Chapter Fourteen

That afternoon, Graysen returned to the citadel with his Wraith Lord escort for their scheduled break. I was at sword training when he arrived, but he found me.

"Hey, you ugly asshole!" Graysen shouted across the yard. "I didn't think you could get worse with a sword, but you've proved me wrong."

Several men looked his way, but I was the only one who smiled as I did.

"Look who's talking!" I shouted back as I passed Xae my sword. "You're the ugliest thing I've seen since Ranor's cat hacked up a hairball!"

Xae rolled his eyes but took my sword, knowing I needed Gray's friendship. And boy did I. Even after Taroc had been more than a lover to me, I still wanted a simple friendship with someone I wasn't in love with. Nex was busy with his mating, Finn had once flirted with me so talking to him could get weird, and Caleb, well, I was still trying to stay away from him. I did have friendships with other Wraith Lords, But I wasn't close enough with them to talk about everything. Gray, however, was a true friend. Not only could I share anything with him—and I mean anything—but he was also human and a soldier. He understood me in ways that no one else in that citadel could. And I hadn't seen him in weeks.

When I'd been his escort on his recruiting missions, we'd had a schedule that brought us back to the citadel often. But after my men and I stopped serving as escorts, the recruiters decided to do longer stints so they could get the watchtowers manned as soon as possible. With the Emperor's mages building the towers, they were going up fast and several didn't have anyone to man them yet. Not beyond a few soldiers from Graysen's group. That's all to say that Gray stayed away longer these days.

I ran up to Gray and hugged him. That's how happy I was to see him.

"Ugh!" Gray hugged me back for a moment, then shoved me away. "Fuck, you're getting all your man juices on me. Gross, motherfucker."

I snorted. "Fuck you." Then I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him close to rub his face in my sweaty tunic. "How about I juice all over your face?"

"Eeew!" Gray laughed even as he shoved away from me. "You're so fucking disgusting. I can't believe I'm friends with you," he said in a high-pitched voice and slapped me limp-wrist style. Then he returned to his normal voice to say, "Oh, who am I kidding? Juice on my face, baby! I love it!"

We chortled together.

"You have lunch yet?" he asked.

"Nope. We usually do magic training after swordwork, then we eat."

"Well, you're changing your schedule for me because I'm fucking starving and your man-juice isn't even an appetizer."

I glanced back at my lovers, and they were all wearing various degrees of indulgence. Rath nodded at me with a grin. I blew them all a kiss and headed inside with Graysen. They were nice enough to stay behind and continue training. Once, they'd been nervous about Gray, but now they knew he was like a brother to me. All right, maybe not a brother, but a friend I wouldn't fuck. Not anymore.

It was an off-hour for lunch so the dining hall was mostly empty, with just a few lords eating, including Graysen's new escort, Lord Liam. Gray waved at him on our way to the buffet table, and Liam nodded back.

As we were filling our plates, Gray said. "I've totally been fucking him."

I looked over at him with rounded eyes. "Lord Liam?"

"Yup." He grinned at me. "He's a bottom and evidently there aren't a lot of bottoms in the Wraith Lords."

"I don't see how that works out in your favor. That only means he should have his pick of lovers."

"It does. So that's an even bigger compliment to me. I'm human and he still wants me."

"Nice!" I bumped his shoulder with mine. "He's a Fox, right?"

"Totally a fox! So smokin' hot." Gray piled food onto his plate.

I snorted. "No, I mean he's a Fox Ladrin."

"Oh!" Gray laughed. "Yeah, he is. He even shifted for me once. He's really cute as a fox."

"Shut up. He did not."

"He did." Graysen grimaced. "All right, he didn't shift for me, but he needed to get a run in and I was there so I got to see him."

"Now that sounds more likely."

"Fuck you, asshole," Gray said affectionately. "I'm super hot. Obviously. Mr. Rare Bottom wants me, remember? He would have shifted for me if I had asked. But I didn't have to since he wanted to shift."

"Uh-huh." I grabbed a glass of water and headed to my usual table.

"How's the sword training going?"

"Better." I pulled up my sleeves and flexed. "I'm getting pretty muscular, don't you think?"

Graysen snorted. "Hardly. You're still a skinny-ass fuck."

I leaned forward onto my forearms and grinned at him.

"What the fuck is that look about?" Gray demanded, his mouth full.

"I've just really missed you, Gray. I'm glad you're back."

He got a goofy look on his face, then leaned forward to punch me in the arm. "I missed you too. It's nice to have a fuck-buddy out there, but you and I had more fun together."

I grinned. "So tell me more about Liam. Does he have a nicer ass than me?"

Gray made a scoffing sound. "Most guys have a nicer ass than you, fuck-face. Your ass is bony."

"So that's a no." I grinned wider. "Is he good?"

"Of course, he's good. I wouldn't keep fucking him if he wasn't. What about your new one, the Tytra? How's he in bed?"

"A fucking maniac." I grinned. "In bed, on the floor, in the forest, in the mountains. Wherever, he's amazing."

"And his dick?" Gray asked casually. Yup, this was what I loved about Graysen. We could talk about anything without any weirdness.

"Perfect," I said. "It's not as thick as Xae's—and that's a fucking good thing because Xae has a thi-i-i-ck dick. But Taroc's is longer."

"Oh, I like a long dick," Gray said. "More to suck on."

"Or, for us bottoms, more to thrust in me. He can get deep."

"Nice." Gray shoved more food into his mouth.

I looked around, then said, "Actually, I wanna talk to you about something."

He looked up. "Aren't we talkin' now?"

"No, I mean . . . I've got a secret admirer."

"A secret admirer?" Gray frowned. "Why would they want to keep it a secret?"

I shrugged. "He says I don't notice him." I waved it aside. "I started getting these letters."

"Letters? Love letters?"

"Yeah, and they—"

"Oh, how romantical." Gray fluttered his lashes.

"This is why I said I wanted to talk!" I shoved his shoulder. "I seriously want your opinion."

Gray finished chewing, staring at me as his expression went neutral. "All right. Tell me."

"So, these letters are really, well, sweet. I really like this guy. Then they started getting sexy."

"Erotic letters?" Graysen asked eagerly. "Can I read them?"

"No, motherfucker, you can't read them!" I punched his shoulder. "Listen."

"Sorry." He grinned. "Can't be helped. You just mentioned naughty letters to me. What did you expect?"

"Yeah, all right." I rolled my eyes. "Can I go on now?"

"By all means." He waved his hand out.

"It's put a bit of a strain on my relationship with Xae and Rath."

"Just Xae and Rath? Not Kel and Taroc?"

"Kel and Taroc are handling it better. Rath and Xae want to read the letters, but I won't let them. They think they should be a part of my romances because they have to accept my next lover too."

Gray leaned onto an elbow and regarded me somberly. "Sorry, Ember, I know you love those guys, but . . ." He shook his head.

"What?"

"Fuck them," he said. "And fuck that. Yeah, you get to be the one they all love, and maybe that's better than being one of the guys who has to share, but maybe it isn't. They don't know what you go through. You can try to tell them, but no one will understand. No one. They can't because there's no one else like you on the whole fucking planet, Ember."

I let out a long breath. "Thank you, Gray. That both helps and makes me feel even more alone."

Graysen snorted. "You're not alone. That's the fucking problem, isn't it? You'll never be alone. Fuck, Ember, you loved going recruiting with me because it got you away from them. Admit it."

"Yeah, I did. It was nice to have a break."

"And they don't get that," he said. "I'm sure they try to understand, but they can't. They can't feel what you feel, especially since you're human. You don't have anyone here to relate to."

"Great fuck, Gray!" I huffed. "That makes me sound really pathetic."

"You're not pathetic, Ember. You're heroic. You're going to save our world. And that's a lot to bear. As much as you say that you won't be doing it alone, I know that it still feels that way to you. None of them have this weight on them. They don't have to shake their asses to attract more lovers, then try to keep everyone happy. I mean, fuck, Em, how's your asshole? You all right down there?"

I burst out laughing.

Graysen chuckled with me. "I guess being immortal helps with that."

"It does, but my poor little hole does get achy sometimes. I just yelled at them about it not too long ago." I shook my head. "That was when I got my first letter."

"Right, the letters." Gray took a swig of water, then said, "They're yours, Ember. Don't share them unless you want to. And don't feel guilty about wanting this guy. You have to. It's your duty." He grinned broadly. "Oh, what a glorious duty it is. I wish the Goddess had chosen me to save the world with my dick."

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes. "You were just sympathizing with me, but now you're back to envy."

"Can't help it. I'm a pervert."

"That you are, my friend. And I love it."

"So, is that the only thing you wanted my opinion on?"

"Actually, that wasn't it." I leaned in. "I assumed the guy writing to me was a Wraith Lord, but I'm starting to think it's Caleb."

"Oh, shit. That's your ex, right? He's human."

"Yeah. He keeps giving me these sad looks." I grimaced. "But that could be because I've been avoiding him."

"Because you think he's the secret letter guy?"

"No, because Taroc doesn't like him. That normally wouldn't be a problem, but we're still settling into our mating and he's very sensitive right now. I explained it to Caleb the other day, and he seemed to understand but—" I looked up just as Caleb walked in. "Fuck, there he is. Tell me if I'm being paranoid."

"All right." Graysen leaned on his elbow and shifted slightly since he was sitting on the outer bench, facing the wall.

As Caleb walked by with Albert, he looked over at me with that same sad expression he'd been wearing lately. Graysen grunted and went back to eating.

I waited until Caleb was at the buffet before I asked, "So?"

"Well, he's absolutely into you," Gray said. "But I don't know if he's your secret letter man."

"Why not?"

"Because that guy is a fucking wimp."

I snorted a laugh. "Don't be a dick."

"No, I'm serious. You said the letters were sweet, then sexy. They really got to you so I'm assuming there are some strong words in them."

I thought about it. "They were a little bittersweet at first, maybe even sad, but now that you mention it, they did get stronger."

"They got stronger, not more wimpy?" Graysen lifted his brows.

"Yeah. He says stuff about where he wants to take me and what he'd do if I were his."

"Where he wants to take you, eh?" Gray waggled his brows.

"Not like that!" I slapped his arm. "Like out, on dates."

"He mentioned taking you on dates? Where?"

"Uh, he never names places, just talks about places that are warm, even now, in the dead of winter."

"Caleb is from here, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"How would he know about places like that? More importantly, how would he take you there?"

"Shit, you're right!" I slapped the table in revelation and it just happened to be when Caleb was walking by.

He flinched and looked at me.

"Sorry," I said. "Hey, Caleb. You remember Graysen, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Caleb's sad face shifted into hope as he veered to our table. "Hi, Graysen. How's the recruiting going?"

"Oh, it's fucking great." Gray slapped Caleb's arm. "How are you, Caleb? You guys almost done rebuilding?"

"Oh, uh. Yeah, we're moving back in the spring. We just don't want to have to deal with winter as soon as we arrive, you know?"

"So everything is done?"

"Mostly, yeah. We're still building some communal buildings, but we could move in at any time. We actually, uh, have extra homes because of . . ."

Graysen looked from him to me.

"We confirmed that the other people of Fress are dead," I said. "We had to tell the children."

"Oh, shit," Gray whispered. "That must have been fucking horrible."

"It was pretty bad," Caleb said. "But they're moving on. It helps that they've spent so much time here and have adjusted to this life." Caleb glanced at the table, then away.

"Oh, fuck, I'm being rude. Do you wanna join us, buddy?" Graysen asked.

"Oh, no. That's all right. I know you two are catching up. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, over four weeks this time," Graysen said.

"I won't intrude then. But welcome back, Graysen."

"Thanks, man."

As Caleb walked away, Graysen turned back to face me, his expression going smug.

"What?" I asked.

"He wants to plow you so bad he can't fucking stand it," Gray whispered.

"Fuck you, asshole." I always descended into crude language when Gray was around. I'd never been that guy, but he brought it out of me.

"You know I'm right. That guy is fucking into you. Big. He probably has a hard-on right now because you spoke to him. Did you see him perk up? It was like the Goddess had fucking appeared."

"You're a dickhead."

"Yeah, but you love me."

"I do," I agreed. "And I remembered something else my admirer said—something that makes me certain he isn't Caleb. I can't believe I forgot about this."

"What? Fucking tell me already."

"He said he's a warrior."

"Then he's got to be a Wraith Lord."

"Yeah." I chewed at my lip.

"What now?"

"I caught Jath looking at me the other day."

"Jath? That dickhead?"

"He's not a dickhead anymore."

"Oh, right. He died, and the Goddess made him nice."

"Fuck you, man," I said as I laughed. "And also—correct."

"So, if it is him, then what?"

"I don't know." I lost my grin. "I don't think I want to be with Jath."

"Again, you mean?" Gray waggled his brows at me. "He's totally had you once already. Maybe dying and getting over his shit has made him realize what an awesome lay you were, and he's gagging for it."

I sighed. "I love you, Gray."

"I know." Gray grinned broadly. "Seriously, though. Does it matter? Enjoy the letters. Get sappy and fantasize about these hot men you live with. Pick one and go with it in your head. Then, if he finally reveals himself, great. If not, you're still having fun."

"Yeah. You're right. I've gotten too serious about this."

"Shit, yeah, you have. Fucking lighten up, weirdo."

I laughed, then said, "So, tell me more about Lord Liam."

"Oh, fuck," Gray groaned. "He does this thing with his tongue that makes my toes curl."