38. Unveiled Wounds

Chapter 38

Unveiled Wounds

G race

Standing in front of my closet, I went piece by piece, trying to put together a date night outfit. I picked up the hanger, held it against myself, and then flung it onto the bed. My black polka dot dress lay on top of a pair of mom jeans. The little black dress's hanger had caught the edge of a frilly blouse, keeping it from sliding off. I was making this harder than it should have been. If I didn't decide soon, I was going to be rushed for time. I hated being late, especially when the night promised an evening alone with Sabre.

Picking up my phone, I scrolled through my contacts. Bear's name was the first one that came up. I didn't doubt that she'd rush over and help me, but I was concerned that she'd talk me into tight clothes that revealed way too much skin. I wasn't ready to part with my mom jeans. My body was slowly bouncing back from pregnancy, but I still had trouble areas. The weight I'd gained was falling off, but my stomach was soft. I had no regrets about delivering JR into the world, but every glance at the scar was a reminder of the trauma. It was my issue to deal with. Sabre didn't have a problem worshipping my body.

I was still scrolling when I stopped on my sister's name. She'd be the perfect one to ask for help, but I didn't want to cause her unnecessary strain. She was still trying to figure out which side was up, often triggering an emotional outburst at whoever was trying to help. Grizz took the brunt end of her anger, and I felt awful for the role I'd played. Deciding to take a chance, I hit CALL and waited.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey, Mer. What are you doing?" I asked her, chewing on a hangnail as I waited for her response.

"Imagining throwing darts at Grizz's ass."

I heard some commotion in the background. I assumed it was Grizz, but he was too far away from the phone for me to hear clearly.

"You can't marry someone while they're unconscious, Jonathan." Meredith's voice echoed with frustration. She must have just pulled the phone away from her ear before speaking.

I sighed. Meredith thought that if she provoked Grizz enough, he'd eventually get angry and let her go. She'd flee back to her condo, though none of us had the heart to tell her she wasn't safe there. It'd been the first thing that she'd secured on her own as an adult, and she wanted to maintain that independence. It was her haven, and I often wondered if the real reason was that it held warm memories from the beginning of her relationship with Grizz.

Grizz was the type to move forward and ask questions later. However, he never raised his voice at Meredith. He never yelled at her, even though we all wanted to at some point. She was difficult to deal with, and the brothers thought it was disrespectful when she used his real name. Sabre had had to intervene a few times to keep everyone in line.

"At least you're looking at my ass and not trying to kill me. I'll call that a win, Tef," I heard Grizz tell her through the phone.

"Mer." I stepped in to grab her attention. The last thing they needed was another blowout in the clubhouse. Their volatile relationship had already become club gossip, and it wasn't painting a positive picture.

The brothers couldn't understand why Grizz put up with my sister's shit. They thought that when she'd had the ectopic pregnancy, he should have given her money and sent her home. It didn't help that they constantly compared us, feeding into her anxiety. Flo does this. What does Meredith do?

Most of the club girls talked openly to her face or behind her back. Some of them had been in similar situations and didn't understand why she was taking it so hard. They thought she'd dodged an unwanted pregnancy. The only people who understood were the Old Ladies and me, but we were the minority. No one could break through the ten-foot walls Meredith had built around her heart. Not even Grizz.

"Where are you?" she asked me.

"At home. I'll leave the front door open for you. Just come in." The call dropped. She hadn't even said goodbye.

I was standing at the bottom of my bed, looking at the piles of clothes, when I heard her call out from downstairs.

"In the bedroom," I called back to her. She must have heard me because her feet were clomping up the stairs a few seconds later. JR was laying on a play mat at the top of the bed to keep him entertained.

Meredith walked into the room. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked me as she took in the piles of clothing. Standing next to me, she thumbed through a couple of pieces. "There's more leather here than I would have expected from you."

"Trying to get dressed for a date, but we're probably going to take his bike, so that limits the choices. I want to look good, but nothing is sticking out. So, I called you. Hi." I didn't hug her, but I did turn and made sure she saw me smile at her. I didn't know how to help, so I killed her with kindness, which rarely worked.

"Oh, I didn't realize that was tonight. Put the prissy shit away." Meredith pointed towards the pile of dresses. "He'd make you change, so there's no point getting dressed twice." She flipped through the other piles, and every third piece she'd throw on the ground.

"What are you doing? That stuff's clean." I picked up the clothing, trying to figure out what was wrong. My floors were clean, but I didn't want to have to do laundry because of Meredith.

Bending over the bed to reach a pile of clothes, she turned to look at me over her shoulder. "He's going to take his bike, and you can't wear anything that won' t protect you. God forbid, we both have road rash." She held up her gloved hand, a reminder of the scars that lay underneath.

"Mer," I said. I wasn't sure how to have a conversation with her without an argument. We were having a decent time, and I didn't want to ruin that.

"Let's just get this over with," Meredith dismissed me and continued to flip through the clothes on the bed. I stood behind her and watched, trying to tamper down my emotions. I couldn't help the excitement that bubbled in my stomach. Glimpses of Meredith before the accident were poking through all the despair that she used as a cloak. I almost wished I could video this and send it to Grizz. It was a bit of hope that we'd both hold on to with both hands.

Meredith would pull a few things out, but when she didn't like how something lined up, she'd throw it on the floor. I didn't care. I'd gladly wash everything three times if it meant that Meredith was getting a brief reprieve. "Here," she said, taking a step back. Laying on the bed was a pair of jeans that I wasn't sure when I'd worn last and a leather corset that the girls had bought as a gag gift.

"I am not sure that stuff's going to fit. Are you positive it will look alright?" I scrunched my nose at the outfit. It looked good, but I wasn't sure how it would look on me.

"You're shitting me, right? What do you care if it doesn't fit as long as you can breathe? You won't be wearing it very long anyway," she said, shooting me a look. "There's a bet on how fast Sabre can get you out of those clothes after dinner. Please hold out until an hour after you get back to the clubhouse. I'd like to win."

"Nah. It has to be within the first half an hour. Diapers are expensive, and JR needs formula. I figured if they were going to bet, then I was going to win." I winked at her.

"You bet on your own sex life?" Her eyebrows raised as if she couldn't believe that I'd played along.

"Of course I did, and then I ran to Sabre and told him not to bet, so that we'd have better odds." I laughed, but it died quickly when she didn't return it.

"The dumbasses invited the strippers from the club so that there are enough girls to go around when they get to listen in. Text me when you get back. I don't want to know if you're getting your freak on." She stared at JR.

Meredith never touched JR. She never picked him up, offered to hold him, or even feed him. She'd look at him for a few minutes, and then her gaze would abruptly shift. I wasn't sure if it was because he was a baby or if the news from Scrub about her pregnancy not being viable had dealt her a tremendous blow. Grizz had told her it was alright. He had been more concerned about losing her. Those words hadn't penetrated Meredith's walls.

I had tried to get her to open up to me right after we had brought JR home, but she had shut me down quickly.

"You had your baby. What would you know about one that was never meant to be?" As hurtful as her words had been, she was right. I had kept my smile in place, not letting her see how much it had affected me.

"You'll have more children if you want them," I said, trying to open the conversation again as she watched JR on the bed. I couldn't sit by and let her wallow like this. I flirted with the line between sister and third parent, and it was only a matter of time before it burned me. It always did.

"Why? So Grizz can trap me here? No, thanks." She turned to face me, her expression closed off, signaling the end of the conversation. "Go shower, and I'll do your hair. You've never worn a helmet." When I didn't move fast enough, she grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me towards the ensuite. "Go."

I showered and dressed quickly, knowing that JR was in the other room with Meredith. I would have never left him if I thought he was in danger or she wasn't emotionally stable enough to handle it. Walking out of the bathroom, I was towel-drying my hair when I realized there was a standoff happening. Meredith was sitting in the middle of the clothing piles at the bottom of the bed, having a visual stand-off with Kelly, who was rocking JR in her arms. I didn't know when Kelly had shown up, but the tension in the room was palpable.

"Hey," I greeted Kelly.

"Hi," she mumbled, still facing off with Meredith. "I am going to take him downstairs so that you can finish." She promptly turned on her heel and exited the room.

"Did you say something to her?"

"Nope." Meredith blow-dried my hair and braided the back, tucking the tail in with a few pins. "You're all set. Grab your jacket on the way out." My sister walked out of the bedroom, and a minute later, I heard the front door close.