Chapter 7

Kai

Sen was so afraid, but he'd never admit it. I could tell that he was prideful, never willing to betray how he felt. Even after he was sick in the bathroom, he walked back to his room like he felt perfectly fine. I would've offered to get him something, but I didn't want to insert myself where I wasn't wanted.

When West told me to go pick him up, I almost refused or asked him to send someone else. I was open to getting to know Sen, but he'd pushed me back every time I tried so far. It felt like we'd moved into more neutral territory now, which I was grateful for.

West made a beeline for us, skidding to a halt just in front of Sen. I could tell that he really liked him. It was part of why I was putting in the effort.

"Take my hands," he said, holding them out.

"I've got it," Sen replied. His grip on the side was firm enough to turn his knuckles white. Even while he held on, he nearly fell over.

West shrugged and took my hand, pulling me onto the ice. I tried to protest, but it was pointless with him. When we were in the middle, he released me.

"How'd it go?"

I raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

"You were worried he hated you."

"I'm not worried, I just said I thought he did."

"Does he?"

"How should I know? He seemed fine, though. Needed a minute to open up, I guess."

"He opened up immediately when he met me."

With a frown, I looked over at Sen. He was pulling himself along, obviously miserable.

"I'm not as likable as you," I said with a shrug.

"Bullshit. You're amazing."

"You're biased. I'm nice but also a dick. It's a combination that doesn't work for some people."

"Well, if he hates you, then we hate him."

I punched him in the arm, then dodged when he tried to return it. "We don't have to keep the same friends."

"Whatever. Race me."

He took off and I followed suit with a swear. Moving to the outer edge, we picked up speed. Since it was only us and some of the football team in here, there weren't a lot of people to avoid crashing into. West was in front of me but not by much. He laughed loudly as he neared the starting point. Forcing myself to go faster, I nearly caught up to him, but he angled himself so that he was in my way. Once he passed the finish line, he slowed and spun around, letting himself glide backward.

"Reigning champion!" he shouted.

"Let's have a race on foot. I'll leave you in the dust."

"Sure, but today… Today, I'm the winner, so fuck you, Adler."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know that I hate you, right?"

He pushed off the ice and stopped in front of me. His hands came up to squish either side of my face together.

"You don't hate me."

"I do," I garbled through the compression.

"You're just jealous that I'm a better skater than you."

Grabbing his wrists, I pulled his hands away. "Sure. That's it."

"You could use some practice. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to coax that one away from the wall."

With a wink, he headed toward Sen. I had a feeling that wasn't gonna go the way he wanted, but he was a stubborn bastard.

I started skating again, slower than with West. As I weaved back and forth, I let my mind drift. As usual, my thoughts were about my dad. He was the one who'd taught me to skate. He told me that it was good to have a versatile set of skills when it came to sports. It taught me balance and agility, which was the same reason he put me in gymnastics.

Later, when I was fourteen, he told me that the biggest reason he had me try all of those things was so that I could decide which I liked the most. He never would have forced me to play football if I didn't want to, even though he loved it. It really didn't matter what I chose because he was happy to do all of it with me. He was good at everything. The best, really.

When my eyes began to burn, I blinked a few times and headed toward the exit. I skidded to a halt in front of it, then stepped out. I grabbed my phone from my backpack and sat down on the bench. After I tore off my skates, I rested my elbows on my knees.

Kai:How's Dad?

Mom:Stop worrying so much.

Kai:Please.

Mom:He's okay. He would wish you a happybirthday if he remembered.

Kai:I don't care about that.

Just tell him I love him, okay?

Mom:I will. Go have fun.

Dropping the phone into my lap, I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. I wanted to enjoy my birthday, but it was almost impossible when each of my past ones was clouded by memories. They were good memories, but even those hurt because I knew that I wasn't sharing them with him. They'd just keep slipping further away from him, only thrown in at random points and making him more confused. His mind was a beast that was working against him, eating itself into oblivion.

Somehow, memories were becoming a bane for those of us who could recall them freely. Everything I enjoyed about my life was clouded by my dad. The things I liked about myself were the ones that he created. I carried so many pieces of him and every time I turned around, I had to face the harsh reality. Memories wouldn't die with him. They were fracturing while he was very much alive and he didn't even know it half the time.

I missed him. I didn't want to come here, but my mom convinced me I should. It's what he wanted. The other reason that she wouldn't say aloud was that she didn't want me to feel the pain of seeing him deteriorate. She was taking it all on and I hated that, but I also loved her for it.

"You good?"

I looked up and saw Sen standing a few feet away. He looked just as freaked out as he always did around me. I swiped the back of my hand over my cheek and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. Tell West for me, yeah?"

"Sure. Is there… something wrong?"

"Nah. Nothing fixable, at least. You can catch a ride with Max. West will go with him too."

He hesitated. After looking over his shoulder, he pulled his lip between his teeth. I watched him roll it back and forth a few times.

Not having the patience to sit around, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and gave him a nod. I kept my head down as I made my way to the front. When I was outside, I took a big breath of the fresh air.

Suddenly, someone came up beside me. I stared in confusion.

"Did I forget something?" I asked.

"Don't think so," Sen replied. "I thought I'd catch a ride back with you if that's okay."

"You should stay. Mingle or whatever." I continued walking and he followed. After popping the trunk, I tossed my bag and skates in, then turned to him. He didn't look scared now, just uncertain.

"Get in," I sighed.

When he smiled, I was a little taken aback by how it transformed his face.

Don't look at the straight guy like that, I chided myself. It was rude and I hated when people thought I checked out every man just because I was gay. I could recognize that he had nice features, though. At least, when he wasn't scowling and acting like I was the devil.

"What kind of music do you like?" I asked as I started the car.

"Uh…"

"If you say ‘anything,' I'll make you walk home."

Running a hand through his light hair, he laughed. "What if that's the real answer?"

With a groan, I tapped the back of my head against the headrest. "Have you heard of The Plot In You?"

"Nope. Sounds weird."

I shot him a look, barely concealing my amusement. "You seem weird. And something tells me there's some shit buried deep in your soul, so I think you'll like it."

After starting the music, I pulled out of the spot. Instead of staring out his window like he did on the way here, he was angled slightly in my direction. His head bobbed softly to the song and when it reached the second chorus, he was tapping his fingers along to it. I resisted the urge to gloat.

By the time we reached the freeway, a new song was playing. I turned it down a little and glanced at Sen.

"What's your deal, Sen?"

"I don't have one. I'm just me."

"How original."

"Okay, fine. I'm from Colorado, an only child, I'm twenty, and I'm a business major, but I have no idea what I actually want to do with my life."

"That was deep."

His eyes widened before he saw my smile. He huffed and clasped his fingers in his lap.

"I'm also an only child," I said. "I was born and raised in Maine and I'm a business major, but I do know what I want to do with my life."

"And what is that?"

"Sorry. Privileged information. When you've gone a full week without death staring at me, I'll think about telling you."

"I don't give you a death stare."

"You do, but it's fine. I'm not that easily offended. If it was directed at West, he'd probably call me over for cookies and cream so he could pout."

He chuckled lightly. "You forgot to tell me your age."

"Eighteen. Wait, nineteen."

"Are you sure?"

"As of today, yeah."

"Wait… It's your birthday?"

With a grimace, I nodded. "Hence the private ice rink."

"So, you bailed on your own birthday party."

"It wasn't a party. Just a casual hangout. And yeah, I bailed. My head just isn't in it."

"Why not? If that's too personal…"

As I pulled into the parking lot, I contemplated what I wanted to say. I hardly knew Sen, but maybe sounding off to an objective party would actually help. He was showing interest, which was cool, and I didn't want to discourage it.

"My dad is sick," I told him after I put the car in park. I turned and met his inquisitive eyes. He didn't say anything while he waited for me to go on. "Alzheimer's."

"Shit. I'm sorry. Is this new?"

"No. My parents had me late, when they were in their mid-forties. He was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's when I was two. We always knew it'd worsen, but things started getting bad during my senior year."

"Did something happen before we left?"

I shrugged and traced the line of my steering wheel. "Just the shit in my own head. I don't care that he didn't remember my birthday. Maybe he doesn't even remember me today. I think… Sometimes, I can't stop myself from dwelling on the fact that the memories I have are probably the last substantial ones I'll have with him."

"Maybe, in a fucked up kind of way, it makes them more special. When something precious becomes limited, it's worth more."

"That was surprisingly beautiful," I laughed through my emotions.

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not only known for my death glare."

"Wow. He jokes."

He opened his door, then looked at me. "Consider it a birthday present."

"Thank you. Not for the birthday present. For listening, even though you barely know me."

His eyes glazed a little as if he was thinking. After a moment, he shrugged. "We're neighbors. If you need more unhelpful analogies, you can pop over."

With a small wave, he shut the door and stepped onto the curb. I watched him until he disappeared around a bend in the path. I could've walked with him, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to be in my room right now. It was late, but was it ever really too late to throw a ball? No. No, it was not.