20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

JET

I’d been awake for about an hour, a weird blend of excitement rolling through me.

All of our families were coming into town this afternoon for our graduation party and double birthday thing for Nic and I, including my uncle who was flying over from London for the first time, and in less than twelve hours, the four of us would be graduating.

I was wired.

I was also afraid to move.

Annie was draped over me in her bed with her head tucked into my neck. It had become our usual cuddling position the past couple of weeks that I’d been sneaking up to her room. As soon as everyone was in bed each night and her uncle stepped outside to make his nightly check in call with his family, she’d slip downstairs to let me in while Nic covered for me back home.

Tucker and Izzy sometimes met up with us to talk, but most nights, Annie and I hurried into her room to squeeze into her tiny twin bed. Not that I’d change it .

Well, a bigger bed would be better, but I felt guilty kicking Nic out of our room too often for us to sleep in mine. So, here we were.

I ran my fingers along Annie’s arm that she had splayed across my chest, and she slid one of her legs over mine, her deep rhythmic breathing an easy lull in my ear as her breaths caressed over my collarbone. It was peaceful, and I wasn’t eager to stir her. She deserved to sleep in.

Our final exams were done yesterday, and since today was our last day as high school seniors, all we were expected to do was show up at ten to sign in and then run through one last graduation practice down at the track. Sleeping late had been earned.

I closed my eyes, hoping to get another hour or two, and just when I’d started to drift off, Annie gasped in my ear, shooting up in bed on all fours. Her knee caught me right in the groin, and I groaned, pulling my legs up to curl into a ball as pain shot through me so hard nausea set in my stomach.

Annie scrambled off the bed, and her hands flew to her hips as she tried to suck in a breath, another strangled gasp filling the room in its place.

Shit! I pushed myself to sit up and was just reaching for her when Izzy burst through the door. She took one glance at me, doubled over and holding my junk, and then rushed across the room.

“Annie.” She placed her hands on her upper arms. “You’re okay. Breathe with me, sis.”

Annie shook her head, trying to pull back, tears rolling down her cheeks as she continued to gasp for breath.

Shoving back the pain, I hurried over, watching the panic in my girl’s eyes as her sister worked to calm her down. I touched my fingers gently to her back, but there was nothing. No response.

“Annie?”

My head whipped to the doorway to find Archer staring with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Just a bad dream, Arch,” Izzy said, going straight back to helping Annie breathe, her voice a soothing calm in the background, but I saw the panic that still filled her brother’s eyes, and he turned and bolted for the stairs.

“Archer!” I called out.

“Mom! Uncle Blake! Something’s wrong with Annie!”

“Shit.”

“Help me, Jet,” Izzy directed, and I pushed her over to replace her hands with mine, locking my eyes with the vivid, panicked green of my girlfriend’s.

“Sweetheart, look at me. Focus. Look into my eyes,” I instructed. Her gaze was there, but I wasn’t sure it registered.

Footsteps soon came barrelling up the stairs, and Bridgette and Blake rushed into the room.

“Oh, God. What happened? What’s wrong?” Bridgette demanded.

“Nightmare,” Tucker answered from the doorway where he pulled Archer back to tuck him behind his legs.

“Come on, Annie. Breathe for me,” I continued to coax. “Deep breaths. You’ve got this.” I looked at Izzy. “Was it this bad the last time?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s like she’s vacant this time. Last time, she responded.”

“Blake?” Bridgette stressed.

Desperate to do something, I grabbed Annie’s cheeks and brought my lips to hers. She struggled a few more seconds and then froze, her whole body going still until slowly, I felt her mouth start to move, easing into my kiss.

My heart about fell out of my chest in relief, and I pulled back, looking into those brilliant green eyes once again. “Hey, sweetheart. Welcome back.” I managed a small smile.

Annie blinked, confusion covering her features, and slowly, she looked past me to take in the room. I watched as panic filled her again, and she stepped back, her fingers fumbling on the desk behind her. She grabbed her Airpods and ducked down for her shoes as Izzy rushed over with her phone.

“I’ve gotta go,” she whispered, pushing through her mom and uncle to bolt past Tucker out the door.

ANNIE

I wasn’t sure how long I was out on my run that morning since I hadn’t bothered to look at the time when I left, but judging from the change in the sky, I knew I’d been out here for hours. I also knew I had to head back.

It was just that going back now was long before I was ready to.

Not only because I still craved the euphoria of my run but because this time, I knew when I got back there would be questions. My secret was now out in the open, and everything I’d been hiding since Mom’s return was about to unravel.

I wasn’t ready. I still couldn’t face what happened that night like I should. So, how was I supposed to face her ?

Taking a few minutes for a cool down stretch on our sidewalk, I pulled my nose down to touch my knee, feeling the stretch in my lower back and thighs. I counted in my head, both for the stretch and trying to bring down my nerves. I switched sides, repeating the process, and after I’d gone through every cool down stretch I could think of, I finally pulled out my headphones and looked at my phone.

Mom: Annie, I’m worried. Are you okay?

Jet: I’m here when you’re ready. Support boyfriend, ready for action.

Izzy: Take as long as you need. But fair warning, Mom’s losing it. She wants answers.

Mom: We need to talk. Please come home.

Jet: Just wanting to remind you that I love you. You are a badass. We WILL find a way to get through this.

Mom: Now, Annabel.

Izzy: I’m sorry. I don’t want to ask you to come back if you’re not ready, but don’t forget we have to check in for graduation practice in an hour.

By the time I was done reading through the messages, I was even more screwed up than before, my emotions smacking me back and forth like whiplash. I glanced at the time, seeing I now had forty-five minutes until I had to leave for school.

Fuck my life.

I started up the sidewalk .

My legs felt like lead, my feet clunking up the steps. I grasped the doorknob and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Mom looked up from where she’d been talking with Izzy on the couch, and I sent my sister a look of hurt.

She shook her head. “I didn’t say anything.”

“She didn’t,” Mom confirmed, irritation set firmly in her voice.

Izzy stood and walked towards me, slipping her hair behind her ears before taking my hands. “I told them it’s not my place to share. You’ll tell them if you want them to know.” From the way she looked at me, I knew this was her apology for when she spilled to Jet. I nodded, not sure how I was going to talk, if I even could , and gave her hands a squeeze.

Mom took in a deep breath and sighed. “Girls, please sit. We need to talk.”

Every piece of me stiffened.

“Sis…”

I looked at Izzy, at the concern in her expression, and with forced steps, I moved around the large armchair to take a seat. Still present but separate enough from Mom. I was doing this for my sister, not her. Izzy perched on the arm of the chair beside me, and a tiny bit of me relaxed with her presence, knowing I had her support.

Still, I felt caged. Even more so when Uncle Blake came in.

“Mind if I join?”

“Sure.” I doubted I had a choice.

He took an empty seat on the couch as my fingers picked at a loose string on the arm of the chair. Ignoring the way Mom’s lips pressed together in a grave smile and how Uncle Blake was watching me in concern. Like there was something actually wrong with me.

Hell, maybe there was.

I scoffed to myself. I knew there was.

I’d diagnosed myself months ago. I just sucked at handling it.

“You want to tell us what we walked in on this morning?” Uncle Blake eventually started.

“And why Jet was here before the sun was up.” Mom narrowed her gaze.

I just rolled my eyes. She was already throwing punches. “You walked in on me after a nightmare, and Jet was here because I needed him.”

“Your brother is right across the hall, Annie. He doesn’t need to see your boyfriend here when it’s practically still nighttime. I don’t want him to start to think it’s okay.”

“And it’s different from Tucker basically living here how?” I snapped back. “You saw how Izzy was without him, and you got over it. Now that you see what a wreck I am and some of the shit I’m dealing with, you want to just ignore what I need?”

“I just think it’s really convenient that as soon as I give Tucker permission to stay over, you think you need Jet to stay here, too.”

“Argh!” My fingers dug into the arms of the chair as I growled. “Do you freaking hear yourself? Like I’m exaggerating just to get my way? Like I’m suddenly this bad influence on my brother?”

“That’s not what I said, Annie.”

“It’s what you meant. ”

“Okay, you both need to take a breath,” Uncle Blake cut in. “Jet being here is a separate issue. Which she has a point with, Bridge. If you’re going to allow Tucker–”

“I didn’t want to allow Tucker. I was forced to allow Tucker.”

Izzy stiffened beside me, and Uncle Blake stilled. “Even so,” he continued. “You saw the same thing I did up there. If Annie needs help–”

“Of course , she needs help, Blake.”

“And that’s what we’re trying to do now, but we need information. Now, stop interrupting,” he ordered, and Mom snapped her mouth shut with a glare.

“Y’all done? Cuz I’m kind of over this now.” I moved to stand, and Izzy pushed down on my shoulder.

“Don’t deflect, sis. Please. Don’t be like I was.”

I winced, hating the reference. She was right.

I met their stares and took a deep breath, steeling everything I could inside. I was so close to breaking.

“Y’all want to know about the nightmares? What’s so bad that I wake up in that seizing, all-encompassing panic?” I watched Mom cringe like she already knew what was coming and zeroed in on her, my voice becoming cold and harsh. Detached.

“It’s called I have PTSD. Ever since that night. And while you lived, and I’m so relieved and thankful you lived, Mom, every terrifying second of it is like a reel in my head, playing through what happened when I came home last New Year’s. That night that you stuffed too many pills down your throat–whether you meant to or not–I don’t even fucking care at this point. Either way, you left me to find you collapsed on the kitchen floor covered in blood and surrounded by thousands of shards of glass from the stove that shattered when you fell.

“The way my lungs twisted inside me as I gasped for breath, just trying to say your name to see if you were alive. How your pulse was barely there. How your blood covered my hands. How I was desperate to find where all of the blood was coming from because I knew it was too much. How I found the giant shard of glass sticking out from your ribs.

“How every minute of that terrifying torture could have been avoided if you had just paid more fucking attention to what medicine you were taking. Because you weren’t the only one terrified about Izzy taking off that night, but you were the only one of us that relied on fucking pills to try to get through it. You were the one who was too fucking selfish to think about what it would do to us to lose you, too. To think what it would do to whichever one of us found you.

“And thank God it was me. Because Izzy was already going through enough. She needed you. We needed you, and you didn’t fucking care. Even since you’ve come back, it’s only been about what you want and how you think things should be. It’s not fucking like that anymore. I don’t need you anymore.”

At some point I had stood, and the calm, cold voice I had started with had turned into angry screams. I found my fist clenched to my chest, tears streaming down my face.

Mom was crying, too, tears falling silently down her cheeks .

“I don’t fucking need you!” I screamed again and crouched to rest on my heels, my face dropping into my hands. “I don’t want to need you,” I cried.

“Oh, baby,” Mom choked out, and when she reached for me, I broke, my body falling into deep, gut wrenching sobs.

Mom scooted from the couch to land on the floor in front of me, and she pulled me in. “My sweet, sweet girl. I am so sorry.” Her sobs broke with mine, and we sat there on the living room floor, clutching each other. My emotions in shambles. The tension finally cut. I felt it release, everything I’d been holding back unraveling around me.