14. Callum

14

CALLUM

“ N o! Please don't put me in there! I won't sneak out again, I swear! Please!” I shriek, digging my heels into the carpet. It doesn't help. She's stronger than she looks. I can never get free.

“You said that last time, you little nightmare. You'll just keep doing it until you learn that the house rules are not up for discussion,”Aunt Blair reprimands as she drags me toward the door. That stupid, horrible door. I hate it so much. I'd take off the stupid hinges if I knew how. Her nails are cutting into my arm. It feels like she's tearing into me.

“Almost two years you've been here and you have been nothing but an embarrassment. I will not continue to be humiliated every time you screw up and are brought back to our door. The whole neighborhood saw the cops bring you home! You are a fuck up, Callum, and if I can't even be seen with you in public, then you won't be seen at all.”

With a giant shove, I topple into the dark closet, the tiny cramped space closing in on me like a tomb. I scramble for the light switch I know isn't there and the knob I just heard lock. My chest is being pierced with needles and I can't breathe. Oh no, not again…I have to get out.

“Let me out! Please, I'll be good! Please don't leave me in here!” I scream at the top of my lungs, banging on the door as if I can somehow knock it down this time. It won't work. It never works.

“You deserve this, Callum! You are a useless mistake, just like your mother. You're lucky we even took you in, and you can't manage to be good for two damn minutes!” Aunt Blair yells back, her grating voice muffled through the wood. I feel sick to my stomach and I'm too hot. It's too hot, but I'm shaking. I can't stay in here. It's too much. I-I need air. There's no air in here!

“I'll be g-good, I promise! P-please, Aunt Blair!” Tears are blinding me. I can't see. I'm crying too hard. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken…why can't I just be good? This wouldn't happen if I was good.

“Stop screaming or I'll add two hours to your time! I'll let you out when you've learned your lesson!”

“No! I d-don't want to stay in here! Please, I c-can't breathe! I want my m-mom! MOM!”

Movement jarred me out of the dark and I crashed onto the floor, heart pounding and my shirt drenched in sweat. I looked around wildly, expecting four walls to be encasing me and my aunt's malicious voice cutting through it all. I couldn't focus. I was panting for breath that wasn't coming and that familiar panic started to build again.

“Cal! Cal, look at me. Eyes on me!”

Rhys' worried face came into blurry view as he kneeled in front of me. His voice sounded fuzzy and I couldn't move my arms to reach for him. It was as if I was detached from my body, the only awareness I had was of ice sliding down my spine and the pain behind my ribs as I struggled for a full breath.

“Cal, listen to my voice. Focus on what you can hear. Tell me three things you hear,” Rhys commanded. I fought through the sensations pummeling my body and strained to listen.

“I-I hear…you and-and cars outside. Music…somewhere,” I forced out, sounding stilted to even my own ears.

“Good! Now tell me three things you can feel,” Rhys said firmly.

I homed in on anything I could feel anywhere in my body. Anything that I could concentrate on rather than the panic. “I feel your…carpet. And my sw-sweaty shirt. Your hands…on my face,” I relayed, a little less strained than before. Words were coming easier and the pain in my chest was receding. “Rhys…”

“It's okay, you're doing so good. Now tell me two things you can smell.” His hands were warm and soft on my cheeks, and I wanted to keep them there permanently. I didn't want to lose that blissful warmth, not when I still felt so cold.

“I smell laundry…and something sweet?” I hazarded a guess. I couldn't pinpoint what that sweet scent was, but it was wafting from Rhys. It reminded me of summer. How does he smell like summer ?

“Good job, you're almost there. Tell me three things you see,” he said softly.

I glanced around, senses still a bit on overdrive, but I was able to see one thing crystal clear.

“You. I see you,” I breathed, latching onto those violet orbs as if they were the only thing holding me to the earth. They might as well have been. I didn't want to look anywhere else when all I saw was Rhys. That was all I needed.

His pupils widened and his hands slowed their gentle stroking on my cheeks, shaking the tiniest bit against my skin. I tested my limbs again, bringing my hand up to grab one of his and hold it there. I saw Rhys take a deep breath in and instinctually, my lungs inflated with his. His lips curved ever so slightly, and mine raised to match. It was as if his body was tied to mine in that moment, pulling my strings like a willing puppet.

“You're okay now. You got through it. I'm so proud of you,” Rhys praised, his eyes shining with sincerity.

In an instant, it all became too much. His hands were too warm, his body too close, his scent too overwhelming. This wasn't okay. I couldn't do this. No one had ever seen me like that before and my stomach twisted at the thought of Rhys seeing me lose control like that.

My head told me logically that Rhys was safe, that he'd never judge me. He'd been a rock for me last night, a port in a storm I had gotten lost in for years. I knew I could trust him with my vulnerability, but I just felt…weak.

Useless.

Broken.

I needed to get out before I said or did something I couldn't take back. My mind was a jumble of violent images and fucked up emotions, and the last thing I wanted was to take it out on him.

“I need to go home,” I muttered, stumbling to my feet and looking around for my phone and keys.

“Wait, you don't have to leave so fast. You just had a panic attack, maybe you should sit down and take it easy first?” Rhys said, but it came out more like a question. I could feel his gaze hot on my face as I gathered my things. I couldn't look at him. It was too much. I felt too much with him.

“I'm fine,” I ground out, heading for the door. I heard him follow behind me and I wanted to snap at him to leave me alone, but he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to put up with a… mistake like me .

“Cal, don't run away from me now. I'm your friend! Let me help you,” Rhys pleaded, that melodic voice of his wrapping around me like a silky vice, soft and suffocating all at once.

“I don't need help. I just want to go home.” Why wouldn't he let me leave? Why was he making it so hard to walk away from him?

He grabbed my bicep and I whipped around angrily, ready to lay into him when my patience broke. Instead, I saw the concern coloring his face and all the anger I had melted away. When was the last time someone had cared about me this much? Had even wanted to help me in any way?

I had wanted to be Rhys' nightmare, but he was a dream I didn't want to wake from. One where I was cared for and wanted. It was everything I wanted and yet I didn't know how to handle it.

“Thank you for last night,” I said gently, pulling my arm from his grip. “It meant more than you know.”

I saw the disappointment written on his face and my stomach churned. I leaned forward, brushing my lips against his forehead and inhaling that sweet scent of his that calmed something inside me. Coconut. That's what he smells like…coconut and summer.

I ducked out of the apartment before I could see anything else cross that expressive face of his. I was all over the place and didn't know how to rein myself in. On top of that, the panic attack had left me physically exhausted and all I could think of was diving into my bed and staying there for days.

My pocket vibrated and I pulled out my phone, too tired to think about checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” I asked tiredly.

“Hey, Hawk. You alright, man? You didn't come home last night,” Griffin asked across the line.

“I'm good, Griff. Heading home now.”

“Cool,” he responded, but there was an awkward tension in his voice that I couldn't figure out. “Hey, have you paid your half of the rent for this month yet?”

I froze in place, wondering where the question had come from. “Uhh yeah, I should have. It comes out of my account automatically. Why?”

Griff let out a strained sigh that ratcheted up my anxiety. “We got an email from the building manager saying your half hasn't gone through. We got hit with a late fee. Maybe check your bank and make sure nothing went wrong with the payment?” he suggested.

My blood ran cold and for the second time that morning, panic started to rise in my chest. “Wait, that's not possible. I've never had a problem with my payments before.”

“Look, check your bank just to be sure. I'm sure it was just a mess up,” Griff reasoned. Something told me it wasn't a simple mess up, and his reassurances did nothing to calm me.

“Yeah, maybe. Listen, I gotta go. I'll take care of it though. Thanks Griff,” I replied before hanging up. I logged onto my bank app quickly, praying I'd find the magic numbers that told me I wasn't screwed and had plenty of money for rent.

That's not what I found though. The life insurance payment hadn't processed that month and I was nearly overdrawn on my account. My heart rate surged and my palms grew clammy. That wasn't possible. That money came through each month without fail.

There was only one person who I could think to call who might have answers. With trembling fingers, I called my Uncle Jack. He had helped set everything up when I knew I'd be getting life insurance payouts after my mom passed, so maybe he'd know what to do.

The phone rang and rang while my nerves continued to spin out of control. Finally someone answered, but it wasn't who I expected.

“Nice to hear from you, Callum,” Aunt Blair sneered.

Anger spread through every cell of my body, fraying what was left of my patience. “Goddamn it, don't you have your own phone? Why the fuck are you answering Uncle Jack's? Where is he?” I growled, clenching my cell in my hand so hard I worried it might break.

“He's out at the moment. You sound agitated, Callum. Having a bad day?” she said, fake concern dripping from her venomous voice.

“That's none of your damn business. When will he be back?” I gritted out.

“Watch your tone with me. Also I think it is my business if you're calling about my money.”

My heartbeat faltered and my blood boiled. “What the fuck do you mean your money? Are you the reason my payment hasn't come in this month?”

“I figured you didn't need it this month seeing as how you'll be out of school soon anyway. ”

Her words made me feel dizzy, fury racing through my veins. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I'm not getting into this over the phone. I have better things to do with my time. If you want to know how badly you screwed up this time, you can come by and find out for yourself. It is much easier to explain in person,” Aunt Blair relayed, sounding bored as if my world hadn't been shaken to its core by her cryptic comment.

“There's no way I'm setting foot in that hellhole with you again. Tell me what the fuck you meant by I'll be out of school soon!” I snapped, my patience a thing of the past.

“No. Come over or don't. I couldn't care less either way.” I heard the click on the other end as she hung up on me. A frustrated scream ripped from my throat, a few passing bystanders throwing me disturbed glances. I couldn't blame them. I was the lunatic yelling on the sidewalk, probably looking as crazed and unhinged as I felt on the inside.

Every bone in my body was like cement, weighing me down and preventing me from going to the one place I wanted to avoid for the rest of my life. That house held nothing but bitter, agonizing memories that I had worked hard to escape. If this morning was any indicator, I was doing a piss poor job of that. I realized that nothing good was going to come from it, but I had no fucking choice.

I pulled up my Uber app and ordered a car.

Back into Medusa’s lair I go.

The Uber driver turned onto my aunt and uncle's street, the familiar cookie-cutter houses lining the path to my destination. On the outside, it seemed like any other suburb with beautiful homes and perfectly landscaped lawns and children running down the street playing.

Their house was one of the bigger ones in the neighborhood, the American Craftsman style giving it that magazine perfection that Aunt Blair loved so much. It looked idyllic and welcoming, but appearances could be deceiving. On the inside, it was rotting fruit, pestilent and foul. No one knew what really transpired behind those doors, what secrets it hid.

The same could be said of Aunt Blair. No one bothered to look behind the carefully crafted facade she clung to. She was sweet and pure whereas I was the cancer, spreading through her life like a malignant disease. I had long given up hope that the world would ever see things clearly. That wasn't what was important right then anyway.

The car dropped me off and I stared up at the flawless exterior, my limbs uncooperative as I tried to make my way up to the front door. It was like moving through molasses. Every step felt like it took a mountain of effort. It was nonsensical that a twenty-one year old man would be this scared of a woman half his size, but it didn't change the fact that I was terrified.

When she was around, it was like I was that scared young boy who couldn't fight off her blows and hateful words, who couldn't do anything right and would spend hours locked in that godforsaken closet. Blair was smart. She knew leaving marks would get her caught, so she exploited the few fears I had to inflict the most pain. It didn't matter how good I tried to be, she would always resort to locking me in that makeshift prison, so eventually I stopped trying. I did whatever I could to piss her off because it was the only time I felt like I had any control.

Of course, it never worked. Not until I was old enough that she couldn't forcibly shove me in and lock the door behind me, but by then four years of it had taken its toll. The scars were there, buried under layers of rage and self-loathing that had built up over time. Her words cut just as deep though, the damage exponentially worse each time they were hurled at me.

You're nothing but a mistake. A stain on this family…

No one else wanted you, so we got stuck with you…

You aren't capable of shit, you can't do anything right…

What did we do to end up with a fuck-up like you? Even your own mother couldn't raise you right…

Your mother was the only one who could ever love you. No one else will…

I shook my head aggressively, attempting to clear out the criticism and degradation echoing in my head on repeat. I couldn't let her get to me right now. I needed to remind myself that I wasn't that helpless boy anymore.

I used my key to let myself in, not giving her the decency of politeness. “Blair! Where are you?” I barked out from the foyer, waiting for Medusa herself to sneak out of the shadows.

“Excuse you! Who do you think you are barging into my house like that?” she fussed, waltzing down the stairs to my right, looking every bit the typical WASP-y wife, well-bred and privileged. Whereas my mom never cared for their upbringing and was more down-to-earth, Blair leaned into and relished in it. The features that were so similar to my mom's were a knife to the gut. Seeing pieces of someone I loved the most on the face of someone I loathed was a hell of its own.

I ignored her outburst, answering with one of my own. “Tell me where my money is. How the fuck did you get your hands on it in the first place? And what did you mean about my school?”

Aunt Blair's face morphed into a smug smile, her thin arms crossing and giving her that air of superiority she enjoyed flaunting. “I told you before that money is mine , and now I know it for sure. The money you've been so generously given has been coming from one of Jack's accounts, meaning it's as good as mine.”

That didn't compute in my head. The money was a payout from mom's life insurance, it shouldn't have anything to do with Jack. That couldn't be right.

“I was fortunate enough to stumble onto it when I was trying to get into one of our savings accounts the other week,” she continued, “but what I found was just as satisfying. It seems there was no life insurance at all. Jack has been funneling you money all this time, but I put a stop to that. I rerouted the money into my spending account since you won't be needing it anymore.”

“That's bullshit! My mom had life insurance, Jack helped me set up those payments himself. You have no right to them. I need that money for my rent and other expenses,” I swore, but it did nothing to wipe that aggravating smile off her face.

“That's where you're wrong. A letter was sent here for you from your financial aid office,” Blair said, breezing by me to grab a long envelope off the coffee table. “See for yourself.”

I snatched the envelope from her hands, yanking out the letter inside and quickly reading it. The words blurred together on the page and my vision narrowed. That wasn't possible.

…regret to inform you…

…scholarship has been revoked…

…violation of student code of conduct…

This wasn't happening. Not after everything. My knees nearly buckled and I fought to stay standing. Of course, Blair saw her opportunity to dig the knife in.

“I hate to say I told you so, but I knew you'd eventually screw up your life. I always wondered how you managed to get a spot at UT. It's not like you were ever that smart, and your personal record wasn't exactly sterling. I guess you finally showed your true colors, Callum. What a credit to your mom, you are.”

That last cord holding me together broke clean in half.

“SHUT UP! You know nothing about me, you vindictive, abusive bitch!” I roared, crumpling the damning letter in my fist.

“Don't you dare talk to me like that, you little bastard! You owe us everything! If not for us, you would have been thrown into foster care and ended up on the streets!” she shrieked back, her smooth face contorted and grotesque.

“You think I should be grateful to you? You have always hated me! You took me in only because you were forced to, and you made my life a living hell! No matter what I did, you would berate me and hit me and throw me in that goddamn closet! I owe you nothing! ”

Rage poured off of me in waves, everything I had repressed for years bubbling to the surface and overflowing. I was shaking from the force of it and I couldn't shove it back down if I wanted to.

“Of course I hated you, you leech! You never should have been born! You and my bitch of a sister ruined my family!”

“Fuck you!” I yelled, taking a menacing step toward her.

“I should have left you in that closet and never opened it again!” Blair screeched.

“What the fuck is going on here?” a voice boomed from behind Aunt Blair. I whipped my head toward Uncle Jack who was coming from the garage, evidently just getting home. His features were scrunched and livid, but he wasn't looking at me. His ire was directed solely at my aunt. “What the fuck did you just say to him?”

Blair drained of color and she took a timid step away from me, looking like she wanted to bolt. She stammered and fidgeted on the spot. “I-I only said…it's not what you think, Jack.”

“All these years, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think you were capable of what Callum said. Did you seriously lock him in a closet? He was a child!” Jack thundered, his broad chest heaving with every other word. I had never seen him lose his cool like this. He had always placated Blair and submitted to her wishes, ever the passive husband. And he never once stood up for me like this. He hadn't believed me.

“Don't you judge me, Jack!” Blair cried. “This is all your fault! None of this would have happened if it weren't for you! As if forcing me to bring him into our home wasn't bad enough, you've been giving him our money for years!”

“He's our family! He belonged here! And that money belongs to him too! Nothing justifies what you did to him!” Jack fought back, his fists curling at his side.

I'd had enough. This was bringing up memories that I couldn't face, not today. I was mentally and emotionally wrung out, my body on the verge of collapse as everything piled on me at once. I wanted out of that fucking house and away from that fucking viper herself. I spun on my heel and stormed out the door.

I didn't get more than a few feet before I heard the door rip back open behind me. “Callum! Wait!” Uncle Jack called out. I picked up my pace, fighting to put space between us.

“Leave me alone!” I shouted over my shoulder, but his big hand gripped my arm and pulled me to a halt.

“Please stop and let me explain!” he begged.

“It's too fucking late, Dad! You never listened to me about Blair, why should I listen to you? What could you possibly have to say to me now?” My words came out raspy and broken, tears breaking through and spilling down my cheeks.

Jack flinched, looking as though I had slapped him. I had never before called him that, not even the day my mom told me who he really was to me. As far as I was concerned, he didn't deserve that title.

“Callum…I didn't know. I swear to you, I didn't know! I am so sorry! Please son,” Jack pleaded, anguish coating his tone.

“Don't call me that! I am not your son,” I snarled, more hot tears blurring my vision. “You didn't care about being my dad before. Just tell me what the hell happened to my money? Did you steal it? Is that what this is?”

He started shaking his head before I even got my words out, brows drawn down over his blue eyes, ones that matched half of mine. I hated that I had anything in common with this man. His nose and part of his eye color were too many similarities for my taste.

“Absolutely not! I wouldn't do that to you. Yes, your payments have been coming from my account, but it's only because I have your money, the full amount, in a separate account that Blair can't touch. I didn't want you dipping into those funds until you finished school, so I've been giving you what I could each month for your expenses,” Jack explained, his gaze never wavering from mine.

“That doesn't make any sense. Why keep my money in another account? Why have you been paying me?” My head spun with every new revelation I learned today, and I was dangerously close to spiraling. I could feel the grip on my sanity slipping fast, and I wanted to scream.

“Blair always thought that your mom's life insurance should have come to us because we took you in, and I didn't want her to have any access to it. I also wanted to ensure you were set for after you got your degree. Your scholarship was a blessing, but it wasn't right that you would have lost almost the entire payout just to get through college. So I paid your expenses instead and put your money somewhere safe. It's waiting for you when you graduate. All $50,000 of it. It's what your mom would have wanted.”

That knowledge somehow broke me. I sank to the ground, sobs wracking my body as everything about this fucked up day crashed over me. Jack knelt down next to me, his hand rubbing soothing circles over my back. It reminded me so much of how he used to be with me before mom died. When he was around a lot more and had been the father figure I never had.

It all made sense when mom had finally come clean about my parentage, but it was too late at that point. I had been pissed that he had never told me the truth or claimed me as his own, staying married to Blair and letting mom and me struggle without him.

Then when I came to live with him, he abandoned me to his sadistic wife. He stopped being my fun, loving Uncle Jack and became a stranger to me. And when he didn't listen to me about her abuse? He became dead to me.

I jerked away from his touch, unable to take solace from it like I used to.

“Get away from me! Blair was right, this was all your fault. You're the reason I was born, but you never wanted me in the first place! Why the fuck would you act like you care about what happens to me now or in the future?” I retorted angrily.

He gave me my space, but he pinned me with an intense gaze. “That is not true. You were the best thing to ever happen to me and your mother. I loved you from the moment I learned your mom was pregnant. I have always cared about you, but I know I've done a shitty job of showing it. I lost my way when Leana died. I wasn't the same man,” he choked out. “You're right though…this was all my fault. Blair should hate me, not you. You're innocent in all of this, Callum. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you,” Jack cried, cheeks wet and flushed like mine.

“I don't care if you're sorry. It doesn't matter. None of it matters because without my scholarship, I can't stay at UT. I looked into it a while ago and because you claimed me and you make just a little too much money, I can't get the aid I need to pay for school. I'm screwed over again because of you,” I growled, hopelessness bearing down on me mercilessly.

“Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it, I promise,” he replied.

“I don't want anything from you.”

“I'm your father, it's my responsibility to take care of you. Even if I messed up in the past, it's still the truth,” he grumbled, leaning down to catch my eyes but I refused to look at him.

“You are not my dad. You weren't back then and you certainly aren't now. Just give me my money you've “protected” for me and I can pay for school with that.”

“No. That is for when you graduate. You are not using it for tuition when I can find a way to pay for you. I told you I will take care of you and I will, whether you believe me or not. You may not want me to be your father, but you will always be my son, Callum. I love you,” Jack said firmly.

I had reached my limit. I had no energy left to argue and I couldn't take one more second of being around him. I dragged myself off the ground, stomping off down the street to wait for an Uber to come get me.

“I'll take care of everything, Callum! Trust me!” he shouted as I took off.

Trust him? Not fucking likely. I didn't know what he planned to do about my tuition, but I couldn't find it in me to care at that point. Everything inside felt numb, my nerves fried after this disastrous day.

As I was ordering another Uber back to campus, my phone rang in my palm. When I saw the name, irrational anger and bitterness melted the ice that had settled over me, hot and potent.

Rhys .

I declined the call and sank into the fierce resentment that worked its way past the turmoil in my brain. This was all his fault. I thought after my talk with Coach I was safe, that my scholarship wasn’t in danger. I thought it was safe to back off my plan and befriend Rhys after he had unintentionally calmed the beast inside me. I thought the easy comfort and peace I felt being around him was a good thing, that he was meant to be in my life.

I was wrong. He was the real cancer, that guileless presence of his disguising the damage he did to my life once I dropped my guard. I never should have let up on him. I should have pushed him until he crumbled and went crawling to my coach to take back what he said. Because of him, I lost the scholarship I fought so hard for and now I was at the mercy of my… father to keep me in school.

My hate and helplessness coalesced into one singular thought.

If I had to face this Hell, I would drag Rhys down with me. It was about time I kept my promise to myself and made him regret ever having met me.