Chapter 3

Sen

Mom:Happy first day!

Sen:Thanks.

Mom:Are you excited?!

Sen: I guess. I'll let you know how it goes.

When I put my phone down, I resumed my previous activity: freaking out about shared bathrooms. I wasn't self-conscious by any means. In fact, I was pretty confident when my anxiety wasn't being a dick to me. This was weird, though.

Showering wasn't really the issue. There were individual stalls in there, so I wouldn't be hanging loose in front of everybody. It still wasn't ideal, but it paled in comparison to something like using the bathroom. It felt like prison, being forced to take a shit where everybody can hear and smell it.

I was overthinking it. I didn't even need to do that right now, but I dreaded when it happened. Some of us were all about holding our shit until we got home to do it in peace. That was now nonexistent and I hadn't appreciated the luxury enough when I had it.

A shower, though, was on my to-do list before my first class. After West and Brooks left yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to do anything worthwhile. I went to bed at nine like a boomer and, honestly, it was really nice.

Grabbing my toiletry bag and a towel, I left the room. The bathroom was across from my door, which was nice. There was one in each hallway, so at least I didn't have to deal with everybody on the entire floor. Maybe I could learn when most people used it so that I could avoid them.

Before I went inside, I took a deep breath.

Avoid temptation. Keep your mind pure.

It was a mantra I'd learned when I was thirteen and it always worked. In high school, any time I looked at someone for too long, I repeated it in my head. If a guy's eyes drew my attention or I found myself watching his muscles flex, I did it again. They told us it might take effort forever, but if we stuck with it, we'd be happier. Better. Fixed.

And I was. Things were so much better than they used to be. My parents were happy and I was too.

With another breath, I opened the door to the bathroom. It was muggy in here and there was steam rising from one of the shower stalls. I headed toward one on the opposite side of the room. As I passed by the occupied stall, I inhaled a scent that reminded me of juniper, but a little headier. I swallowed and picked up the pace.

When I reached the last stall, I hung up my towel on the hook. I stepped inside and stripped out of my clothes before I turned on the water. It was cold at first, making me yelp.

"Next time, heat it up before you get in," the man in the shower called.

"Noted."

He chuckled but didn't say anything else. I rushed through washing my hair. Since I'd agonized over this for so long, I didn't have much time before my first class.

Was I excited? No, not really.

School was fine and all. I never had problems staying on top of my studies or getting good grades. It was the general lack of interest in any of these fields that made it hard for me to care now that I was here. I worried that I'd find myself regretting my decision to come here.

It was still early. There was no reason to start thinking in worst-case scenarios already.

After turning off the water, I brushed my fingers through my hair. I brought them in front of my face and saw that they were shaking. For a moment, I braced my hands against the wall and took a few deep breaths. My head hurt, but I couldn't take the time to deal with it right now.

Reaching through the curtain, I grabbed my towel and quickly dried myself before I wrapped it around my waist. When I stepped out of the stall, the other shower shut off. Something in my stomach twisted as I hurried to toss everything back into my bag. I slipped on my sandals and made a beeline for the door.

The man appeared in front of me and I skidded to a halt. He put his hands out automatically, his fingers wrapping around my biceps. His eyes were wide, but there was a slow smile spreading across his face.

"I'm going to start calling you turbo."

It was difficult to process everything. I knew it was Kai standing in front of me, with his hands on me. I was also very aware that he was in only a towel. It was absurdly low on his hips and looked like it could come untucked at any moment. I kept my eyes focused on his face. From the glint in his eyes, I knew he could see how hard I was blushing right now. It was pathetic.

"Sorry," I rushed out. "I'll watch where I'm going."

"Yeah, I don't think my dick could handle another beating."

His dick was going to get thrown up on. He dropped one of his hands but kept the other on my arm.

"You okay, Sen?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Just need to get ready for class."

I jerked my arm away from him and brushed past, careful not to touch him again.

"Hey, I was just fucking with you," he called after me.

I nearly ran into another guy when I burst out of the bathroom. With a muttered apology, I escaped into my room and closed the door behind me. Leaning against it, I drew in slow breaths, counting to five on each inhale and exhale.

There wasn't any particular reason Kai should get under my skin, but he had since our first encounter. According to West, he was a really good person. One of the best he knew, in fact. I had a feeling West thought good things about most of the people in his life. He was positive in an unnatural way, but I liked being around that energy. It was good for me.

I could be friends with him without interacting with Kai. Something about him was off, like he had dark secrets or something. That had to be it. Whatever West said about him, I was certain it was all fake. Nobody who looked like that, with his dark hair and unnerving green eyes, was up to anything good.

He had a box full of taxidermy chipmunks or something. I was sure of it.

After I dressed in a casual blue t-shirt and jeans, I rummaged around in my suitcase. I tapped out two pills into my palm. Grimacing at them, I tossed them into my mouth and drained a bottle of water. I didn't know if they were helping, but the doctor said to keep at it for a while.

Two months ago, I started taking these depression meds. My parents didn't know and it needed to stay that way. They'd just freak out and think that something was wrong with me. Apparently, there was, but I didn't want the added stress. If they knew, they'd be on my ass, always asking questions about how I was feeling. Then, I'd probably lie. It would only make things worse.

So what if I was a little bit depressed? A lot of people dealt with it. Maybe that was why I'd struggled so much over the years. It could explain the unnatural things I used to think about, although I hadn't asked a professional. I didn't really want it confirmed or denied.

I was fine. With this new adventure and the friends I'd already made, I was sure that it would get better. Soon, I wouldn't even need to take the medication. It was a phase, something I needed to learn how to handle. I wasn't weak and I wouldn't let some imbalance in my brain make people think that I was.

Men shouldered the burdens for others. That was what my dad said. When we struggled with money after my mom had an accident that made her stay home for a few months, he never told her how close we came to losing the house. That was what being a provider meant. He'd instilled that in me. If I had things going on in my head, I had to deal with them on my own.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and left the room. Thankfully, the trek to my class was uneventful. There were students everywhere, but it was nothing like the chaos from yesterday. At least for now, everybody seemed to be on their best behavior. They'd probably start acting crazy again next week.

By the time I arrived at my class, it was pretty full. There were a couple seats in the back and one in the middle. I made my way to the latter and pulled out my textbook. It was a beast of a thing and cost more than my monthly food allowance.

A movement to my right drew my attention. I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw black, wavy hair. It was so sleek and lovely that I turned fully to look at the woman beside me. She had tanned olive skin and her purple dress brought out her brown eyes. I couldn't help taking in the rest of her. She was thin in an athletic way, which was accentuated by her tight bodice.

"Hey," she said, flashing me a smile.

Damnit, I was being rude by ogling her. Not a good first impression.

"Hey, sorry. You kind of scrambled my brain."

She laughed lightly and held out a hand. "Kasey."

"Sen." I took her hand gently. Her skin was ridiculously soft.

"I haven't seen you around, Sen."

"It's the first day," I pointed out with a smirk.

"This is my fourth year. First for you?"

"Yeah, coming in as a junior."

"How do you like it so far?"

"I think it's too early to tell, but I can confidently say that I'm not ready to throw in the towel and jump on a plane yet."

Her smile widened, revealing perfect white teeth. She was exactly what guys hoped to find when they went to college. And she was talking to me. Flirting, if I was reading things right. The odds of me enjoying my time here may have gone up already.

"Eyes front," a man said as he walked through the door. He wore a ruffled suit jacket and the coffee tumbler he carried must've been at least thirty-two ounces. If this was him on day one, I couldn't imagine how he'd be as the semester progressed.

He dropped his messenger bag on the floor with a thud and grabbed an expo marker. In all caps, he wrote his name on the board.

Professor Montaghue.

Cool name. It sounded like someone who ran a secret society beneath the university.

Kasey leaned across the aisle and I met her halfway. "He's kind of a dick," she whispered. "But if you don't stress him out, he'll go easier on your grades."

"Good to know."

"After this, tell me who all of your teachers are. I'll see if I can give you any helpful advice."

I bit my lip on a smile and nodded. When Professor Montaghue turned back around, we moved apart and focused our attention on him. His gaze landed on me, then Kasey. He rolled his lips before he started scanning the rest of the class.

Don't stress out the teacher. I could do that.