42. Not Alone

Harlow sat at the dining table, staring blankly at the expansive living room space…waiting. It'd been thirty minutes and Foxx still hadn't come back.

He jumped when his phone dinged. Frowning, he snagged it off the table and flipped it open. His frown only deepened on seeing that he had a text from Alastair. He was slightly surprised that Foxx had never mentioned to the vampire that he didn't text.

Opening it up, his brow rose on finding a video. It took a good minute for him to figure out how to play it.

His eyes widened at the first words he heard. "Foxx…" he rasped.

The longer Harlow listened, the less shocked and the more tense he became, to the point his stomach was churning with the emotion.

When Foxx began to wail in fear, he barely stopped himself from crushing his phone.

His gaze snapped to the hallway at the sound of the front door opening.

As Foxx slowly slunk down the hall, the vampire eyed him warily. Mouth opening, the man went to say something but froze, eyes widening as someone spoke on the recording.

Harlow leapt from his chair towards Foxx, managing to snag his hand just as the vampire tried to bolt.

"Wait!" Harlow gasped.

Foxx half-heartedly tried to tug from his hold. Or maybe it was less half-hearted and more that the vampire was too tired to put in any real effort.

"Please..." Harlow swallowed. "Just listen to what I have to say."

Tears flooding his eyes, Foxx shook his head and continued to pull.

"Foxx… I do care!" he swore. "I do. I feel something for you."

The vampire stopped trying to break his hold. And with tears dripping down his face, Foxx stared up at him, his eyes unbelievably wide now.

"I…I don't understand it completely myself. Which I place on me being not all there. But I do care. W-when—" He swallowed. "When you got hurt…in that explosion…I was worried. I…I think I was scared. My body reacted in ways I've never experienced. And then after…"

"After…?" Foxx asked in a small voice.

"I started having nightmares. Which shocked the shit out of me," he said with a hesitant and very awkward laugh. "In each and every one of them, I'd get there…and I'd be too late. I didn't find you still alive. In most of them, you were already turning to ash.

"And then the priest thing happened. I felt like I was losing my mind, and the nightmares didn't get any better. Do you realize, Foxx, that you gave this old man his first nightmare? Never in my, well, forty-five still at that point, years had I even had a dream, let alone something I'd classify as a nightmare. And you want to know the most ridiculous part?"

Sniffling, Foxx nodded.

"At one point, I woke up so out of it that I thought I was having a heart attack. I ran my ass to Tony, asking him what was wrong, thinking I was dying."

Foxx blinked, before a snort slipped out followed by a giggle. "You didn't?!"

"I did. I don't know who was more shocked, him or me. This was after we'd gotten you back. The day you came home from the hospital."

"Christmas…" Foxx said stiffly.

"Yeah… Christmas."

The vampire nibbled his bottom lip, and slowly wound his fingers through his.

Harlow wrapped his fingers around that small hand. "Foxx, when the priests took you…it felt like the walls were closing in. With each second that passed by, you were slipping further and further away. So the more the time passed, the angrier I got.

"When I was torturing those priests…that was the first time I had the thought that you were mine. At least, it was the first time that I had the thought and didn't instantly deny it being true. And the truth is…when we watched the recording, I didn't like hearing myself. I even tuned it out as it played, because hearing it made me realize how desperate I was at that time." He took a deep breath. "So yeah…I do care. I can't… I can't define it. I'm sorry that I can't. I think… I mean, based on the shit that's been going on in my head, I think it means that I like you, but I don't want to lie to you when I'm not…sure…what I can actually feel."

Foxx sniffled again, but there was a smile on his face now. Taking small steps closer, the vampire stretched up and pressed a kiss to Harlow's lips.

"It's okay. I-I'm…" Foxx cleared his throat. "I'm still a little scared…about all this. Relationships…just aren't things that have worked out for me in the past. I mean…" He let out a sad laugh. "At the end of my first, I ended up locked up in a monastery. But…I think…I can be a bit braver knowing that I'm not alone in feeling something."

"You aren't alone. I promise." Harlow released Foxx's hand and cupped his face, pressing a hard kiss to his lips, before wrapping him in his arms and just holding him close. "Thank you for loving me, Foxx. As fucked in the head as I am, and emotionally inept, even I know how fucking lucky I am that your heart decided I was worth having."

"You heard that part too?" Foxx groaned. "How much did that bastard record?!"

Harlow chuckled. "I"m not sure. It started with you saying that you think you love me, followed by you saying I have issues."

Foxx whined. "He practically recorded the whole damn thing! How embarrassing!"

"I mean, you said you loved me more than once, so even if he had started recording later, I'd still have heard it."

"Did I?" Foxx asked, his voice sounding as if he was frowning now. "To be honest, I'm not sure about any of what I said because I was crying so hard and the words just sort of spewed out."

"It's fine… I'm glad he sent it." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I…don't want you to be scared."

Foxx rubbed his face against his chest, and sniffled again. "How…do you feel about me loving you…beside feeling lucky?"

How did he feel…? Would it piss Foxx off if he said he felt…slightly smug and pleased about it? Because that's what he felt.

Foxx was his, so…the man loving him was just beneficial to his obsession. It made him…happy? Happy was a good word. Much better than smug and pleased. "Happy," he replied.

"Harlow…it took you way too long to come up with that one-word answer."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Harlow," Foxx grumbled, pulling back to look up at him.

He sighed. "Fine…I feel pleased by it…and smug. Because your mine…and you loving me makes it easier for me to keep you."

The vampire rolled his eyes. "Yep…that sounds more like you…you weirdo…"

Harlow chuckled and scooped Foxx up, moving towards the stairs. "Come on, let's go back to bed."

"Yes…sleep…is definitely needed. Because tomorrow I need to start plotting my revenge on Alastair."

He barked out a laugh. "You are such a petty fuck."

"You know it!" Foxx chimed with a giggle.

* * *

Harlow was tired,and he should have been sleeping. But his mind just kept going around and around, the words Foxx had said were on repeat in his head. Lightly, he brushed his hand over Foxx's curls. The vampire had fallen asleep quickly in his arms hours ago, and was now clinging to him, his face buried against his chest.

Harlow laid there for a few moments more before cursing softly and, doing his best to not jostle the vampire, he grabbed his phone off the nightstand. Flipping it open, he dialed Wes' number.

The psychiatrist answered on what must have been the last ring before going to voicemail, sounding as tired as he felt. "Harlow?" Wes asked in a gravelly, sleep-filled voice.

"I…want you to diagnose me. I need to know how much I can feel as soon as possible."

There was silence before Wes inhaled deeply, and the next time he spoke, the man sounded more awake. "Let me see if I have an opening tomorrow. Please note…" The man cleared his throat. "It won't be a one-day thing, Harlow. It's going to take multiple sessions until we have everything we need."

He figured it wouldn't be instant. "Fine…just get me in, and we can go from there."

As much as he didn't want to do this…he had to. Harlow had to know, for Foxx's sake. He didn't want Foxx to walk away from him. He didn't want to hurt him…which was a new feeling. Though, he sort of already realized that when his back had been fucked up and his threats of offing the fucker were just that…useless threats that he had no intention of ever carrying out.

And after all he had heard tonight, he knew he needed to know how much of himself he could really give Foxx, before he unintentionally ended up hurting him.