Chapter Forty-Four

"Holy shit!" I declared as my lovers and I walked out of the arrival chamber and into the citadel's entry hall.

We had faded down to the first floor to get some lunch. Though still aching with sorrow, I was now calm and resolute. It helped to know that none of us were giving up on Aranren. It may take some time, but I would save him. At least with Death consuming him so fully, he wouldn't feel alone or sad over what he'd lost. He wouldn't even miss me. Yeah, that stung a little, but I wanted that for him. It was better than the alternative.

That being said, it wasn't an epiphany over Ara that had brought about my outburst.

"What is it?" Xae asked.

"Lord Vexen is the one who's been writing to me."

Xae grunted and strode past me, into the dining hall.

"Xae is still upset with him for that whole hissing thing," Kel whispered. "He said Vexen was acting as if you were already his."

"He was just trying to help me," I said.

"And establish a claim," Taroc said. "Fucking Tigers." He shook his head and followed Xae. "Short beast mentality."

"Short beast? They're not short. And what's wrong with Tiger Ladrin?" I asked Rath and Kel.

"Nothing," Rath said.

"They can just be a little tribal," Kel said. "And possessive."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that they have traditions they cling to," Rath said. "There's a reason the Tigers stick together."

"They have other friends among the Wraith Lords," I said.

"Yes, but none as close as their own kind." Rath glanced at Kel.

Kel shrugged. "I don't mind. I get it. It's nice to have a tribe within a tribe. They're like brothers. I mean, maybe they are brothers."

"They are not brothers," Rath said.

"How do you know?"

"Because he has spoken to me. We are not loners," Lord Vexen said as he stepped up to us. "We even mate outside our race." He inclined his head to me. "Hello, Lord Ember."

"Hi," I whispered, suddenly shy. "Uh, you can just call me Ember."

Vexen had been someone I noticed many times and not just because I was fascinated with tigers. He was a striking man. I loved the honey-walnut color of his skin and the way it made his eyes shine. He was muscular but not as bulky as Xae or Taroc. Still large, very large, but tempered by a sleek grace. It made him look as if he could leap into action in a second. There was nothing short about him, even his hair was shoulder length, the dark tresses highlighted with gold.

Then I flinched. Fuck! I've just lost Ara and here I am lusting after another man! What is wrong with me?

As if I had asked the answer in truth, a warm, shimmering sensation flowed over me. The Goddess.

But trusting her had lost me Ara. I was hesitant to let her guide me again.

The warmth pulsed, moving into my heart, and with it came peace. The Goddess wasn't able to help me in Death's domain, and maybe losing Ara wasn't her plan, but she wouldn't abandon me, even when I doubted her. Just as I would continue to fight for Ara, she would continue to look after me. And she had told me to follow my heart. My heart evidently wanted to make us stronger.

It made sense. At the moment, I had no idea how I'd free Ara. Maybe we just needed to train until all of my lovers were competent in merging the elements as Rath was. But maybe Vexen was the answer. With another lord in our group, we might be strong enough to destroy Death's cage once and for all. Love to save love. Ara would understand.

Then Vexen said, "I know you'll need some time, Ember, but I want you to know that I can wait as long as—"

"I don't need any time," I interrupted, surprising him as well as Rath and Kel.

"You don't?" Vexen asked, his pale green eyes widening. "But, Ember, just a few hours ago, you were distraught. You . . . you lost someone you loved."

"I'm still distraught. But I haven't lost him. He's still alive and I will get him back. I know I will. So, I can move forward with that certainty. Putting my life on hold won't help either of us. And you are a part of my life."

"I am?"

"Yes. A small part now, but I think that will change." I stepped closer to him. "Do you know how Death took me, Vexen? It was because I was upset by your last letter."

"What?" Vexen growled.

"I'm not blaming you. I just want you to know how much those letters meant to me. Your final letter, the goodbye, crushed me. I was so intent on finding you that when Death offered to help, I decided it was time to test him." I held up a hand. "Again, it's not your fault. I wouldn't have allowed him past my inner wards if I hadn't felt the Goddess' approval."

"The Goddess approved of you letting Death inside you?"

"Yes. She knew I could overcome Death and save Ara. Maybe she even knew that I would lose him again. This could all be part of my destiny." I shrugged. "But never mind that. You see me as only my lovers do, and you reached me through your words. I got to know you without all of this getting in the way." I motioned at him. "Without the physical hindering me. And that was a gift. Thank you for being so open with me. I can't imagine how hard that was for you."

"It wasn't hard at all. Not at first. I knew you would be kind and discreet. You'd tell the others but not share what I wrote. I trusted you."

"And then?"

"And then you never looked at me. You never used the clues I left to find me." He shrugged. "I thought perhaps you didn't care. Or that you had figured it out and weren't interested. I started to doubt what I saw in you."

"Vexen, I'm just not as smart as you give me credit for."

Keltyr burst out laughing as Vexen scowled. I gave Kel a shushing look.

"Sorry," Kel said. "You're very smart, Ember. But you can be less so when it comes to romance."

"I haven't exactly had a lot of practice," I muttered.

"I know, love." Kel kissed my cheek. To Vexen, he said, "Give him a break, Tiger. He's so clueless when it comes to love that even handing him clues won't help. You gotta bash this one over the head with affection. Fuck, I did that from the beginning, and it still took forever for him to realize that I was serious about him."

"I'm not that bad," I whined. "You were too flirtatious."

"I won't be so subtle in the future," Vexen said. "And since you say you don't need time, would you like to have lunch with me?"

"Not to ruin the romance, but I don't want him leaving the citadel right now," Rath said.

"We could grab our plates and eat in the garden," I suggested.

Vexen grinned. "I'd like that."

"Ember." Rath took my arm. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I am."

Rath stared at me for a few long moments, and I felt his pain through our link. He had always been the steady one. He didn't like sharing me, but he accepted it because it was the only way we could be together. He tried to be supportive. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Rath, I love you." I pulled him into a hug. "I've loved you from the moment I saw you. I just knew that you were important."

"And you saved me," he whispered.

"It's why I saved you." I leaned back to meet his stare, his beautiful, lavender stare. "The Goddess led me to you. And she's leading me again. I'm sorry that it hurts you, but you must know that it doesn't change the way I love you."

Rath cupped my cheek. "I wish I hadn't been so foolish and pushed you away."

"You were meant to push. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have found Xae."

Rath nodded and dropped his hand. "All right. Follow your heart, Ember."