9. Abigail

9

ABIGAIL

In all my years as a New Yorker, I've never climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Yes, climbed, because in all these years, they've never thought to install an elevator.

I'm sure there's a very valid reason for it, but my calves don't listen to reasoning.

Bonnie, on the other hand, loved every second of the a-hundred-and-sixty-seven step climb up and down and now stands looking up at the green lady watching over Manhattan with big blue eyes.

"She's so tall," she mutters.

I step behind her to shield her from tourists walking willy nilly. I follow her gaze up, up, up. I think the view from down here is more impressive than the view from above.

She's magnificent. I didn't comprehend just how amazing she would be up close, but she is.

"You think you could be that tall?"

Bonnie gawps up at me. " No , people don't get that tall!"

"I don't know, your dad is pretty tall."

She snickers and turns to face me. "Daddy isn't even that tall."

A horn goes off. "Come on, I think that's our ferry."

Bonnie reaches up without thinking and grabs my hand.

I let her take it. It feels normal now after just a day of enjoying each other's company.

At first, I just needed to hold it to cross the street. Then to navigate the throngs of tourists that plague Manhattan. Then on the ferry over when the waves made the boat unsteady.

Now it feels natural.

We get in line for the ferry and remain hand in hand.

I look at her. "Where do you want to stand this time?"

"Mm…the back. I want to watch her go."

Once on board, we make our way to the top deck, toward the stern.

Bonnie is on a mission, dodging and weaving through the crowd, her hand in mine. "I see a spot!"

I make a few apologies on my way to tourists who she's bumped out of the way, but for the most part, I get endeared smiles and mutterings of, "Kids, right?"

I smile as if I know anything about having a kid other than helping with the twins or spending a day here and there with Bonnie.

It feels good, though. To be regarded with kind smiles like this. Lately, I have been walking around like a bear who needs hibernation and can't find a place to settle. People regard me with some amount of distance and at times wariness.

With a kid as charming as Bonnie at my side, that's all changed.

She finds a spot right at the back, grabbing onto spindles of the railing and stepping up onto the bottom rung so she can peek over and watch.

I have to push my way in between two people to be close to her. "Sorry about that."

To my right, a man with fair skin and white hair peeking out from under his ballcap smiles and nods at me.

The ferry starts to draw away from the dock.

"What part of the boat are we on, Bonnie?"

Bonnie glances up at me, eyes wide as she seems to be thinking. "The…um…the stern."

"Bingo!" I exclaim.

I told her as much about boats as I could in the short ferry ride to Liberty Island. I've spent plenty of time on boats of all kinds throughout my education. I even considered applying for a long-term fellowship on a boat in the South Pacific, but even I get freaked out by the idea of miles of endless ocean and no land in sight.

From beside us, the husband in the older couple grins. "Very good! You're a smart young lady, aren't you?"

Bonnie flushes and presses her back against me like I'm a security blanket.

"We were talking all about the parts of a boat on the way here, weren't we?" I ask Bonnie.

She nods and allows the man a shy smile.

"That's good. You must be the smartest girl in the twelfth grade," the man says.

Bonnie gasps with laughter. "I'm not in twelfth grade!"

His eyes bug out. "What? But you're so intelligent, you must be–"

"First grade," Bonnie says with a curt nod.

"Wow, that's something!"

I watch the wake of the boat as we pull farther and farther away from the island.

On a normal Sunday, I'd be trying to relax and allow myself a day off from all the worry of finding a job which never really works. For the first time in a long time, the worry in my brain is quiet.

"I'm detecting an accent in your voice," the man says, furrowing his unruly brows. "Where are you from?"

"London," Bonnie says.

The man looks to me. "London, hm?"

"Her father is from there."

"And we moved here a month ago!" Bonnie offers.

The man nods his head like a performance.

"Ah…so where are you from, then?" he asks me.

I realize he must think I'm her mother. We haven't said anything to the contrary, and I'm not sure this deep in I want to do the bumbling, "Oops, sorry!"

So, I play along. "I'm from here. Grew up on Manhattan."

"Ah, a native New Yorker. Me too," he says. "Although, Brooklyn. Long time ago, though, before it became trendy. But I moved away a long time ago. Just visiting. I'd never been to the Statue of Liberty, can you believe it?"

I grin. "Me either. This was my first time."

"Good on you, getting an early start," he says before looking out at the statue. "You get to be my age you never know when it might be the last time you do things, you know?"

Bonnie presses into me again, her hand traveling higher and gripping the inside of my arm.

I glance down at her and find her eyes in mine, a solemn smile on her face.

Big things for a child to hear, the way loss creeps up in life. Except there's a knowingness in her eyes. A sheeny sort of grief.

She knows more than I'd give a six-year-old credit for.

Something tugs in my heart. For Bonnie. For Theo.

And I realize I only know their story through the news. Through everyone but them.

What really happened to Theo and Bonnie? Why is he really in New York?

§

When we walk down the gangway, we say goodbye to Fred, our new friend, who goes off in one direction while we dally in another.

Bonnie swings our hands as we walk. "I'm hungry."

"It is probably a good time for an afternoon snack," I glimpse the time on my phone. "What are you in the mood for? Sweet or salty?"

"Sweet!"

"Cold or hot?" I smile.

Bonnie gasps. "Daddy!"

"Huh?"

She tears away from me and bolts down the sidewalk. I'm about to cry out after her, tell her to stop, until I see she's running right toward Theo who is jogging toward us.

He's beaming at the sight of his daughter and somehow looks even better than he did this morning.

I had to push away the thoughts of his handsomeness earlier, but now…

Dammit .

His swoop of dark hair is asunder after a day's work, but his impeccably tailored suit still looks as well-pressed as it did this morning. He's wearing glasses now, the dark circular rims.

I love how he loves her. I can think whatever bad thoughts I'd like to about him, but that is one thing I can't take away from him.

When Bonnie reaches him, he scoops her up off the ground and pulls her into his arms like she's weightless.

She kisses his cheek harshly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

That's when I realize now he's looking at me.

His smile has fallen the slightest bit, which I know is my own fault. I haven't been the friendliest toward him. In fact, I've been downright standoffish.

Still, at least he smiles.

As I get closer, I call out, "You're early!"

"Finished up with my meetings and couldn't focus, so I thought I'd try and catch you at the ferry," Theo explains.

I've been updating Theo with our location throughout the day, as was his request.

He'd be a helicopter parent if he didn't have to work.

I don't blame him, though, especially after the incident at the aquarium.

"Have you been having fun?" Theo asks Bonnie, putting his hand to her belly and tickling it lightly.

She laughs. "Yes! We climbed all the way to the top of the Statue of Liberty."

Theo pulls a face. "You made Abigail do that, did you?"

"She'd never been! Can you believe it?" Bonnie exclaims.

"Really?" Theo looks at me. Under his gaze, I feel my cheeks getting hot. What's happening ?

"Spent more time at the aquarium, I guess," I say, pulling my purse higher onto my shoulder. "Anyway…"

"Well, look, I can take over from here," Theo says, lofting Bonnie higher on his hip. "But I'll pay you for the time I promised, I–"

I shake my head and start to step back. "It's fine, you don't have to–"

"Abigail, please. I'd like to do that for you, all right?"

I open my mouth. It's hot and my head is growing light. "You really don't–"

"Daddy, we were going to get ice cream, can we go get ice cream before Abigail leaves?" Bonnie begs.

I laugh. "Oh, ice cream is your pick for an afternoon snack?"

Theo looks up at the sky just as a breeze passes over us. It caresses his hair off his forehead.

I wish…

No . I do not .

"I guess it's not too cold for ice cream, hm?" Theo says. "Well, Abigail, you're welcome to join us. But there's no expectation."

Bonnie opens her mouth.

"No begging, Bon. All right?"

She shuts her mouth tight, but her eyes grow wide with pleading.

I glance over my shoulder as if something might distract me or take me away. There's nothing. Not that I want it to. And that's the most confusing piece of this puzzle. "Sure, I could go for ice cream."

Bonnie cheers and starts to speak, but I can't hear her.

My thoughts freeze around the slight smile on Theo's lips.