Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Reid

I almost kissed her last night. If only she hadn’t been biting that lip and drawing my attention to her mouth. It was only reasonable that I’d be looking constantly at her mouth and that my thoughts would move toward kissing. The fact that I’d been able to resist was incredible. Sophie’s eyes had been wide, and she’d stood there, frozen. So damn pretty.

I’d been so close to kissing her and I’d had to basically shut the door in her face so I wouldn’t and ruin everything between us.

Sophie had asked me for help and now all I could do was think about her. In a carnal way. In other ways too, but my desire for her kept growing and it was getting out of hand.

After she’d left, I’d showered and had to masturbate before I went to bed where I’d had more than a few lurid dreams and woke up grinding against my mattress.

I’d never been so horny in my life. Like Sophie had ignited all these dormant fires inside me that now burned completely out of control.

I tried to fill my time on Monday with all the things I didn’t do the rest of the week, but I couldn’t really focus on anything. Jo finally sent me a message that she had a few free hours and wanted to squeeze in some friend time, so I went over to her place.

“Oh my god, you’re alive,” I said when she opened the door.

She answered by giving me her middle finger. “Don’t you dare say a word about how messy the place is or else I’m going to stab you with one of my fancy pens.”

I’d brought food with me, so I pushed some papers on the counter aside and set down the bags.

“You should open a window at least. Get some fresh air in here.” Jo’s apartment was dark, as if she’d been hibernating in a cave or something. The place was a mess, but it wasn’t disgusting. Just a lot of things out of place that she hadn’t had time to organize and put away. She also had her schoolwork absolutely everywhere.

Jo pushed the curtains aside to let in some sunlight and opened the windows. Instantly the mood improved.

Jo yawned and took down her messy bun before putting her hair back up again. There were dark circles etched under her eyes and her sweatpants and wrinkled T-shirt had seen better days.

“Sit down,” I said, pointing at her couch that was covered in textbooks and printed out articles. Jo sighed, shoving everything aside before sitting down. I set her burrito on a plate and added some rice and beans, taking it over to her before I made up my own plate.

“You need to hire a cleaner,” I said.

Jo snorted. “Yeah, with what money?”

“That’s what credit cards are for. You’re working so hard and you need some help. Need to outsource some of this.” I’d clean her house if she’d let me. Jo was fiercely independent like I was, and she’d never allow me to do that though.

Jo took a massive bite of her burrito and thought about that. “Maybe. It would be nice to remember what living in a clean space feels like. I just ordered more underwear because I’m out.”

She must really be tired because normally she wouldn’t have admitted something like that to me.

“Jesus, Jo. You have a washer and dryer.” I was jealous beyond words that she had a laundry closet in unit.

“I know,” she said, frowning. “I just…” she trailed off.

“Okay. That’s it. Once we’re done eating, I’m going to start your laundry and you’re going to lay there like a lady of leisure.” I wasn’t going to leave here until she had some clean clothes.

“I know I should fight you, but I can’t,” Jo said. She devoured everything on her plate, so I got her seconds while I gathered and sorted her laundry and got the first load going and did a little bit of tidying. Nothing major, just putting papers in a stack, tossing old protein bar wrappers, and bringing empty glasses and coffee mugs to the kitchen so I could start loading the dishwasher.

“I didn’t invite you over to be my maid,” Jo said.

“Shut up. You would do this for me.”

Jo did shut up because she knew it was the truth. We’d met years ago when we had a gen ed college class together in undergrad and had become friends from the very first day. She’d fully supported me when I’d dropped out of school and had been there for those terrible days before I’d gotten my feet under me. Jo had been the one to encourage me to apply for the job at Sapph. I hadn’t had a bartending certificate, but I’d spent summers working at a restaurant and knew how to mix drinks. The owners had taken a risk on me and I’d always be grateful for that.

The least I could do for Jo was some laundry and picking up.

“Please tell me bar stories so I can stop thinking about school,” she demanded, and I was more than happy to do that while we ate some ice cream I’d found in the back of her freezer that she’d forgotten she bought.

So I told her all my best bar stories that I’d been saving up for her.

“Hold on,” she said, sitting up. “Something is different.” She pointed at my face and made a slow circle with her finger.

Her eyes were a little brighter now that she’d eaten, and her energy had perked up too. Jo’s mind was sharp, and she knew me well.

Shit.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, looking away from her face.

Jo’s eyes went wide. “Oh, there is something you’re not telling me. Reid Elizabeth, you tell me what’s going on right now.”

Fucking hell.

I gave Jo the rundown of the whole Sophie situation and she thought it was hilarious.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying all this. I’m so glad my inevitable doom is amusing to you.” I got up to put the laundry in the dryer and start a second load of washing.

“Wait, why inevitable doom?” she asked, propping herself up on some of the couch pillows.

“Because this whole thing with Sophie was supposed to be platonic. And then I had to ruin it by developing very inconvenient feelings. She’s Kaylee’s sister , Jo. Kaylee, who completely fucked up my entire life.”

Jo held her hand up before I could get going. “Listen. I will not discount that what Kaylee did was super shitty. It was. But she didn’t fuck up your entire life, Reid.”

I opened my mouth to argue with her, but she gave me that stern look I couldn’t wait to see her unleash on her students instead of on me.

“She didn’t ruin you, Reid. Just like quitting ballet didn’t ruin you. Your life isn’t worthless just because some bad things have happened to you.”

Every fiber of my being wanted to fight with her about this. To lay out all the reasons she was wrong. But Jo had been through some shit in her life. She’d given me broad strokes of it all but hadn’t filled in the details. I hadn’t needed to know, and she’d wanted to move past it.

“You are not the sum total of your worst days. No one is. Except for like, war criminals and men’s rights activists.”

She reached out and squeezed both my hands. “Okay?”

This was a battle I wasn’t going to win. “Okay.”

Jo grinned. “Now. Tell me about the girl.”

I left Jo’s a few hours later feeling much better. She now had clean clothes and a tidier apartment, and I’d refilled my friendship cup with her. Jo was one of the only people in the world who could hug me whenever she wanted to. She could read me so well and knew when it was fine and when it wasn’t.

Music came from Sophie’s when I stepped inside my place and shut the door. It wasn’t that loud, but I pressed my ear to the wall to hear exactly what she was listening to.

Chappell Roan. That tracked. We played her all the time at Sapph and everyone always lost their minds. It was a testament to how good she was that I wasn’t sick of hearing her songs yet.

I made a quick dinner and put on the show that Sophie and I had watched last night. I hoped she got to the ship that had launched my little fanfic heart, even though it ended with a stray bullet on the show. It would sail on in my heart. Always.

Sighing, I grabbed my laptop and started working on my outline for the next three chapters of my current fanfic. I couldn’t let myself get behind and I was very close to my next upload deadline, so I had to get my act together.

While I struggled to get back into the story, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the music. It really wasn’t that bad, but my mind was searching and desperate for a reason to not work on this outline. I did as much as I could and then checked my comments and kudos and likes. It was easy to get caught up in all of that, so I limited myself to ten minutes at a time and once my time was up, I stopped. Strangers liking or not liking my fanfic had never really bothered me. At least when I’d started. Now a negative comment did give me a little bit of a twinge, but it always passed quickly.

Frustrated, but unable to pin down why, I turned up the volume on the show and did my best to focus on it.

All I could do, though, was wish that Sophie was sitting on the couch next to me so she could ask me questions and I could tell her way too much backstory and about cast interviews and so forth.

I was in some serious trouble. I needed a Sophie detox. Stay away from her until she left my system. I could do that again. I’d avoided her pretty successfully when she first moved in and I realized who she was.

No more lessons. No more hanging out.

I’d just tell her that I was busy with work or something. Whatever. I’d think of something.

I was flipping through potential excuses when there was a knock at my door.

I knew who it was going to be, and I considered not answering. Pretend I wasn’t home. But she’d know I was home and that I was avoiding her, and she’d be sad and confused.

Fuck. I didn’t want her to be sad and confused because of me.

I opened the door to find a smiling Sophie holding out a plate.

“There was a birthday at work and there was cake so I took leftovers and I’m hoping you can help me eat it.” There were two very large slabs of cake on the plate. Sophie held up two forks.

How could I say no?

“Come on in.”

The cake was just a standard grocery store sheet cake, but it was still good, even if slightly stale.

“How was work?” I asked her.

“Eh. Boring. That’s the reason I took the job. I can sit and read and scroll my phone and get paid. I mean, the pay isn’t great, but still.”

We’d set our empty plates on the coffee table and Sophie eyed the remote.

“I kept watching the show last night. And maybe a little today. I don’t think I’ve seen the ship yet.”

I asked her which episode she was on.

“Ah, interesting,” I said. She was so close to the big reveal and I was trying to tamp down my excitement so it didn’t show on my face.

“You know I could absolutely look all of this up if I wanted to,” she said.

“I know. But you won’t. It’s more fun this way.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Only a short time ago I’d decided that I couldn’t see her anymore and now here she was, next to me on the couch and I didn’t want her to leave.

This was a serious problem that I was going to solve. Tomorrow.

“I have a question for you,” Sophie said, her eyes locked on the screen and her face a brilliant shade of red.

“Go ahead,” I said, wary. If she was blushing this hard, there was no telling what it could be.

“I was, um, I was thinking. I did pretty well at Sapph. Better than I thought I would and so I’m going to need some more…practical advice.”

Where was she going with this?

“Practical advice?” She still couldn’t look at me. “I’m going to need you to be more specific.”

“Well, um,” she squeaked. “I was hoping you’d be willing to maybe, um, kiss me. And tell me if I’m doing it right.”

There was no way that Sophie could hear the sirens that were blaring in my head, but I could. So many sirens and warning bells and flashing red signs that said DANGER on them.

This was the exact opposite of what I’d decided before she’d knocked on my door.

“Reid?” she asked after I couldn’t speak for a long time. I literally couldn’t decide what to say.

“Yeah, I’m, yeah,” I said, shaking my head. “Sorry, you want me to kiss you and tell you how it is?”

“Uh, yes? I’ve only ever kissed guys and I have no idea if I’m good at it or not. I don’t want to be a bad kisser. That would be even more humiliating than asking you to take pity on me.”

She risked a glance at me, and she was so cute and so red, and I didn’t know how to say no to this outrageous request.

I had to say no, right?

Obviously I had to say no.

The only right answer was no.

“Crap. I shouldn’t have asked. I was just thinking about it today and I know it would be safe with you because you don’t think about me that way. It would be really quick, I swear.”

I closed my eyes and wished I was someone else. Anyone else who wasn’t in this predicament.

Sophie kept talking, and I could see she was stressed about asking me, so I reached for one of her hands where she’d been cracking each one of her knuckles in succession.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll do it.”

Her eyes went wide with shock.

I would? This was news to me. My mouth had a mind of its own, apparently. And it wanted to introduce itself to Sophie’s mouth. As soon as possible.

“Wait, are you sure?” she asked, looking so adorable and nervous that I knew that I was going to give in.

“Yes.”