Chapter Nineteen

As Aranren raised stones and water from the frozen earth to form a lake and waterfall, I watched him. I stared at the world through Death, and it was beautiful. Also enlightening. Standing beside him, seeing his joy in creation, I noted how Death's influence withdrew. Most of me saw that as a flaw, but a very small part of me, buried beneath the bones, felt hope. Aranren had found a way around the cold calculation and determination to control. He had learned to live with Death.

I can give you everything you desire, Death said in my mind. You do not have to learn to live with me.

Then give me back myself , I said. I know this isn't me.

Do you care?

I paused. No . Then, Yes. You have made me not care, but I know that I do.

Death chuckled.

I feel nothing, Death. And I don't like that.

It's what you need right now, Ember. Without that numbness, you would be in despair. Once I show you all that we can do together and you accept it, then I can withdraw sometimes as I do with Aranren.

You've made a deal with him, haven't you?

A minute passed as Aranren continued to alter the land and even the weather. I waited for Death's answer.

At last, he said, I didn't lie when I said Aranren was like you. You are very much as he was in the beginning. He mourned for his old self often. Deep inside. Where I couldn't reach. So, I agreed to free him slowly. Over the years, we've learned to trust each other. He understands what we're fighting for and has fully embraced my magic.

I understand as well.

Only because I have taken your mind. Once I release it, you will fight.

I see. And I did. I understood that it was necessary to keep my mistaken morality submerged until I could fully grasp the momentousness of Death's plan. If we succeeded, there would be peace as Varr had never known. And that level of peace required sacrifice. That sacrifice included Aranren and myself. And my true self had recently complained about sacrifice.

But I want you to connect with Aranren, Death said. So I will allow some of you through. You are too cold with him, and I promised him a companion.

A companion? Is that all I am?

No, Ember. You know that you are the greatest power this world has ever seen. Without you, my plan would fail. But Aranren needs you as a man more than he needs you as a partner.

I considered this. You only want me to increase his power by falling in love with him. I am no longer interested in love. My love will strengthen him but weaken me.

You're wrong. I admit that I don't fully understand love, but from watching the world, I've learned a little. I've seen what love can do. I've watched the men who love you sacrifice themselves for you. That is power, Ember. Look at him.

I was already watching Aranren but with Death's urging, I looked closer. His beauty was unquestionable and magnified by his joy. Aranren's face bore no shadows or skeletons now. I realized it was because he was using elemental magic instead of Death. Not that there wasn't beauty in death. I saw all of its beauty now. But the elements had a passion that Death could never touch.

Yes , Death said. Every magic has its benefits. Death is not the only path. I have never said it was. Your power comes from uniting the elements, Spirit, and Death together. That is what makes you special. Aranren cannot do that. But imagine how he would shine if he could.

I watched Aranren's hands as they moved gracefully through the air, weaving the magic into what he wanted. With Fire, he pushed back the cold of winter, with Earth he summoned fresh growth from the ground, with Air he circulated the warmth, and with water he nourished it all. He smiled so brightly because he felt like a god. I knew he did because I had felt that way when I first harnessed the elements.

You could make him a god in truth, Death said. You have that power, Ember.

I don't think so.

You will see. You will learn. For now, see him. Learn about my first student. There is much in him that has been denied for my cause. I know you will appreciate it.

And the numbness pulled back.

I gasped as part of myself surfaced. It wasn't enough to make me run, and I couldn't understand how Death did that. How did he bring pieces of me into my consciousness but leave other pieces, like my need to get back to my lovers, buried?

"Ember?" Aranren turned to me, his hands lowering as the magic drifted away.

Trees surrounded us now, enclosing us with the waterfall. And the most impressive part was how the atmosphere had changed. We were in a pocket of summer, winter circling and doming over us. The colors were so bright against all that white, and the heat was decadent. Aranren's creation was beautiful and wondrous, but it also reminded me of the lake where I had learned to control Water. The lake where my lovers learned Water Magic as well. Recalling that didn't bring an ache, only awareness. I saw that I had been limiting myself, even with the elements. I could do so much more. And so could Aranren.

"He's released a part of me," I said.

Aranren's eyes darted around and he swallowed roughly. "Death, give me some time with Ember. Alone."

"No," Death said.

"You promised me."

"I cannot withdraw fully from Ember yet."

"I know. I'm asking that you avert your attention so we may have some privacy."

"Ah," Death said. "Very well. You have an hour."

And then he was gone. I felt that dark focus withdraw. That shocked me. Death was gone?

Aranren hurried over to me and took my hands. "Is it you now?"

"Not entirely," I said. "But I am more myself than I have been since he consumed me."

"Consumed," Aranren whispered, briefly closing his eyes. "Yes, that's what he does."

I looked at him again, seeing past the beauty and Death. The man in me reached for the man in him. In kinship—shared horror. But also in desperate friendship. We were all we had there. And now I knew that Aranren hated this as much as I did. I drew him to a grassy spot near the water and sat down. He gracefully sat beside me.

"Aranren," I said.

He hung his head, that beautiful hair pooling in his lap.

"Don't be ashamed," I said. "I'm here too. I understand now."

"I'm so sorry, Ember," Aranren whispered, glancing around as if Death might still be lurking nearby. "I didn't know. I never suspected that it would lead to this."

"You haven't made progress with the experiments because you're hindering them, aren't you?"

He pressed his lips together and nodded. "I try to thwart him wherever possible. I accidentally fail or find reasons to put off working. I've learned that the only way to fight Death is to fake enthusiasm. Pretend that I'm his. I've gotten very good at acting. Even Sarthares can't tell anymore."

"I'm so sorry. I know you were friends."

"Friends. Yes. And I've missed having a friend." He let go of my hand. "When you came into power, there was no stopping Death. He had to have you. He is convinced that we will fail without you. All of my failures have led him to believe that I'm not capable of winning the war on my own. Then he learned about your bonding, how you share your magic with men you love, and he decided that we had to fall in love." Aranren made a scoffing sound. "As if love can exist in death."

"You've found a way to save parts of yourself from Death," I said gently.

"Yes, and I hoped to save parts of you too." Aranren grimaced. "It was the best I could do for you. So, when Death started to make me feel . . ." He cleared his throat and started again, "When he made me feel lustful about you, I told him that I didn't want you like that. I pretended to desire you truly and convinced him to give us a chance to really fall in love. I hoped he would give us moments like this, so you could be yourself again. I know how important these moments are. Without them, eternity is a vast pit of darkness."

My chest clenched. I never thought I'd pity the Corrupter. But then, I never thought I would become the Corrupter. The Goddess' warning came to mind then.

"The Goddess said I would become another Corrupter if Death had his way," I said. "But I didn't listen to her. Death convinced me that he was misunderstood."

"Yes. He's good at that."

"What is he?"

"I don't know." Aranren wound his hair back with a casual movement that had less grace than normal but felt more real. "He thinks he's a god, but that doesn't seem correct to me."

"The Goddess said that he is a manifestation of energy—the consciousness of Death Magic."

Aranren considered this. "If Death can have consciousness, what about the other elements?"

"I've asked that very question."

He cocked his head and stared at me. I got the feeling that he was looking as deeply at me as I had at him. "I have watched you from the beginning, Ember. Mostly as the Corrupter, but there have been many times that I have looked upon you as Aranren. And yet, I haven't seen your wisdom until now." He held up a hand to add, "Not that I believed you to be unintelligent. But you have more to you than I saw."

"You have much more to you than I thought as well. In fact, you're a completely different person," I said. "I'm sorry that you've suffered alone, Aranren. All this time and you have been as much a victim as everyone else."

Aranren rubbed his hand over his face. "Thank you. But I don't deserve your pity."

"Everyone deserves sympathy."

"Ember, I've killed so many people. Hurt many more. Enslaved men and women. And now, Death has me killing only to bring them back to a false life. I don't empower them. They aren't my puppets. They belong to him. But Death still needs me to work the spells. He needs a conduit to work through. I should fight harder. If I were stronger—"

"No one is that strong," I said. "Once he has you, there is no fighting him."

A tear slid down Aranren's cheek. "How are the children?"

My throat constricted. I knew I should feel something and not feeling it horrified me. "Dear Goddess," I whispered. "I love those kids. I know I do. But I can't feel even a hint of that now."

"The love is still there, Ember," Aranren said firmly. "He can't take that from you. All he can do is bury it like a corpse. But it's not dead and so it's not under his dominion. It's yours. Remember that. All the love you feel is yours, even when you can't feel it."

"Xae," I said firmly, hoping to feel something. "Rath. Kel. Taroc."

"Yes. Keep saying their names. Maybe you can fight him. You have more to fight for than I do. You have their strength to empower you."

"Their strength," I murmured. "I wonder if—"

"Shh!" he hissed. "Don't speak such things aloud." Then Aranren widened his eyes at me as if to tell me to keep thinking them.

"Aranren, we can't give up hope," I whispered. "Just before I let Death take me, I prayed to the Goddess, and I felt her approval. That must mean that there's a way out of this. She wouldn't have sent me here to become like . . ."

"Me," he finished. "I don't know, Ember. I have never met the Goddess. I don't have faith in her as you do."

"She foretold that I would end this war by uniting the men I loved. But she was vague on the details. Maybe she let me be taken because she knew that I was fighting the wrong enemy. Conquering you won't end the war. We have to conquer Death."

Aranren placed his hand over my mouth, shaking his head. But when nothing happened, he lowered it. After biting his lip again, he said, "There is no conquering Death, Ember. He cannot be killed."

"Don't give up yet, Aranren." I clasped his hand firmly. "You're not alone anymore."

His breath caught, his hand clenched around mine, and then he pulled me into a hug. Not an embrace. There was nothing romantic about it. It was a hug. An expression of hope and friendship. Of gratitude.

"We will pretend," I said in his ear. "And we will plan."

Aranren leaned back and met my stare. Determination bloomed in his. "And together, maybe we can survive."