38. Sasha

CHAPTER 38

SASHA

I wake up to a blinding whiteness, like someone's shoved my head in a snowbank. Blinking against the harsh glare, I feel like I've been hit by a bloody lorry. Every inch of my body throbs with a deep, unrelenting ache originating somewhere in my left shoulder. That bit of me is on fire.

Slowly, the surroundings swim into focus. Pristine white walls, sterile scent of antiseptic, rhythmic beeping of machines. I'm in a hospital, I realize, as I stare at the closed door across the room.

But how the hell did I end up here?

Fragments of memories flicker through my mind, jagged pieces that don't quite fit together. Running, my lungs burning, feet pounding against the uneven stretch of the rooftop. Shouts and gunshots echoing behind me. Logan's panicked face. Dumpster jump. Then a searing pain, like a hot poker stabbing into my shoulder, and the world tilting sideways....

I remember strong arms cradling me as I lay on the ground. Logan's voice, distant and muffled, asking me to stay with him, to hold on. I remember slipping into the darkness for a bit, then flashing lights, siren wails, the rumbling of the ambulance all around me. Logan's hand gripping mine, his face swimming above me. Then nothing again.

Shifting my gaze to the opposite side of the room, I notice a figure slumped in the corner chair. Vlad. But he looks nothing like his usual put-together self. His expensive clothes are rumpled, blood splattered across his once crisp white shirt. I can't recall ever seeing my brother in such a disheveled state. He's always been the picture of control and composure, not a hair out of place. Seeing him this way, it's like glimpsing a stranger wearing my brother's skin.

The events are a tangled blur in my mind and my memories have more holes than a block of Swiss cheese. I need answers, but I'm almost afraid to ask. Afraid to fill in those unnerving blanks. Because Logan’s whereabouts is one of those blanks.

As if sensing my gaze, Vlad's eyes snap open, meeting mine with an intensity that makes me want to shrink back into the hospital sheets. He straightens in the chair, his presence seeming to fill every corner of the room, the very air growing heavy with tension.

"Where's Logan?" I rasp out with poorly concealed fear. My heart begins to hammer behind my rib cage as I search Vlad's face for any hint of danger. Will he finally lash out like Father did all those years ago when he found out? Oh God, what if he's done something to Logan? Maybe he’ll have Ivan strangle me while I’m incapacitated.

Vlad leans forward, elbows resting on his knees, his piercing eyes never leaving mine. "Sasha," he begins, his voice low and measured, each word carefully chosen. "We need to talk about you and him."

A chill races down my spine, my stomach twisting into knots. This is it. The moment of truth. "Yeah. Fine," I manage to croak out, my mouth dry.

Vlad's gaze seems to bore into my very soul, unraveling all my secrets. "Is this another one of your fits? A passing phase?" He pauses, his expression unreadable. "Or are you serious about being with him?"

I swallow hard, my throat constricting. How do I even begin to explain the depth of my feelings for Logan? The way he makes my broken, shitty soul feel whole?

"Vlad, I..." My voice wavers, but I force myself to meet his gaze head-on. "I think I love him. I took a bullet for him because if he were to die, I wouldn’t be able to live without him. And if you can't accept that, if you want to disown me, then..." I trail off, the meek threat left hanging in the cool air.

Vlad's jaw clenches, a muscle ticking beneath the surface. The seconds stretch on, the silence so thick you could only cut it with a serrated knife. My heart races, palms slick with sweat all of a sudden.

Finally, Vlad speaks, slow and deliberate. " Bratishka , I..." He sighs heavily, his shoulders sagging as if under an immense weight. "I am not Yuri. I do not give a damn who you love, as long as you are happy." His voice softens, a flicker of warmth in his steely eyes. "If Logan makes you happy, then that is all that matters to me."

Relief crashes over me like a tidal wave, threatening to sweep me away. I blink back the sudden sting of tears, my vision blurring. "You mean that?" I whisper, hardly daring to believe it.

Vlad nods, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I do. I just want what is best for you, little brother." Another pause. Vlad’s face shifts to serious again. "But you two lied to me. And I am upset. Upset at Lo—"

"It was me," I interrupt. "I didn’t want to come forward. I kept on asking him to wait. You were busy and I couldn’t find the right time to speak. I was scared you wouldn't understand. It’s not his fault."

Silence falls between us once more. And even as gratitude swells in my chest, a darker thought takes root, spreading its tendrils through my mind. I fix Vlad with a searching look, my voice trembling slightly as I ask, "About Father… You did have him killed, didn’t you? For Mama."

Vlad stiffens, his expression hardening into an unreadable mask, and the air around us crackles. He closes his eyes for a long moment as if gathering his thoughts. When he opens them again, they're filled with a deep, aching sadness. "I had to, Sasha. He was a monster. Greedy, ruthless, cruel. He would have never let you be who you truly are."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath from my lungs. I stare at him, my mind reeling as I try to process this revelation. "You...you did it for me?" I whisper, not quite believing what I’m hearing.

Vlad nods. "I did what I had to do to protect you. To give you a chance at a better life. He killed Mama. I could not let him do that to you. And he would have." More silence. "I am sorry, bratishka . I never wanted you to find out this way. I just wanted you to be as far away as possible from this darkness. But I guess being a Solovey means you will always be chased by it."

I swallow hard, my throat tight with emotion. The physical pain doesn’t seem that important at the moment while I’m processing my brother’s confession. Part of me is horrified by what Vlad has done, the blood on his hands. But another part of me understands, even as it breaks my heart. He did it for me. To free me from Father's tyranny.

"I... I don't know what to say," I manage hoarsely.

Vlad drags the chair closer and reaches out to squeeze my hand. It’s been a long time since he’s done something like this and his touch is surprisingly warm and reassuring. "You do not have to say anything. Just promise me one thing. Promise me you will live your life to the fullest. That you will be happy, no matter what." Vlad's eyes shine with unshed tears but of course, he’s too much of an arsehole to let them fall in front of me.

The silence stretches on, broken only by the steady beep of the monitor. Finally, Vlad clears his throat, rising from his chair. "I should go check on Logan," he says, his voice gruff.

A jolt of fear shoots through me, and I struggle to sit up. "Is he okay?"

Vlad places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me back against the pillows. "He is fine, Sasha. Just a few bumps and scratches. He is in the next room."

As Vlad turns to leave, I catch his hand. "Wait," I say, my voice trembling. "How come you never said anything about me? About who I am?"

Vlad pauses. For a second, I fear he'll pull away, retreating behind the wall he's always kept between us. But then he shrugs, turning back to face me. "In our family, we don't talk about things like this. I figured it would be best to keep it quiet for now."

It's true–in the Solovey household, secrets are currency, and the truth is a luxury we can rarely afford. But knowing that Vlad has carried this knowledge with him, silently supporting me from the shadows, fills me with a bittersweet warmth.

"Thank you," I murmur.

"Get some rest, little brother," Vlad says, his voice soft. "I will be back soon."

As Vlad slips out of the room, I sink back against the pillows, my mind awhirl with thoughts and emotions. The revelation of Vlad's actions, his silent acceptance of who I am, fills me with a sense of peace I've never known before. For the first time in my life, I feel truly seen, truly loved for who I am.

And as I drift off to sleep, my thoughts turn to Logan.