Chapter 23 - Rowan

Chapter 23

Rowan

Flint eventually disappeared inside the house, and soon after, Heath made up some bullshit excuse and made himself scarce as well. That left me with Freya and the slowly dying bonfire.

I knew what was going on here. Heath had set me up with female wolf shifters in the past. The way he winked at me before turning his back told me everything I needed to know.

The moment Heath left me alone with Freya, my whole body tensed up.

Even finding out she was part witch — one of the monsters who'd killed my wolf family — my wolf didn't change his mind. He still considered her his mate. Of course, Freya wouldn't have mates in the normal sense, but Bonded.

I had to admit… while part witch, she didn't seem anything like the coven that had killed my wolf family.

And, honestly, I knew not all witches were like that. I'd encountered other witches since joining the Howling Echo. We ran into plenty on our jobs, and Gage regularly made deals with their kind. I avoided them whenever possible, but I knew enough about them. And I recognized that not all witches hated wolves. They weren't all looking for opportunities to slaughter packs unprovoked.

So, despite my initial reaction at the revelation, I hadn't been mad at Freya for long — though I'd held onto my anger for the first day or so. Now that I'd had some time to come to terms with it, though, I recognized that knowing she was part witch changed very little for me.

"Did they tell you about me in the beginning?" Freya's sweet voice broke the silence, rising above the crackling of the flames. "Did they tell you about our deal?"

"Not exactly," I said. "And I rarely check my phone."

A smile broke over Freya's face, bright and beautiful enough to rival the moon goddess herself. "I suppose you only got a phone recently, after all."

I inclined my head in a nod, pleased she understood. I'd spent most of my life disconnected from shifter society in every way.

"So, they didn't tell you that they made a deal for me to stay with them for my first heat? That they would… protect me and see me through it?"

I shook my head.

"Looking back, I realize now they never specifically said just the three of them. Gage always carefully said ‘the pack' or mentioned the Howling Echo by name."

Her steady gaze fixed on me. I loved the subtle snow-blue color of her irises and couldn't wait until the day I saw them looking back at me from her wolf form.

"Gage planned to include you in the deal all along," she murmured, as if to herself.

I didn't like the sound of that. It sounded too much like how the female wolf shifters who couldn't bed Heath would bed me, though I wasn't the prize they sought.

My past bedmates usually closed their eyes or asked me to turn out the lights — if we got that far. The ones who went along with it only wanted a quick fuck and often disappeared before morning, as if afraid of what the morning light might reveal.

"There's no obligation between us," I said slowly, feeling out the words as I said them.

Things were always much easier in wolf form, with mental images and feelings pushed along the pack bond to help make meaning of the words that went along with them.

"No, there's not." Her eyes glittered with an emotion I couldn't identify. "I haven't figured out the truth about where I came from or what I am yet, Rowan. But the Howling Echo has my loyalty. Forever. And Gage isn't my only mate. I love Flint and Heath, too. But my wolf knows I'm missing a mate. You."

"Our wolves need to meet… You can't be sure."

The excuse rang hollow even to my ears. The truth was, I feared how everything could go wrong. My primal side might scare her. Or my dominance could overwhelm her, taking away her ability to deny me. Or… worst of all, I would discover she had bewitched Gage and infected the pack bond with false longing for her.

If I let myself get attached, and any of those fears came to pass… I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"Your wolf already knows. Doesn't he?"

The uncertainty in her voice made my wolf whimper. He wanted to comfort her. But what if that was just her spell doing that? Or her heat, at the very least.

My throat worked, but the words struggled to escape. "Your heat…"

She shook her head with a rueful grin. "I thought that the first time, too. I thought that maybe Gage, Heath, and Flint were only attracted to me because of it. And that it was the only reason they would share… because I wasn't mated to any of them. I expected them to discard me afterward."

My wolf growled, and it escaped my throat. The very thought that the Howling Echo would abandon her when she so clearly belonged with us infuriated me.

"Instead, they brought me into the pack. Just like the rest of you, I'm an exile, a reject cast out of my pack."

I nodded. "We all are."

Part of me sincerely hoped that everything Heath, Flint, and Freya told me was true. My wolf longed for her. As did my human side, if I were being honest with myself.

The idea of a mate who tied me down and made me feel guilty for spending so much time away in wolf form had never appealed to me. The idea of never having my solitude again disturbed me.

Even as part of the pack, I craved time alone in nature and often went away to be on my own. I had never dreamed of a mate who would honor that need.

The idea that my mate would be surrounded by other alphas who could protect her and see to her needs when I could not? It suddenly felt very attractive to me.

"What is it that holds you back, Rowan? You said it was your human side, not your wolf."

I combed a hand through my hair and had the sudden urge to go for a run. Except my wolf rooted me to the spot.

My throat felt tight as I admitted, "I don't even know any more."

She got up and came around to my chair. With the fire behind her, I couldn't read her expression or see anything but her silhouette. Outlined by the fire, she looked like a wild goddess.

A goddess who held out a hand to me. Like an acolyte, I reached for her, and she led me around the fire to the forest's edge.

We were nowhere near the border where the disappearances had happened, but I still tensed, not liking the idea of her being out here where others could scent her delicious smell.

"Tonight," she said in a voice so quiet only my wolf shifter senses allowed me to hear her over the noise crackling of a dying fire. "Let's not overthink it. I want you, Rowan. And I know you want me."

It was tempting — she was tempting. Her eyes stared up into mine for a moment before she rose, her head tilted, her lips seeking mine. Though I'd been with other wolf shifters before, there hadn't been much kissing between us. This would be my second kiss with Freya, and I found myself craving it every bit as much as I craved my time alone in nature.

My lips met hers the way the edge of a lake caressed its shore… softly but insistently. Like we belonged together and always would. Like there was no urgency, because we would both always be here together.

Part of me still couldn't believe Freya truly had any interest in me. But right now, I silenced that voice. One night, without overthinking everything — I would try.

Wrapping my arms around her slender waist, I pulled her roughly against me before plundering her mouth like it belonged to me and me alone. She moaned, melting against me, her hands sliding up my back as well.

My thoughts flashed back to when we were alone together, just us against the wildlands. I remembered all her scars, and suddenly I felt silly for thinking she would judge me for mine. I'd traced them, and they hadn't blunted my desire for her. They made her no less attractive to me. She hadn't flinched away from touching me like others had, so I hoped she felt the same towards mine.

There were too many clothes between us. This wasn't the way we were meant to be together. I wanted my wild goddess free of her confines. In my haste, I tore her top completely off her.

I froze, waiting for her to get angry about her shredded top, but Freya only chuckled.

"Let me help with the rest."

Stepping back, she was, once again, little more than a silhouette. When she turned slightly, the bright fire behind her outlined the soft curve of her perfect breasts. I stood spellbound, watching her graceful actions until she turned back toward me, bare in all her glory. I quickly joined her in nakedness, glad to shed the clothing I rarely wore.

We stood apart, nude in nature, as our kind was meant to be. Freya's eyes scanned my body, and I saw no hint of revulsion, even when her eyes fell on my burns. Instead, she looked… hungry.

For only a split second we paused there before being drawn together. Then I pressed her against the closest tree to steady her for what I had in mind. Fisting one hand in her long, beautiful hair, I forced her to look me in the eyes.

"You'll tell me to stop if you need to," I demanded.

She nodded, her eyes burning with desire. With her head tilted back, her lips parted so prettily as I stroked along her thigh, higher and higher. Though braced against the tree, her hands came up to grip my biceps — like she wanted her hands on me as much as I wanted to touch her. My fingers slid easily between her already wet folds, and we both let out simultaneous groans.

I pushed the tip of my finger inside of her, watching her face intently for any sign that she didn't want this. When she didn't object, I added another finger. Her whole body seemed to melt, and only my hand in her hair and the tree behind her kept her upright. She let out a delicious moan, and I found myself hungry for more of those from her.

Her eyes fluttered closed as I pulsed my fingers inside of her, and my voice was rough as I commanded, "Look at me."

Wetness gushed anew around my fingers, as though my command heightened her pleasure. I was shocked to realize she truly did want me. Feral, scarred, demanding… she actually wanted me. A smile curled up her lips, but she didn't open her eyes.

That's when I remembered that alpha commands didn't work on her. She was reminding me of that fact, and strangely… I found it arousing.

With Freya, I wouldn't accidentally slip up and force her to do something she didn't want to do, because my alpha-bark did nothing to her. Anything we did together, we did because we both wanted to, not because I'd compelled her compliance. In a way, it made me feel… safe with her in a way I never had with anyone else.

Just as she'd told me in the dream, "You're safe with me, too."

Still, my alpha nature refused to let her get away with defying me, especially when I knew she had no true reason to resist. I lightly pinched her clit, and she gasped and opened her eyes at last. The look of surprised ecstasy on her face made me grin.

"Good."

After that, she kept her gaze fixed on me. Her eyes gazed deeply into my own as I watched her come alive under my touch. I took note of every flicker of an expression on her face, discovering what she liked. Like a man possessed, I found the rhythm she needed and watched as she came apart, all the while pressed against that tree.

She cried out, her fingers clawing at my biceps, and I loved every second of it. Let her mark me. Let the others see that I made her go wild.

"Rowan," she gasped as her body began to shudder.

"That's it," I whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

I devoured her moans as she climaxed, my body pressed tight to hers, pinning her against the tree as her body tensed and her inner walls clenched on my fingers.

Afterward, I kissed her face as she returned to me, releasing my hold on her hair. Her head fell forward against my shoulder as she caught her breath.

"You're no subordinate wolf," I murmured.

My alpha power slid right off her, though somehow it still turned her on. At the same time…

"But you're no alpha. What are you?" I wondered, in awe of this beautiful woman clinging to me to stay on her feet.

When she tilted her head back against the tree, the blissed out expression on her face told me she probably hadn't heard me. I withdrew my fingers from her, and it took every ounce of control not to surge forward, pick her up, and drop her on my dick.

Still, I couldn't help but pin my hard-on between me and her body. Just being near her this way, with nothing between us, soothed my wolf.

A flicker of amusement lit her eyes, and she moved forward, pushing me away. I almost snarled at the rejection — I should have known not to expect too much. If all she was after was her own orgasm, she had three other mates who could satisfy her. She didn't need me.

I leaned back, preparing to walk away before she could, but then she reached for me. Surprised and a bit ashamed of my hasty assumption, I let her push and shove me where she wanted me. I ended up with my back against the tree in her spot. Then she sank down before me, kneeling on the tattered remains of her shirt.

I recoiled. "Freya, you don't—"

"It's my turn, Rowan. You had your fun. Now let me have mine."

While I was still untangling the meaning in her words, her lips closed around my tip, and I froze.

Subordinate wolves usually performed this act, but she wasn't deferential to my authority. She argued with me. She acted like this wasn't for me, but for her.

I knew it truly was as she gazed up at me, her mouth slowly sliding further down my length. I'd been the one in control of her pleasure, just as she now controlled mine.

A fierce, feral pride blossomed inside of me at the audacity of my mate pushing around an alpha. Then I caught myself. Now it wasn't just my wolf thinking of her as mine.

Not mine, I admonished him, as though he'd been the one to say it.

Yes, came his reply. Ours.

And with his words came the mental image of Heath and Flint fucking Freya in front of me, teasing me by putting her on display.

Her hand joined her mouth, circling around my base as she found her rhythm. I found my back against the tree after all, using it to steady myself just as she had.

Only one other woman had done this for me, and only because — I realized later — I'd compelled her to do so. I'd rarely been in my human form, unused to the sensations of pleasure she elicited in me. Instead of begging her to suck on me, I'd commanded it. I hadn't realized it until I looked down and saw the fury in her eyes. I'd been horrified, but she hadn't forgiven me. I didn't blame her, because I couldn't forgive myself either.

After that, I'd been careful not to let my alpha power stray too far during encounters like those. But with Freya… I couldn't force her to submit, and both of us were happier that way. Her desires matched my own, coaxing me into letting go, into letting her decide what to do. It was exciting, not knowing what she might do next while being free to speak my desires for once.

"Squeeze me at the base," I commanded, and she removed her hand, sucking only on my tip for a moment before doing as I wished.

At my moan of pleasure, the pleased look on her face brought me even greater joy. She wanted this, wanted to make me enjoy what she was doing.

Part of me wanted to tangle my hand in her hair again, take charge, and control her motions. I wanted to grab her face and fuck her throat until I spilled down it, forcing her to swallow me down. But I wanted to see what kind of "fun" she had in mind.

With every motion, I grew more addicted to her, hungry to be with her — and not just for sex. For the first time, I wanted to truly know a lover better. I wanted more than one night with her; I wanted to see where things might go after this.

Absorbed in my realization, I gasped when she suddenly pulled back — mentally overwhelmed, I hadn't noticed how close I'd been to the edge. Her eyes locked on mine as she caught her breath, an unspoken question in her gaze.

"Don't look at me like you want more." The words came out rougher than I'd intended, but I already couldn't resist that tempting mouth.

"I want everything you'll give me," she said, still on her knees, her hands sliding up my naked thighs. She gave me a stroke and licked along the underside of my crown, teasing me. "The question is… are you ready for more?"

My lips parted on a groan. I desperately wanted to say yes with every fiber of my being. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life.

And it terrified me.

Freya was a fellow packmate. If things went wrong with her… I risked earning Gage's ire and destroying our entire pack dynamic.

Whether she was bewitching me or simply too tempting to resist, I couldn't chance it. Not until I saw for myself that Gage truly agreed to this. Like he knew I was thinking of him, warm reassurance came from the pack bond, but it was difficult to guess how much Gage understood of what was going on from so far away. I didn't trust it.

I needed his blessing — to see it in his eyes, to smell the truth in his scent, to sense for myself that Freya hadn't put some magical talisman on him to bend him to her will.

Even as I thought it, I knew I didn't truly believe it. Still, I longed to erase that last niggling doubt from my mind.

I shook my head. "Gage—"

She growled, the sound surprising me. "It's my choice, not his."

"He's the—"

Getting to her feet, she sighed and pulled away from me, and my wolf growled at me in annoyance. I couldn't fault him, since I was also annoyed at ruining things with her again.

"That's what pissed me off about the mating bite." She waved her arms as she paced, clearly irate but still gorgeous… and still naked. I couldn't take my eyes off her. "Gage took away my choice, and he took away the equality between us."

My wolf sensed our mate's distress, and he demanded I do something about it. The problem was, I had no idea what would soothe her. Was she mad at me or Gage?

Both, I realized.

I sensed Gage's presence in the pack bond just as Freya pulled up short. She gazed into the fire as though listening to some internal dialog. But that was impossible, because they hadn't completed the mate bond. They couldn't speak to each other mind-to-mind without Freya biting Gage back. And… she couldn't without her wolf.

My heart broke for her, but I didn't have the words to comfort her. If she could shift, I would've suggested a run to clear her head. But as it was, I had only one thing left to offer.

I stepped toward her cautiously, giving her the chance to back away if she wanted to. My erection had disappeared the moment I fully comprehended her dilemma. Her eyes searched my face, but I couldn't guess what she sought.

She waited for me by the embers of the nearly extinguished fire, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her head against me. And then, suddenly, the right words came to me.

"With me, you'll always have the choice. I just need to be sure this is the right choice for all of us. I'm sorry."

We stayed like that, our heads tilted down to watch the flickering embers. Freya had chosen, and I hadn't been able to give her what she wanted. Not while some small part of me still harbored doubts. Until we met up with Gage and I knew the truth, I needed to stop tempting both of us.

I kissed the top of her head, then pulled away. "Go back to the others. You need your rest."

With that, I let her go, turned my back, and shifted. The deep forest called to me.