22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

NIC

My index finger slid around the edge of my mobile, absently tracing the smooth black edges as I waited in the seat I’d found in the airport baggage claim. My head was full today, but it wasn’t the hustle and bustle of everyone rushing around me as they met family and grabbed their bags that had my attention here. Nor was it the same excited haste everyone was functioning on back in Breaker Ridge as they prepared for graduation and their families coming into town.

Just more people I’d be subjected to meet as I played pretend. Like I wasn’t completely fucked up inside.

That in itself would normally be enough, but it was my father’s arrival that truly had my mind occupied today. It felt like ages since I’d seen him, and that trip to Greece where we’d parted ways still played through my thoughts on a daily basis. There were just as many questions as answers to our family’s past after my time there, but I’d never forget that the key to all of it was Aunt Helen.

If I discounted all of the strained comments in rushed Greek while we were all gathered around my grandmother’s deathbed, there were several other snippets of Greek thrown about during those two weeks, the use of the different language my cue to clue in each time. But there was one afternoon that was most prominent in my memory…

My mum’s parents had invited Dad and I and Uncle Stef’s family to their home a few times during our stay. I knew they were eager to have time with Dad and I since we’d never made the trip to Greece before, and while they had visited us in London at least twice a year while I was growing up, those visits had become less often after mum passed. With all of the hell and confusion going on in my life, it was nice to see them again, and if I wasn’t in such a deep state of depression, I would have soaked up the opportunity to take in their home and what their lives here were like.

Unfortunately, too much turmoil and rage still rolled through me after Anna and Enzo’s betrayal to appreciate it. I shut myself down instead, knowing it was better for everyone the less I tried to interact. I didn’t have much patience to play pretend, and with the purpose of our trip being a funeral, I was successfully slipping through most people’s notice.

They, however, were far from mine. The intrigue of my family’s past was the one thing that had caught my attention since we’d arrived, breaking through the torturous fog of my festering anger and resentment. Something had happened here in Greece years ago that forced my parents and my uncle and aunt to leave, and I was eager to know more. To know what had thrown me into a life in Europe instead of here.

I was seated in an armchair in my grandparents’ home after the funeral, a book open on my lap to deter others from trying to speak to me, but I could hear everything going on around me: My younger cousins chatting and playing a game at the table, Aunt Helen in the kitchen baking with my grandmum, then my dad, uncle, and grandpa talking outside, their voices carrying through the open window I was sitting beside.

“Thank you for making time to spend with us while you are here,” my grandpa said after a bout of laughter.

“Of course, Christos,” Dad replied. “I’m sorry Sophie and I never made the trip. She would have loved being back here again before she was gone.”

“She would have.” I could almost picture my grandpa’s nod. “But, we understood, and you were gracious enough to pay for us to come visit you in London many times. There are no hard feelings.”

“Sometimes, I feel like there should be.” Uncle Stefano’s voice became regretful as he switched to Greek, instantly drawing my heightened attention. “After Helen–”

“No. Do not think that way, Stef. My wife and I may have lost time with our daughter, but we have never held it against you. How could we?”

“I can think of many ways. My own father is definitely skilled at holding that grudge. I hated seeing how much it affected our mother.” His voice grew tired, grief blatant within his tone along with the guilt. “He only let us back home in the end for her.”

“Then let’s focus on that. Not the past we cannot change,” my grandpa said.

“Helen definitely brought change into our lives, eh, brother?” Dad sounded more upbeat. “Can you imagine if we’d stayed after things came out? Raising our children here under the scrutiny and the aftermath? Moving was best.”

“Yes,” Grandpa Christos agreed. “For all the hardships you had to suffer while here, moving was best for you both, and I will never begrudge you or your wife for my daughter moving away. Now, enough of this talk. There’s enough depressing things happening during your visit to stay focused on this.”

I stared at my book, my eyes not seeing any of the words on the pages as I worked to filter through that conversation, but then my grandmum’s voice carried out from the kitchen.

“Helen, what is it?”

“Nothing. Please, don’t worry about me.”

I glanced over, seeing Aunt Helen wipe away a tear with her sleeve as she kneaded bread, and my grandmum touched her arm in concern. “You’re crying. Do not ask me not to worry.”

Aunt Helen gave a hard swallow, and again, I went on alert when her words suddenly switched to Greek. “I just feel so bad. Stef and Dimitris missed so many years here with their mom, and Sophie with you…” She shook her head, trying not to cry. “All because of my–”

“Your nothing. The consequences of what happened were hard in many ways, but I believe everything happened just as it was supposed to. Even Nic. He was such a blessing to my Sophie and to us. If Dimitris had not had to move you all to London after the backlash, my girl may not have been blessed with all those years as his mother. Let the past go, Helen. You, Stefano, and Dimitris have made wonderful lives for yourselves after everything. Appreciate that… ”

“Nic?” I jumped with the touch on my shoulder, and my eyes flew wide when I looked up.

“Dad.” I immediately stood and engulfed him in a hug. “I didn’t see you.”

“You did seem lost in thought. It’s so good to see you.” He clapped my back and then held me out, his proud gaze looking me over, but I could see the concern in his dark eyes.

Again, I would have to disappoint. Because I wasn’t certain I was much better. If at all.

“It’s good to see you, too. I missed you.” I hadn’t realized how much until now, seeing my father’s familiar steady smile.

“I’ve missed you, too. Now, should we go grab my bags?”

“What all did you pack?” I was asking a few minutes later, looking over the five large suitcases my dad and I had lugged out to the car park. I pressed the button on the fob to Aunt Helen’s keys and kicked my foot underneath to open the back hatch of the van. “You’re only staying a couple of weeks.” I grunted as I heaved the first one inside.

“True.” Dad grabbed the next one. “But you’re not. I figured if you’re planning on staying, I might as well take the opportunity to bring some of your things.”

I gaped. Most of this was mine? “Maybe you should wait to bring anymore until I’ve actually found my own place.”

I’d been looking, especially since Jet had been advocating for privacy with Annie some nights, but I hadn’t quite found what I wanted yet. Not to mention I could only stay a couple more weeks, tops, while I waited on my student VISA.

I’d considered asking Jet and Tucker if they’d like to get a place together next year, but I wasn’t sure if there were requirements for their housing with their scholarships. If not and they agreed, it would mean more time with Izzy as I knew she’d visit Tucker, which was a perk. I hadn’t spent enough time with her lately. With anyone, really, tucking myself away as everyone became busy. But living with Jet also guaranteed more time I’d have to spend around Annie, and she had a way of getting under my skin. Something I was already tired of dealing with now.

But just the idea of me living with Jet next year would grate on her. A slow grin formed with the thought.

“That’s good to see.”

“What?”

“You’re smiling. I’ve missed it.”

I was smiling? I supposed. If being a sardonic ass counted. “I think I may ask Jet and Tucker if they’d like to get a place together.”

Dad beamed. “I think that’s a great idea. I’m glad you’re getting to know your cousin more. It’s good that you’re opening yourself up again.”

I held back a scoff at that one. If I was opening myself up, it was only a tiny crack in a metal-shuttered window. I grunted as I lifted the next suitcase. “I’m still surprised that you’re so okay with this move. You wanted me to come visit, not to leave Europe permanently.”

“Not permanently. I’ll have you back this summer.” Dad’s face turned serious when I frowned. “It will be permanent after that, though. Won’t it, son? ”

“Yes,” I answered, not needing to give it a moment’s thought, though I hated the disappointment it brought my dad.

He placed a strong hand on my shoulder. “I’m okay with whatever is going to make you okay again. If this is what you need to do, then I’ll support you, but I need to know… Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure America is worth leaving your home for?”

“I’ve given it loads of thought, Dad. I promise. This is what I want. It’s what I need . It’s different here, but overall, I like it, and I think it’s been good for me.”

Dad lifted the last suitcase to slide it in and reached up to push the button, closing the back before looking at me. “I agree. And I can’t wait for you to introduce me to this Izzy. Any girl that can break through that ice wall you had up is worth meeting. You know, Son, you never did explain how that happened. Is there more to this young lady than you’re sharing? She must be something special if she could convince you to open up.”

“Don’t,” I snapped with my glare. “Izzy is only a friend. A good friend. Someone I know I can trust. That’s it,” I stressed as we climbed into the front of the van.

“Honestly,” I said at my father’s expression. “She’s engaged. To Jet’s best mate. I told you when I first met everyone that she was dating Tucker.” I met Dad’s gaze as I turned the ignition. “It’s nothing more. I swear. And we’ll never have to worry about one another, either. Believe me. I don’t want Tucker, and hypothetically , assuming that one day I do find someone that can ever break through or fix the fucked up mess that I am now, I doubt Izzy will change her preferences. ”

Dad smirked as he shook his head. “You’ve always overanalyzed things. I’ve missed it.”

“It’s hard not to consider that.” I groaned, beginning to feel like a lab specimen as Dad looked me over again, and avoiding his stare, I focused on the line of cars trying to pull out of the car park.

“You’re nowhere near being able to let go of what Enzo and Anna did, are you?” Dad asked sadly.

My expression hardened. “No.”

“I see Enzo at the office sometimes, Son. He regrets hurting you. I think it really pains him to know he hurt you enough that you needed to leave the entire continent. It hurts him to know that he’s lost his best mate. You two have been through so much together over the years, and he’s going through a confusing time right now.”

“Stop,” I grated. Enzo was the last thing I wanted to talk about. But my warning was ignored.

“I know you’ve been ignoring his calls, Nic, and I’m not saying your relationship with Enzo can ever be what it was before, but when you were drowning in grief after Mum passed, he was there for you. He was the only one that could pick you back up.”

“And what’s so awful in Enzo’s life that the only one who can pick him up now is the person he betrayed? Eh? Who died that Enzo loved?” I practically snarled, finally pulling out to join the traffic on the main road.

“Not whom, but what. Your friendship, Nicolas. He and Anna are dealing with all this guilt they feel for hurting you, and with a baby on the way, it puts a lot of strain on a new marriage.”

I gaped. The floor had just been ripped out from under me. Enzo and Anna were having a baby? They were having problems? I almost smiled at the last part, but the little that karma had delivered against their favor didn’t change what had happened. Even if they found things stressful now, Enzo was a lucky fucking sod to be having a child with Anna.

I felt Dad staring, like he was watching the emotions process over my face.

“You didn’t know, did you?”

“No.” And now that I did, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Anna was supposed to have my children one day, not Enzo’s. The image alone made me sick.

Dad sighed. “Enzo needs his friend, Son. You should talk to him. Maybe if you heard how deeply he regrets it, it would help.”

“He regrets that I can’t forgive them, not what he did. Let him deal with his mess on his own,” I snapped. Dad shook his head, and I kept my focus on the road to avoid the disappointment in my father’s eyes. I could handle it from most but not him.

“You’re so bitter. When will you realize that holding onto all that anger hurts you more than anyone else?”

“When the world stops making me angry.”

The disappointment coming from my father was palpable, my stomach only growing sick with tension as he sighed. “This angry, bitter person is not the son I raised. I barely see the real you in there anymore.” He shook his head, looking out the window. “Your mum would be so disappointed to see how much like my father you’ve become. So am I.”

“What does he have to do with any of this?” I ignored the sting of that comment to ask, unable to avoid the temptation of unraveling more of the mystery from Greece. Curious to know if this related at all to what Aunt Helen had done.

“Because the moment my father felt betrayed, he held onto that anger like a crutch. He changed, just like you have, and after more than twenty years have passed, he is still so angry and bitter that he barely allowed my mother to let your uncle and I return home to see her on her deathbed . And after all of that pushing people away, after refusing to let things go, he has no one now that she’s gone. He’s empty , Nic, and I do not want that for you.”

“Let what go, Dad?” I waited, my breath bated for the answer. Wondering if it would finally fill in the gaps of my family’s past.

“His anger. Now, how about we find someplace to eat and catch up? The occasional video chat just isn’t enough.”

“Sure. Sounds good,” I replied, choosing to ignore the obvious diversion. Some way or another, I would find out the truth.