48. UNCHARTERED

48

UNCHARTERED

YARA

W e drove back, talking about The Strangler. I wanted to tell him about what Agent Hayes said, but knowing what he knew now, he would easily connect the dots. I couldn’t… I wasn’t ready for him to find out what I was. Not yet.

It made me feel guilty to keep all these secrets from him when he was helping me. But I had to protect myself and Irene first. When we reached home, Ryden prepared sandwiches for us while I changed into yoga pants and an old t-shirt. He pulled my chair out for me, and despite everything, I smiled.

“She is still angry. She didn’t even reply to my message,” I said with a sigh, staring at my phone. I texted Irene, and she read the message. She didn’t bother to reply.

“She has to get over it. She will. It’s not your fault. You’re not the one to blame.”

“I still feel guilty,” I said, biting into the delicious sandwich coated with cheese.

“Don’t. You’re not responsible for any of these deaths, Yara. You can’t… let this take over your life,” he said, running his fingers up and down the back of my hand.

“Ryden?”

“Yes?”

“Will you take me to bed?”

The serious, somber expression melted away, replaced by a dark, lustful smile.

“I could never say no to you, but are you sure, Red? This isn’t the…” He stopped when I stood up and walked toward him. He groaned when I went to my knees. When I looked up, his mouth was half open, and his eyes were flashing.

“I want to feel something other than regret. I want to be in control. Suddenly, I feel like Logan Jones is running my life, ruining my life, and I don’t like that feeling.”

I had always been in control of my life.

I unzipped his pants and took his cock out. The bed was too far away. I wanted him on my tongue right now.

“Yara,” he groaned when I slid my finger up his hard cock. He jerked forward when I tightened my grip before taking him between my lips. The familiar taste of him comforted me, aroused me.

“You taste so familiar…” I whispered as he pulled me forward. “You taste like mine.”

“Fuck,” he cursed, grabbing my hair as I greedily swallowed his cock.

The grunt that came out of his mouth was more animalistic than human, and it made me feel grounded. I didn’t feel so aimless, so untethered anymore.

As he came inside my mouth, spilling his cum, I knew I’d use Ryden as long as he’d let me use him.

When I stood up, he wiped my chin and smiled.

“You look so beautiful wearing my cum on your skin, baby,” he groaned, slamming his lips against mine. “Oh.”

We both jumped apart when his phone rang.

“Ignore it,” he mumbled, as he continued to kiss me, but whoever was calling him was not giving up. I finally pulled away.

“What if it’s Enzo and he wants to talk about Irene?”

Sighing, he grabbed his phone with one hand while he pressed the other against my breast, and then his hand on my breast fell limply to his side.

When he hung up, he was frowning.

“What’s it? Is it about The Strangler?”

Ryden shook his head, his eyes conflicted. He was thinking whether he wanted to tell me this thing he had just heard on the phone. He finally took in a deep breath as if he was preparing himself for what was to come.

“It’s Reah. It’s about the woman who killed Victor.”

Fuck to the no. Not now, Kat hissed.

“You’re still chasing this phantom woman?” I asked, moving away from him. “Why?”

“She’s real. I met her.” I shook my head with a dubious look, and he exhaled loudly. “You asked me why I was looking for Victor’s killer,” Ryden said as he stared into my eyes, and I felt a cold trickle up my spine.

He looked like he was ready to give me answers, but fewer secrets would mean we were slowly going to a place I feared to go.

Do you want that?

I had no idea. I wanted this to be purely physical, but was it? Something had already shifted.

“I don’t have to know, Ryden. It’s your secret to carry,” I whispered, walking toward the living room, and he followed me. He sat down, and I deliberately took the single couch.

Are you ready to hear this?

I don’t know, Kat.

“But I don’t want to keep secrets from you,” he said, his voice soft, his eyes softer. The look made my heart tremble with fear. No, I didn’t… I couldn’t want this. The lines I drew for us were always clear. I wanted him for one thing and one thing only. Needing any more than that would be a disaster. For the both of us. We were too messed up, too broken to ever find something good together. We couldn’t form something built atop dead bodies.

But you’re already good together.

No, that’s just an illusion. A fantasy. I wrote it to escape from the reality of my life.

Kat shook her head. It doesn’t have to be, Yara. The look in his eyes, it’s real.

I growled. It can’t be. It shouldn’t be.

“Don’t, Ryden. This… whatever this is between us, is beautiful in its way. Don’t mess it up with burdens I couldn’t carry for you. I’m not the right woman for you, and you’re not the right man for me.”

“Who’s the coward now, Red?” he said, his voice still tender. There wasn’t even a glimpse of anger in his eyes, and that made me fear him more than his anger would have.

“I’m not a coward. I’m just saying…”

“Don’t say anything. I want you to know a part of my life no one has ever known because… you’ve become important to me.”

“Don’t, Ryden. You told me you didn’t want to break my heart. I don’t want to break yours, either.”

“Fuck. You’re already breaking my heart,” he whispered, thumping a fist against his chest, a look of pain crossing his features. “Victor was my brother. My stepbrother.”

I sat straight on the couch, my spine stiffening, my heart beating to come out of my throat. This wasn’t a joke. I—how did I miss this?

“You… you asked for the exhumation.”

He nodded, rubbing his face.

I avoided meeting his gaze, fearing he’d find the secret I had kept from him and loathe me for it. I couldn’t bear the thought of his hatred. I wanted to go back to where we were just a minute ago. In that safe place, away from reality, shrouded by lies.

But the truth would always come out. Reality and life were vicious like that. Inhumane.

“I promised my stepdad as he bled to his death that I’d keep an eye on Victor.” Ryden’s fingers trembled, and his voice broke at the end. I saw it, the cracks in his soul. His eyes were dark with the pain I couldn’t take away from him.

He looked like a million broken stars. I so badly wanted to collect them one by one and put him back together. But I knew how hard it was to fix something so broken. Nothing would ever become perfectly whole once it was shattered.

“My stepfather was amazing. Kind, compassionate. Unlike my father.” His finger absently went to the scar on his lower lip. “He saved me. He saved me and my mother from the man who was the sperm donor.” I sat still, not knowing what to say, what to feel. I almost wanted to scream at him to stop or scream at him about how and why I killed Victor.

Victor was just like Phil, or even worse than Phil.

“My father didn’t cheat on my mother like yours did, but he didn’t have to do that to break her. He used his strength, his fists and legs.”

“Ryden.”

“Please, Yara, baby. I want to tell you everything.”

I sighed. “Go on. I’m here.”

He had always been there for me, and I’d hate myself if I wasn’t there the one time he asked me to.

“I still remember that night. I was eight, and my father was enraged and drunk. He kicked my mother, and I—I tried to stop him. I slammed his beer bottle on his back. Oh, he was enraged. He was shouting. I saw my death in his eyes that night. I knew I was going to die.”

“Oh, Ryden,” I said, walking closer to him. He leaned toward me, wrapping his arm around my body. Every part of me ached. I wished I could somehow make him forget all of this, but this pain was what made him who he was.

“He punched me over and over, kicked me until I was half-dead. I knew I was dying, and my mother, for the first time in her life, found the strength and courage to call 911. That was the day we met Arthur Bane. Arthur was our new neighbor, and when he heard the commotion, he came to our house just a few minutes before the cops. He stopped my father. If he had come a minute later…” Ryden’s voice shook.

I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting this man in front of me, but back then, he was only a boy. Eight. Someone easy to break. My eyes burned from tears I couldn’t shed yet.

“While the cops arrested and read Miranda Rights to my father, Arthur Bane took me and my mother to the hospital with another cop in his car. My father went to prison. Arthur was a widower with a son…”

“Victor, Victor Bane,” I whispered, taking Ryden’s hand in mine, feeling how cold it felt to touch.

Fuck.

“Yes. I spent two months in the hospital. Broken jaw, ribs, and various other bones. Bruises, internal hemorrhaging, lacerations. You name it, I had it.” Ryden chuckled slightly as if it were a joke. It wasn’t a joke to me. The thought of him nearly dying unsettled me. If he had, I would have never met him. It made my body go cold.

“Victor was only two years younger than me, and we became friends, brothers. Arthur fell in love with my mother and me. We became a family. It was the happiest I had ever been. My dad…I called Arthur 'Dad' because he was everything my father wasn’t. He taught me things my father had no time for. I wanted to be the kind of man Arthur was.” Ryden bit his lip so hard I could see drops of blood. “Arthur took us fishing, camping. He taught us how to play baseball. Victor was a sore loser, but he loved me.” The smile on his face was nostalgic.

I didn’t regret killing Victor, but for just a second, I felt the pang of his loss like it was my own.

“What happened?” I asked, caressing his face, and he leaned closer, seeking my touch.

“Twelve years. We were happy for twelve years, and then my father got out of prison. He found my mom and dad…. I was studying at BU and was home for vacation. Victor and I went bowling. When we came home that evening, we found them in a pool of their blood, almost dead. My dad begged me to… keep an eye on Victor. Victor had gotten into trouble a few times at school, and he was worried about Victor even when he was dying. I promised.”

“I’m sorry, Ryden. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. You lost both your mom and dad.” He leaned his head against my shoulder with a sigh. I ran my fingers through his hair, hating myself for being a part of his grief. But it was done, and I couldn’t change anything now.

“You know what the cops did when they saw us? They interrogated us like we were the ones who killed our parents. The man who killed my parents disappeared, and there was no evidence. No fucking evidence. But we all knew it was him. He had an alibi, which was weak as fuck, and he walked.”

I squeezed his cold hand between mine, leaning closer to him. He pressed his lips to my hair.

“God, I hadn’t talked about this to anyone… except Enzo.”

I nodded.

“That’s why you want to find out who really killed Victor. Because you want to keep the promise you made to your dad.”

“Yes.”

“Do you know who killed Victor?” I asked, trying hard not to let my heart scream the truth to him.

I knew he didn’t know yet because if he knew, he wouldn’t be sitting here, telling me these things, opening up about who he was.

I felt like the worst bitch to ever exist in the universe. Even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn’t.

“I don’t know exactly who she is, but I know the alias she uses. K.Y. Wolff and she was from the Convent of Sunflower Children.”

Fuck. The convent. He was so much closer than I had anticipated.

“K.Y. Wolff?”

“Yes. I’ve been hunting her for a while, but she’s sly. Even Reah, who is an amazing hacker, can’t find anything about K.Y. Wolff, but I’m getting closer. The call I just received was from Sister Mary Elizabeth. She was the director of the orphanage, and she just gave me the one person I wanted to talk to. Sister Serena Adams.”

It was hard not to jump, not to scream.

Sister Serena? The only woman who knew my secret, next to The Strangler. I had just thought about finding her and asking her about Logan Jones, and here he was, talking about Sister Serena.

“You found this Sister Serena?”

“No, but she agreed to talk with me tomorrow. I have a feeling she knows Wolff.”

“How sure are you?” I asked, biting my nails. What should I do now? Tell him? Let him find out about me himself? I had no fucking idea.

“But Victor wasn’t the only reason I was hunting this woman.”

It’s all coming undone. All your carefully constructed webs. Thread after thread after thread. I told you this isn’t going to be a happy ending.

How the hell was I supposed to know Victor Bane was his fucking brother? He was nothing like Ryden Sinclair.

Well…