77. Darcy

When the going gets tough, you know it's time to bring in the girls. Tonight's little rendezvous with Belle and Maddy has been in the diary for a couple of weeks, but it honestly couldn't have come at a better time.

We've even dragged Nat out. She and I don't need to be at Alchemy until eight, and Belle and Maddy are done for the day, which means we have a couple of hours to enjoy some food at Sexy Fish, an Asian restaurant in Mayfair that's totally up its own arse yet extremely fabulous.

Belle's a couple of months away from popping, but she's on good form, looking disgustingly glowy. Her bump is dinky and perky and ridiculously cute, and she even let me feel her baby kicking. The feel of that pressure against my hand did things to my ovaries that I don't remotely want to acknowledge.

Maddy's pregnant, too. Apparently she and Zach knew at their wedding that she was a few weeks along, but didn't make the news public until last month when they went for their twelve-week scan. They're finding out next month what they're having, unlike Belle and Rafe, who are keeping it a surprise. I'm so excited for both of them I can barely stand it, but to say I'm distracted tonight is an understatement.

‘Ugh,' I say, slumping on the banquette. ‘What a week.'

‘Too much dick?' Maddy asks with phony sympathy, and we all cackle. The holy states of wedlock and pregnancy haven't changed her one iota, as far as I can tell, except for making her even happier than she was and even more gossip-hungry.

‘That's the least of my problems, believe me.'

‘Give one of them to Nat,' she says. ‘It's plain rude, keeping both of them.'

‘Nah.' I smile smugly. ‘I'll keep them both.' Because they're both so fucking adorable. And we love each other. Even if we haven't yet worked out how that love will look.

‘So not too much dick,' she presses.

Belle groans. ‘Please stop referencing my brother's dick.'

‘Not a chance. Darce? Details, babes.'

‘Fine. I'm getting exactly the right amount of dick, but thank you for your concern. It's just… well, Max kind of threw down the gauntlet to Dex over the weekend.'

Belle's eyes grow wide with concern.

‘Has anyone ever wondered what a gauntlet actually is, though?' Maddy muses aloud.

‘It's a kind of fortified glove that medieval warriors wore in battle,' Nat offers.

We all swivel our heads so we can gape at her. She shrugs.

‘What? My brother's a huge DD fan.'

‘I'm sorry, but can we go back to my brother?' Belle asks. ‘What do you mean, exactly?'

I hesitate, because all of this is a major infringement of Dex's privacy, especially in front of Nat. But, honestly, this is my relationship too, and I desperately need advice. Anyway, Nat's already heard snippets about our little ménage.

‘So, we had a big conversation on Friday night. Dex kind of blurted out that he loved me, and then we all said it.'

Maddy bounces up and down in her seat and squeals. Belle clamps her hand over her mouth. And Nat looks so genuinely delighted for me that I vow here and now to find her a good man. Because that's what people do when they're obnoxiously and smugly in love, right?

‘Oh my God!' Belle says, removing her hand. ‘You and my brother are in love!'

‘Yep,' I say, and we share a moment of happy grinning, because this is big. ‘He's so amazing.'

‘He really is.'

‘And the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen in my life.'

‘I suppose so,' Belle grits out as Maddy raises her mocktail. ‘Truth.'

‘And he actually told Max he loved him?' Belle asks incredulously.

I nod. ‘Yeah. He really did.'

‘Holy crap,' she whispers. ‘That's unbelievable.'

‘So back to the gauntlet bit,' I say. ‘Max basically went all funny. He told us he'd fallen very deeply in love with us both, or something just as romantic, but then he went full TED Talk on Dex. He gave him this heavy spiel about how special our relationship was, and how it deserved oxygen, and the bottom line was that he's not prepared to hide in the shadows forever if Dex can't get his arse in gear to come out of the closet.'

Belle puts her head in her hands. ‘Oh my God.'

‘It makes sense, right?' Maddy asks, putting her arm around Belle. ‘That's obviously going to be a source of tension between them.'

Belle looks up, her beautiful face stricken. ‘Yeah. I mean, I agree. But poor Dex. God, I feel sick for him.'

‘I know.' I reach over and squeeze her hand. ‘But I'll say this. I think Max is kind of good for him. He definitely pushes him, but he never makes him feel alone. He actually said the most amazing stuff, all about how your brother is perfect just as he is, and he deserves to take up space in the world and have his needs met and do what he wants to do. It was really beautiful.'

Maddy presses her hand to her chest. ‘Oh, my heart. That's so romantic.'

‘It really was. I'm still worried for him, though.'

‘How did he take it all?' Belle wants to know.

‘He said he really wants it, he just doesn't know how to take the steps to get there. He cares so much about people's perceptions, and he didn't really go into it, but I think he's super worried about your dad.'

Belle's nodding slowly. ‘I can only imagine. He's basically going to have to choose between Dad and you guys. I just don't see Dad being remotely willing to accept him as queer and in a poly relationship.' Her eyebrows rise at the thought of it. ‘It's a bloody nightmare.'

‘That was kind of the conclusion we reached, I think, though Max made it clear it was less about him choosing us and more about him choosing himself and his own happiness.'

‘Sounds like the pep talk I had to give you when your dad went nuclear, babes,' Maddy says, nudging Belle with her elbow.

‘Yeah, except this is a million times worse,' Belle says. ‘That was sex before marriage, this is a whole other ballgame. You're right, Darce, I'm really glad he has you and Max. You'll look after him, won't you?'

‘We'll smother him in love,' I say. ‘He's not alone in this. So he's promised to give it serious thought, but he needs some time to process, I think. He knows what's at stake. Max is such a strong character—there's no way he'll keep sneaking around with Dex when he's always been so vocal about his own sexuality.'

‘Have you thought about what would happen if Dex decided he couldn't do it?' Nat asks tentatively.

My eyes fill with tears. ‘I can't. I can't even think about it. There's no way I could choose between them. We're so good together! You should see us. If I say so myself, we're adorable.'

‘We want you all to be happy,' Belle says. ‘We want this, too. We want you guys at Alchemy, having fun together, not feeling judged or constrained. Actually?—'

Maddy looks up sharply. ‘What?'

‘If you think about it,' Belle says, ‘Dex's life is pretty unbalanced. All his friends are getting married—to women. I can't imagine the City is the easiest place to build a queer community, even if all the banks say they're supporting diversity. All his life, his social circle has been seriously conservative. Think about it. And then he's got you guys, but that's all still behind closed doors. It's not a surprise that he can't imagine merging the two realities.

‘I was like that, too, until I met Rafe and found a community that was way more open-minded and tolerant. I think he needs more exposure to that kind of vibe so he can normalise acting from the heart. He's never had it modelled for him, really.'

‘What are you suggesting?' I ask. ‘More time at Alchemy, maybe?'

Belle grins. ‘I'm suggesting we get Rafe, Zach and Cal to give him a pep talk of their own.'