15

Finding Chad felt more and more unlikely as the day progressed. As the minutes and hours slipped by, it seemed that Chad had

done everything in his power not to be found. Every passing second caused my panic to rise. Seth wisely didn’t try to converse

as we drove around. He just asked for suggestions on where to look next. Other than that, we rode in silence.

Seth and I had driven up and down every backcountry road near my house, and then we drove up and down the streets of Troy, stopping anywhere we thought someone might have seen him, from the barbershop where Jason took the boys for haircuts to the local high school where various boys were hanging out playing basketball on the playground. No one had seen him. We even stopped at The Mercantile to see if Mrs. Cherry had by chance seen him walk by. She said she hadn’t seen Chad but she’d keep her eyes open. When we left the store, I told Seth we should probably head home. As soon as we drove into the yard, the back door swung open and Pee Wee ran outside. He probably had been standing watch for a while. It was crushing to see the expression on Pee Wee’s face when he saw we didn’t have Chad with us. His expression also told me that Chad hadn’t returned.

“Wh-wh-where is h-h-he?” Pee Wee said as he opened the passenger door for me. He was angry and frustrated, but his manners

were still intact. Yet another small victory to celebrate. We taught the boys to always put being kind at the top of their

list of things to do, even when they didn’t particularly feel like being kind.

“I don’t know.” I put my hand on his shoulder as we all walked back inside the house. Mama looked up at me expectantly, and

I shook my head. Her shoulders slumped. I hated having to be the bearer of more bad news. “Listen, y’all, I am going to do

everything I possibly can to bring him back. Just don’t give up hope. Okay?”

Both Mama and Pee Wee nodded. Pee Wee knew Chad was smart, and if the older boy didn’t want to be found, he knew how to stay

hidden. Troy, Alabama, wasn’t a big town by any stretch, but if a person really wanted to hide and not be seen here, it was

absolutely possible to do. And for someone like Chad, who was used to being on the streets, I feared that our efforts wouldn’t

have a good outcome.

Marcus, who walked into the room shortly after we returned, was kind enough to offer to take Pee Wee to the living room while

I made some phone calls. He kissed my cheek before they left the kitchen.

“You’re doing the best you can. But you can’t save everybody,” he said in my ear before leading Pee Wee toward the living room. I wondered if he was referring to Chad or also to himself. I prayed not. I’m greedy. I wanted to save them all. I didn’t want to lose Chad or any of my group home boys, and I didn’t want to lose my brothers.

I sat down by the stand where Mama kept the house phone. I slowly dialed the first number from memory. That call was to Jason.

He and I stayed in constant communication, so his number came to me almost as easily as my own. When he answered, I filled

him in on what was happening and asked him to reach out to the other houseparents. I needed all hands on deck, combing the

streets for Chad. I also called Chad’s social worker and her supervisor at their home numbers, but no one answered. Which

I’d expected, since both women said they’d be out of town for the holidays. Probably the soonest I’d be able to speak to either

of them would be Monday, and by then I hoped to have Chad back with me. Next I called the police and reported him missing.

They assured me they’d send someone out to look for him. They also suggested I stay at home in case he returned, but I wasn’t

ready to give up on the search. Plus, I’d go stir-crazy sitting around twiddling my thumbs. I needed to feel like I was doing

something. Finally, I called Sam Arrington IV, the board president.

“What you mean he’s missing?” Sam said angrily.

I explained once more what had happened, from the incident at The Mercantile to Chad running off after we returned home.

“You should have called me the second the police got involved,” he said, his voice rising with anger. “This situation is out

of hand, Katia. You’ve made a mess of things. Find that boy, and y’all get yourselves back to the group home. I expect regular

updates.”

“Yes, Mr. Arrington,” I said. I took deep breaths after I hung up the phone. He was right—I had made a mess of things. Nothing my staff had done the day Chad had his outburst measured up to this, and I had no one to blame but myself.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Seth.

“Where to next?” he asked. I was grateful he didn’t ask me about the phone call. It would hurt too much if I saw that he agreed

with Sam. However, even though I appreciated his commitment to sticking with me on this search for Chad, I didn’t feel right

asking him to continue to ride around, especially since my heart told me it was a lost cause. I could have kicked myself for

not picking up on the signs. Chad wasn’t in a good place after the morning’s incident, and I should have stayed with him and

forced him to talk through his emotions. The only good thing about this situation—and calling it “good” was a stretch—was

that Pee Wee didn’t run off with him.

“Seth, you have done enough today,” I said as I went to the hallway coat closet, Seth following close behind me. The temperature

outside was continuing to drop, and if I’d be driving for a while tonight looking for Chad, I needed a warm jacket. Instantly,

my hand went to Daddy’s coat. Sometimes when I was feeling particularly lonely or sad, I put on Daddy’s coat and my spirits

lifted.

I even kept his favorite brand of pipe tobacco, by John Middleton, in the coat’s breast pocket. The walnut scent transported

me back to cold evenings on the front porch, sitting on Daddy’s lap as he filled the air with the sweet, woodsy smell from

his pipe.

Seth helped me into it, and when I turned around, he put a hand on each of my shoulders.

“I’m not going to let you do this alone, Kat. We’re in this together.” He had a firm look on his face. Such a kind man, always

wanting to help others.

“I just don’t know where to go next, Seth,” I said, trying not to feel defeated. “We’ve gone to all of the places that I know

to look. He’s probably hunkered down in the woods or hiding in some old abandoned building. There are dozens of places he

could be, not to mention that, by now, he may have hitchhiked to God knows where with God knows whom.”

Seth draped his arm around me. I warmed to his touch but reminded myself it was nothing more than a friend consoling a friend.

“Then we’ll start all over again and revisit the same spots, just in case. With so many people looking for him, we’re bound

to find a clue. We have to be patient and not give up hope. Like you said to Pee Wee.”

I nodded. I went and told Mama that Seth and I were leaving. She was back in the kitchen, sitting by the phone. I knew she

was hoping, just like me, that someone would call and say they found Chad. Even in this short period of time, I knew she’d

grown fond of both boys. I tried not to feel guilty for being part of the cause of her grief. Loving people is simply what

Mama did. I wouldn’t have been able to stop her from worrying, even if she didn’t know Chad and had only heard about him in

passing. Yet another reason why I loved her so much and wished that she could find happiness with someone other than Daddy.

“Y’all be careful out there,” she said, standing up from her chair. “Them redneck boys take to the streets after dark. I don’t want to see something happen to y’all too.”

“We’ll be careful,” I said, kissing her cheek. “I won’t be late. We’re going to revisit a few more places, and then we’ll

call it a night.”

Mama looked up at Seth. “Thank you for going with my daughter. I’d be scared to death if she tried to go searching for that

boy on her own.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, ma’am,” he said with a smile.

“Be back soon, Mama,” I said and walked toward the door. I turned around. “You should call your friend.”

“What friend are you...?” She stopped, her face turning into a grimace. “Girl, hush. I don’t have time for all of that.

Leave sleeping dogs where they are.”

I laughed a little and then went out the door. It was a bit of a stress relief to tease Mama. I needed all the laughs I could

get at the moment.

Seth followed me out of the door. I noticed that his limp was a bit more pronounced.

“Do you want me to drive?” I asked. “You seem tired.”

“I can drive a truck,” he snapped and then reached out and placed his hand on mine. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. You

were just being nice. I am still learning the difference between kindness and pity. Forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive,” I said. “We’re both tired. Let’s just go. You drive.”

We got back on the road, starting the process all over again. Like before, we didn’t talk much. Just as I feared, we continued to run into the same dead ends. No lone Black boys were walking along the roads, and I supposed that in and of itself was a blessing. The idea of some “redneck boys,” as Mama called them, stopping and harassing Chad was more than I could manage to think about. That wouldn’t bode well for Chad. But the other alternatives were equally grim.

Our one glimmer of hope occurred when we stopped at the school. A couple of young Black boys were milling around the playground—one

taller and one shorter, reminding me of Chad and Pee Wee. The streetlights illuminated the spot, casting an eerie glow over

the basketball court. I didn’t recognize the boys, but that wasn’t surprising. A lot of people were moving to Troy, and as

much as I tried to integrate myself into the community and get to know folks, I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting many of

the new Black families.

Seth and I introduced ourselves to the boys, but neither one of them seemed interested in revealing their names. When I explained

who I was looking for, the one who appeared to be the oldest of the two looked at us suspiciously.

“Y’all cops?” he asked as he dribbled a ball between his legs, keeping an eye on us the entire time. The other boy glared

at Seth and me as if he already knew something wasn’t right about the two of us, but he was letting the older boy take the

lead.

I shook my head. “No. We’re just two people who care very much about Chad’s safety. That’s all.” I didn’t think it wise for me to bring up the group home. I understood that these boys mistrusted all types of authority and, often, rightly so. The system hadn’t always been good to boys like Chad. I understood how I could be perceived as the enemy too.

The older boy gave us both a curt nod. “How much it worth to you for me to tell you what I know?” he asked, eyeing me slyly.

I doubted this was this first time he’d made “deals” for information.

“It’s worth everything to me,” I said in a steady voice, trying my best to keep the panic from rising and bubbling over. Seth

placed a hand on the small of my back. I glanced at him gratefully. Several times today he’d been the reason why I hadn’t

dissolved into hysterics, a feeling I wasn’t accustomed to, mainly because most of my life had revolved around me being everyone

else’s rock. These last few months had forced me to acknowledge that I also needed to be vulnerable and taken care of sometimes,

and needing those things didn’t make me weak. It merely made me human.

I looked at the young man standing before us, trying to come up with words that would move him to share what he knew. “Young

man, Chad—the boy we are looking for—is potentially in harm’s way, and all I... we... want to do is save him from any

more pain in his life. Can you understand that?” I reached inside my purse for my wallet and pulled out two ten-dollar bills

and seven ones. “That’s all I have. That’s it. Is that enough? Will you please tell us what you know about Chad’s whereabouts?”

“We ain’t gone say no to no money,” the youngest one said as he came and snatched the money out of my hands and handed it to the older boy. For a split second, I thought they might bolt, but they stayed put, the older one continuing to bounce his ball and the younger one glaring, in an attempt to appear tough. He reminded me of a tougher version of Pee Wee.

“About an hour after y’all left here the first time, he showed up,” the older boy said in a flat voice, tucking the basketball

underneath his arm. “He sat over there watching us play ball until finally a car pulled up, and the dude in the car motioned

for y’all’s boy to get in. A woman was in the car too. Your boy tried to run, but the dude ran after him and then made him

get inside the car. Wasn’t long before they rode off. That’s all we know.”

“Oh my word,” I said. Cobra and Lena had found Chad.

“That’s all the info I got for y’all,” the older boy said.

“Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate your help.”

“I’m only telling you because I don’t like seeing grown folks screw with young kids,” he said. “I’m in the streets, but the

streets ain’t in me, if you get what I’m saying.”

Seth patted him on the back. “I get it, young blood. Good looking out.”

I thanked them again and followed Seth back to his truck. Once we were seated inside, Seth sighed.

“This situation is going to be more complicated than we previously thought, Kat,” he said, putting his key into the ignition

and starting the truck with a loud roar. “I think we need to go to the police.”

“I understand what you’re saying, Seth. I’m not ruling out involving the police,” I said. “But we both know how quickly things like this can escalate when Black- and brown-skinned boys are involved. I have to try to find him and deescalate the situation, if possible. I don’t have a current address for her. From what I can tell, she is either living on the streets or living with Cobra.”

“I know a few places we could go and try to get some information,” Seth said in a grim voice. “Reach down and pull out the

box underneath your seat.”

I looked at him curiously, but I did what he asked. I pulled out the heavy metal box and placed it on the seat between Seth

and me. Even before he opened the box, my heart quickened, and when he pulled out a handgun, I gasped.

“What are you going to do with that, Seth?” I demanded.

“Nothing, I hope. This is insurance,” he said. “I’m not putting us in harm’s way without protection. If you want to be the

hero tonight, we very likely will need backup. That gun is our backup.”

“Seth, I don’t want guns involved,” I said softly. “I know this Cobra is a character, but bringing a gun will only escalate

things.”

“Kat, I don’t want guns involved either,” he said. “But I also don’t want to get caught with my pants below my legs—excuse

the metaphor. So, let’s get this over with before it gets any later. I know some guys who might know where Cobra hangs out.

Troy is a small town. Roughnecks know about other roughnecks.”

Once again we rode in silence. I couldn’t shake my fear over having a gun sitting between us, but more than that, I couldn’t fathom not at least trying to rescue Chad from his mama and Cobra—especially Cobra. We rode around until Seth finally stopped at a local hole-in-the-wall juke joint known for violence, gambling, and prostitution. One might think the police would have shut it down, but from what I’d heard, some of them frequented the spot too. Judging from the cars parked outside, they had a full house tonight. If Mama knew I was at a place like this, she’d have a fit.

“I’m gonna go inside and see what I can find out,” Seth said, reaching inside the metal box for the gun. I put my hand on

top of his before he picked it up.

“Seth, please,” I begged. “Maybe we should go contact the police like you said before. I don’t want something to happen to...

to anyone.” I wanted to say, You. I don’t want anything to happen to you, Seth. But I didn’t.

He reached over and lightly touched my shoulder. “I’ll be fine. Remember, even with this bum leg, I’m still a Marine at my

core. These local thugs ain’t got nothing on what I’ve seen. No one will even know I have the gun unless they force me to

reveal it. I’m just going to ask a few questions. Slide over into the driver’s seat. If anything pops off, I want you to hightail

it out of here. Okay?”

“I’ll get in the driver’s seat, but I’m not leaving without you. Seth, please be careful.”

He slid the gun inside his pocket. “I’ll be right back.”

I could barely make out his shadowy frame as he limped toward the run-down juke joint. I heard loud music playing inside.

I prayed that the people were so engrossed in the music that no one would be interested in starting trouble.

I continued to pray silently, and a few minutes later Seth returned to the truck. I slid back to the passenger side with relief.

“We’re in luck. I saw a dude I knew, and he said Cobra and some woman live out near Goshen in a trailer park. I know right

where it is,” Seth said. “Do you want to go check it out?”

Part of me knew we should probably leave well enough alone and go to the police, but I knew firsthand that the police wouldn’t do much. I looked at Seth. Even though it was too dark to see his face, I knew he’d do whatever I asked.

“Let’s go get Chad,” I said, praying I wouldn’t regret my words.

Seth started the truck and drove out of the parking lot, the sounds of the juke joint filling the night air. I didn’t know

what we were about to encounter, but I sure hoped it involved bringing Chad back home.