Chapter 9

9

Standing on the worn dirt path leading from the Hostetlers' house into town, half listening to the cicadas buzzing in the distance, Jay continued to think over his conversation with Bethanne.

He grimaced.

It had gone from bad to worse. Truthfully, it had been a fiasco. Kicking a rock that had the misfortune of being in his path, Jay berated himself. He'd waited so long for Bethanne to finally see him. To realize that he was more than just a friend of Peter's. That he'd grown into a man she could depend on and trust.

Why hadn't he been able to wait a little longer before paying a formal call? He wanted her for the rest of his life. Put that way, why couldn't he have bided his time at least a little while longer? Not pushed so hard?

It was time to do what he should have done from the beginning—rely on the Lord. He just hoped that His timeline didn't involve more years of waiting.

He grimaced. There he went again, wishing and hoping for something to happen quickly. "God, please help me, if You see fit to do so. Please give me the strength to be patient and put Bethanne's needs before mine." After closing his eyes and adding a few prayers for his family, he opened them.

And found Seth Zimmerman walking toward him. He was wearing what Jay had come to think of as his usual attire. Jeans, a white T-shirt, and a pair of tennis shoes. Seth was also studying him with a concerned expression. And no wonder, because he'd been standing here with his eyes closed.

The sight of the man—his life intertwined so closely with Bethanne's—nearly took his breath away. Seth was the one who'd discovered Peter Miller attempting to rape Bethanne. When he pulled Peter away, they fought, Seth hit him, and Peter went down. Hitting his head on a rock when he fell. When he died, Seth was arrested.

Because Seth had been young, scared to death, and had only an overworked public defender to speak for him, he was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to five years. He was paroled after serving two, but that horrible night's events had divided their community. Some folks had even gone so far as to doubt that Peter had assaulted Bethanne.

Jay knew better, of course. He owed so much to Seth. Without his intervention, Bethanne would have suffered even more than she had. "Hey," he said as he stepped forward. "How are ya, Seth?"

"I'm gut." Looking as if he was trying not to grin, he said, "I've been watching you for the last couple of minutes. I was kind of worried about you for a spell."

"I was praying."

"Mmm. Gotcha." Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he nodded. "Well, I'll let you get back to it."

As Seth moved forward, Jay realized his advice would be welcome. "Hey, do you have a minute?"

Seth stopped and searched Jay's face. "You all right?"

"Jah. Actually, it's not exactly about me."

"Ah. It's Bethanne."

He nodded. "How did you know?"

"A good guess." Looking like he was thinking of more than a couple of secrets, Seth shrugged. "Plus, I've been there a time or two. With Tabitha."

There was no reason to pretend he wasn't in love with Bethanne. "Yeah ... so I think I just made a big mistake with her."

"Mistakes happen. No one expects us to be perfect. Not even God."

"No, you don't understand. I went calling on Bethanne today."

"That is a right and proper thing for you to do." He paused. "What was the problem? Did her parents get upset at you being there?"

He shook his head. "Nee. Her mother invited me in and then went to get Bethanne." He lowered his voice. "She had to coax her to come down to talk to me, though."

"Why?"

"I ... I don't even know anymore. I used to think it was all wrapped up in my friendship with Peter, but that can't be the only thing. Plus, I felt something between us. Something important, Seth."

"Ah."

"Bethanne has even said she's forgiven me for not realizing that Peter was capable of such violence."

"That is a blessing." Seth seemed to think about that for a moment. "But forgiving someone isn't the same as accepting a suit, I suppose."

Jay shrugged. "Right now, I'm thinking that they're miles apart. Worlds apart."

Seth laughed. "Maybe not that far."

"Do you have any suggestions for me? I mean, you were able to win over Tabitha."

Seth's amused expression turned serious. "There were a lot of other things going on with Tabitha. She'd been married before and had suffered at the hands of her abusive husband. Then she had to deal with some folks in the community looking down on her because she divorced."

"So, you had to have patience."

"You could say that," he said in a dry tone. "But I had no choice. I knew if I lost her, I'd lose my heart and my future. I had to try."

"That's how I feel. That's why I'm so upset at myself for messing things up. I don't know how to get back in Bethanne's good graces."

"I brought Tabitha all sorts of food and left it at her doorstep. For months. And when I wasn't delivering food, I chopped her wood."

Jay wasn't sure that would work for him. Bethanne had a whole family to take care of her. But he supposed he could try to find some ways to connect with her. "What did she say each time you stopped by?"

"Nothing." A small, secret smile played on his lips. "She watched me, though."

"How? From the front porch?"

Seth laughed. "Far from that at first. She didn't even want me to see her. She watched me through the sheer curtains in her living room."

Jay couldn't believe all this had gone on and he hadn't even heard a whisper about it. "What did you do?"

A look of satisfaction appeared on his face. "I didn't do anything. One day she got brave."

"That's it?" He felt completely let down. And maybe a little disappointed.

"That's it. But listen to me, Jay Byler. Waiting and being patient isn't a waste of time—it's a blessing. I kept trying and Tabitha kept watching. And I was unaware of it, but every day brought us closer together. The same thing could be happening for you two."

"She said she didn't want me to call on her, though."

"Right." He pursed his lips. "Well, then ... perhaps she doesn't. It could be Bethanne doesn't want that kind of relationship with anyone. That might be how she feels."

"If that's how she feels, then I'll have to accept her decision, won't I?"

"You will ... if you want her to be happy. There's something to be said for wanting the woman you love to be happy, ain't so?" Seth talked slowly, as if each word was being pulled reluctantly from somewhere deep within him. "Even if it ain't with you."

Even if it ain't with you . There was something poetic and almost tragic about that thought. Or, rather, maybe it only felt that way to Jay.

He allowed that thought to sink in. Settle and stew. Tried it on for size, even though there was no question in his mind how it would affect him.

Simply put, it would hurt. It would hurt so badly that it would feel like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

But even worse than that pain would be knowingly hurting Bethanne on purpose. Forcing her into doing something that she wasn't ready for.

Or not respecting her wishes.

Nee, it would be like he was no better than Peter Miller. He was a great many things, but he wasn't that man. He didn't want to be.

Realizing he'd been staring at Seth, Jay attempted to pull himself together. "Yes," he said.

"Yes?"

"I'm not making sense, am I?" He waved a hand. "I meant to say that you're right. I need to do the right thing by her. Even if it feels wrong for me."

"That's how it is, isn't it? When a man falls in love—really in love. Doing right comes first."

"I guess Tabitha appreciated your patience?"

Seth nodded. "She did. But we still had a couple of obstacles to overcome. Including her ex-husband."

"But you two are married, so that means you're good now. Ain't so?"

"We're better than good. We're happy and she's mine. And ... she's expecting."

"Congratulations. That's wonderful-gut. Wunderbar."

"It is. Danke." He slapped Jay on the shoulder. "I know it's hard, but try not to give up on Bethanne. God will help the two of you, and when the right time happens for the two of ya, you'll be mighty glad you believed in something greater than yourself."

"God's will?"

"Oh, for sure. But also your lady's happiness. Love is a powerful thing, Jay. It's life-changing. Believe in it, yeah?" And with that, Seth strode on, covering a full yard before Jay mumbled a suitable reply.

As he started walking again, Jay took a slower pace. Thought about not giving up. Decided he would somehow find a way to let Bethanne know that his interest hadn't waned but that he was no longer going to be so pushy.

And maybe, along the way, he'd take a moment to thank Seth Zimmerman for stopping and giving him some much-needed advice.

That would be a good thing too.