lasted. Eventually Lily would have to be bundled up every time we left the house.

"Do you care if I come with you?"

I angled to make eye contact with him. "You want to be seen with me and Lily in public?" I knew his life was different now, and I wasn't sure how this was going to play out.

"No one is going to cause a scene in town."

"Right." I shifted my focus to the pasture in the distance. My mom loved sitting out here and soaking in the fresh air. It had a calming effect I'd missed while living in the city for college and the year after. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know. No one knows right now. We could just let it be."

"What do you mean?"

I exhaled a breath, not making eye contact. "I mean that I'm giving you an easy out. You weren't planning on this right now in your life."

"Neither were you."

"It's different."

"It shouldn't be. I don't want an out. You really think I'd leave you and Lily after knowing about her?"

"Honestly Parker, I don"t know anymore. I'm not willing to rely on anyone but myself. Lily is young enough right now that she won't remember if you change your mind. But I'd prefer to know the second you think of leaving."

"I know that fits with the thoughts constantly running through your mind but that's not me. I wouldn't do that." He turned to look at me. "I want to be here while I can. I can't get away from Seattle much during the season. I could try to get a trade…"

We fell silent again. This wasn't news to me. I knew baseball would come first and he'd just signed a new eight-year contract.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that. Wherever you go you'd still be traveling most of the time anyway. Iowa doesn't have a team."

"Why don't we just see how this goes. I'm here until March and we can regroup then. Think you can stomach my presence that long?"

His presence? Probably. The feelings that crept when he was around? I wasn't so sure.

"It'd be good for Lily to get to know her dad."

Parker's truck was ridiculous. The brown leather seats were pristine, and I was afraid Lily was closer to spitting up all over them or having a major blowout with every second that passed. What would I even clean them with?

"Is this another rental? Babies are messy." The anxiety in my voice must have alerted him to how I was feeling because he waved me off immediately.

"Hey, relax Dellie. I bought it. Lily can make a mess if she wants." His hand covered my legging clad knee. My eyes locked on it and then flicked to him when he removed it. "I figured it'd probably be practical to leave a vehicle here for when I'm back."

"So you got a massive blacked out truck… to be practical?" I shook my head. What a man.

"I thought maybe Lily would want to ride in style. Can't have her thinking her dad's a loser."

"She's a baby. She doesn't care about that."

"And if I was trying to impress you?" The corner of his mouth turned up when he looked over at me.

"You were on track with the flowers and quesadillas."

"Noted."

Ialso took note of a few things. Like the car seat camera that was already installed in the rear passenger seat and the monitor suction cupped to the dash. He was obviously trying, so I guess I could be less bitchy.

"Are you going to watch the game tonight?" Parker hadn't mentioned baseball once since he'd been home, but I caught him checking the score on his phone. I didn't ask why he wasn't playing and he didn't tell me. He looked fine though, so I didn't think he was injured.

"Yes." His answer was blunt and didn't offer an explanation.

"Are you excited for next season?"

He rubbed his chin and grimaced. "Depends who's asking." I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to continue. "If my parents ask, of course I'm excited. If it's the media, I can't wait to get back out there and do what I love most. If it's my coaches and teammates, I'm ready to get back to the grind and work hard." The truck slowed as we approached the stop sign before the highway. He put his arm across the back of my seat to check if anyone was coming around the curve. I tried to keep my staring to a minimum, but he looked perfect for snuggling in his sweats and hoodie

"And if it was me asking?"

He looked torn as gravel crunched beneath the tires before they hit the pavement. "My Delilah, or the one who wanted to punch me yesterday?"

I glanced back to check on Lily to hide the conflict on my face. My mood swings were confusing us both but I couldn't help it. Until now, I'd never had to be around Parker when we weren't just us. Without all this extra underlying tension—physical or otherwise. I told myself I'd do better, especially when Lily was around.

"The jury is still out on the punching thing, but let's go with normal Delilah."

His look told me he didn't miss the fact that I neglected to say "his Delilah," but he let it go for the moment. "I'm worried about my spot."

His confession surprised me. "Teams can have more than one good pitcher, Parker. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but I had plenty of things I wasn't ready to share, so I wouldn't push him.

"I don't know. They're upset about my image too. I'll take the winter to figure it out. But I need to change something because they already warned me who my replacement will be."

"That Jesse kid?"

"Yeah, fresh from college. Green. Never had an injury. They drafted him last July. He wants my sponsorships and he's good enough to get them."

"Damn. And your shoulder is…?"

"Fine," he said, in a way that meant it was probably not fine.

"Does your coach know?"

"No."

I stayed quiet at that. Parker didn't need me to tell him what to do. He was a big boy and he'd do the right thing in the end.

"Where do you usually park?"

I welcomed the change of subject and noticed we were already in town. "The library. We'll start there and then circle back by the end."

We parked and got out of the car. Parker opened the tailgate and pulled the stroller out while I unbuckled Lily from her car seat.

"How do you even fit this thing in your tiny car?" He huffed as he set it down on the ground.

"Sheer will and stubbornness." I winked and bounced Lily on my hip. She was still slightly sleepy from her nap, but she needed to wake up so she'd sleep later.

Parker just laughed, "Should have known."

He stretched his arms out, asking for me to hand her over. "Oh you've got this?" I crossed my arms to watch as he fastened Lily in like a professional. Interesting.

"Looks like it huh?" His arrogant little dimple poked out as he cocked his head to the side and looked up at me. Fuck, he was pretty.

I shrugged and let it go. "Let's get going."

Parker pushed Lily in the stroller and I walked beside him. We could both make our way around this town blindfolded but I liked to take a certain route. Even though Roe wasn't a bad town, there were a few roads I avoided. If I was by myself I'd have pepper spray and a taser just in case. Being with Parker made me feel like I had "scary dog privilege." It was nice to shut that part of my brain off, we were safe.

"Lead the way, lil' mama."

I could feel my face heat. "Don't call me that."

"Why? Cause you hate it?" I nodded. "Then why did your face get all cute and pink?"

"Because you constantly say things to get a reaction out of me!" I nudged his hip away with mine.

"They say you should do what makes you happy. I feel pretty good right now so I'm not going to stop." He looked me up and down, not for the first time since I'd changed my clothes earlier.

Leggings and a long sleeve top were warm enough for a brisk walk, so I chose my favorite aqua set that Lily had a matching onesie for. I fell victim to too many Instagram "mommy and me" ads so we had plenty of matching outfits. She wasn't big enough for some yet, and I was both excited for her to grow into them and sad that she wouldn't stay little forever.

"So what's your friend do for work?" His tone was a little more condescending than I liked.

"Hmm?" I pretended not to hear his question.

"He uh… looked like an athlete." I tried not to laugh at the jealousy evident in his voice. Of course that would bother Parker. "What's he do?"

"Oh, Thomas! Yeah, he played rugby in college, but he and I met randomly at the coffee shop we both like to work at. We've been working there together every day for a couple years now." I couldn't help glancing over to see his reaction.

His eyebrows bunched, and his nose crinkled like he smelled something bad. "Where's he live?"

"I feel like I'm being interrogated. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I'm just looking out for Lily… and you. Old habits die hard I guess."

"Right." I echoed his words from earlier. "Well, I'm not asking you about your private life in Seattle, am I?" The thought of him with someone else physically hurt. Apparently I hadn't moved past it as much as I thought.

"Jealous?" I met his hazel gaze through his dark lashes and saw the challenge laid there.

My mind was being constantly torn between the Parker I'd known my whole life, the Parker I bared my body and soul to, and the one I'd spent the last 15 months telling myself was like every other man that had let me down.

Parker was the one to break the connection and turn away. He reached down and tickled Lily's belly, earning him a giggle. She stared up at him with big eyes, and I watched him beam at her in return. Those small moments were already etching themselves into my mind, even as I told myself I was getting used to it too quickly.

"She doesn't usually take to people this fast."

"Yeah, it's probably because we had a little chat."

"Oh yeah?" I wasn't sure what that meant, but the smirk on his face made me want to know.

"Yeah, we talked earlier. I told her I'm her dad and that she's cute like me. It was very productive and all parties were happy with the outcome. She said I was an alright dude and maybe you should be nicer to me."

"Wow, that was quite a mouthful for a six-month-old."

"What can I say, her dad was valedictorian."

"You beat me by one GPA point."

"It's not my fault that Ms. Rink didn't like your final project and loved mine. Maybe I worked harder."

"Maybe you were just an ass kisser and I'd rather take the lower grade than pretend to like someone I don't."

"Tell yourself whatever you need to, babe."

"Can you not with the nicknames?"

He raised his hands up in surrender. "You said I can't call you Peach anymore. I'm trying out some new ones."

My eyes rolled into the back of my head. He was a piece of work.

We crested the hill by the park a while later and stopped to rest on a bench. Parker put the brakes on the stroller and sat down next to me as I pulled Lily into my lap. She had one of her maraca toys clenched in a fist and was trying to shove it in her mouth. It was too big, so I wasn't worried about it.

"She's been trying to eat all of her toys lately. I think she's teething." I reached into the bottom of the stroller and got out one of her soft toys she could chew on. "Which also makes her very grumpy, right baby girl?" Lily just chomped on the teether and stared at me.

I turned to find Parker enraptured, watching us. The brim of his cap was slung low to shield his face, but for once since he'd come home I could read the thoughts plastered on his face. I could feel him holding back and trying to wait for my cues.

"Wanna hold her for a bit? I kind of want to run around the block." He nodded and I put Lily in his lap. "Okay, just don't put her on the ground. She might try to eat a rock or something."

"We'll be fine," he insisted, and I knew he was right.

I fished my headphones out of the diaper bag on the bottom of the stroller and lifted them over my head. I was always too scared to wear the noise canceling pair when Lily was with me, but I loved wearing them when I was by myself. The park almost covered the whole block so Parker and Lily were in view the entire time. I could see his lips moving even from a distance and it made my heart happy that he wasn't just sitting there with her in silence. He took to heart what I said earlier. I passed by them a few minutes later and they were still chatting back and forth, so I went down another block after my first loop. Parker may have been a ladies man, but he was trustworthy. He'd call if he needed me, and my watch was on.

I rounded the corner breathing a little heavy to find Parker surrounded by little kids and their moms. I walked up to the group just in time to hear a snippet of their conversation.

"Parker James, what are you doing with Delilah's baby? You just got home and she's already making you babysit? What a lazy mom." That came from Beth Ann, a girl I graduated with. She turned to her friend and made a face like she was appalled. I stuck to the back of the group where she and Parker couldn't see me.

"It's not called babysitting when it's your kid." He dismissed her easily, but didn"t look up to see her put her hand over her mouth in shock. "I can sign your ball bud, hand it here." He reached out with one hand while still holding Lily around her middle. He had a hard time juggling both Lily and the pen.

"Why don't you let me hold Delilah's…" Parker glared up at her. "Your daughter for you." Beth Ann couldn't take a hint.

He didn't look up to respond, focused on signing the ball and moving on. "Has Del ever let you hold her?"

"No. She doesn't like me."

Beth Ann was such a whiner.

"Hmm, probably not then."

I couldn't stop my smile. Yeah, there was no way I'd let that bitch touch my baby. Parker was scoring points with me every time he spoke. I walked through the hoard of small children to stand next to the bench.

"Oh Delilah, you look… bright." She dragged her poisonous gaze over what I was wearing, but I really didn't care.

"Beth Ann," I acknowledged her with a nod.

Parker was typically an easy going guy until people tried to mess with me. So I wasn't surprised he had a retort even though I was choosing to let it go and be the bigger person for once.

"She looks great doesn't she? Better than I've ever seen her actually. That color really makes her pretty eyes stand out."

I couldn't help but internalize that. He bantered with me over our differences but never hesitated to compliment me.

The tips of my ears burned, and I knew they were red. Beth Ann's glare was replaced with Parker's appreciative gaze sweeping over me and my annoyance melted away.

"Tell Parker thank you, we need to get going." Her younger brother gave Parker knucks and she pulled him away.

Good riddance, bitch.

Lily was fairing well for all the commotion going on around her. I squished her cheek softly with the pads of my fingers.

The next few boys stepped up, so I lifted her off Parker's lap and held her against my torso. She snuggled in and started nudging my chest with her head like she was hungry, slobbering on my shirt. I reached for the premade bottle I packed in the bottom of the stroller, sitting down next to Parker. I fed Lily while he signed everything from baseballs and cleats to shirts and backpacks. It was cute. Some kids must have run home because they came lugging whole bags full of equipment they wanted signed. A little girl wormed her way to the front with her bright pink bat and set it in Parker's lap with a shy smile. I didn't know a lot of the young kids in town anymore, but her distinct dark hair and pale skin told me she was a Tenley.

I looked up to see her dad, Colton Tenley watching attentively from a few feet back. I raised my hand in a wave, and he moved to approach us. He was young and had just moved back to town after his wife died in a car accident. He and Michelle were high school sweethearts and a couple years older than Parker and I. He'd accepted a job as the new athletic director for the high school.

"How are you Delilah? Parker?" He shook Parker's hand and patted my shoulder. We'd talked a few times since he moved back to Roe. Michelle and I had worked together in high school, and she was good friends with my sister. Colton and I never really talked besides when Michelle was there. He was quiet, and I didn't know much about him other than that he'd been madly in love with his wife.

"It's good to see you again, Colton. Sage is getting so grown up."

Parker looked up. "This is your daughter?" Colton nodded and Parker turned to Sage. "Do you know how good your dad was at baseball?" Sage shook her head no. "He never had trouble hitting off me. Ever."

Colton brushed the compliment off. "I'm sure that's changed now. You had one hell of a season."

Parker's confident smile made my stomach flutter. "We've been doing alright." His bright white teeth were on full display even though he was being modest.

"Everyone here is really proud of you."

I wondered, not for the first time, how it felt to be loved by so many people. My relationship with this town was vastly different than Parker's and it reminded me not to get too comfortable in the quiet companionship we'd found today. As much as I thought he was mine—Parker belonged to Roe in a way too. And Seattle. He'd never be mine alone.

"Thanks man, that means a lot."

"My mama and I watched you play last year. She liked you. Dad yells at the TV when you suck."

We were all surprised when Sage spoke to Parker so bluntly, but no one more than her dad.

The last of the kids wandered off with all their equipment, and Sage went to play on the swings with another little girl. Colton plopped down in the grass in front of us, and Parker relaxed back into the seat with his arm resting behind me.

"Sage must like you, Parker. She hasn't talked to anyone, including me since I moved us here." We must have looked shocked because he quickly added, "I have her talking to someone. A therapist and a speech pathologist."

"I have a couple friends that are SLP's. It's more common than you'd think." I tried to assure him.

"Man, I was really sorry to hear about Michelle." Colton looked down at the ground and nodded. Parker continued, "I'm also sorry I didn't make it back for the funeral. By the time I heard about it I was in South America for training."

"It's alright. You sent enough flowers to fill the whole place." Colton laughed, "I can't keep up with all the house plants from the funeral."

"Oh, I know what you mean," I said with a sigh. "I still have one of those plants with the white flowers from my dad's. It just won't give up." It would probably help if I stopped stop watering it.

Parker squeezed my shoulder. We were quiet for a moment, all of us busy with our thoughts of loss.

"Would you be interested in doing a baseball camp sometime? I know the kids would love it."

I thought Colton's suggestion was a great idea. Parker had always been good with kids, and they'd go crazy at the opportunity to learn from him.

"Yeah, I'd be down for that. Besides these ladies I don't have a whole lot going on." He gestured to us next to him.

"Okay, cool. It could be a fundraiser since you're not really hurting for money." Colton got up and clapped Parker on the shoulder. "I gotta get Sage home for supper. I'm making gourmet mac and cheese from a box." He gave me a wink and walked off.

"He seems like he's doing okay," Parker commented.

"Yeah, but a lot of people seem okay and they aren't."

I stared out at the bed of flowers across the street. Dahlias. New beginnings.