Chapter 28

Sen

"This was so far away," I complained.

Kai looked at me from the driver's seat. His eyes snagged on the jersey I was wearing and I swore I could feel the heat emanating from him. I hadn't put it on until after the game so that people wouldn't question it, but ever since we got in the car, he'd been drinking in the sight of me in it.

"It was only an hour away. Imagine how I feel. I had to play for most of the game."

"That's your own fault."

He chuckled, squeezing my thigh tighter. When we were in the car, he always had his hand on my leg. I sat as far to the left as I could so that we'd be closer together. I was starting to hate middle consoles. They were pointless.

We were almost back to campus and I didn't feel ready. I wanted to be home so that I could relax, but I also hated being stationary these days. My mind would start to travel into unsafe territory. My parents, Derek, Dumont, Travis, Victor… me.

I knew that it wasn't wrong for me to be this way. It was something I'd been working on accepting for a while, but even more since that phone call with my dad a few weeks ago. No matter how much I knew it was okay, it was still hard to feel it within me. When your own parents hated your existence, it affected you beyond logic and reason.

On Thanksgiving, I tried to call them. I didn't tell Kai about it. They hadn't picked up anyway, so it didn't really matter. Unless I renounced my ‘lifestyle', I doubted they ever would again. It was depressing as hell. The balance between knowing they'd wronged me and still loving them anyway was confusing.

After he parked, Kai opened my door for me. I latched onto his hand immediately. Any time we were together, I wanted to touch him. When we were apart, I couldn't wait to be with him again. He'd been keeping me afloat since before any of this happened and I think it made my attachment to him grow faster. Whether that was healthy or not, I didn't know. All I was sure of was that I might be in love with him, but I sure as hell wouldn't say it first. We'd been together for almost two months. It seemed too soon, yet not soon enough.

When we reached his door, he unlocked it and pushed me inside. My hands immediately traveled under his shirt, exploring the perfect planes of his abdomen. I grabbed his sides and backed him up to the bed. My assertiveness surprised me and the look in his eyes told me that it did something for him too.

To be wanted by someone like him was incredible. Since he was too good for literally anyone in the world, I'd chosen not to doubt it or wonder if I deserved it.

"Is this why you insisted on showering before we drove home?" I asked.

"Maybe. Post-game stench isn't a turn-on."

I dropped onto the mattress, pulling him down with me. One of his knees settled between my thighs and his hands boxed me in on either side of my head. He stared down at me, pupils wide and his lips parted.

"Can we…" I trailed off and shifted my gaze lower.

"Not if you aren't ready."

"You make me feel ready."

I tugged his shirt off and tossed it to the side. I tried to even out my breathing. It seemed stupid to feel so nervous about this. Then again, I didn't know exactly how it worked. I'd been watching videos recently, which made it look incredible. I was also worried about it being painful.

We talked about it a little bit. He was always open to answering any questions, no matter how ridiculous they sounded. I was prepared, but that didn't take away my fear.

Going for the button on my jeans, he smiled. "I have an idea. It's arguably as intimate and you might feel more comfortable with it to start."

"Okay," I said, drawing out the word.

"Take off your pants. Everything, actually. Get naked."

My throat bobbed, but I managed not to throw up as I did what he asked. He followed suit, then laid back with his arm propped underneath his head.

I looked at his chest, then moved my gaze down his body. When I reached his dick, my mouth watered. He really was perfect everywhere. I watched with my lip between my teeth as he hardened under my stare.

"Now what?" I asked in a gravelly voice.

"Come here."

I knelt over him and he grasped my shoulder blades to pull me lower. My dick touched his, making me suck in a breath.

"This is called frotting," he explained, arching his hips up so that the undersides of our dicks slid against each other.

A heavy breath cascaded out of us both. I dropped to my elbows and immediately kissed him. Planting my knees a little further apart, I thrust forward and groaned. He reached between us to grasp both of our shafts, helping to keep them positioned together while I moved my hips.

I felt our precum on the head of my dick, mixing and making us slide against each other more smoothly as it spread back and forth. He swept his tongue through my mouth while he clung to the back of my neck.

With his hand around our shafts and the way I moved my hips, it felt a lot like having sex. Better, though. Infinitely better. I guess it helped when you were actually sexually attracted to someone. Who knew?

At camp, they made us dance with the girls, who were also supposed to be ‘fixed.' The idea was that we could force the attraction. That was absolute bullshit. This was easy and natural. It was beautiful.

"God, you feel incredible, Sen."

"I love that you talk to me when we're together like this."

I breathed heavily as I sped up my movements. Dropping my head, I sucked on the side of his neck. When I moved to his mouth, he bit down hard on my lip.

"You made something crazy happen in my stomach," he said before his words shifted into a moan.

"Why?"

"Because I thought you were about to say you loved me."

I paused, staring at his smirking face for a second. "No, I wasn't gonna say that." I resumed my thrusts, trying not to think too much about it.

"Do you?"

"Why are we doing this now?"

"I'm notoriously problematic and all I've been thinking for the past few days is how much I love you and want to tell you."

Sucking in a breath, I dropped my forehead to his. "You love me?"

"No. That's gay."

When I narrowed my eyes at him, he locked his leg around mine and flipped me onto my back. He dove into my mouth with a goddamn vengeance and his hips moved like he'd been trained by the devil himself. He leaned back on his heels and released a stream of spit onto our dicks before he started to move faster. The slickness intensified the sensation, making me dig my fingers into his thighs.

"Fuck, baby," he groaned, dropping his head back.

In that position, I had a delicious view of every toned curve of his body. With each thrust, his muscles became more taut across his abdomen and I felt them tighten in his thighs. His hair was slightly damp, so it had more curls around his ears.

Beautiful. He was the definition of it. Like this, he looked like a marble statue and, if it pleased him, I was ready to make offerings at his feet.

He put his hands on my calves, bending my knees. I reached down to stroke our dicks and drew in gasping breaths as I struggled to hold off my orgasm. This felt so good that I didn't want it to end.

"Look at you," Kai said. "With your cheeks red and your eyes hooded like that… God."

He held onto my legs with a bruising grip. A growl rumbled through him just as his release began to shoot onto my stomach. I continued to move my hand, but he grabbed onto my wrist.

"Don't."

"But-"

He shushed me as he lowered himself. His tongue swiped through his cum, then he crawled over me. Raising a brow, he waited for me to open my mouth before he streamed it onto my tongue.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"Um…"

Yes. Yes, of course. But I couldn't say it. The words were stuck in my throat.

He hummed thoughtfully as he moved backward.

"Let me teach you," he said, settling in front of my dick. "Let me teach you what it feels like when you're touched by someone who loves you as much as I do."

If I thought he was about to suck my dick, I was delusional. In one quick movement, he pushed my knees up and lowered his mouth to my ass. Nothing in the universe could have kept me from having a moment of panic. It quickly fled when his tongue circled my hole.

"Oh my god, Kai."

He raked his nails down the undersides of my thighs. Fisting the sheets, I moved my hips, seeking more stimulation. His tongue trailed upward, over my balls. He wrapped his lips around one while a wet finger touched my ass. Even though his mouth had just been there, I tensed.

"Relax," he cooed. "I'm dying to be inside you. Is that what you want?"

My face was hot as he gently pushed the tip of his finger inside of me. I nodded.

"Let me show you how sex should feel, Sen."

He sucked on the tip of my dick and pressed in further. I forced myself to breathe, relaxing my body. His tongue was firm as it traveled down the underside of my shaft, then back up.

"God," I rasped. "Please."

"Tell me you want this. That you want me."

"I do."

"Tell me."

"I want you. I want everything from you. I fucking love you, Kai."

He released my dick and his head fell to my thigh. I raised on my elbows to look at him. He took a deep breath, then turned misty eyes on me. Immediately, I sat up and pulled him to me, holding onto either side of his neck.

"I love you," I repeated.

"If you keep saying it, I'm gonna start crying."

"Why?"

"I don't know, it just happened."

He pushed me back down, biting, licking, and sucking on my skin as he made his way to my dick again.

"I'm gonna fuck you now," he said. "No more surprise declarations."

"You started it."

I felt his lips curve against my thigh. He produced a bottle of lube from the side of the bed against the wall. I wondered if this was planned or he just kept it handy.

"Is it gonna suck?" I asked.

He laughed as he returned his finger to my hole. With the lube, it slid in easily and he quickly added another.

"If it sucked, there wouldn't be millions of men- gay and straight- who enjoy having their ass filled. Trust me, it's not as bad as some people make you believe."

"Or you're just a slut."

"Or I'm just a slut," he agreed before he shifted his fingers, grazing over a place inside of me that made my hips jerk. A wicked grin settled on his face. "Mm. I love the way you squirm."

"Can we…" I moaned when he hit that spot again. "Can we do it now?"

He shrugged his mouth. "I would, but I thought you might be fragile. Probably should've known better."

Pulling his fingers free, he spread lube on his dick. He braced a hand beside my head and kissed me while he held himself at my entrance. With shallow hip movements, he nudged at it, giving me time to relax and prepare.

"After this part it's better, okay?"

Closing my eyes, I nodded. He brushed his lips over my cheek, feather light. Continuing down to my jaw, he shifted forward. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be when he breached me, but there was enough pressure for me to clench my teeth. The sound he made helped me to relax and come back to the moment.

"Oh, Seneca, I am definitely going to break you."

Surprisingly, that didn't frighten me.